The Penguin Mafia/archive

Stuff?

2007

January - July

• "Tervez, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so Meh, but what if the zombies don't want to juggle Leprechauns?"

"No Tervez, I have just figured out a way to teleport the whole lot of us back to the Kingdom. I will require the following items: 500 rolls of silver reflective duck tape, 144 of Colonel Custards ceramic mustard cups, a subatomic pedometer, and a turkey blaster."

"Umm... there's a big pile of dung under that tree."

"Dung! Of course! With dung I can make a... a huge... dung... monorail?"

"No, we'll make DUNGAREES!"

"Oh yes. Then we'll fly on our magic pants to the planet Slacks. No we have to build a monorail. Because there's nothing on earth like a genuine, bona fide, electrified, six-car Monorail!" -- 10:57, 10 July 2007 (BST)

   The Night Before NS13
   
   Twas the night before NS13, and all through the house
   Every creature was stirring, even a mouse!
   The *smurfs* were hung by the chimney with care
   In hopes that Her Naughtiness soon would be there.
   The adventurers were nestled all snug in their camps
   While visions of the king danced in their lamps.
   And Jick in his Kerchief, and Skully in his hat,
   had just settled down for a long winters nap.
   
   While out on the tower, there arose such a clatter,
   I sprang from my tent to see what was the matter.
   Away to the maze I flew like a flash,
   Tore open the gate,
   threw up the cow.
   The moon on the breast of the newly made tower,
   gave the lustre of rollover to the objects below.
   But a miniature sleigh,
   with eight tiny dev-sters with a little old driver,
   lively like Riff,
   I knew in a moment it must be St.Jick!
   
   More rapid the bashy his coursers they came,
   and he whistled, he shouted, he called them by name.
   Now, Boozerbear!
   Now Riff!
   Now Xylinia and Skully!
   On Basy!
   On Multi Czar!
   On Kaewen and Lord Mackeral!
   To the top of the knob, to the top of the raffle house!
   Now dash away dash away dash away all!
   
   As dry leaves that before the wild ascension do fly,
   when they meet with an obstacle mount to the sky!
   So up to the tower-top his coursers they flew,
   with a sleigh loaded with toys and the sorceress too!
   And then in a twinkling I heard of the roof,
   the prancing and pawing of each little stunt.
   As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
   down the chimney came the villain, with a bound.
   
   She was dressed all in leather, from her head to her foot,
   and her clothes were all tarnished with blood and soot.
   A bundle of toys she had flung on her back,
   she looked like a peddlar just opening her sack!
   Her stats, how they twinkled! Her eyes, so merry!
   Her cheecks were like ashes, her dimples so merry!
   Her droll little hands were drawn up in a bow,
   and the hair of her head was black unlike the snow!
   The stump of a paisley thing she held tight in her teeth,
   and the thing it encircled her hand like a wreath!
   
   She had a broad face and a round little belly, it shook when she snarled,
   like a wad of royal jelly!
   She was chubby and plump, a right hidious old skank,
   I laughed when I saw her, in spite of myself.
   A sneer of her mouth, a twist of the head, lead me to know I soon would be dead.
   She spoke not a word, but went right to her work,
   she destroyed everything, just like a jerk!
   And laying her finger aside on her nose, and giving a nod,
   through the roof she rose!
   She sprang to her sleigh, to her team gave a whistle,
   and away they flew like the down on a thistle!
   But I heard her exlaim, as she flew out of sight:
   Merry NS13 to all, and to all a good fight!"
   
                                              -- Timarvay 8:00-ish, 24 June 2007 (BST)

• Ragnurok has joined the Family. The Family... Of Blood! No, I'm just kidding. They haven't accepted new members since they were defeated by a schoolteacher in 1913 because they believed (rightly) that he was a nine hundred year old alien who flew through time and relative dimensions in space in a phone booth fighting space crime, who disguised himself as a human to avoid having to not kill them but eventually doing so. Or not doing so. Quite possibly. Afraid so. I'm sorry that sentence got away from me there. But enought about there, Ragnurok here, can boil an egg at thirty paces with a single thought. But he can also kill you with a tray! Give him the penne a la arrabiata or you, and everyone in this canteen shall die! Death by tray it shall be! So don't think. Don't even think. Think and you're dead. He is fast. Faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and dont think. So, good luck, what's all this then, and we are not amused. -- 12:12, 17 June 2007 (BST)
• NinjaPenguin has silently joined the Family. The best part is, if he dies, he becomes a Zombie NinjaPenguin Robot. I guess they had the technology and the capability to do that sort of thing. You know, better, stronger, faster. I think. That or he got run over by some kind of robotronic werewolf or something. Hey, at least he didn't end up like Peter Griffin ok? Look, he disappeared into the shadows before stealthily pillaging your other familiars' brains to power its fuel cells. No, not really. Well, just the first one. And maybe part of the second one. -- 11:17, 17 June 2007 (BST)
• 10 >: 'Data' Go.

20 >: Goad At A 'At Dog'

30 >: Ad 'Goat'

40 >: Ad 'Toga'

50 >: Execute

60 >: DaAtog

70 >: Why, this watch is exactly one month slow.

80 >: System FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem FailureSystem Failure -- 4:16, 22 September 2004 (BST)

• Attention all Penguins. As you may or may not have noticed, I have changed the joining procedures. To streamline the system, I have eliminated all contact options (for joining) except for the e-mail. Everyone has e-mail these days so this probably won't stop anyone from joining. Second, you might have also noticed that your 'Mr. / Little Ms.' title is missing. This is a shameless ploy to try to get people to find some references. This is not to be confused with a shameless ply, or a shameless play, or even a shameless pie. See Handbook for details. -- Meh 64 12 21:59, 18 May 2007 (BST)
• And here's to you, Snufalufagus. You've never met a penguin you didn't like. We'd like to know a little bit about your for our files. We'd like to help you learn to help yourself. Look around you all you see are sympathetic eyes. Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home. Because everyone cares and nobody cries, and everyone loves and nobody lies, and everyone shares and swallowes their pride. Because we're in the days, when nobody dies. --20:35, 20 April 2007 (BST)
• Wow, that was weird. Wait, what's this? A Temporal Rift seems to be opening! It appears to lead to a time where no one got the joke that I spent an two hours working on. You know, in case anyone wants to relive that. --08:07, 2 April 2007 (BST)
• Theshowstopper has joined the family. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France. Sorry, I seem to have something stuck in my throat. The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister, and I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I like-a do da cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news PVGL JBEXREF UNIR ERCBEGRQ SNIBENOYL GAFLAGAMEMA GAGWGKMOOMOOYAHSTEYEMBA SAMBEBALHTELAMBA FELLETHALLHSEAMBA. FELSHLALLA ZHGRAHHGRAH SEMELAHQALAMBA CHEHNGCHHSONHTGCHONHG. HSTEAHAETYYSHRDOODOODOOBLEHEM DOO DOO KAA KAA POO POO. EFHWEGRERAGAJYTD PEE PEE HMMMPHH GRAHH. My apologies. --05:09, 31 March 2007 (BST)
• We welcome the man with over three brazillion nicknames, Acidic Biscuit, into our Family. His nicknames include, Lemon dough, Lemon Cookie, 'the baked good wtih a pH of less than 7', 'the artist formerly known as the baked good wtih a pH of less than 7', pun-target, Burnt Pies ,'Acidic Bisgit', 'slightly edgy/dodgy baked product', rjinswand, Gimpy McCrutch, Barbar, Captain Bunny Killer, Skeletor, Freckles, Jackface, Turnip-head, and- wait no, no. Umm, basicaly, think James Ford, but backwards. Apparently that makes him Dorf Semaj. The more you know!-- 06:33, 11 March 2007 (UTC)
• Countdown for blast off. X-Minus-five,-four,-three,-two,-one, X minus-Zero Inn just a moment, X-Minus-Zero, but first: Do you want to know how to make a kickass group? It is very simple friend, all you have to do is follow these three simple steps: 1) Place a Kikass Penguin brand Penguin in your left hand. 2) Place a Kikass Penguin brand Marlon Brando in the other. 3) Put your hands together. See, friend, it's just that simple. Try Kikass Penguins, the cleaner, smoother penguins, at your local corner store today! Remember, the life you save, may be your own! -- 05:43, 11 March 1927 (UTC)
• Today was the The First Ever Welcome Message Edit! -- 08:47, 3 March 2007 (UTC)
• We welcome our new member, Chookster. I remember one time those old zombies were hopping arround, Malton city like a big playground. When suddenly Chookster burst from the shade, and hit Godzilla with a bat grenade. He started beating up Shaquille O'Neal, then they both got flattened by the Batmobile. Then Gandalf the Grey, and Gandalf the White, and "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"'s Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and The Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis, and John B. Zucchini, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk, and Darth Vader, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, The Rock, Doc Ock, and Hulk Hogan. All came out of no where lightning fast, and they kicked Chuck Norris and his cowboy ass. It was the bloodiest battle the world ever saw with civilians looking on total awe.
  It was really cool. You should have seen it. -- 02:19, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

Contact Sorry but I felt like this was the best way to contact ye,I tried the mails but I got no response,Email MaltonMob@hotmail.com

• You may have seen a slacker around by the name of Nate Rothwell. Since his first appearance in Malton, he's sported a worn KoL "Zmobie Wants You!" t-shirt and copious moxie. If you cross paths, I'm sure he'd be willing to help out in any temporary endeavour, though I think he is a bit too lazy for the longer-term, AIM-organized work. Word to the Penguins. Snowcone 05:33, 15 February 2007 (UTC)
• Have you seen our new member Dabnorfish up and down Park Avenue? He looks like super duper, holding a meat paste Penguin effigy and sporting a jaunty d3f0r4, a daycoat, pants with stripes, and cutaway coat (perfect fit). Last night he dressed in tails and pretended he was on the town. It's hard to slow him down when he's playing solitare while watching Captain Kangaroo.He's also wearing white spats. But watch out, if you wear them too much people will laugh and call you the fat-cat-in-spats. Then you'll end up being eaten by a red giant alien spider thing.--23:54, 17 January 2007 (UTC)
• I would also like to point out that our References section is still pretty empty. The reason I'm bringing this up is that as long as no one knows, then nobody can care. See! There! There's a reference right there! Someone catch it before it runs to penumbra of sun! If you need inspiration just listen to the music of the traffic in the city. Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty. How can you lose? Uncle Sam want is you! (To add some references today!) --09:32, 6 January 2007 (UTC)
• If you could read my mind, love / then you would know that Rowanne Stidolph is our newest member. / But please don't call her Marcia / or she'll bust your freaking head / Her coasters are not on her speed dial so please don't ask / At least she's not crazy / she don't sleep with chimpanzees / she don't bleach her skin / or dangle babies from balconies / But misbehave and she'll bust your head / Gee, Wally, was it something they said? / She don't know karate but she do know crazy / She'll beat you so bad, your future will be hazy /
  All right, that's seriously the end. People in the back, beat it. We know you left your popcorn. That's fine. Someone will get it. And quit pretending like you're reading the credits. They're so small, and we're pushing them by so fast. We don't even know who these people are. Stay tuned after the show for our scentilating four hour report on Lindsay Lohan Having her Appendix Removed. And if you / want to leave / I can guarantee / You won't find no stories else like these. --09:32, 6 January 2007 (UTC)

2006

• For some reason a flock of chickens has joined the group. Hopefully, we can use their swarming powers against our enemies. However, don't keep slashing at them with a sword. That'll just piss them off. Hold on, what's this? A flock of chickens seem to be storming our radio station! They're breaking in! They're... trying to take... the microphone... out of my hands! But they'll never... AHHHH!! Bawk bawk ba-bawk bawk! (A flock of chickens gives you a nice egg salad sandwich.) --02:19, 27 December 2006 (UTC)
• Meanwhile, Dirk Rapier has joined the Penguin Mafia. The reason? To force the Don into implementing his cunning plan:

1) Kill zombies (or zmobies, either one)

2) ????

3) Profit!

--00:45, 10 December 2006 (UTC)

• Our new member is SlightlyEvil.He is Mister Evil. Captain of Evil, Sultan of Evil. Maven of Evil? Aficionado of Evil. Folks, SlightlyEvil is out there committing evil. Evil evil evil evil evilevilevilevilevilevil. Isn't it weird how "clever" doesn't even look like a word anymore? --18:45, 8 December 2006 (UTC)
• We are happy to announce OverNineThousand members!! Wait, what? That's just the guy's name? Oh, that's nice too. --02:48, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
• We welcome Sturmfeder and his double yellow battle axing, winemaking, storm feathering, bench carving, singalong songing, watertower escaping, Freakazoid!ing, Steven Spielb- what was I talking about? FIRE!!! --02:48, 3 December 2006 (UTC)
• The Ace. Ace of spades... Cards... Hallmark... Hallway... Corridor... Door... Window... Computer... Virus... Sickness... The Sickness... Smoke Monster... Smoke... Fire... Fire? FIRE!!! --16:49, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
• The Penguin Mafia would like to welcome our new member Tharvi... Thario... Tharvo... Tariv... this guy. --16:49, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
• YourDad has joined the Family.

"My Dad?"

No, YourDad.

"Who?"

YourDad!

"I don't give a darn!"

Oh, he's our shortstop.

-- 00:23, 9 September 2006 (BST)

• OHSNAP!!!!! I don't know who this is, but they joined our group! And then, you see the words "4-Hit Combo!" appear in yellow letters above your computer's head. -- 03:57, 4 September 2006 (BST)
• Father Estaban has joined our gr- wait. By 'Father' do you mean like 'Father Christmas', or Rachel, *Exhale* I am your father.' or, the boring kind of father? Either way, welcome. -- 03:57, 4 September 2006 (BST)
• Oh em Gee! A noob! Kaptin ha5 joyned r groop. hE iz a one-three-three-five HaXx0r. Oh underscore underscore Oh! Double-u Oh Eff El! Double-u Tee eff does double-u zero eff el em-three-four-en? -- 03:57, 4 September 2006 (BST)
• Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Timarvay has joined our group. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Clever. Isn't it weird how "box" doesn't even look like a word anymore? -- 03:57, 4 September 2006 (BST)
• Funnykitty2 has joined our group? Awww, they told me it was funnyman2! Anyway, is cat now. In other news, floor is full of snakes, you fall, they kill you! Relax, relax. SNAKES! *%$&#@#%* SNAKES ON THE *%$#*#@* FLOOR! -- 03:33, 9 August 2006 (BST)
• David Delling is 5'8 with brown hair. David Delling was part of the 75th Rangers. David Delling is the reason why Waldo is hiding. David Delling counted to infinity - twice. David Delling can slam a revolving door. David Delling can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. David Delling is the newest member of the Penguin Mafia. -- 03:18, 5 August 2006 (BST)
• Graaah! A zahmbah man, Bananagangbanger, az an arh gang! -- 19:53, 1 August 2006 (BST)
• <Insert clever welcome here> Rinasta </welcome> -- 18:56, 25 July 2006 (BST)
• The Penguin Mafia Broadcasting Station is on the air! Tune in to 26.52 MHz today! -- 00:43, 19 July 2006 (BST)
• Yet another powerful survivor from the old world has joined the Family. We welcome Skiam1 into our fold. Soon, we will have enough infuence to harvest the zombies' pineal glands and flood the market with... umm... Hey look! A duck! -- 04:29, 7 July 2006 (BST)
• It's plaster! It's a duck! It's... plasterduck! Accept no imitations, capice? (k-mail: #229279) -- 07:28, 28 June 2006 (BST)
• 03:45, 25 June 2006 (BST)
• My 'business associates' have 'convinced' Thunderboy to 'join' our 'organization'.
  : ) Welcome!!!!11!!!11 : ) (k-mail: #514634) -- 23:28, 24 June 2006 (BST)
• MORE MEMBERS! DON BOT WANT MORE MEMBERS! Darth Xander has joined the Family. Peace. (k-mail: #682303) -- 07:40, 22 June 2006 (BST)
• The boys have come up with some new history for the Stapellton Arms. -- 00:56, 22 June 2006 (BST)
• Finally! Someone who knows what I'm talking about! Uhh... excuse me. Argon Tarsier has joined the Family! Yayyyy. He seemes to be from the old world... (k-mail: #26256) -- 03:48, 4 June 2006 (BST)
• Local authorities have just recieved word that Yo excuse me miss has joined the Penguin Mafia. -- 05:39, 15 May 2006 (BST)
• We welcome Kyle Duttlinger into the Family. May the spirit of Don Pygoscelis smile upon our newest member. -- 02:27, 6 May 2006 (BST)
• We welcome Murtia into the Family. May the spirit of Don Pygoscelis smile upon our new member. -- 09:02, 29 April 2006 (BST)
• We have set up base in the Stapellton Arms in East Boundwood [41, 7] (unless someone forces us out). -- 07:26, 17 April 2006 (BST)
  And there aint nobody who can make us leave! -- 23:34, 21 June 2006 (BST)
• The Family opened to non penguins! -- 07:26, 17 April 2006 (BST)

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