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Mrh? Cow Outbreak in Malton!
Malton has recently experienced a widespread outbreak of Bovine Mrhgiform Encephalopathy, commonly referred to as Mrh? Cow disease. The mysterious disease has spread rapidly in recent months, seeming to follow the hordes of Malton as they reclaim section after section of our fair city.
An afflicted zombie.
Little is known about Mrh? Cow, except that it is caused by an excessive build-up of malformed proteins called revivification serum in the brains of the afflicted. This leads the victims of this disease to wander to “revive points” and desperately groan “Mrh?” in a disturbing and horrific manner.
Despite demands from the zombie community about whether this condition is carried by harmanz and/or transmutable by eating the brainz of harmanz, zombie scientists still do not have the answers. “The public has a right to answers about BME, but unfortunately we can’t provide them,” explained Dr. Andrew Graaaghstein of Adalbert General Hospital. “We’re still researching this problem and are searching for any possible cures.”
Members of the community are shocked and outraged that something isn’t been done to help the poor Mrh? Cows. “I try to feed them brainz with feeding drags and feeding groans, but they just stand there and say ‘Mrh,’” said a distraught Zomby Woof. “Then the harmanz come in and attack them with those horrible needles!”
According to Dr. Graaaghstein, “It’s unknown just what impact eating brainz would have upon the BME victim, because they seem completely incapable of eating brains. It’s quite a horrible process, they seem to be able to do nothing except starve themselves and say Mrh?”
Malton’s religious community has taken the stance that this Mrh? Cow outbreak is a sign of divine retribution. “Papa Petro and the almighty BARHAH! have taken retribution against those who have not sought the rot,” prophesied an anonymous Radical Barhah Fundamentalist. “The way of the steel and of the needle have been punished by the mysterious forces of BARHAH! who have afflicted those who reject BARHAH! with this condition. Repent! Get the rot!”
Unlifestyles
Mistakes Were Made
Due to the infrequency of the release of the Malton Herald & Sun, we are now publishing the most recent editions of Mistakes Were Made. If you wish to catch up on back story lines, be sure to visit Big J’s Website.
Classifieds
Room for Rent
Undead Only, No Pets, Must get along with Zombie Chicken.
$75 a month. Inquire @ Woodland Towers main office, Ridleybank, Malton.
Lost and Found
Found: Level 2 Civilians. Truell Museum, Roftwood. Please contact AU10 command station to arrange burial.
Mall for sale
Caiger Mall itself on clearance sale. The Mall must go!
Harman Backbone Found
One harman backbone found in Santlerville.
Vending Machines
Survivor Snack Zone is a great place to find numerous harman vending machines.
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Better Know a Mayoral Runner-Up: Karloth Vois
It’s that time of year, election season. And with the upcoming elections, one half of our next Mayor, Murray Jay Suskind took the time to sit down with Malton’s second place candidate, from Malton’s most infamous player killer group....
Red Rum: The Fightin’ Rum! Founded as one of Malton’s oldest player killer groups, Red Rum took off under the leadership of Sirens Discord, whose laissez faire management style allowed Rummers to flourish across Malton. However, it was under Karloth Vois that Red Rum began to really make their voices heard, emptying out an entire mall in one instance via massive and coordinated homicidal rampages. Here’s what Mr. Vois had to say.
MH&S: I understand you are the new "leader" of Red Rum replacing the infamous Sirens Discord, what are your goals for the group?
KV: Whilst I’ve been working behind the scenes for quite some time, you can expect to see some pretty major changes whilst I settle in to my power trip. Initially, we’ll be undergoing a restructure to apply my signature style of uber-coordination across pretty much everything the whole group does. Whilst we’ve got a fairly strong staff membership right now, I’m looking to set up a cabinet to make decisions that I can dutifully ignore. Also, I want Red Rum to get far more involved with other groups in this game- particularly those who take our friendly greetings too seriously.
(I've also got vague aims on Nexus War, but they're not ready yet)
MH&S: While Red Rum is quite excellent at killing harmanz, why don't they feast on their flesh and eat their bra!nz?
KV: We’re not zombies! Whilst we share the general aim of crushing survivors into a bloody paste, Red Rum differ from zombies in that we do this not for our own immediate good. Nay, we bottle the remains and sell it on as a variety of products- our sundried tomato paste business has really picked up lately.
MH&S: A train leaves Dubuque, Iowa at 7:00 am Central Daylight Time heading due west at 37 miles per hour. Another train departs Walla Walla, Washington (1800 miles away) at 8:40 am Pacific Standard Time heading due east at 58 kilometers per hour. Which train's passengers are most likely to die? Solve for x.
KV: Somewhat perplexed by this question, I leaned upon the Flat Earth Society (I’m increasingly relying upon their counsel these days) who assured me that train A would likely be full of fish skeletons, and cautioned me from speaking further without a lawyer present.
MH&S: What do you say to players who claim that PKers are essentially leaches who take advantage of the security and reliable supplies that their targets provide?
KV: I’d fully agree, and would like to encourage survivors trying to stop us to ransack their own Malls.
MH&S: The most recent game change impacted the ability of PKers to enter a mall carrying 25 loaded shotguns (like at Bale Mall), however it also impacted the trenchcoaters who serve absolutely no purpose in the game. So, on a whole, do you think it was a good change or a bad change?
KV: On a more serious note, this latest update was a serious change to the way player killers operate. The difference to us can be seen quite clearly at our two latest massacres- at St Valentines we killed 130, whereas more recently we only killed 60 on the Ides of March. Being able to carry less also promotes far more Mall-centric play for us; we can’t operate nearly as efficiently on the outskirts anymore, and have to return to the heavily Bounty Hunter trafficked zones far more often.
To compensate, we’ve actually set up an entire new department, largely based around analysing particular parts of Malton for Bounty Hunter/ hostile group traffic.
Having said all this, it doesn’t actually affect me personally that much- I tend to get my kicks from shooting people with flareguns, and you can still carry 25 of them!
MH&S: You recently put together the Malton Murder Awards. How does it feel to shamelessly copy me?
KV: It feels wonderful! The award ceremony in particular went rather well- I’d like to point out that only one of our guests was eaten, the red carpet was immaculate and that Ackland were a wonderful audience. Contrast this to the Brainies- after all, how charismatic can a dead body be?
MH&S: Who would win in a drinking match- Scotland or Ireland?
KV: Whilst I’m a Guinness man myself, I have to go with my roots, Scotland- not to mention the wonderful Iron Stomach competitions…
MH&S: Final question... the RRF: great group or greatest group?
KV: Heh, we had vague plans to let off the humans for a bit and strike Ridleybank with combat revives for kicks, but we just can’t resist the survivors’ consistent whining.
MH&S: Marking greatest.
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