Council of Leaders (new)
|This historical group is no longer active. However, its wiki page is preserved to reflect the group's significance in Urban Dead history.|
This page refers to the new Council of Leaders. For information regarding the original group bearing the same name, please see Council of Leaders (original).
|Council of Leaders|
|Group Numbers:||15 Councillors|
|Leadership:||The Council makes joint decisions.|
|Goals:||Safety and security for citizens of Malton.|
|Recruitment Policy:||Affiliated military units can be joined, see below for details.|
|Contact:||PM Council members on the UD forums|
Historical Significance Section
The Council of Leaders (CoL) is one of the oldest of Malton's many meta-gaming survivor groups. After a period of seeming inactivity by the Council, a new group has risen up and laid claim to the Council mantle. Apparently discontent with the present state of affairs in Malton - the group was founded at the same time as the siege of Caiger Mall - they decided to become a new guiding light for the survivors.
Despite being out of the public eye for months by then, members of the old CoL subsequently appeared and denied that the group had ever ceased to be despite evidence to the contrary. This led to a heated conflict between members of the new CoL and old CoL, including accusations by the original group that the new group was a "joke" and had no "right" to use the name, or even that the new CoL was DARIS in disguise, or at least led by Something Awful members. The new CoL rebuked these claims, as well over half of the CoL had never been associated with DARIS, and merely being from Something Awful is not a crime despite what many may say.
Bad blood continued to exist between the old CoL and new CoL. The new CoL did their best to enact their policies while the old CoL was seemingly fixed on undermining the new CoL for no particular reason. This ended when the old CoL rendered themselves officially defunct with little fanfare when one of their number edited their wiki page to say so.
The CoL's goals are to provide safety and security to the citizens of Malton, provide vital information to those who need it and to organize military units against various threats. In the short time this reborn incarnation has been active, they have already acheived far more than the previous, bureaucratic Council did in its entire career.
The Council of Leaders is an umbrella organization, under which many of Malton's groups are associated or allied. Although formally composed of 15 councillors, the membership numbers of the various affiliated groups make the CoL one of the largest groups in Malton.
The council's leadership is presently limited to 15 seats, currently occupied by the following members:
- Paul Baloff
- Al Powell
- Kid Sinister
- Sugar Hill
- The Laughing Man
- Elroy Funkington
- Sister Aurora
The council's associated units can be joined by contacting their various leaders, who are all members of the Council itself. Each is dedicated to a different aspect of aiding Malton.
During the old CoL's period of inactivity, many of its former associated groups were disbanded or disassociated with the CoL. Instead of trying to consolidate these groups into the new Council's revised structure, new groups were formed. These include the military arms of the CoL, Squad Cthulhu, Bonded in Blood Squad and Joker Company, the law enforcement group The Black Police, and the engineering/medical arm of the CoL, Squad Handyman.
Each of these groups may be joined simply by speaking to the appropriate CoL commanding officer on the UD Forums.
Current CoL Policies are:
- To seek out and punish those who would seek to commit crimes against their fellow survivors.
- To establish a new, effective bounty system which will no longer result in bad judgments or mistakes.
- To protect survivors from being killed by the undead through any means necessary.
- To help to make Malton safe through the systematic removal of certain obstacles.
- To cuddle kittens and pet puppies and generally act in a loveable manner only terrorists would hate.
- To seek out new worlds and new civilisations - to boldly go where no man has gone before.
Successful Implementations of These Policies:
- A new, effective bounty system was established for the use of all citizens of Malton. It has been well-received by everyone.
- Several dozen members of the CoL's affiliated groups (as well as several Councillors) were present at the Caiger Siege and helped the other survivors there as best they could.
- The CoL started negotiations with several well-known PKer groups (to remain unnamed for the course of these talks) to encourage a friendly environment in certain suburbs.
- The CoL has also mediated hostilities between rival groups and made reparations towards long-standing feuds between players.
- Only a tiny minority of players have had anything negative to say against the CoL, mostly in the form of filthy terrorist lies.
The new Council was formed after the dissolution of the old one due to inactivity and incompetence. Some of the game's most influential, experienced, intelligent, witty, good-looking and humble players decided that they should be the ones to replace the lazy, shiftless child molesters that made up the previous Council. Katthew (now a Councillor) proposed that only awesome people be allowed in, and so the founding members were elected at this time by those who frequented some secret place that can't be verified. These awesome people became the Council of Leaders, and then worked in secret for a whole eight years before choosing to reveal themselves. We can't provide any evidence to that, but it's obvious that it happened.
The Council worked with several other groups in attempts to kidnap the city of Malton. Their efforts were combined with those of others (including one Snidely Whiplash) to tie the city to some comically oversized train-tracks and cackle whilst twiddling their sinister moustaches. On the back of this success, the Council contributed to much of the effort to get some solid data on which idiots could be found in which locations, and some very rudimentary work on forum drama percentages. The Council also promised to contribute to the understanding of new game features, if any were actually added before everyone grew old and died.
The Council then worked closely with a rabble of vigilantes to place a system of bounties on PKers, with the intention of ensuring people died in Malton frequently. The effects of this at the time were entirely clear, and it is thought that this resulted in INCREDIBLE DEATH for at least a billion players. This Bounty List is still used as the only list of PKers available anywhere, and it is available here.
Unlike the previous CoL, which was ineffective when it came to any kind of confrontation (see: DARIS) with any group of any size, the new CoL instantly formed military outfits that would serve to kick seven kinds of shit out of anyone who dared to question the word of the Lord our God. Some of the first duties of these groups involved defending Caiger Mall, safeguarding Dulston, defending Wykewood from the Shambling Seagulls and re-enacting the musical Fame. Other human groups became affiliates of the Council, such as the Council of Lovers, though there were many who chose to openly defy the sassy whims of the Council and resort to mass PKing to drive this point home.
In response to this outrageous and rather sissy behaviour, the Council of Leaders had no choice but to place certain key criminals on a "perma-kill" list. This was expected to make their PKing missions impossible to complete, with their face metaphorically plastered on wanted posters across the city. However the cruel and vicious dumb luck of these individuals was strong and they recruited many a dull-minded sap and idiot to do their bidding, settling into hiding among sycophants who could trusted to heal them if ever they were attacked. The terror-toting terrorist terrorism cells of terror (see: UNATCO) relied upon an outdated namelist, half full of the names of random people from across Malton, to tell who was "associated" with the new CoL. As can be expected, it was sheer chaos and wanton destruction, with scarcely any actual members of the CoL killed compared to the dozens of bystanders cut down. The terrifying terror groups of terrorist terror were blacklisted, put permenantly on the PKer list so that people would know how dangerous it is to stay in the same safehouse as such animal terrorist animals. Terranimals, that's right. Fear them.
An Old Enemy
At that point, though, no one knew anything of the violent wave of crime and murder that was spreading across Malton. Safehouses were attacked, barricades torn apart and generators destroyed, entire suburbs left in flames for the zombies to finish off. People either fled in terror or woke up as one of the walking dead, unsure of what force had struck their safehouse. Nobody knew what to make of it - the zombies were nothing more than a nuisance outside of what suburbs they call home (or "barhah") and there was no known PKer group that had the numbers to do such a thing. No group, that is, except one.
Earlier in the year, when the old CoL was just beginning to fail, the prime source of their failure was the gigantic, nigh-apocalyptic force of nature that was DARIS. Numbering in the hundreds, possibly even the thousands, this band of merciless-yet-quite-attractive killers had seized claim to the suburb of Shearbank and set about killing anyone who trespassed on their territory. Running as a kind of perverted democracy, with all its members having equal say in the dastardly matters they discussed, they were the only power in Malton. None of the old CoL, despite their sternest language, could elicit anything but raucous laughter from the sexy fiends. Threats of blacklisting, threats of zerging, threats of banning - nothing the CoL tried could deter these fiends.
Eventually it was a mixture of pride, hubris and over a hundred zombie accounts with suspiciously similar names that was to be their downfall. Except not really the pride and hubris thing, more the rampant cheating. Killed or driven out from a refusal to stoop to the same level as those who had attacked them, the Populat of DARIS retreated from Shearbank, swearing they would have their revenge. As time passed, they either faded away or forgot all about DARIS and covered up their shady history in order to be elected as part of the new Council of Leaders. But, it seems, at least one survived.
In November the familiar, frightening red, white and black of DARIS reappeared. But no longer was it a sleek, smooth flag without a single JPEG artifact. No, this time it was tribal warpaint, looted clothing and crude tattoos. Instead of a mature and fit fighting force comprised entirely of intelligent adults, it was a horde of teenagers without even a concept of intelligence beyond how deep Nirvana lyrics are. All recruited and brainwashed by a secret mastermind, a DARIS puppetmaster intent on reforging his fallen empire. Not a democracy this time, but a kingdom - an empire! The military quarantine that surrounded Malton would fall and death would spread across the world, death in the name of the Sons of DARIS!
But this time, the CoL was in the way. Unlike their cowardly, incompetent, kiddy-fiddling predecessors, the new CoL wasn't afraid to exercise military might, and they actually had military might to exercise, too. Decisive, potent, virile and lusted after by the general populace, the Council of Leaders told the Sons of DARIS and their crappily-made forum signatures to disband, return to their shabby homes and learn how to use Photoshop. The reply from the young neo-Nazis was a resounding "RUUUUUNNNN!!"
However, such a stubborn and ignorant group cannot be destroyed so easily. The actions of the CoL, devastatingly awesome though they were, have only stalled the Sons of DARIS. Even now they lie in secret safehouses across the city, gathering their power, craven dogs reporting rumours and whispers to their cowardly underboss, each of whom crawl and prostrate themselves before the secret evil power behind the group, willing to say anything, do anything, to gain an iota of favour with their dark lord. Punishments are harsh, with those who would betray the Sons of DARIS found torn limb from limb and nailed to church doors.
But the CoL will put a stop to this, come hell or high water. They are also preparing, planning, training in the gravity chamber so they may develop amazing new techniques. When the time comes that the Sons of DARIS will reveal themselves to Malton once more, the Council of Leaders and its many allies will be waiting.
Since the rebirth of the CoL, there have been many groups and individuals who have been angered over personal prejudice, unrelated matters and what essentially amounts to nothing whatsoever. The Council of Leaders has a dedicated systematic plan to deal with these people, which may involve mainly laughing in their faces but also features such revolutionary tactics as making fun of them and showing them for the complete idiots they are.
Current CoL Enemies include:
- Anyone who believes that SA is ruining the game but isn't actually capable of explaining how they are.
- Those former members of the Council who were kicked out for betraying the Council's core tenets.
- Some 14-year-old kid who wants to be popular.
- A bunch of losers with neckbeards who are upset they were banned from the forum.
- The Imperium apparently hates the Council as well but nobody really knows nor cares why.
- The Sons of DARIS, neo-Nazi skinheads trying to rebuild Malton's largest and most dangerous PKer group.
A concerted effort on the behalf of the CoL was made to try and care about what any of these people think, but this project had to be abandoned due to it being completely unworkable.
Fun CoL Facts!
Here are some interesting facts you might not know about the members of the CoL!
- Timmothy once ate a bear!
- Paul Baloff can move objects with the power of his mind by directing nerve impulses to various muscles in his limbs.
- Katthew isn't really called Katthew in real life! Really!
- Al Powell will only play the race card in Texas Hold 'Em.
- Kid Sinister is neither a kid nor sinister, as many might suspect.
- Sugar Hill don't jive that way! Nobody is quite sure which way she does jive, though.
- The Laughing Man emits more of a nightmarish cackling at times.
- Hartigan has ended fifteen partnerships in a "Hell of a way" and three through creative differences.
- Shareyja's father enjoyed dressing up as a bear until his mysterious disappearance one night.
- Elroy Funkington once entered a World's Strongest Man competition but was thrown out when it was discovered he wasn't strong.
- Ludnig went to Eton.
- Whelk is related to Winston Churchill due to a sacred bonding ritual enacted at the behest of Aleister Crowley.
- Sykic can fire lasers out of his ears.
- Necromancer can't see the colour zelrot, and neither can anyone else!
- Sister Aurora can feed four babies at once! Because she is a kind, caring soul who volunteers at the local nursery. You filthy person.