The Penguin Mafia

"Cool" does not redirect here. But it should

The Penguin Mafia
Abbreviation: PM Group Numbers: Growing Leadership: Don Pygoscelis Goals: To become a 'respected' group in this fair city. Recruitment policy: See Recruitment section. Contact: E-mail TheUrbanDeadPenguinMafia (at) gmail (dot) com

News

• We welcome wateringcan2 into the Family. And... uhhh... huh. Look, do you know how hard it is to weave the words "watering can" into a clever pop culture reference? Uhhh... PBS LOL Ducks on a Plane Captain Duck Rogers Blair Unicorn Neil Patrick Costello Witch Brain Mister Brazil South Zelda Anchorman Park Doctor Lost Who Pinky Horrible Bionic Hammer Snakes Zombie Zohan Sandler stupid. -- 03:45, 4 August 2008 (BST)
• Good morning, Penguins. The Handbook has been updated. More information to follow. This message will self destruct in 3... 2... *Static* -- 21:39, 28 July 2008 (BST)
• Well, April Fools Week '08 has come and gone. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programing. --10:15, 5 April 2008 (BST)
• Jason Tale. Jason is like Hercules friend, so that's cool. And, Tale is a misspelled ass and thats also kinda cool, so yeah! --05:29, 21 January 2008 (UTC)
• My fellow Penguins, I have heard ominous rumors about a dark secret. I'm talking about our new member Agent Blazkowicz and his deadly designs on weapons of vengeance for his return engagement against some european zmobies. Apparently, he entered this playground of death the same way we did. He was in the middle of some sort of mission against the cheese eating surrender monkeys and got blasted into the future. It seems he's got the nerve and the grey matter to resurrect such an operation. Damn cheese eating surrender monkeys. --12:17, 4 January 2008 (UTC)
• ATTENTION ALL PENGUINS STOP USING OLD ABANDONED TELEGRAPH MACHINE IN ZOO STOP SENDING MESSAGE REGARDING NEW GROUP OPERATING IN AREA STOP ALL MEMBERS ARE TO REPORT BACK TO HQ AND BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR SUSPICIOUS CHARACTERS AND SLASH OR ACTIVITIES BRACKET SUCH AS NOSE PICKING BRACKET STOP WELL COMMA LOOKS LIKE US WILDCATS ARE IN FOR AN INTERESTING AFTERNOON STOP ALSO ELLIPSIS DASH DAIRY EXCLAMATION POINT -- 01:26, 17 December 2007 (UTC)
• Have you met Periros Lessure? Then, penguin suit up! Tonight we're gonna go out, we're going to shoot some zombies, it's gonna be awesome. True story. Also, smurf penis. What Up! Hypothetical high five! Tonight will be legen- wait for it... -- 23:58, 19 October 2007 (BST)
• To whom it may concern: This is an automated message from http://wiki.urbandead.com. We regret to inform you that the welcome message you created for Demon Eye Blade has been lost due to a series of unfortunate events involving a hook handed man, a person who looks like neither a man nor a woman, Jim Carrey, a sugar bowl, and an unspecified incident where it was repeatedly sent back to a time when it wasn't written yet. Sorry for the inconvenience. --23:58, 19 October 2007 (BST)
• In September of 2007, one person who decided to interview the leaders of the most powerful groups in a zombie infested city, disappeared in the woods near Malton. A month later, some of her footage was found. --Meh 64 12 01:59, 6 October 2007 (BST)
• Hooray for lots of minor page updates! (Plus the templates) --Meh 64 12 02:48, 20 September 2007 (BST)
• At the time of writing, the Bar has been secured. All living members are encouraged to make way back to HQ to aid in rebuilding. All non-living members are encouraged to fight the urge to destroy all humans and to instead channel the energy toward the zombie threat directly outside HQ until revived. --Meh 64 12 05:17, 3 September 2007 (BST)
• Hmmm, where's that new kid. BinaryMan, stop the presses. Send my wife some flowers. And bring me an Advil. What do you mean you don't work for me? You're hired! Now that you're hired, you're fired! Now that you don't work here, we can be friends. Now that we're friends, how come you don't call? Some friend you are! Man, I love this job. -- 07:12, 4 August 2007 (BST)
• Wake up, Foxflare.We found a map to candy mountain! It'll be an adventure, Foxflare! An adveeentuure! You don't believe us? Shun the non-believer! Shuuuuun! Shhhhhhhun! Oh, when you're down and need some cheering up / the just head on down to the Candy mountain Cave / They've got candy rats and chocolate bats and... something something. Look, just give us the damn kidney. -- 07:12, 4 August 2007 (BST)~
• Uhhh... 98, 98. That is all. -- 07:12, 4 August 2007 (BST)
• ScoutPi314

He is our friend, not food

A familiar he is not.

-- 07:12, 4 August 2007 (BST)

History

Offical History

The Penguin Mafia had fallen on hard times. After being chased out of the Icy Peak and the Hole In The Sky, and having both their previous Dons' offed, the Penguin Mafia had been keeping up a low profile. But, after a mysterious temporal rift appeared in the past, the Penguins have nearly rebuilt the empire which they had lost. But, unknown to the other Family members, some of them were sucked into a different, special rift. This rift transported them out of the kingdom, and into the zombie infested city of Malton. A few days later, only one of them was left. So, he decided to allow non-penguins to join the Family.

Recruitment

Send a message to the above addresses with the following:

• Required
  • Your in game screen name.
  • A link to your profile.
• Optional
  • Your KoL screen name (and number).
  • Your Wiki screen name (for this wiki).
  • Things you want me to make a reference to in your welcome message.
  • Things you do not want me to make a reference to in your welcome message.
  • Why you want to join (because were asking ourselves the same question).

After your application is processed, add The Penguin Mafia into the 'Groups' section of your user profile.

Known Members of the Family

Rank	Name	UD-ID	KOL-ID	Member since	Status	Notes
#1. Don:	Don Pygoscelis	Unknown	Unknown	2004/07/04	Active
#2. Advisor	Meh64	#00342605	#462230	Yes	Active
#3. Lieutenant:	Argon Tarsier	#00295178	#26256	2006/06/04	Active
#4. Head Enforcer:	David Delling	#00200895	Unknown	2006/08/05	Missing
#4. Head of HQ Security:	Kyle Duttlinger	#00522868	Unknown	2006/05/06	Missing
#6.	Darth Xander	#00563635	#682303	2006/06/22	Missing
#6.	Thunderboy	#00002247	#514634	2006/06/24	Missing
#6.	Plasterduck	#00355480	#229279	2006/06/28	Missing
#5. Mr.	Skiam1	#00088240	#634149	2006/07/07	Active
#5. Mr.	Timarvay	#00599265	Unknown	2006/09/04	Missing	Parody Poet Person
#6.	Kaptin	#00645043	#360183	2006/09/04	Active
#6.	Rowanne Stidolph	#00672626	Unknown	2007/01/06	Missing
#6.	Acidic Biscuit	#00791022	Unknown	2007/03/11	Missing
#5. Mr	ScoutPi314	#00921943	Unknown	2007/08/04	Missing
#5. Mr.	Daatog	#00865624	Unknown	2007/05/18	Missing
#6.	NinjaPenguin	#00857077	Unknown	2007/06/17	Missing
#6.	Ragnurok	#00121806	Unknown	2007/06/17	Missing
#6.	Tervez	#00828880	#1098532	2007/07/10	Missing
#5. Mr.	BinaryMan	#00939459	Unknown	2007/08/04	Missing
#6.	Demon Eye Blade	#00703203	#532431	2007/10/19	Missing
#5. Mr.	Periros Lessure	#00485665	Unknown	2007/10/19	Missing
#6.	Agent Blazkowicz	#00968168	Unknown	2008/01/04	Missing
#6.	Antonio Molinari	#01090591	Unknown	since	Missing
#6.	Jason Tale	#01101245	Unknown	2008/01/21	Missing
#6.	Rinasta	#00605782	#453991	2006/07/25	Missing
#6.	Bananagangbanger	#00402559	Unknown	2006/08/01	Missing
#6.	Funnykitty2	#00609054	Unknown	2006/08/09	Missing
#6.	Father Estaban	#00596310	Unknown	2006/09/04	Missing
#6.	OhSnaps	#00590354	Unknown	2006/09/04	Missing
#6.	YourDad	#00092520	Unknown	2006/09/9	Missing
#6.	Tharivol123	#00696106	#602194	2006/11/11	Missing
#6.	The Ace	#00016539	Unknown	2006/11/11	Missing
#6.	Sturmfeder	#00703197	Unknown	2006/12/03	Missing
#6.	OverNineThousand	#00712224	Unknown	2006/12/03	Missing
#6.	SlightlyEvil	#00685858	Unknown	2006/12/08	Missing
#6.	Dirk Rapier	#00262636	#627881	2006/12/10	Missing
#6.	a Flock of chickens	#00687620	Unknown	2006/12/27	Missing
#6.	Dabnorfish	#00733421	Unknown	2007/01/17	Missing
#6.	Chookster	#00750878	#868853	2007/01/31	Missing
#6.	Zero Inn	#00774239	Unknown	2007/03/11	Missing
#6.	Theshowstopper	#00771465	Unknown	2007/03/31	Missing
#6.	Snufalufagus	#00824355	Unknown	2007/04/20	Missing
#6.	Edgar Tweedy	#00847276	Unknown	since	Missing
#6.	the amazing joe	#00862627	Unknown	since	Missing
#6.	Foxflare	#00898127	Unknown	2007/08/04	Missing
#8. (Pending)	Cerebate Ozzy	#01265671	Unknown	2008/07/16	Unknown
#7. (Confirmed)	Sandmad	#01277177	Unknown	2008/07/16	Missing
#6.	wateringcan2	#01297481	#1435239	2008/07/26	Missing
#6.	Yo excuse me miss	#00521766	Unknown	2006/05/15	Missing

Members marked MISSING have not been in contact with the Family for over a week.
If seen please tell them to report to HQ.

Welcome to the Family. But not in a vampire sort of way. -- The Don

Honourary Members

These people may be ex-members, allies, or just people who helped the Family. Though they are not actual members, they should be treated with the same respect.

Murtia
Cold as Ice For donating valuable machinery. However, he's also willing to sacrifice our love.
All members of The Malton Mafia, The Sun Organization, The O'Reilly Clan, and the Malton Death Dealers.

Family Rules

1. Don't cross the family.
2. Sacred Ground Policy.
3. Do not attack fellow survivors.
4. Rule three (3) is void if said survivor is on the side of the enemy.
5. Only zombies, zombie spies, PKers, and people on 'The Don's List' qualify as enemies.
6. If a member of the Family is sleeping with the fishes, and you are able to revive them, please do so.
7. No spying, or unneccesarry barricading / smashing.
8. Members are encouraged to carry a mobile phone at all times; and to add all known members to their contact list.
9. Members are also encouraged to purchase the Free Running skill (for security reasons).
10. Members are also also encouraged to carry a radio tuned to the Families radio station, 26.52 MHz.
11. Offically our weapon of choice is a shotgun. Unofficially, we don't really care. (That's ridiculous. It's not even funny.)
12. The Penguin Mafia Handbook
13. Don't pay the Ferryman. Ever. Don't even fix a price. Do not pay the Ferryman. Do not pay the hairy man. Do not pay the scary man. Do not pay him, Crazy Man. Do not pay him with a fox. Do not pay him in a box. Do not pay him in a house. Do not pay him with a mouse. Do not pay him here or there. Do not pay him anywhere. He does not like green eggs and ham. He does not like them, I Am Sam.

Known Enforcers

Join the Penguin Mafia Enforcers! Our guns come ready to assemble in 284 easy parts. We also have a full line of generators so you can keep your fridge running and your fish cold through extended apocolypse! If you are interested in joining, you must have AIM for communication and cooridination during raids and recon. Contact DeltaDog115 there. The purpose for this group is to find and execute offenders of the Penguin Mafia and offenders of our allies. Must be high level survivor and dedicated. semper fi

Head Enforcer: David Delling

Current Objectives

1. Gain members.
2. Find Base of Operations
3. Become respected.
4. KOL-ize wiki page.
5. Complete the Penguin Mafia Handbook.
5. Stuff.
6. Things.

The Don's List

The following people are wanted by the Family; if you take out one of them and give *some* proof, you may get a reward:

• Forzan for the unprovoked attacking and murder of a living member of the family.
• tui for the unprovoked attacking of a living member of the family.
• inuy4sh4 for destroying vital machinery. (Last seen heading toward St. Simplicius's Church - July 31 2006)
  
• Tschudimann2 for insulting the Family.
• BigJohnson for the unprovoked attacking and murder of three living members of the family (while in the Penguin Mafia HQ, no less). (Retaliation'd) x2 (/3)
  
• Anal Probe for the unprovoked attacking a living member of the family while they were standing on Sacred Ground.
• Private Dick Hurtz for intrustion on the Stapellton Arms and the subsequent repeated unprovoked attacks and murder of living members of the family, as well as insulting the family. (Retaliation'd) x3 (/∞+1)
  
• User Amc for screwing up the timestamp on the recruitment page and causing our ad (and many others) to be deleted. [1]
• Wo0t Wo0t for the assault and murder of living family members inside the Stapellton Arms. (Retaliation'd) x1 ( /∞)
• Sgt Dragunov Killing a living family member and then taunting said member. --Tharivol 12:31, 20 December 2006 (CST)
• Thom Bee for interupting a trial held by the Penguin Mafia (us) by killing tonberryspoon (the plaintiff/defendant). And another time for attacking a member of the Family. (Retaliation'd) x4 ( /6)
• c138 For the murder of a regular and helpful patron of the Stapellton Arms Nurse Bettie. (Retaliation'd) --Rgon 16:36, 7 January 2007 (UTC)
• betteroffdead for the (apparently) unprovoked murder of Cold as Ice, a stated ally of the family. Said event took place inside the Stapellton Arms. I assume retaliation would be appropriate? In unrelated news, Foreigner Rocks! --Rgon 06:39, 8 January 2007 (UTC) Also again for destroying two pieces of waluable machinery. Also also, again for several pks. However, "betteroffdead attacked you for 1 damage.",indicates a lot of devotion to his cause. (Retaliation'd) x5 ( /7)
• James Of Minnesota For the murder of a regular and helpful patron of the Stapellton Arms Nurse Bettie.
• day after for the unprovoked attacking and murder of a living member of the family. (Retaliation'd) x1 ( /1)
• Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh for the unprovoked attacking and murder of a living member of the family. (Retaliation'd) x1 ( /1)
• Drayke2 As a zombie spy, contributing to the fall of the Stapellton Arms, and instructing zombies to attack meh64. (Retaliation'd) x1 ( /1)
• Silar Slear for the unprovoked attack and murder of a living family member, Darth Xander. According to what he said, this attack seems to be incomprehensibly prompted by the victim's relation to the works of Joss Whedon.
• bev4pf for the unprovoked assault and murder of a living family member inside the Stapellton Arms.
• The_Anti_Mob_Penguin_Society, for obvious reasons, but particularly:
• Shaun Bidigood For numerous offenses. As of this date, the only member of the above organization we have had contact with to my knowledge. --Rgon 22:25, 23 June 2010 (BST)
• Alex Stroke for the unprovoked attack and murder of a living family member, Kaptin --Rgon 22:25, 23 June 2010 (BST)

For your own protection, it is best that you turn around and make like a tree, capice? -- The Don

Locations

Secret Family HQ: [41,7] < the Stapellton Arms < East Boundwood < Malton
The Official Unofficial Revive Point For Members: [42,7] < the Lynn Monument < One block east of the Stapellton Arms
Closest correctly spelled Cemetery: [43, 6] < One block north and two blocks east of the Stapellton Arms
Nearest Mall: [43, 9] < Bale Mall < Two blocks south-east of the Stapellton Arms

If you need me, I'll be living in a cardboard box downtown. If I'm not there, check the gunstore. If I'm not there, just watch the news. -- Anonymous

Allies

	The Malton Mafia
	This User or Group is respected by The Malton Mafia. They have the support of the Families. Don't cross them.

The Sun Organization
The O'Reilly Clan
Malton Death Dealers
Malton SWAT team

Notes

Logo and general idea from: The Kingdom Of Loathing
The "Damn Flippers" stuff? All me.

We have a template!

	The Penguin Mafia
	This User/Organization is a/an Ally/Affliate/Member/Enemy of the Penguin Mafia. Do/Don't make fun of their flippers. Damn Flippers.

Just paste this:

{{DamnFlippers}}

This group supports the Sacred Ground Policy. Do not insult the policy.

	Sacred Ground Policy Supporter
	This user or group supports the Sacred Ground Policy and acknowledges that all Cemeteries in the city of Malton are considered Revivification Points.

	Remember, Remember the 5th of November
	This user or group supports the vendetta against the villainous undead in Ridleybank. On the 5th of November, we will march on the choked heart of Malton and liberate it anew. Victory will be ours, and with it, vengeance!

	Short-wave Radio Info
	This group or location has a dedicated radio frequency. Frequency: 26.52 MHz Transmitter Coordinates: All Controlled Buildings

References

Do you see a reference on this page, our Handbook, our recruiting blurb, or on the Stapellton Arms that is not listed here? Then, feel free to add it!

Penguin Mafia

• The 'References' section is a reference in itself to the KoL Wiki where there is a 'References' section at the botom of wiki pages to list the various pop culture references in the game.
• The Don Bot may be a reference to the Don Bot from the animated television show, Futurama. But it is actually not.
• The term "Retaliation'd", is a reference to "Arrow'd", a word used in Teen Girl Squad from the Homestar Runner series.
• The Mr. and Little Ms. titles are a reference to the Mr. Men And Little Miss books.
  • It is also a reference to the Mr. and Ms. Accesories from KoL.
• The introduction message for Tharivol123 is a reference to the difficulty most people have in pronouncing the character's name. (In case you were wondering, it is pronounced Thár e vole).
• Funnykitty2's introduction message contains a reference to the movie Snakes on a Plane, starring actor Samuel L. Jackson. And, as I'm sure you know what it is, nothing more needs to be said.
• Dirk Rapier's introduction message references an episode of the TV series South Park in which a group of gnomes appear stealing underwear as part of their plan; 1) Steal underpants, 2) ?????, 3) Profit!
• The first portion of Dabnorfish's intro contains lyrics from the song "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco.
• Dabnorfish' intro contains lines " Last night he dressed in tails and pretended he was on the town. It's hard to slow him down when he's playing solitare while watching Captain Kangaroo." which reference The Statler Brothers - Counting flowers on the wall.
• Honorary Member Cold as Ice is stated to be willing to sacrifice our love, which complete the first line of the song "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner. And you know you love Foreigner, just admit it.
• The Phrase "That's Ridiculous. It's not even funny" following Rule 11 is a reference to the song "Time Zones" by Negativland. Of course, this is a very common reference in the Kingdom of Loathing as well.
• Rule 13 refences the song "Don't Pay the Ferryman" by Chris de Burgh. The reference perhaps made more appropriate by 13 being unlucky, and Jick being a well-known triskaidekaphobe.
  • Rule 13 also segues into a reference to the popular children's book "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss.
    • The words "I am Sam" replace the books character Sam I am. I am Sam is a movie featuring a mentally handicapped individual attempting to retain custody of his daughter.
• The phrase "Semper Fi" is short for the Latin "Semper Fidelis" (Always Faithful), which is the motto of, among other groups and entities, the US Marine Corps.
• David Delling's introduction contains a number of refences to common "facts" stated about Chuck Noris across the internet (as seen here).
• Chookster's introduction message references (or rather, gives a transcript of) the popular Weebl's Stuff animation the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny. If you haven't already seen it you should probably remedy that. Most of the image links provided are not of the character indicated, but a play on that character.
  • On a related note, John B Zucchini is an imperfect homonym of the actual character in the animation, Jambi the Genie, from the children's show Pee-wee's Playhouse.
  • The "Superman" picture is a reference the Superman's Song by Crash Test Dummies
• A flock of chickens' introduction contains a reference to a well known incident in Legend of Zelda games, where attacking a chicken with your sword results in being attacked by a massive group of chickens.
• Your dad's introduction contains a reference to Abbot and Costello's "Who's on First" bit.
• Snufalufagus's introduction message is a reference to the song "Mrs. Robinson" by Simon & Garfunkle
• "Tervez's introduction has a number of references:
  • First, It begins referencing Pinky and the Brain from the cartoon Animaniacs (in this case Meh64 being The Brain and Tervez being Pinky)
  • Requesting quantities of seemingly useless items, often in significant quantities is a fairly standard (if sometimes obnnoxious and unimaginative) technique in fantasy (and often science fiction and other genres) gaming. Three of the four items requested seem to be vague take-offs on items from the old country (some quite recent)
    • 1-Duct Tape (Of which there is unresolved debate concerning whether Duck or Duct is the original spelling and pronunciations as briefly summarized here).
    • 2-Colonel Mustard is a character and suspect in the classic coard game Clue (or Cluedo) (recently an item called Colonel Mustard's Lonely Spades Club Jacket was unearthed in the old country.
    • 3-The subatomic pedometer sounds rather like a sub-molecular interocitor (appearing the kingdom for Crimboween, in 2006). The sub-molecular interocitor in turn references the feature film of
      • "Mystery Science Theater 3000", which in turn references the featured old film "This Island Earth", which in turn references the novel of the same name by Raymond Jones, which in turn references some other stuff, I'm sure.
    • 4-A turkey blaster would most likely be a rather good pun on the term turkey baster. I imagine it being like the latter, but far more powerful. I'm actually excited at the whole prospect.
  • The final line references the Simpson's episode "Marge v. the Monorail" in which a song is sung about the monorail with that line.
• Foxflare's introduction references the song "Candy Mountain Cave" featured in a reasonably well-known YouTube video. Like many other such video's, it's creepy beyond compare. The title and lyrics are a bit reminiscent of "Big Rock Candy Mountain" if you made that song sugar-sweet and extra creepy.
• Ragnurok's introduction references an episode of Doctor Who called "Family of Blood". The disguised-schoolteacher-ancient-alien-crime-fighter-general-hero-sort-of-fellow would be The Doctor, and the phone booth would be his spaceship, the TARDIS.
• Don Pygoscelis' name references a certain genus of penguins.

Recruitment

• The question 'Did you used to work at a box company?' is a reference to the character John Locke from the television show Lost, who used to work at a box company.
• The question "Who Killed Mr. Boddy?" tells the objective of the popular board game of Clue (or Cluedo). Seems like everyone had a problem with Mr. Boddy. You would think he would take a hint and just be LeeVing. One! One lame pun! Ha ha ha!
  • The last two sentences of the previous point refer respectively to the actor Lee Ving who played Mr. Boddy in the 1985 film Clue, and The Count of Sesame Street who is a vampire puppet and has nothing to do with anything at all.
• The following question, "How many roads must a man walk down..." refers to perhaps the most well known song by [wikipedia:Bob_Dylan|Bob Dylan] "Blowin' in the Wind."

the Stapellton Arms

• The "July 1900" entrance is a reference to a series of adventures in Kingdom of Loathing. In KoL, if you try to adventure being drunk, you are given one of the "Drunken Stupor" adventures, wich are usually bad for your health (or your wallet's). The big tall guy is a reference to a special kind of Drunken Stupor (St. Sneaky Pete's Day Stupor) named "Watch Where You're Going, Jerk!". The sentence "You shouldn't be here." is given to the player if he tries to go on a St.'s Day Stupor via the "Last Adventure" link in the following day.

Handbook

• The instructions on how to deal with zombies in HQ in the Handbook is likely a reference to the "catchphrase" of the Daleks from the popular British television series Doctor Who.
• The comment "Good thing he didn't forget his towel" at the end of the Handbook is a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, in which we find that the [wikipedia:Towel|towel] is, in fact, the most useful tool in the galaxy. Of course, the sort of froods in the Penguin Mafia always know where their towel is.
• The use of the word floopily in the handbook is also a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. It means "in the manner of a happy mattress.
• The third step in the Human-Outside-HQ procedure at External Affairs is, of course, a reference to an effect acquired by getting one's ass kicked in the Kingdom of Loathing. So it's a reference that encourages referencing.

Locations

• The Nearest correctly spelled cemetary is a reference to Kingdom Of loathing In itself. In KoL, The place where you adventure is called the "Misspelled Cemetary" where you can fight Smart Skletons, and Skeleletons, and many other things.

Deathj isa only trempotraryu. Damn flippers. --The Don