The Burchell Arms Regulars/Members Test

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The Burchell Arms Regulars

The Snug - Crumpled Up Newspaper - Staff Cleaning Rota - Broken bottles, Painkillers & the Jukey - Syzpid's Hobby Cupboard
- No! No! The beer barrels go in the cellar! - Cabbie Sam's Dartboard (AKA The Deadbeat List) - The Burchell Arms Employee Of The Month! -
Jesus Sante's Patented Drinks & Cocktail Menu

Joining the BAR - Getting Your Round In - Our Glorious, Proud and Steadfast Members!
Beer Valhalla or Bust - Our Friends Across Malton

Joining the B.A.R



Well, you've decided to take out a BAR-tab, and settle down on the faded and slightly sticky banquette you've appropriated in the Burch; so the question is what you need to do to make it all official-like. Well, it's very straightforward. You need to visit our forum and introduce yourself at the very least; preferably you'll join in the community there as well; you won't have another character in the BAR either and the final thing you need to do is type The Burchell Arms Regulars in your Group Affiliation wotsit and that's it, you're in, and you've a line of credit with us that'd sink a small bank.

You don't even need to worry that your survivor's dark history as either a zombie, vandal, or even a murderer might deny you access to joining our group? Relax, the BAR welcomes all survivors, so long as they have forsaken these paths and are truly looking for a new start with us. Don't worry if you have a few zombie skills. Why, we even have one recruit who has the Brain Rot skill, and, surprisingly now... A teetotaller. I know, we thought it could never happen, but it has!

Finally, you can even add our little tag below to your wiki page if that floats yer boat.

BAR Ally.jpg Burchell Arms Regulars (Allied)
<<BLANK>> supports the BAR, often literally.

Getting Your Round In

Like a Group of Autistic Kindergartners...


We are a bit like that, if we're honest with ourselves. We're not the most organised group in the game, see; although, when the chips are down we do occasionally complain to the daft arse who dropped them in the first place. We also can get riled into action; it's a fine sight seeing us reel and veer around the streets of Rolt Heights and Pescodside, all angry and righteously indignant at the depravities and anguish that has befallen all of us in Malton; it's either that or the beer has gone warm. Anyhow, we don't really have a structure per se; we're more of a meritocracy and we vote and consult on all changes in policy and strategy. This we do on our forum, where you're very welcome to come and visit. We do have a system whereby we have some owner-operators who generally are the ones who're left cashing up on an evening, or arm-deep in the third floor lavvy trying to unblock what Mycrof has gone and left down there. They also try and offer a kindly guiding hand to the newer members, or those who're just that bit drunker. Not that anyone appreciates us, oh no, it's just whinge, whinge, whinge round here...

So anyway, as a Regular you'll be able to count on the dang-tootingest group of drunks Malton could possibly produce.

Our Glorious, Proud and Steadfast Members!

All of these people can lay claim to their own tankard or bar-stool.


And well they might; becoming a regular of the Burch is approaching something holy; like Father O'Keefe's socks; once you become a regular then you join fairly hallowed company; however, you might want something a bit more. The following table describes our current regulars, the people who wander in, clutching their pocket-money handed to them by their significant others and demand their due - generally an alcoholic beverage of varying coldness depending on whether we've got a generator running. But we don't just have regulars, oh no Siree Bob...

We have Knights Watchmen, a band of brothers (and sisters) who strive to keep the place nice and tidy and griefer free. We have the Revive Corps who administer elastoplasts when we get papercuts and revive needles when we get eaten. We also have the Newsteam who... well, basically shirk their normal responsibilities in favour of getting right royally rollocksed. You can see who does what in our pub-quiz team outlined below...

Member Name Assignment Drink of Choice Date Joined
trb3h7 Puking in the toilets at The Burchell Arms Cold, cold lager August 2006
McDeade Disorderly and drunk at The Burchell Arms Skol August 2006
hector malo Racking up drinks at The Burchell Arms Long Island Iced Tea April 2007
Mortenmensch Drunk on duty? Why yes sir! It's The Burchell Arms Way! 42Degrees vodka July 2007
Jesus Sante Dishing out margeritas like they're going out of fashion at The Burchell Arms The slops July 2008
LSvlad As mad as a monkey with a baseball bat, but the The Burchell Arms favourite eight-ball. Fruitinis August 2008
father o keefe The trouserless chief of The Revive Corps Communion wine January 2010
Todd Rommellski Holder of The Burchell Arms award for malt-whisky snorting. Laphroaig January 2010
tyx94 The man who made The Knight Watchmen so feared. Jack Daniels March 2010
billy gene Shouting at tramps outside of The Burchell Arms Stones Bitter April 2010
pintofvodka Drinking pints of hard liquor at The Burchell Arms Vodka, a pint of June 2010
Officer Sheaffer Holding his clapper-board for The Burchell Newscast Team (Radiomen) Aquavit September 2010
Winter Gale Drunk under a table at The Burchell Arms Blue Nun October 2010
Danger Lightfoot Violent nutcase in charge of The Knight Watchmen Newcastle Brown December 2010
Rockefella Plaza Dashingly handsome and a member of The Revive Corps Sherry December 2010
Syzpid With a big haircut and shiny teeth, he's the head of The Burchell Newscast Team (Radiomen) Turps February 2011
Rebecca Sensecal The Resident Doctor from The Revive Corps Herbal Tea May 2011
Dani Do Kicking butt and making cocktails at The Burchell Arms Stella May 2011
Dr Walter Guedner Jabbing the lifeless for The Revive Corps Strong coffee May 2011
Marlo Bean Doing a yard of ale at The Burchell Arms A yard of ale June 2011
GoldenBanana Gi'ing the bad guys laldy for The Knight Watchmen Banana daiquiri June 2011
Ed Zeplin Breaking hearts and heads for The Knight Watchmen Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster August 2011
TedBundy187 Boozed up and grooving at The Burchell Arms Sex on the Beach September 2011
Victor Dracul Setting up an insurance scam at The Burchell Arms Pinot Grigio with a limoncello chaser November 2011
Konig Ludwig Schloss Trying to initiate a bierkeller at The Burchell Arms Hofmeister December 2011
BBC Camera Man Drunk in a sticky pool of stale beer at The Burchell Arms Sloe Comfortable Screw Against The Wall December 2011
Zabuden Bringing booze to the lifeless as a member of The Revive Corps Cuba libre January 2012
mikey77uk Making The Burchell Arms a nicer place Multiple Screaming Orgasm January 2012
Milo1228 Sitting in the corner drunkenly playing his guitar at The Burchell Arms B52s January 2012
Mycrof Pouring draft beer direct into his gob at The Burchell Arms Woowoos January 2012
X John Holmes X Waggling his enormous dongle at The Burchell Arms Flaming sambuca January 2012
Christoph dines Munching on the crisps at The Burchell Arms Goldshlager February 2012
Dominick Aldaine Can be found injecting vodka into his eyeball at The Burchell Arms Mad Dog 20/20 March 2012
Markus Andrews Gargling neat vodka at The Burchell Arms Brandy Alexander March 2012
Virgil Hughes Eating all the dry roasted nuts at The Burchell Arms Supermarket own brand export-strength lager June 2012
a dirty old hobo Making The Burchell Arms smell slightly funnier than normal Buckfast in a bag June 2012
DenTommes Making her way through a bottle of scotch at The Burchell Arms Spritzers June 2012
nihilas Lounging around at The Burchell Arms Bloody Mary July 2012
Alice Gravesend Whupping the ass of any zergers for The Knight Watchmen The Tears of 1000 Zergs July 2012
Rabbi Bob Out for bagel runs on Saturday, otherwise at The Burchell Arms daily Club Soda with a dirty lemon December 2013

Beer Valhalla Or Bust!


Despite being as close to heaven as you can get without spending a fortune on illegal narcotics, or, worse, dying; we recognise that at times life (real or imagined) catches up with you and that you may move on. It's sad. We cry real, salty tears. But that's life in Malton. There's also, believe it or not, a few people who've been thrown out of the Regulars! These swines have basically shat in their own back yard, and, despite being as laid back as Timothy Leary after an accident in a Valerian factory we just couldn't stand for it.

So we turned our (collective) back on them in a very theatrical way. May we present for yr. opprobrium - the vilest of the vile...

Deadbeat's Name
Paynegiver; Survivor77; Rock Hardon; mikuelify

The Ones We'd Erect a Blue Plaque For Here follows a roll-call of regulars who gave excellent service either as BAR employees, as managers, as owners or even just as regulars who did their duty; the ones who opened up whatever the weather; the ones who threw out the trouble-makers; the ones who polished the horse-brasses; the ones who stood out in the rain, waiting to jab colleagues and chums at Otto. We miss them greatly and wish we could talk to the dead like a demented medium. You know who you are. We love you dearly.

Mr Gomez's Home For The Elderly
Jim Phil; Mark Fredrick; SerPiggy; tommy monahan; Blooblah; Bart Dartson; Clint Harbringer; puppyz; RedBalfour; TrickyNick; Styliann Vuldaroq; Max Fenix; jezter24; Heiny; GhosteOfSpectar; Ilsa Koch; zombiegroo; Senor El Spielburgo; prettylvingdead; John Primus; AvatarJTC; Warstorm; Zydeco Zed; jamsies; Miss Val; CG2; Kal Palla; Kittystrophy; SPECTER77; Br0adway17; MrGomez; Torjim; Deacon Steele; slugger1; malmutekid; Hintasur Gastaunt; GenWolf; K1NKY FR1EDMAN; Bobby McKinney; PFC Casper; Padraig Lamhfada; Major Motion Picture; Dollar Menu; CalMcDonald; Tommy1504; snorkel krunt; Nick Crandell; Leo Leonardo III; chupadocta; imthe3vilpenguin; Bushidough; George Baily;ewefluffypup; Kurt Jackson; AvalroMesa; Clive Rees; Scott Albom; A Stoned Hippy; Gabriel Tomson; Jackie Storm; Azearoth; FFSmith; Tyler Casten; Charlie Cruz; Yuri Alexandrovich; Cabbie Sam

And for all the rest of you, the ones who vanished one evening with the twenty quid we'd cobbled together for the kebabs or those taken up by an overwhelming sense of ennui or having to do something a little less sad, well, there's lots of you and we salute you. Take care out there.

Our Friends Across Malton


As we're such a popular bunch, gangs and groups across Malton want to bask in our reflected excellence and glory or, more accurately, think that we're so drunk we won't notice as they gradually half-inch our DVD collection and collect our benefit cheques. This wee section (wee as in small, and not urine, thank you) helps us to keep track of who owes us money and who we need to return the hedge-trimmer to.

What follows is a list of those we've come to an understanding with. That's not as creepy as it sounds; we're either Drinking Buddies with this group, enjoying their company; affording them first dibs on our pork scratchings and generally not moaning when they use all our loo roll; basically we're not going to have fisticuffs with them, and it's very likely we'll support them when they're in bother - or - we're Blood Brothers with them; this means we may as well share a bed with them along with our food, our socks, underwear and the best whisky - in effect these guys are like our best chums ever, and if you mess with them, well... You mess with us. And you wouldn't like us when we're messy.

Group Name Are they Drinking Buddies or Blood Brothers? Pact Established
Autobots Drinking Buddies 2010
Buckrell Arms Troops Drinking Buddies 2011
Dulston Alliance Blood Brothers 2007
FOXHOUND Drinking Buddies 2009
Rolt Heights Vigilante Patrol Drinking Buddies 2007
The Dribbling Beavers Drinking Buddies 2006
Umbrella Biohazard Containment Service Drinking Buddies 2009
USSR Drinking Buddies 2009
Zombra's Pub Drinking Buddies 2010