Dr. schwan’s Research and Development Team/The Doc’s Novelties

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The Doc's Novelties

Bringing much needed levity to Malton... Through Science

On March 28th The Colglough Building was taken by a hoard of zombies including members of the Feral Undead, The Undeadites, and the Militant Order of Barhah. Leading this charge were the Four Horsemen, making their intentions towards Colglough and its inhabitants imminently clear at long last. Bolstered by remaining survivors from the Fort Perryn, Colglough held out for some time meeting each new zombified visitor with a revivification syringe, but eventually fell to an organized strike by the MOB. After being revived, Dr. Schwan crept back into the facility and looked in dismay at its smoldering ruins. The damaged equipment strewn over the factory floor. His private office soaked with booze and blood and littered with the remains of brave defenders. The smashed remains of The Colglough Building Recreational Intoxication Sub-Facility for the Improvement of Morale Through Dispensation and Responsible Imbibement of Ethyl-Based Beverages. The bravely shambling members of his staff still walking the halls.

As he looked out from his hiding space at the devastation that had once been a meditative art collection from all over Malton, he was struck by a feeling that he knew might have been sadness if not for the effectiveness of the Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors he had taken in preparation for this visit, when, looking down, he noticed a glinting piece of metal within the debris. The syringe still maintained its shine despite the attack and the pre-loaded Necrotech solution glittered in defiance of the chaos all around. As he turned the needle in his hand, he experienced what he knew would have been a renewed sense of purpose if not for the benzodiazepine derivative he had taken in preparation for this visit.

Snagging a bunny slipper from the foot of one of the undead, the Dr. wrapped the syringe in it and could not suppress a chuckle (despite his medication) as the tip of the needle protruded out of the bunny’s nose. The chuckle alerted the zombie from whom the slipper had been purloined causing the Dr. to have to revive it. Thus was born the flagship product in The Doc’s Novelties product line: the syringe sheath.

Current Product Line

SchwanTech I Can Clone: Novelty Home Cloning Kit


Sitting alone in his office in Colglough, Albert Schwan was pouring over the designs for a cryogenic zombie containment chamber. It was a balmy mid May afternoon and Whittenside was beginning to recover from the massive zombie attack that had crippled Fort Perryn. Albert found the blueprints while putting his office to rights; they were modifications of the chamber in New Arkham in which he had himself been frozen for five years during the early outbreaks. He had designed the modifications on the paper in front of him some months ago but had moved on to other, more important projects. Unsure if it was nostalgia or the warm air streaming in through the shattered office window that had provoked him to go over them, he had picked them up and was modifying the shape of a cooling coil for the fifth time.

The recent trouble with the Heathers had been bothering him; he could not fathom why a group of people with such divergent backgrounds would come together in service of a small cabal of women for whom the word superficial implied undeserved levels of depth. One Manslave in particular bothered him: one Dr. Munoz. Albert had read of Dr. Munoz—that is the real Dr. Munoz—while at MU and had always admired his work. A man of extreme conviction and a pioneer in the preservative effects of hypothermia on dead or dying tissue, Munoz had died of an obscure disease in 1923, his passing observed by a fellow tenant of his New York apartment and recorded in the Miskatonic University Archives. After his death, his notes had become the property of MU and eventually lead to the creation of the pod in which Albert had been frozen, and by extension, to his current project.

When Albert had first observed the Heathers’ Munoz, he had wondered if there was a blood connection: the man was the spitting image of the Dr. Munoz he had seen in archival photos, but the look of grim determination in his eyes was conspicuously absent, replaced instead by a subdued expression and a lowered gaze. After several days of hostilities, Albert had accessed the MU database and discovered that Munoz had not fathered any children and there was no record of any other Munoz in the Miskatonic College of Medicine. As more and more of the Manslaves began to appear in likeness of historical figures, characters from movies, or fallen enemeies, the Doctor began to suspect that, rather than mortals, these manslaves were grim manifestations of he knew not what.

All of this Albert pondered with consternation as he erased and re-penciled the cooling coil for now the sixth time. Suddenly, a commotion downstairs alerted him to trouble. Grabbing his syringes, he ran down into the lobby to see Munoz among other manslaves waiting with guns leveled at him. In the moment of time between the time they noticed him and the time they pulled their triggers, Albert carefully observed their faces and braced for impact. There was not a hint of emotion evident in their features save for Gay Fedcom President, who seemed in a kind of perverse sadistic rapture. His eyes turned to the blank features of Munoz as the bullets began to strike him, tearing through his flak jacket and piercing his flesh.

Blasted back against the stairwell, Albert worked quickly to activate his cultivated neurological patterning, shutting off pain, assessing damage to organs, and moving slightly so as to minimize damage to areas more difficult to repair. They continued to fire until the temporary oblivion of death began to claim him. Using his last ounce of will and with the blackness closing in on the edges of his vision, Albert injected himself with a dose of Rotalin and slipped into the void: his last sounds the hollow recitation of some snide comment from the Heathers accompanied by Gay Fedcom President’s maniacal laughter; his last sight, a third manslave spraying trite propaganda onto the wall.

He awoke and shambled to his feet, the effects of the Rotalin organizing his thoughts and replacing his bloodlust with cool reason. Colglough was once more in ruin and all of the residents—friends, guests and new-comers—lay dead at his feet. He observed Munoz with them, having been taken by the zombies for one of the staff. The odor surrounding his body indicated that his zombification had already been treated more than his now un-marred features: the NT solution had already completed its work. Albert noted that he rested with his eyes open and the expression on his face was unchanged from what it had been while fully alive. Scraping a sample of tissue from the side of his face with a cracked fingernail, Albert searched around for a sample container and, finding one, dropped the sample and his nail, which had since detached, inside.

Just as he had finished the laborious task of sealing the container (rendered more difficult by his Rot-impaired motor skills), Munoz sat up with a jolt and turned his head to the side with his left ear angled up as if awaiting instructions. He stayed this way for some seconds before finally straightening his neck and moving his gaze to Albert. Producing a pistol, he fired, and fired, and fired, until Albert once more fell into darkness.

The Doctor awoke once more atop a pool of blood and other fluids and noticed the building now empty save for a couple members of the Feral Undead determined to keep it in zombie hands. He looked down and saw with pride that the sample jar was still clutched firmly in his left hand. He staggered upstairs an collected his design sketches, rolling them as best he could and stuffing them into a coat pocket.

Months later and after several revivifications and a new change of clothes, Doctor Schwan came across the sample container in his bag while continuing his work in Wyke Hills. Curious and between projects, he removed the fingernail and scooped a section of the remaining tissue onto a slide using a swab. Comparing it to the sample analysis on record with MU of the late doctor’s remains, he was shocked to discover that the samples were genetically identical. Furthermore, the new sample from the Heathers’ Munoz contained no trace of the obscure disease that had killed the original. Beyond this, there was the added influence of Maltonian rot exposure and something else. He looked further and found anomalies at the kinetochores of each chromosome. Pushing aside the sample, he leaned back in his chair. This individual was raised to maturation in a matter of months, presumably using a genetic sample from the original Dr. Munoz taken before he contracted his disease. This being, for no more could it be called a person, was cloned!

Continued investigation in the following weeks allowed Doctor Schwan to reconstruct the method used by the Heathers to create their manslaves but the vivification agent eluded him despite numerous attempts to use modified rot virus to accomplish the task. Determined to put this discovery to good use so that at least one useful thing may come out of the Heathers, Albert turned once more to his cryo-chamber design, adjusting the scale and removing the troublesome cooling coil altogether. He then constructed the prototype chamber and several dummy-plug genetic blanks.

Pacing another swab of the Munoz sample inside and beginning the process, he watched as the plug adopted the features of his aggressor. He removed it and fashioned some clothes. Something was missing. Using a wire, a small pipette, and charring it on his burner, he created a small shotgun and placed in the hands of his creation. The tiny hands gripped it loosely. Noticing the dead glare in its eyes he was reminded of the larger model that had gunned him down and could not help but grin. The model stood on his desk until it deteriorated five days later leaving a pool, a model shotgun, and a small set of clothes. Mass production seemed inevitable.

To order and use SchwanTech I Can Clone: Novelty Home Cloning Kit, copy the following code to your user page
Dsnovelty.png The Doc’s Novelties
This user grows their own with SchwanTech I Can Clone: Novelty Home Cloning Kit

Novelty Syringe Sleeves

The Novelty syringe sleeves are based on Dr. Schwan’s original experience in the ashes of Colglough, though the marketing designs have since become more complex than the original bunny slipper, which proved to have little if any practical application. Each model is made of only the highest quality salvaged materials and contains a nylon inner sleeve to prevent scratching. Simply inset the revivification needle into the inner sleeve, insert the inner sleeve into the novelty model of your choice, and revive in style.

The Diva


Searching for a glimmer of your pre-outbreak glamour? Want to express the feminine core beneath the cold scientific façade? Maybe you just want to signal passing aircraft with each revive; in that case, this may be the syringe accessory for you. The most stylish of the novelty syringe line, The Diva is made of high quality cubic zirconia stones on an adjustable nylon backing. Why not real diamonds? Well..why go natural when you can make it in a lab? The ultimate in scientific haute couture for the revivifyer on the go.

To order and use The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeve: Diva Edition, copy the following code to your user page
Syringebling.jpg The Doc’s Novelties
This user revivifies in style with The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeves

The Malfoy


Tired of the jeering calls of “ZA HARMAN AHRN AH MRH-MAN” every time you step out onto the street? Sick of the other survivors referring to you as little Herbie West for always toting around a needle? Well friend… that can all change with Dr. Schwan’s Malfoy model novelty syringe sleeve. On the outside, this is a gentleman’s walking stick made of only the finest oak and high quality steel; on the inside, it is all business. The recessed handle can house one Necrotech brand syringe: simply cap the end of the needle, remove the plunger, insert into the handle housing, and you are ready should a classy night out turn suddenly foul. A spring-loaded mechanism in the handgrip allows the Necrotech solution to flow freely into the base of the spine in accordance with standard revivification procedures. When you are running low on supplies or feeling something less than scientific, the Malfoy may also be used as a bludgeon, proving to unruly ZAMBAHZ that if they will not fear your MRH-BANNANA they should at least beware your BAM BAM BAR. The Malfoy: the accessory of choice for the fashion-conscious man about Malton

To order and use The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeve: Malfoy Edition, copy the following code to your user page
Syringecane.jpg The Doc’s Novelties
This user revivifies in style with The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeves

The Trenchie


Like reviving zombies? Let’s face it…we all do, but the world doesn’t stop turning while you spend FIVE HOURS emptying the contents of your syringe. Introducing the Trenchie, the Ideal syringe sleeve for survivors who need to stay connected. Now you can catch a game, listen to music, or keep up on the news at your favorite fort. Its lightweight design and durable construction make the Trenchie capable of surviving combat stress and freeruning mishaps, while its Teflon coating makes cleanup a breeze in the event of messy zombie neck backsplash. The Trenchie holds one standard issue Necrotech syringe and runs for 48 hours on a single battery charge. To recharge, simply hook the inserted needle up to the equipment at the nearest powered Necrotech facility and the built-in electrical current interface does the rest. Simple, useful, and fun in the field, with the Trenchie you can be the life of your next combat revivification party. ORDER YOURS TODAY!

To order and use The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeve: Trenchie Edition, copy the following code to your user page
Syringeradio.jpg The Doc’s Novelties
This user revivifies in style with The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeves

The Gordon Ramsey


“Oh no! The zombies have broken down the last of the barricades but if I let the scrambled eggs burn, everyone will have to go without breakfast!” Have you ever had to make this decision? Well never again with Dr. Schwan’s Gordon Ramsey model syringe sleeve. A stainless steel whisk on one end and a housing for one Necrotech brand syringe on the other, the Gordon Ramsey offers a heretofore unheard of degree of culinary versatility. With the automatic release mechanism, one quick jab and the needle dethatches to let you continue your cooking. By the time your food is ready, you have one more kitchen staff member to serve it and the health inspector never need know. Finally, you can have your cake and revivify it too! The one drawback of this model is that seating the syringe in the sleeve makes it impossible to connect it to the Necrotech system, but let’s face it, if there is a zombie in your kitchen decomposed enough to need Necronet access, you are going to have to redo those eggs.

To order and use The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeve: Gordon Ramsey Edition, copy the following code to your user page
Syringewhisk.jpg The Doc’s Novelties
This user revivifies in style with The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeves

The Mrh-Bannana


The Gordon Freeman


Product design provided by D.S. R&D member Sam Public

For those theoretical physicists out there who enjoy teleportation; crowbars; and seem to be being stalked by a creepy man in a blue suit, the Gordon Freeman edition of syringe sleeve is an absolute must! With a solid steel body, the housed NecroTech syringe stays safe, and the crowbar helps ensure that no barricade is too large. Available with a stylish red body and silver ends, The Gordon Freeman will be available very shortly. (Valve Time permitting)

To order and use The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeve: Gordon Freeman Edition, copy the following code to your user page
Gordonfreeman.jpg The Doc’s Novelties
This user revivifies in style with The Doc's Novelty Syringe Sleeves


The hot new board game from Schwan industries sweeping the RPs. Practice your Zamgrh while you wait for revivification.


To order and use the ZGABBAH board, access the above image for a high resolution version for home printing
Or send order through your nearest pneumatic tube network terminal

Other Products and Services

The Whittenside Database of Behavioral Anomolies Dr. Schwan’s Research and Development Team The Whittenside Rotters Database
Dr. Schwan's Essentials Product Line Dsmedical.png Dr. Schwan's Culinary Product Line Les Produits du Textile de Médecin Schwan The Doc's Novelties Product Line Schwan Laboratories Industrial

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