Jerden Rules Crowbank/Enemies List
- Subpage of Jerden Rules Crowbank.
Add to this list the name, profile and crime of anyone who has commited an act of treason against Jerden, through attacking and/or killing Jerden or one of his associates, the members of Jerden Rules Crowbank and their honorable allies. Inform them of the error of their ways and kill them whenever possible until they apologize. JRC is so popular that this required a separate page, so here we are. The people on this list are to take top priority when it come to teaching people a lesson. Report kills here if possible, so we can keep track of our sucesses. Groups will also be added if sufficient evidence for it is found - meaning if multiple members of your group get onto this list, we'll lump you all in together and save both our groups time.
This list was compiled in good nature, as it serves as a handy way for JRC to keep track of those who challenge our authority. We don't hate you or anything, we just think it would be incredibly satisfying to return the lead you gave us. Let's play the Hunting Game!
JRC recognizes that this list is a stupid idea and will only make the problem worse. However, we have pride. Nobody kills a member of JRC and get's away with it! We put your name on a list! Scared now, aren't you?
Your appearance on this list is up to negotiation with JRC. You may feel that some people get disproportionate amounts of space on the list. That's because they said more interesting things! A note to all Bounty Hunters, Vigilantes, Do-gooders and Cops - Jerden likes someone he can enjoy being killed by. If you don't make it memorable, how are you really helping Malton? Of course, not dying at all is always more convenient for a member of JRC. Something witty is vastly superior to a short insult. We may try to offer improvements on unimaginative one liners, but people must take the initiative.
The list, henceforth, shall proceed in reverse chronolgical order - most recent crimes will be added or moved to the top to make keeping track easier. Oh, except our greatest foes will remain at the top, so that we know exactly who we're gunning for.
roopzs - Public Enemy Number 2 (Jerden being Number 1, of course)
Reinstated after having killed Leiter after receiving a pardon. He has now had his chance.
He is determined to oppose us! Again he strikes at us, hindering our valuable services to Crowbank. But I say to Roopz - WE ARE JRC! We faced The Spanish Inquisition and... survived... and we will strike you down at every opportunity, until you leave us be or confess that Jerden Rules Crowbank! --Jerden 17:50, 26 February 2013 (UTC)
Killed me again, but at least he said "good to see you" first. Nice when they're polite. Hopefully I'll soon get a chance to greet him... Violently. --Jerden 20:01, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
Ah... Our friendly rivalry continues. He greeted me with "Oh Hello great ruler Jerden." I was flattered, then he shot me. Then I was dead. Roopz must die! I better have a good look for him, now that the barricade plan is mostly sorted out. --Jerden 19:45, 14 April 2013 (BST)
And I found him! And failed to kill him, due to a lack of AP. I ran away, but he still killed me. I really shouldn't have attacked him, it only told him I was in the area... --Jerden 19:59, 21 April 2013 (BST)
And our friendly rivalry continues, as roopz kills me yet again. Hi to you too, roopz! --Jerden 18:49, 1 May 2013 (BST)
Dammit Roopz, just as soon as I find you I'll kill you so hard you'll... Be dead? Dammit, I can't really do much to you. Still, it's fun to have a nemisis, and I'm used to dying by now. So, dead again. --Jerden 22:04, 5 May 2013 (BST)
Ah, so roopz has a complaint - apparantly "Things are not looking good in Crowbank." Oh, well, maybe if the administration didn't have to try and take cover in dark buildings and shamble outside for revives, it wouldn't be in a bad state! Dead again, but I'll find him some day and be all ineffectual on his ass. Not literally, I'm really not into that! --Jerden 18:24, 20 May 2013 (BST)
Oh roopz, will we ever get bored? Still, I'm not deterred. Irritated, yes, but put off my leadership? No way. I'll gill you later. PS - Would a conversation kill you? How are we meant to be nemeses if you don't give me anything witty to work with? --Jerden 21:26, 19 June 2013 (BST)
"Jerden, great to see you made it through the seige" Thanks roopz, that was a real tender moment there, two friends reunited. You ruined it by killing me. Still, I don't care. --Jerden 11:34, 10 July 2013 (BST)
The [Multiple Profanities Censored] has done it again, the [Multiple Profanities Censored]. If I ever get my hands on him, I'll [Profane and Violent Imagery Censored]. He may think he's helping Malton by irritating me like this. But the thing is, he's a serial killer. Of me. And one day he will suffer. When I get round to it. The general vicinity of Crowbank is a big area to search! I'll get Roopz eventually! Still, he's got better at the banter. Roopz made a clever quip about turning the lights on before powering up a generator in order to kill me.--Jerden 15:51, 15 July 2013 (BST)
Blind Willie Stavros
As he found no difficulty in shooting Jerden to death in a Bank, and even lit the place up first, it would seem that blindness is not his problem. Instead, it is dumbness, as in being unable to speak, as I got no explaination for why this regacide was necessary. Very unfair. Ah well, can't mope forever, things to do, places to go, people to kill (Everyone on this page), spraycans to find. --Jerden 20:34, 7 April 2013 (BST)
And I got him. Hah. That'll show him. --Jerden 20:45, 18 April 2013 (BST)
And again. I'm a jerk, but I'll stop now. Sadly, I didn't have the AP to say anything, so I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Still, I write the rules, I don't follow them! --Jerden 17:19, 22 April 2013 (BST)
Ah, doesn't it make you irritated when people dare to retaliate? So unfair! Blind Willie killed me again, but he got in some apple related banter. --Jerden 17:08, 23 April 2013 (BST)
Oh, and he got me again. So unpleasant. --Jerden 19:42, 2 February 2014 (UTC)
Jhonny Coolman
He's earned his place on this list for the sheer audacity of killing me in the middle of a Christmastime(ish) radio broadcast, without even a taunt! There I was, thinking of something to say, and this nutcase comes along with his shotgun! Of all the poor timings... It's like they don't appreciate all I do for Crowbank!
He claims on his profile that "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words just don't bother me."
Jhonny my boy, what's your position on bullets? --Jerden 17:25, 27 December 2013 (UTC)
Well, I've returned the favour now, and await his response. --Jerden 18:47, 8 January 2014 (UTC)
Spartacus Finch
Why do they insist on being my enemy? He kills me, we try and kill him. And so on. --Jerden 21:57, 23 September 2013 (BST)
Oh, and he kills me again, such a shame. --Jerden 19:02, 9 January 2014 (UTC)
Joachim Kroll
Now, I've never claimed that the divine right of High Lords makes me bulletproof, and plenty of others have already proved not, so there's a flaw in this guys reasoning:
"Jerden, you're injured...how unfitting for a majesty..." "Aren't you, as royalty, better than simple wounds?" "Let's see how major wounds affect you, ok?" "It seems they're hurting you quite badly...alas, you really aren't royalty, are you?" You were killed by Joachim Kroll
For this insult to logic and my obvious superiority in matters not relating to being bulletproof... Do I even need to say kill him? We kind of know that that's always expected. --Jerden 17:41, 12 November 2013 (UTC)
Adam Garou
You know I like witty statements before death? Adam, I like your style:
"I've heard death is the road to awe. Here let me help you be awesome."
What I disapprove of is your choice of victims (me). Let JRC educate you next time we see you. Educate you TO DEATH! --Jerden 23:15, 8 November 2013 (UTC)
Decider Inchief and the rest of UD Fark
He dares declare war on JRC? (Well, we're not sure if it was actually him...) He dares retaliate when Jerden murders him? Alright, we'll show him who's in charge around here. Kill Decider Inchief! --Jerden 20:11, 19 August 2013 (BST)
Jerden: 1 Leiter: 1 Total: 2
Alfie Milton
He murdered me. Pretty typical. But look at his profile! He takes himself so seriously, we need to teach him to enjoy the apocalypse! Let's shoot Alfie! Everyone loves bullets, right? --Jerden 18:32, 22 August 2013 (BST)
He did it again, the traitor! Still not saying anything, still taking himself way too seriously. "The scar remains, a reminder of the horror he's living in now." So what if zombies and murderers roam freely through Malton? Get over yourself, Alfie! Or I'll have to get over your dead body! (Don't worry guys, that really wasn't a euphemism for anything other than murder.) --Jerden 19:28, 28 August 2013 (BST)
He killed me again! I'd better stay away from this homicidal nutcase! Anyway, as for being "like a silly little headless chicken that keeps coming back to let me kill you again and again", well Alfie, you're not my only enemy. It doesn't matter where I go, somebody nearby wants to kill me (for some unfathomable reason). I have to take risks and hide where I can. This time, it didn't pay off. Silly me. --Jerden 20:12, 30 August 2013 (BST)
Ted Hislock
It's understandable that he wanted me dead. I did apparently kill his friend. Still, it was your friend's fault. He must have got in the way while I was shooting into a crowd of widows and orphans. Hey Ted, you better stay out of my way. I have a poor aim, and people in my general vicinity often get hurt. Particularly people who kill me first. Strange, isn't it? --Jerden 22:18, 13 August 2013 (BST)
Tonyboy
For blasting away at JRC members, without even so much as a word :/ --Leiter 12:54, 6 August 2013 (BST)
Raven Corvus
Dispite her brilliant name and Crowbank Citizenship, Raven said:
"Hmph! the self proclaimed High Lord of my birth suburb of Crowbank and a bounty of only 2? I am……. disappointed. Now as a general rule I don’t bother with baby PKers, but seeing as you wish to play with the big boys and girls, I’ll treat you like one" "Now Jerden here is a little Jedi wisdom to lighten that dark side: “First Jedi principle of combat : survive.” Obi-Wan Kenobi http://rg.urbandead.net/profiles/view/1919714"
She then committed regicide of her own High Lord. A note on the Bounty - Jerden cannot help it if people do not report his actions and has many more victims than that, so while the Rogues gallery is a brilliant way for survivors to hunt down the more morally disputable figures of Malton, such as Jerden (as Raven reminded me), it's not a totally accurate summary of an individual. Anyway, kindly pump Raven full of lead and ask her to report it. Nobody should get away with assaulting Jerden, especially when it disrupted the Sith of November (Hence the Jedi Reference). Some people are so inconsiderate of other peoples schedules. Jerden's one of them, and the hypocrisy of the previous statement never occurred to him. --Jerden 18:21, 19 November 2012 (UTC)
You know that feeling you get when someone both impresses and irritates you? Screw you Raven, you brilliant one line dropper. Screw you to heck.
"Jerden, Do you know what they call a gathering of crows? A murder, a murder of crows. Do you know what they call a gathering of ravens? An unkindness, an unkindness of ravens. This is an unkind murder, but it is also retribution for your sins."
That's what I call an impressive pre-mortem speech AND great linguistic skill! I'm looking forward to revenge, stick around Raven! Or don't, but whatever. Love to hate you. --Jerden 18:28, 29 May 2013 (BST)
Ah, they say Justice has no use-by date. At least, they say it now. For I have struck down this insult to my sovereignty and stood menacingly over her (still warm, because I didn't have time to loiter for too long) dead body. It probably won't teach her anything, but it sure was satisfying. Alright, just twice more and we're even. Yes, My life is worth 1.5 Ravens (or 6.7 sloths, or 0.95 elephants). --Jerden 22:05, 16 June 2013 (BST)
mcnuckles
So yes, I may have killed a few of his teamates last year. And yes, I probably deserved this. But I still plan to kill mcnuckles for this! And while I'm at it, I plan to drop a witty one liner before lining the inside of his skull with lead. SOME PEOPLE like to make their victims feel special as they die, not like this silent member of the Knights Templar. Bland but irritating.
Blind Willie Stavros
As he found no difficulty in shooting Jerden to death in a Bank, and even lit the place up first, it would seem that blindness is not his problem. Instead, it is dumbness, as in being unable to speak, as I got no explaination for why this regacide was necessary. Very unfair. Ah well, can't mope forever, things to do, places to go, people to kill (Everyone on this page), spraycans to find. --Jerden 20:34, 7 April 2013 (BST)
And I got him. Hah. That'll show him. --Jerden 20:45, 18 April 2013 (BST)
And again. I'm a jerk, but I'll stop now. Sadly, I didn't have the AP to say anything, so I'm a bit of a hypocrite. Still, I write the rules, I don't follow them! --Jerden 17:19, 22 April 2013 (BST)
Ah, doesn't it make you irritated when people dare to retaliate? So unfair! Blind Willie killed me again, but he got in some apple related banter. --Jerden 17:08, 23 April 2013 (BST)
Berlin Incident
You would think with an amusing name like the, he would be capable of delivering a one liner better than "eat a back of FUCK Jerden." That doesn't even make any sense! Lets see... instead, he should have said something like "Ah, Mr Jerden... We meet at last! I have a piece of lead here with your name on it. So why don't you eat it and get the FUCK out of this suburb!" See how much better that would be? Wittier, longer, much better use of profanity? Just a hint! Or, better still, why not say "Ooh, your Majesty! How may I serve you by ridding this suburb of unimaginative assholes today?" That's what I would prefer, but I'll settle for more imaginative dialogue. Anyway, why don't you wait for me to find you and show you how the nobility gloat. (Hint: WITH STYLE!) --Jerden 17:24, 28 March 2013 (UTC)
Dawn Davenport
For killing Leiter while dropping the ingenious one liner of "Eat this asshole".
Emperor Lrr
An amusingly irritating enemy. He killed Jerden with a shotgun and said "Leiter has brought this upon you Jerden. You do not rule Crowbank. The Omicronians rule all! You will not be spared when the Omicronian invasion fleet comes and destroys this city. Puny earthling!" Well, JRC has news for this so called "Emperor Lrr": This suburb's only big enough for one delusional egomaniac and anyone reading this page knows exactly who it is. ME! --Jerden 18:35, 30 December 2012 (UTC)
Dropbox
Killed Leiter while ha was resupplying in Tollyton. Claims to rule Tollyton and has told JRC to keep out. Also seems to fancy killing PKers. --Leiter 13:56, 10 February 2013 (UTC)
Fyedka
A most rude individual, definatly deserving of death. While Jerden was in another suburb on "business", Fyedka killed Jerden and rather disrespectfully said: "Jerden, you nasty trash. Go back to Crowbank." Jerden is hurt emotionally, and like all internal hurts this can only be solved by external violence. --Jerden 20:54, 19 December 2012 (UTC)
