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The Libraries of Malton First Aid Outreach programme
Abbreviation: LMFAO
Group Numbers: recruiting now
Leadership: none
Goals: Health & Literacy for all
Recruitment Policy: Volunteer NOW!
Contact: DouglasEFresh@googlemail.com

The Libraries of Malton First Aid Outreach programme (LMFAO pr. Lum-faow), is primarily an organisation dedicated to the health, well-being and literacy of all citizens currently residing in the quarantine zone. (as well as putting an end to the whole Zombie Apocalypse thing - ahem)

There now follows a list of actions by which you will recognise a typical LMFAO volunteer:

1) By the Revivification of those individuals waiting at recognised revival points (Volunteers are encouraged to use their common sense when reviving individuals at random locations)

2) By the application of FAKs to any unfortunate survivors trapped outside, or those in poorly barricaded accommodation.

3) By the propagation of literature in and around Malton's public libraries, utilising the gift of the Spray can.

4) By the giving of regular prose and /or poetry recitals in their local library. (Volunteers should gain the permission of local military personnel before broadcasting their recitals over any radio frequencies)

LMFAO volunteers are also encouraged to Barricade where required and supply Generators and Fuel to their local community as well as filling any Brain-rotted Zombies encountered, with the appropriate quantity of high-velocity hot lead.

The LMFAO programme is staffed solely by volunteers and is always on the lookout for more. Any survivors who are genuinely dedicated to the principles of the programme are heartily encouraged to get involved:- The warm glow gleaned from delivering a well-read passage of 'The House at Pooh Corner' to a squad of illiterate militia, more than makes up for the lack of financial reward.

In order to do your part, simple add "LMFAO" to your profile and keep up the good work. Should you wish to work in tandem with other LMFAO volunteers, don't hesitate to email DouglasEFresh@googlemail.com.

LMFAO Journal

Volunteers! Feel free to add your own entries,
post notice of readings, or make requests here

(please stick to the format and post most recent entries at the top. Splendid)

LMFAO Log - 3rd December 2007 - Claidissa

Envoy has been missing for a few days now. No sign of Erik either. Good news is there are a few pker hunter groups on the way to lend a helping hand! This should be fun!

LMFAO Log - 21st November 2007 - Claidissa

So Pkers have become a rather large problem of late. Gruebeard, Erik, Envoy and I have been holding down the Library for some time now. Jackchick has returned after a long time. I'm still trying to clean the blood from the date stamps.

LMFAO Log - 29th May 2007 - Douglas Fresh

After a month spent defending Dowdney and Dewes I began to make my way back to Ranahan and then got bored and fell asleep for a couple of days. Woke up dead. Shambled to good old Alder. Mrh?. Trying to text my fellows but clumsy zambah fingers just mash up nonsense on the pad.

LMFAO Log - 10th May 2007 - Douglas Fresh

After the chaos of Yagoton, Shearbank was back in survivor hands and a treasure trove of damaged antiques awaited me in Ranahan along with some rather suggestive fan-boy grafitti featuring Sigourney Weaver. Ms. Weaver was herself in evidence and made plain her intentions to head over to Dowdney Mall and 'kick Zombie Butt' I believe was the general plan. Have located myself in Dewes where there is greatest need. The people of this Mall are eerily calm in the face of the violence that rages around us. Quite often they will pause for a teabreak before dispatching the moiling undead who tear our barricades to tatters with worrying frequency. I shall stay until the danger has passed or I am among the dead's number.

LMFAO Log - 5th Apr 2007 - Douglas Fresh

The last few weeks have been ridiculous. Plenty of opportunity to practice my speech when I find myself on the deceased side of the tracks. Millen, Raines, Huntley all seem overrun. Back in Shearbank it is busy... but at least the old crowd are there... ahhh Home Sweet Home

USIT TO LMFAO COMMUNIQUE - 8th Mar 2007 - the Envoy

USIT operatives have been making efforts to get inside Shearbank and ultimately reestablish our station at Ranahan's microfiche desk. We're coming with relief supplies, but the trails of the Zed are still pretty thick.

LMFAO Log - 8th Mar 2007 - Douglas Fresh

Still holed up at Bale Mall. Been occupied in the Yagoton theatre and it keeps swinging back and forth. I hope to return to Ranahan soon - radios are in short supply and any broadcasts from my colleagues have been missed. Hoping to deliver a series of Haikus in Yagoton before my return.

LMFAO Log - 4th Mar 2007 - Dr Poopenmeyer

I got Ranahan libary back to extremely heavily barricaded. I'm the only one in it; I don't know how long I can last. I hope more dedicated readers will come to stick it out with the books.

LMFAO Log - 15th Feb 2007 - Douglas Fresh

"Harrah Harra! Rh mrh rrga rrh! Hrh hrh rrh arrh rrh?"

LMFAO Log - 7th Feb 2007 - Douglas Fresh

Back in Shearbank and Stickling's temporary fate hangs in the balance. Made good with my hand irons clearing the Whippey and showed the occupants a thing or two about stacking desks in the proper manner. My return to the library was met with an even greater number of fellows, with plenty of joking and banter from the usual suspects, as well as an unpleasant suprise in the form of the Envoy's briefcase, and the unmentionable act which had been perpetrated apon it.

LMFAO Log - 2nd Feb 2007 - Douglas Fresh

The reading at Bale Mall went as well as could be hoped, in that I wasn't bitten by any of the audience. Unfortunately I couldn't time my run across the 'burb to coincide with any companions, so I shall jot the poem down here.

A mother was bathing her baby one night, The youngest of ten and a tiny young mite The mother was poor and the baby was thin... Only a skellington covered with skin. The mother turned round for the soap off the rack, She was but a moment - but when she turned back: The baby was gone! and in anguish she cried: "Oh where is my baby?" - The Zombies replied: "Rrrh bab ha grnrh rn hrh rghrrh Rrrh bab ha grnrh rn hrh rg Hrh rrrh rrh hrng hra rh rnn an hrn - rh hrrh harh brrn bahrh rn hra rg Rrrh bab rh rrrh ha, hrh rn nrrh hra bah anmrrrh... Rrrh bab ha grnrh rn hrh rghrrh Nrh rh brh grnrh brrrrh"

Have reconvened with chums at Ranahan. The horde outside Stickling is larger than the Bale crowd and there is plenty to be done. After emptying countless firearms over the last few weeks, re-fuelling gennies proved welcome relief and brought not inconsiderable light to the NE corner of the Mall.

Apparently people are being shot for over-barricading entrypoints. The military chain of command is clearly shot quite to buggery.

I think someone has been stealing my bullets.

LMFAO Log - 30th Jan 2007 - Douglas Fresh

Yagoton - a strange suburb. The survivors and Zombies are fairly evenly matched and claiming control of Bale mall would be tenuously made by any group. Thanks to the occupation of Survivors killing survivors and arguing about it on the airwaves, the shamblers are gaining a foothold they have no right to make.

It has taken a strange suburb for me to find a strange voice. Since my experience of 'the other side' I have found myself able to speak in the parlance of our undead brothers and sisters. Whether they can understand me or not, I have no idea, but i plan to put it to the test.

Where violence has failed in Yagoton, I hope that the voice of the uncommon man shall succeed, and I plan to face the horde outside the mall at 10 am GMT tomorrow, in order to give the undead some light poetical distraction from their interminable scratching against the barricades. Hopefully some of my colleagues in the meantime; may take the opportunity to jab a few of the perishers with some lifesauce.

LMFAO Log - 24th Jan 2007 - Douglas Fresh

Following comments by many of my companions in Ranahan it looks like the relative safety of Shearbank is causing a few itchy feet amongst its' residents. I have scouted into Yagoton. Setting up a forward base in Rousefell Library. I delivered some sarcasm to the four score of Zombies I saw congregating in Yagton's NW sector, but nothing really to have noted. Rousefell has no power or radio, but seems an adequate enough spot with a small group of quiet but innoffensive residents, perhaps to sleep in. Hopefully we can get some work done.

LMFAO Log - 16th Jan 2007 - Douglas Fresh

It is a joy to have regained my humanity. Having now wrestled for the first time under Death's shroud for many weeks (it's massive), I have been revived, and returned to the land of the living; a changed man. Survival no longer means what it used to mean. The value I now place on my life, if not diminished has certainly changed it's currency, and I worry that the prospect of the danger, pain and suffering which once filled me with terror; have now become my raison d'etre. All else is numbness.

Perhaps I slept funnily.

LMFAO Log - 12th Jan 2007 - Douglas Fresh

Rh m grrnrh! Rm rnrh rh hrh rrng ra! Rmrrnrh rrrrh mrh rarh!

LMFAO Log - 10th Dec 2006 - Lily Violet

After the Whippey Building fell to a ravenous zombie horde, I found myself lost in Randallbank, searching for a secure safehouse. I have been lucky enough to find a well-barricaded library, but unfortunately, I have lost contact with other LMFAO members. Radio transmitters are hard to come by. However, you can be sure that I shall be listening for any word on 26.80 MHz.

I recently came across an old, battered copy of Dr. Suess' The Cat in the Hat while searching through the shelves of Farewell Library. I found a few minutes to read it again for the first time in years. When I was a child, my mother used to read this story to me. I miss her very much. --Lily Violet 23:03, 10 Dec 2006 (EST)

USIT Bulletin, posted within LMFAO Log 29 November 2006

Recent surveillance suggests Douglas E. Fresh has succumbed to the Zombie assault in Shearbank. As our records indicate Mr. Fresh has never had anything resembling SERE training, let alone paranormal undercover training, we at USIT can only presume Mr. Fresh has become a zombie against his will. Recovery and revival of Mr. Fresh is now priority one for USIT, superseding even Shearbank civil defense protocols. Mr. Fresh and LMFAO has proven an invaluable resource to USIT operations, particularly his ability to use his library knowledge in the procurement of Malton city planning documents.--The Envoy 23:27, 29 November 2006 (UTC)

LMFAO Log - 27th Nov 2006 - Douglas E. Fresh

Rh rn nrh ha harnrh brh rh ararh rh brh rrrng arh rn hra Arrh Rrh. Rn m mrn rh am rn hrra.

LMFAO Log - 21st Nov 2006 - Douglas E. Fresh

Word from the West is that the Zombies are nibbling their way through Bale and heading for Stickling. I'm not sure the re-building of the forts is going to prove enough of a distraction for the hordes - although I gather the fighting at Creedy is already very intense... Hope young 'Joeph' doesn't find himself in too much trouble down there... or the poor kid'll never find his missing consonant.

LMFAO Log - 17th Nov 2006 - Douglas E. Fresh

The situation is becoming more and more chaotic - but that I suppose is life in a mall for you. The radios buzz with a McCarthyist list of supposed 'Zombie spies'. I have ended up akip atop a block of left luggage lockers... it was the only way to get any sleep, what with the Crocodile running around, not to mention a Marine on fire.

LMFAO Log - 16th Nov 2006 - Douglas E. Fresh

A full week has passed and I have been kept unhappily occupied with the pistol rather than the syringe or sonnet, as well as stretching my legs over our rooftops in various reccies. News of Caigar's fall has lent the residents of our suburb with an odd mixture of desperation and resolve. I have no doubt that the kind of assault seen in Darvall Heights would rip through Stickling with equal effectiveness, and the radios are a-buzz with talk of 'river tactics' etc. Personally speaking I find the notion of Shacknews , RFF and Big Bash hordes shambling into an empty mall quite entertaining, but I doubt we could muster the logistical skills to pull off such a feat.

I have neglected my reading duties and shall soon make up for it, although while hunkering around a transistor in the Mall I was heartened to hear the following:

26.80 MHz: "LMFAO status: The Envoy is reading to us from Beowulf."

LMFAO Log - 8th Nov 2006 - Douglas E. Fresh

No time to schedule a reading as the suburb has been busy with plenty of new visitors to make room for and not enough syringes to go around. The pile of 120 corpses outside St. Christophers renders the low-level barricading virtually redundant. I assume they'll all get up and move on at some point, although I'm rather hoping they don't all do it at once. In fact, on that note I think I'll grab a couple of Chandler's or perhaps a Bradbury and find myself a spot in the mall tonight. Don't like to leave the Library for long, but I've rather a bad feeling about the next few days.

LMFAO Log - 3rd Nov 2006 - Harry Haller

I have been doing my best for the citizens of Shearbank, applying first aid and hacking at the illiterate undead as necessary. Have been quite melancholy lately. Once, while searching the mall for medical supplies, I came across a young man in bloodstained labcoat hunched in corner. He stared at his hands blankly, looked up at me as I passed. What could I say? I just smiled weakly and moved on to the liquor store... What spare time I have is spent wandering the aisles of Ranahan. Too

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