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Nichols Falls
The siege finally breaks
Nichols is ruined. Zombies have finally won a huge victory in the Crusade, or as the harmanz have dubbed it, The Battle of the Kilt. Many valiant deeds on the field of combat were performed on both sides of the over-month long battle. Combatants got to know the names of their enemies as they clashed repeatedly in one of the biggest sieges in recent history. Yet harmanz were still heard to gripe over the outcome about issues such as 'failure' and 'reinforcements'. In a speech made to the troops of the RRF, Lord Moloch, Papa of the RRF praised the efforts of the combined zambah forces at the siege, and spoke to these baseless criticisms.
"Every zombie and death cultist involved in the siege played a major part in its dramatic conclusion. The fall of Nichols was a victory for all of our kind, just as holding on for as long as they did was a victory for all the survivors involved. The difference is that there are certain survivors who take eventual defeat very badly and so they seek out the first available excuse. It's to be noted that these survivors are very rarely leading members of significant groups, but instead usually either unaffiliated or mouth-pieces from no-mark groups of no significance.
There is a fact that they, the true 'trenchcoaters', overlook: It took barely seventy zombies to annihilate Nichols Mall when we took it effortlessly at the start of the siege. It was when the local survivor groups called for massive assistance, and were answered by huge numbers of survivors who were bored in their own territories due to the lack of zombies, that they managed to retake and fortify it beyond our taking at that time. At that stage we did not even have half of the RRF present, so we did not have the muscle on hand to nip it in the bud at the early stages.
So, they call for allies to round their numbers up to almost 700 total in the greater Nichols area and it's good practice. We call for allies to take our numbers up to roughly 350 and it's a failing? Bullshit. We took, held and retook the NTs of this area over and over. Now you see the result: The mall has collapsed entirely and absolutely, because we have starved them of syringes and forced them to flee the area for their revives. This was your work and you all did it well. You, soldiers of the RRF, did not fail. You were victorious and you now reap the spoils of victory alongside our friends and allies.
Let's be clear about this. Had we taken this mall (again) before LUE returned then we would have given great credit to our allies too, because the likes of the M!n!anz, Undeadites, Feral Undead, Eastonwood Ferals and even, in cameo, the MOB have aided in the Crusade project. Now we credit all of the above as well as LUE and ourselves for a fantastic team effort. We will not scrabble for glory like vultures, each fighting for the greatest acclaim and nor will our allies. We were in it together and we did it together.
For those who don't know, that is something that we call Barhah."
Many combatants on both sides of the barricades have taken the spirit of this contest for what it truly was - fun for all involved. While some few harmanz bemoan their fate, most are proud of the fight they put up here, and there is a bounty of mutual respect created during this battle. We have each faced worthy foes, and though zambahz are triumphant, there is no gloating. This was a hard-fought siege, and no one should walk away ashamed of the efforts they've put in during their time at Nichols.
Battle of Barhapolis
a retrospective of the conflict
On May 8th Papa Moloch, leader of the Ridleybank Resistance Front, declared a solemn crusade. Whilst on Excursion III, harmanz had occupied the Homeland and promptly commenced to much mockery and bragging on the Urban Dead wiki. With Excursion III concluded, Moloch decided that it was time to retake the Zombie Homeland. That same night, Nichols Mall in Stansbury Village was rapidly attacked, ruined and sacked within 48 hours.
However, as fate would have it, Nichols would not go down that easily. The proud workers of the Kilt Store, only found tucked around in the Mall's Southwest corner, rallied their fellow harmanz to restore and retake the mall for the harmanz.
Five weeks later, the mall still stood in harman hands. However, it was not easy. The combined forces of the RRF have continued to lay a prolonged siege on the area. Breakins occurred regularly, with the harmanz rallying in time to prevent a beachhead from forming. Steadily the numbers grew on each side. Safehouses neighboring the Mall were rapidly cleared and the zombies enjoyed many bra!nz, but yet the Mall still stood. However, the siege has proven a success for the Front. With resources and defenders flooding the Mall, the harmanz let their guard down in the Homeland. While this reporter was unfortunately detained for two weeks, the notorious Blackmore NT building in Ridleybank was reclaimed. Ever since then feral zombies and others have made steady advances in Ridleybank. Harmanz did not recover Blackmore, and die hard defenders of the Blackmore Bastard Brigade were found in abundance holding the lines at the Mall.
But has Nichol's become another Giddings? Obviously game updates have swung the tide in favor of each side. At the time of this writing, there were nearly 500 harmanz in the mall actively holding the line, and more then 200 zombies giving them trouble.
I had the privilege of speaking with Kilt Store Employee Zimon, amongst other harmanz defending the mall. Zimon is so kind as to consent to me printing some of his comments.
<Zimon|> well, i'm enjoying the siege even more then i enjoyed all of Pitneybank
<Zimon|> so in that respect, it's been a collossal win regardless of the outcome
<Zimon|> that said, I really have not been amused with making long journeys for syringes
<Zimon|> but that's all part of the fun
Zimon's remarks on the trek for syringes tells the untold story, not readily seen from the walls of the Mall. RRF, and other zombie groups, have steadily sacked nearby Necrotech Facilities. However, the mall remaining in live hands tells of an equally well played game from the harmanz, and it appears that this siege was in a stalemate, with neither side having a solid advantage on the other.
That all changed on Friday the 13th (June). LUE forces had moved into the area, and despite some foolery amongst harman defenders, a surprise attack was luanched. LUE and Gore Corps death cultists fought side by side in a rapid attack on the NW corner of the Mall. Even though there were many panicky radio reports asking for help on the part of the defenders, apparently they were largely ignored and discounted. With the gunfire dying down and the Death Cultists leaving, the zombies quickly broke through. Despite a valiant attempt from a few active defenders to close this gap, swarms of zombies quickly came in. Rapidly devouring and enjoying the bloodshed, the zombies cleared the corners one by one moving clockwise. In 11 bloody hours, the mall was cleared and every corner ruined.
News In Passing
Radio Spam On the Rise
'Now at 1137% and continuing upwards'
Those who tune in to the airwaves for real information are sadly lacking in satisfaction these days. There have been many pirate radio broadcasters out there who enjoy nothing more than a full day's work of playing Rick Astley and reciting poetry, thus depriving the radio of much of its effectiveness as a tool for survival. The airwaves are filled with crap.
That being said, lots of it is enjoyable crap. Many radio pirates have a sense of humour, and broadcast things which are comedically entertaining. PKer groups are notorious for giving their handiwork a mass distribution over the airwaves. And as zambahz, the radio if possessed at all is merely a source of entertainment. Who among us does not enjoy the panic, frustration, screaming and arguing of our foodz? Zambahz in general support the spamination of radio, both on a tactical front and for pure enjoyment.
Better Know...
A section doubly-blessed this edition with an enemy's profile, and a special interview with allies the Feral Undead.
Better Know An Enemy: Bucky Tesla
A Man of Determination
Those of you who have been active throughout Malton in the past few months have probably noticed a new face in town. That face is attached to the body of the man who is oft-times known as Bucky Tesla. This pretty clean, determined gentleman has been spotted in Malton's highest profile areas, from the northeast corner of Nichols Mall in Stanbury Village to such exotic locales as the southeast corner of Nichols Mall in Stanbury Village.
This reporter was recently allowed to inhabit the same block as the enigmatic Bucky Tesla, and Bucky Tesla, who was surprisingly well-groomed for a Maltonian, was gentleman enough to provide a few insights into his pretty clean and determined life. As he fixed his unwavering, penetrating eyes on mine, I couldn't help but notice the resolute set of his jaw, the staunch set of his shoulders... almost an aura of determinedness about him. A smouldering cigarette butt jutted authoritatively from his stubble shrouded mouth.
Editor's note: Continued in next column
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So how did this man, so determined and fairly unsoiled, rocket from relative obscurity to such lofty heights of fame and power in a mere two months? Bucky Tesla merely fixed me with a stare of cold and calculating concentration, and attributed it to his boundless "determination" and "pretty clean" lifestyle. From the steely set of his face, which seemed to have - almost a look of determination, it was clear that he spoke with authority, from experience.
Exactly what sort of experience, though, could make such a pretty clean gentleman so determined seeming? When queried on this point, Bucky Tesla simply, but with a grim countenance of implacable determination, executed a nearby swaying zombie. His only comment: "Thanks for the XP, bitches..."
Thanks for the XP bitches, indeed.
Better Know an Ally: Feral Undead
You've broken into a building, you're eating your meal, and suddenly some random zombie joins you and suddenly you have a dinner date. Are you just that smooth? Of course not, you're just in the same neighborhood as one of Malton's largest and most widespread hordes, and the topic of our next installment of our ongoing series: Better Know an Ally.
Feral Undead: The Fightin' Feral! Established in Malton in 2006, Feral Undead have taken part in almost every major battle and tour in Malton since then. They were at Blackmore I. They were at the first fall of Caiger Mall. They were part of Mall Tour '07, the Second Big Bash and even helped Excursion III in Scarletwood. And all of this is in addition to maintaining their home at Fort Feral. So who has the time to lead such an involved group? Bullgod, that's who! We recently had a moment to sit down and speak with Mr. Dog. Here's what he had to say.
MH&S: Now, as I understand it half of you has been grafted with some other zombie to form the Mayor of Malton. How have you managed to run a horde and city-wide municipal services?
BG: Ah well tis not all that hard, my horde doesn't listen to me so it leaves me a lot of time to handle minimal services for the city. I breed rats for the basic sanitation needs, and as far as power, well I was always against electricity in the home. I imagine I could get more done in that respect if people actually payed taxes.
MH&S: So as a pro-zombie mayor, do you feel it's best to keep somewhat of a "hands-off" policy? Provide the harmanz with minimal public amenities so that they're more likely to just hurry up and die?
BG: Oh not at all, humans are a valuable resource and it would be silly to waste them. Practice the three 'R's, recycle body parts, reduce strongholds to rubble, and re-kill them after they have been revived.
MH&S: Feral Undead seems to operate differently from the other large hordes of Malton. Instead of ordering all of your zombies into one area, you're really spread out throughout the entire city. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this MO?
BG: It has no real advantage, but we all just like to do our own thing. Someone tells us about something that might be fun and some go to it, others chose to do whatever the hell they want. It's a very relaxed chain of command, being that there isn't one.
MH&S: So you're pretty much providing the middle ground between the uber-coordinated groups and the lone feral wandering around on its own.
BG: Thats right Jim, we love our feral lifestyle, but deep down, don't we all want to belong? We offer the roving feral with a family, a pack if you will. They can chose to band with other members to hunt as a group or forage on their own.
MH&S: As I understand it, FU has managed to build itself a home of its own. What would you say is your style of home decor?
BG: Oh Fort Feral? Yes its nice, the cool tunnels keep us out of the sun and humans will actually come to YOU if you stay there long enough. But the humans always mess it up when there's an infestation of them, cleaning the blood off the walls, pulling up the scalp carpeting. Someone even cleaned out my pile of children's bones last time, it took me weeks to eat that many orphans! They're getting quite rare now of days, you know.
MH&S: At least they provide you with the body parts to redecorate after you kick them out.
BG: True, but it would be nice if they showered before we skin them.
MH&S: Well, that's just nasty. Does FU have a theme song? If so, what is it?
BG: Haha, actually we DO have a theme song! Every so often we vote on a new one, I believe we're on our fourth now, it's "I am the Bullgod" by Kid Rock. I wonder who suggested that...
MH&S: Hmm... was it Tendon? Oh wait, I bet it was Petite Fille.
BG: *whistles and looks away*
MH&S: You're often part of the biggest battles in Malton. You're constantly taking over Fort Perryn. Much of FU took part in Mall Tour '07. A lot of you joined up with the Second Big Bash. However, you're not so much the glory boys of these huge events. Do you think you need a better PR campaign to start heaping tons of credit upon everything you do?
BG: We don't want all the credit, we just like to show up and participate, as long as we can kill we have our own glory. It's usually less deserved anyway, with the exception of taking the fort we usually don't coordinate at all, we just bash randomly or follow another more organized horde in. We are feral at heart.
MH&S: Well, I know the new editor of the paper, so just drop me a line the next time you take Fort Feral, and I'll make sure that the RRF takes credit for it instead of you guys... did I say that last part out loud?
BG: I'm sorry, did you say what Ken?
MH&S: I didn't say anything. Now, with the exception of the RRF, FU is known for attracting perhaps the finest undead ladies of Malton. Is this due to your personal animal magnetism?
BG: With exception? No sir we have the finest ladies in all of Malton! They come for the brains but stay for the relaxed and comfortable atmosphere. The Feral Undead have always been quick to defend not only its own females but any female in the city. Quickest way to provoke our wrath is to call some nice lady a hurtful name.
MH&S: I'll certainly echo that last part -- very chivalrous. But you clearly haven't seen the "Women of the RRF" calendar. Some of them even pose without many of their body parts on.... But it's still very tasteful.
BG: That sounds nice but also like it's a lot of work, and we are by nature lazy as all hell. I have, however, on three different occasions seen some of our female members... wrestle each other... clothes were ripped... and in a few cases bites were exchanged... hmm........ I'm sorry, what were we talking about?
MH&S: Mrh? Uh... I forget... I somehow... I got distracted. Uh... moving on, the standard cliches of the trenchcoater have fallen by the wayside as the harmanz started to realize that they were being made fun of for wearing trenchcoats and carrying useless automatic weapons and katanas. What signs do you look for to signify the more subtle, modern-day trenchcoater?
BG: Ah, yes, trenchies have abandoned the cliches but they still exist in many forms. From the guy in all camo with an assault rifle that isn't in the game strapped to his back to the man with the "haunting stare" or even the poor fellow with the misspelled name and description, they are everywhere, but congregate at the forts a lot.
MH&S: My personal favorite of the new symbols of trenchdom is Emo Poetry. Something about it just makes me really, really want to eat them.
BG: Haha, that is amusing, but personally i find that Emos leave an unpleasant aftertaste.
MH&S: Final question. The RRF: Great horde or greatest horde?
BG: Yeah they're ok, better than most. I will admit they throw a hell of a party!
MH&S: So... I can mark you down as saying "greatest"?
BG: I put little stock in titles.
MH&S: Okay, since you don't care, I'll just mark you down as another "greatest."
Eye Candy
(mmmm, eyes... a tasty garnish)
Creedy Anthem
Note: intended to be sung in the style of Cab Calloway
I went down to Fort Creedy Infirmary
To bash some barricades there
Gonna grab me two little DNA bandits
And drag them out by their hair!
All of us Ridleys are laughing:
You silly Harmans never see
Packing all your brahnz into huge concrete walls
Just makes it easier for zambahz like me >:)
First, we'll come knocking on your front gate,
Break in and eat every single brahn:
You might Headshot us and dump us outside,
We shall merely Rise and come back in!
We'll Groan and we'll Ruin your gatehouse
Hungry ferals will shamble around
There'll be so many zambahz that you can't evict us
And your Fort will come tumbling down :D
Creedys, my advice would be:
Run off to McCloud's Bar and drink up their boooooze!
but no... you'll be lunch for me:
and have those Fort Creedy Infirmary Blues
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