The Stapellton Arms
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The Stapellton Arms VSB, dark. AndyMatthews (talk) 11:30, 17 October 2024 (UTC)
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| the Stapellton Arms
East Boundwood [41,7]
Basic Info:
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The Stapellton Arms is located in the south-western part of East Boundwood.
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This building is the Legitimate Antarctic Flightless Avian Businessman's Social Club, maintained by The Penguin Mafia.
Typically, this building is maintained at VS+2 barricades, although this can be temporarily changed at the discretion of the proprietors, particularly in the event of break-ins.
History
Sadly, most of the history of this building has been lost. But, never fear, because a thousand penguins on a thousand type writers are working around the clock to fabricate a shiny new one. Damn flippers.
So far, this is what they have come up with:
Sometime between 1000 - 1099: The famous Seal Clubber explorer from the old country, Sony Ericson, is allegedly the first person who allegedly alleged to have allegedly landed on the northern shores of Malton.
Early 1900: The Stapellton Arms are built by a Mr. Steven S. Stapellton, proving to his wife that he could build a bar if he really wanted to.
July 1900: Mr. Stapellton dies of a rare condition called "almost 100." His son, Steven Jr. , takes over the business. The next day (in a drunken stupor) he had a fling with a nurse he met at the Anastasius General Hospital right after he got into a fight with a big tall guy who bumped into him, and didn't even apologize. When he tried to find the tall guy the following day he was told that "He shouldn't be here."
April 9 1901: While leaving for work, Steven Jr. finds a basket on his porch. In the basket was a baby boy and a piece of paper he assumed was the babies name tag which read 'You Jerk!'
1909: You J. Stapellton learns to read while still in diapers.
April 1912: Steven Jr. decides to go on a cruise after winning a ticket in a card game. While exploring the boat he finds a cursed mummy, a car mysteriously filled with steam, a painting of some naked chick, and a weird blue phone booth thing. Later, he got into a fight with the steering wheel and caused the ship to crash into a giant tripod rising out of the water. He survived by using some famous Scientologist guy pretending to be a parody of a secret agent as a meat shield. He then woke up and vowed to not watch so many movies.
January 20-21, 1941: Steven Jr. hears reports of Gas Mask Zombies while stationed in London.
1999: You J. Stapellton takes over the business after his fathers untimely death at the hands of a pretzel while watching a football game.
July 3rd 2005 (Outbreak day): Steven Jr. takes back ownership of the Stapellton Arms. After finding out that a mound of dust could not own property, Steven Jr. promptly blew away.
October 26 2005: You J. Stapellton stocks up on beer, wine, mobile phones, newspapers and shotguns to defend his property against the growing zombie threat.
October 27 2005: You J. Stapellton dies from blunt force trauma caused by a penguin's knee-capping stick to the head. They're more versatile than the name implies.
April 17 2006: The Penguin Mafia claims the Stapellton Arms as a home base, capisce?
June 17 2007: Strange weather developed over The Stapellton Arms. Also, there have been reports of an identical storm cloud above areas of The Old Country, which suggests that something more sinister may be afoot...
June 24 2007: Some lady appeared at The Stapellton Arms, and demanded it's inhabitants hand over "the core" for reasons unknown.
July 2007: The Penguin Mafia expands it's territory and claims all surrounding property.
December 2007: 
December 14th, 2007 RUINED! mhg?g.mgm.aahgmghnhbh!hamhaahgmng?h-aamahbh!hhmnhnh!m! --Talunex 17:29, 14 December 2007 (UTC)
December 26th, 2008 Penguins required take down the Crimbomination back in Crimbo town
