The Spanish Inquisition

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The Spanish Inquisition (TSI) - Healing the Sick, Killing the Lame

l-r: Mafeking Mike, Mick McManix and Malodorous Monk

The Spanish Inquisition
Some meaningless Latin motto
Abbreviation: TSI
Group Numbers: <10
Leadership: Pope Brian XIII
Goals: Expunge Heresy from the Bosom of the Church
Recruitment Policy: Only cardinals need apply
Contact: Mick McManix


The Spanish Inquisition was an ecclesiastical tribunal started in 1478 by Catholic Monarchs Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella I of Castile. It was intended to maintain Catholic orthodoxy in their kingdoms, and to replace the medieval inquisition which was under papal control. The new body was under the direct control of the Spanish monarchy. It was not definitively abolished until 1834, during the reign of Isabella II.

However, the Inquisition was unexpectedly revived in the early 21st century by Pope Xalbador to combat a new heresy, Zombigensianism. This new heresy originated in Malton with the initial zombie outbreak, and holds that there is indeed life after death, but on Earth rather than in Heaven or Hell.

TSI in Malton

TSI was established in Malton in 2009, centring its initial efforts on repairing Vinetown after a massive Zombigensian uprising which forced TSI to use priestholes in Pegton. TSI eventually established itself at St John's Cathedral, Vinetown in April of that year after carrying out missions in Dentonside, Pitneybank and Edgecombe as well as Pegton. Its mission focuses on Vinetown and Pegton, the latter being the home suburb of TSI's 'Father', the barely intelligible but devout former Black Flag roadie Mick McManix. Afternoon cream tea every Sunday (zombies permitting) with the hospitable cardinals at St John's is a popular Vinetown recreation, as seen below.

More tea, vicar?

Scripture and TSI Orthodoxy

TSI does not kill survivors except in proven cases of PKing/GKing/zed-spying. Suspected PKers, GKers and zed spies are given opportunities to confess, recant, repent, retract, and then return to the ever-welcoming bosom of the Holy Mother Church. However, persistent offenders are repressed, rejected, refuted, repelled and ultimately may be excommunicated and refused admittance to Vinetown and other holy areas on pain of death.

TSI procedures in dealing with heretics [aka 'zombies'] and murderers [PKers] follow precedents taken from certain non-canonical texts from the Gospel According to Brian, including these famous proverbs from the Book of Ximinez. (Some new techniques have also developed, taking into account changes since the time of these texts, such as the invention of 'boomsticks' and 'cake'.)

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! (Book of Ximinez)

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four* *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (ibid.)

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! (ibid.)

Poke her with the soft cushions! Confess! Confess! Confess! Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR! Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. (ibid.)


A number of famous icons are associated with the Spanish Inquisition. As well as being noted for their nice red ecclesiastical uniforms - robes, wimples, mitres, slippers etc - TSI are infamous for their use of such torture devices as The Comfy Chair, The Drying Rack and the Soft Cushions. Images of Comfy Chairs are often found in TSI territory as a warning to zombies and other heretickal sects of what awaits them if they should linger. A Comfy Chair showroom is occasionally open for business in Mitchem Mall.

TSI members usually wear medallions of St John and can also be identified by their impenetrable regional accents.

Radio KTSI

Radiotransmission.gif Broadcaster
TSI is a broadcaster

A weekly Sunday sermon is usually delivered by Radio KTSI, in partnership with DJ Paul Gargoyle et al at St. John Classic Rock Station - thus covering Malton's discerning ultra-religious/cheesy rock-lovin' crossover audience on one convenient wavelength (26.34MHz). Rock on - Amen!

Fellow Crusaders

TSI's formal allies include M.E.R.C.Y. and ENVY. TSI Cardinals are often found fighting and auto da fe-ing alongside nomadic members of Creedy Defense Force and MDK, but we have no formal ties with these groups.

We were formerly friendly with The Blackhawk Nation, until Rosslessness convincingly argued that they were dominated by a single zerger, at which point TSI cut all ties and - after Cheveyo et al's provocations and PKing - sought instead to hunt this zerger down.

Spiritual Gifts

Whether you've been sacrificed for the greater good by the Spanish Inquisition, or choose to fight the good fight alongside our scarlet-robed spiritual advisors, feel free to add this nice red template to your user page, and help yourself to a scone:

Sinq.jpg Well!
This user certainly didn't expect some sort of Spanish Inquisition!


Penguin-slap.gif WARNING!
This user or group knows how to lay the smack down.
The Executioners2.jpg Execution Count
TSI has helped the city by killing 26 Flowers of Decay Pkers!
54-1-.gif Jerden Balls Kicker
TSI grabs Jerden by the nose and kicks him in the balls (err... face... for the sake of this image).
Crucifixion.jpg Resurrection
TSI believes that Jesus will rise again.
Syringe.jpg Planned Revivification
TSI supports
organized revivification.
Sinq.jpg The Spanish Inquisition
TSI are a bunch of FLUCkers!

The Curse of TSI

As with Private Eye and the 'Curse of Gnome', mess with the Inquisition and your group risks entering terminal decline. Cases in point:

I'm dancin' on ur grav!
This user is dancin' on the grave of Sisters of Death.

I'm dancin' on ur grav!
This user is dancin' on the grave of The Thugs of Malton.

I'm dancin' on ur grav!
This user is dancin' on the grave of Clean Air Reclamators.

I'm dancin' on ur grav!
This user is dancin' on the grave of Good Grief.

Vinetown Wanderers vs Crowbank FC: The Big Match, 2012-2013

Football Trophy.jpg The Vinetown Wanderers vs Crowbank F.C.
In the epic 2012-2013 match between Jerden Rules Crowbank and The Spanish Inquisition the trophy was claimed by the Vinetown Wanderers with a final Score of TSI: 23 - JRC: 18. Bullets were fired, Pumpkins swung, Blood was spilled but we parted as friends. Somehow.