Malton Tours Inc.

From The Urban Dead Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
Clock.png Inactive Group
Malton Tours Inc. are no longer active. Its group page is preserved for archival purposes. Please do not edit this page. This group was reported inactive on 13:36, 1 January 2009 (UTC) Not Inactive?

Malton Tours, Inc.
Abbreviation: MTI
Group Numbers: Any and all who wish to see the city
Leadership: Collective
Goals: "Visiting the most scenic and Deadly sights in Malton."
Recruitment Policy: Open
Contact: Check our forum

Malton Tours, Inc. is a group of professional tour guides who have, since the outbreak, banded together to tour the city in all of its post-apocalyptic splendor. Providing helpful information, life-saving first aid and revivals, and overwhelming firepower, Malton Tours, Inc. is the perfect way to see the city.

From our brochure:

Have you been too busy hiding in safehouses and running from the Undead to fully enjoy the sights and sounds of scenic Malton? We bet you have!

Malton Tours provides you with the escape you need to get a breath of fresh air and appreciate this wonderful city again! Join us as we see the best the city has to offer!

Worried about zombies? Never fear, our crack team of tour guides will provide you with a safe and enjoyable touring experience. Just bring some pistols or a fireaxe and join in on the fun!

Are YOU a zombie? Don't let undeath and the constant hunger for brains make you feel left out!! Join one of our tours and come along as well! No headshots from either our helpful staff, or other tourists! Just make sure to keep up!

History and Mission

Malton Tours, Inc. was founded by Ayuma Miura and Lo Meng in January of 2006. The idea was to gather survivors together, sticking in groups for safety, and tour the most beautiful and notorious sights of the city. After tracking down a few more interested and qualified staff members, Malton Tours went from dream to reality!

Helpful and fascinating information on major architectural and historic sites is given on our tours, and free buffets and wetbars are set up at all touring waypoints. Our friendly and courteous staff offer free revivals and first aid to all tour members when needed, and are happy to lend a hand blasting you out of an overrun safehouse.


I never thought such a thing as guided excursions through Malton could be succesfull. I even found it quite tasteless; the thought of visiting Zed/Survivor War Zones didn't appeal to me at all. But the tourguides from Malton Tours Inc showed me that they weren't only interested in exploiting the disasters that fell over our beloved city! Visiting numerous places they'll inform you about happenings and historical facts even far before the Early Outbreaks. These people reminded me what we're actually fighting for! Malton has such a rich historical background that we, the people, have forgotten in the last year and a half. If they ever come into your neighbourhood talk to them and join them on an excursion, you'll won't regret it. And best of all: It's totally free of charge! ( But they'll appreciate an occasional FAK or some beer and pretzels if you come past a Bar, Mall or Warehouse. ) Hope you'll enjoy it as much as I do.
With kind regards: Galliminus ( GingerbreadWOman, Gingerbraaain when zombified)

...We had a lot of fun with you when you were in the area, and we hope you decide to visit the Zoo again sometime. Good luck with whatever tour you're currently on.
--Nick Magnum, Zoo Secretary

Hey Malton Tours! Thanks for coming down to see the show at the Zoo last week. We're planning on returning to Darkside soon, but feel free to bring a group by for a show!
--Snarfo, The Broadway Zombies


The Malton Tours, Inc. staff is a small but dedicated and highly knowledgeable group of touring professionals and survivalists whose only mission is to show you the sights and sounds (and oftentimes sickening, rotten smells) of our fair city.

Ayumi Miura, our Tour Leader, is well versed in Malton geography, handy with a syringe, and not to be crossed when her shotgun is unsheathed. She's also our very own Secret Shopper - nobody can sniff out a bargain like Ayumi! She always makes sure to get our FAKs at half price.

Lo Meng, our Celebrity Homes Specialist, has the goods on all of Malton's glamorous (and often seedy) goings-on, including where the rich and famous have stayed and played while in our fair city. He's ready to dish the dirt! With a belt full of guns and a copy of the Malton Star Map, he's on a mission to see every mansion in the city.

The city's many beautiful and serene churches are what Malton Tours, Inc.'s resident holy man Pope Beligerent I knows best. As our Religious Sites Specialist and Masonic Weregoat Herder, he is in the know about churches, cathedrals, and graveyards in our city. He is also nominally responsible for the care and upkeep of MTI's erstwhile mascot, the Masonic Weregoat.

What is a tour without good food, after all? Despite the loss of our good friends Vincent Tundra and Big Old Johnny, Malton Tours has pressed forward and welcomed a new culinary specialist to the staff...Mr. Bob Paulson is our new official Cheese Specialist. We were just shocked to learn that there were people in Malton who knew the difference between Roquefort and Gorgonzola!

Once our most devoted tourist, Frowney O'nub has joined the staff in a full time capacity as our Urban Naturalist. He can advise you on edible flowers that can be found in Malton, the breeding habits of the Masonic Weregoats that infest our streets, and which leaves are best to use as toilet paper when nature calls!

A Grizzly Bear Cub has joined the tour, on loan from the The Malton Zookeepers, as the tour's Condiment Specialist. We needed someone to keep the spicy brown mustard seperate from the kosher mustard. She's just now getting her bearings. Mainly because we haven't allowed her a moment of sobriety since she joined the tour.

Former Broadway Zombie McKool has also joined the permanent team as our resident Dance Instructor and Massage Therapist, brining beautiful art and relaxation to the burned-out husk we've come to know as Malton.

We also reluctantly welcome the Masonic Weregoat to the group. We do not, however, welcome any of his Masonic Werebretheren.

Want to join in on the deadliest job you'll ever love? Malton Tours, Inc. is always looking for fresh new faces and sharp new axes. Talk to any staff member to apply!

Current Tourists

  • Mr. Cheese is the original tourist! We found him talking to himself in Dakerstown a long time ago, and after convincing him that we weren't hallucinations. Unfortunately, we've lost track of Mr. Cheese - Cheese, come back to us!
  • Hivemind are the ultimate Tourists. For months now, wherever you find Malton Tours, you'll also find Hivemind. We'd offer them jobs with the tour, but then we'd have to start paying them!
  • Bloody Tom of the Church of St. Callistus has been tagging along with the tour for some time now. His colorful language, drug-fueled insanity and outbursts of horrific violence have entertained and terrified MTI and our various hosts, and gotten us kicked out of many a suburb.

A word on Masonic Werecreatures

While touring Kersley Mansion some time ago, MTI staffer Pope Beligerent I befriended a wee billy goat that he found in the mansion's basement. How could he know that the beast was not just an adorable petting zoo inhabitant, but in fact a Masonic Weregoat, a victim of the grisly and horrific experiments of Dr. Kersley and the fledgling Necrotech staff. On a subsequent tour, when the goat went crazy and attacked MTI staff and tourists, the Pope was left no choice but to bring the creature out behind the safehouse and shoot it, Old Yeller-style.

On a later trip to the Zoo for their Halloween Hootenanny of Horror, MTI staff had the opportunity to tell the hair-raising story of the Masonic Weregoat around a blazing generator fire. Just as the story ended, the Masonic Weregoat himself showed up to the horror and dismay of everyone in Turle Bank on that fateful evening.

Ever since, various Masonic Werecreatures have appeared and followed MTI around. These creatures include a Masonic Weremule, Masonic Werepigeon, Masonic Weretiger, Masonic Robogoat, Masonic WereElvis and, possibly most horrific of all, the Masonic Wereclown.

We of Malton Tours, Inc. want to make it very clear that we are in no way affiliated with the Masonic Werecreatures, aside from our reluctant acceptance of the Masonic Weregoat, and do not support their union, the Masonic Werethings United. In fact, we would not be overly sad if you killed them and ate them. They are, after all, animals. After a sort.


Malton Tours, Inc. is always on the move! The best way to join our tour is to meet us at our current location and ask any of our friendly staff for a brochure. We try to leave a memento anywhere we go.

You can now reach us at or on our forum to request information about our tours, or a spot on the guest list. Please include a link to your profile page and indicate whether you're interested in joining us for a tour, or applying for a spot on our staff. You humans can also send a text message to Ayumi Miura, Lo Meng or Pope Beligerent I and they will be happy to help you find the tour whenever they're in a neighborhood with cell phone service.

Malton Tours are open to anyone, human or zombie, who agree to our basic terms of operation. Absolutely no violence toward fellow tourists or tour staff will be tolerated, regarless of differences in living status. As a rule, Malton Tours Inc. does not involve themselves in the ongoing conflict between humans and zombies, except in cases where self defense or defense of our dearest friends is necessary. Hunting for sport and experience is allowed at all tour destinations, but Malton Tours as an agency does not participate in organized attack or defense efforts. At the discretion of our staff members, we may offer medical and revive assistance to anyone who makes a request, but we decide such matters on a case by case basis.

Because we like to stay very mobile, Malton Tours Inc. reserves the right to refuse any tour applications from humans without the Free Running skill, or zombies without the Lurching Gait skill.

Current Tour

Always happy to lend a hand to our dear friends the Zookeepers, MTI have joined them in defending the zoo against the PKing scum Team Win, and have declared one of our famous SAFARI!s to help out. This SAFARI has interrupted, momentarily, our A-Z pub crawl tour of all the suburbs of Malton. When the A-Z tour returns, our next stop will be Dentonside.

As always, you can contact any of our senior staff by email or cell phone if you are interested in joining our current tour, or signing up for a future tour.

In addition, MTI now attempts to communicate on radio frequency 27.22, so if you want to talk to us, give us a shout!

Friendly Groups

As Malton Tours Inc. wends its way around the city, we have encountered several groups that were quite friendly to us, and we would like to publicly acknowledge their support and hospitality.

- We at MTI are proud to call The Malton Zookeepers our allies and our dear friends. Support the Zoo!

- The Gingerbraaains, or sometimes The Gingerbread Men, have always been quite friendly to us, and several members joined us on the last half of the epic Four Corners tour! They've also joined us for our Anniversary Party and a few SAFARI!s, and brought along their pals in The Night Ravers and Bin Laden's Daughter.

- Hivemind are a great group of people, and we have enjoyed their company a great deal. Despite accidentally leading them into no less than three deathtraps at the hands of the Big Bash, they have taken it all in stride. They are the definition of Malton Tourists!

- The Sparkly Cupcake Princesses are always a blast to have around, and have joined us on several SAFARI!s, as well as our Anniversary Party.


Thinkingmonkey.jpg Friend Of The Zoo
The Thinking Monkey brings luck to friends of the Malton City Zoo!

As allies of The Malton Zookeepers MTI is proud to show their support for the Malton City Zoo.

EOE.jpg Equal Opportunity
This user/group supports the equal opportunity policy and does not discriminate on grounds of vitality, welcoming members/friends from both the living and the dead.

Malton Tours, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity employer.