Mostly Harmless Presents: The Way We Feel About Things!
Alright, after some time spent engaged in this whole kafuffle, I believe it is time that we make our official intentions clear. Announcing, Mostly Harmless, Declaration of Uprising Support, Bill 23 of the parliament of clowns. Yes, we are taking something seriously.
Well, perhaps not. Mostly Harmless has chosen to pledge support to the Uprising, this much is true. However, we are not revolutionaries, nor are we freedom fighters. We are not trying to drive anyone from the game or any suburb, the terms of surrender are irrelevant to us, and we certainly don't care for the petty feuds many are involved in. In fact, we're normally more likely to shoot many of our Uprising allies than the DEM. We aren't interested in the grudges some people hold, nor in the bulk of the rhetoric being thrown around.
Why are we here then? It is a fairly simple concept to grasp: Yakety Sax
That's right, the infamous Benny Hill theme. While others may deploy various tactics to fight the DEM menace (or Persian Scourge as our Spartan brothers would say), MH is going to chase them in a manner most slapstick. No serious event is at its best without a proper Yakety Sax segment, and our noble group of shankers is here to ensure that said chase goes down without a hitch, because we care.
That said, many of our members do share some sentiments with the Uprising.
- The DEM's alt policy is in need of reform. Some good ideas have been put forth already.
- DEMON is bad. As is UDBrain.
- Labine is often a giant phallus. Ad hominem.
- DEM doesn't care about NW people. They have often stated they are active in the NW, but they never specify where exactly. Obviously not Dakerstown, that much is obvious. Go 404, KN, and unaffiliated survivors!
Do we expect any of this to be changed by our actions? No. Especially those last two points. However, our participation in the Uprising shows our dissatisfaction. Do we care if these points get resolved? Not really. But Magikarp Cultists can dream.
Also, while researching our targets, we uncovered a more sinister plot. It has always been assumed that the DEM stood for Department of Emergency Management. However, that is a lie that they have perpetrated. The DEM, in fact, stands for Destroy Every Magikarp. My fellow Maltonians, MH will NOT stand idly by while the government wipes out a most noble species in their quest to convert the city's ponds to landfills, rather than spending money on separate plants for recycling. The anti-environmental actions of the DEM have raised our ire, and for that, we have thrown our support behind the Uprising, to save Malton from the pollution haze future they wish to doom us to.
Remember, the power is yours!
Shanking
Ah yes, the shanking. A symbolic act that can mean any number of things.
- A show of respect. An action that at its very core means we felt you were worthy of a coordinated attack. That you are truly one of the finer gentlemen in Malton and that Mostly Harmless would like to let it be known to you via our most revered means of murder.
- Punishment. You have wronged us in some way and our entire group has decided to make an example of you by washing our daggers and knives in your blood. You have killed one of our own and we are delivering a message that should ring very clear with you, no matter how dense you may be. Or perhaps you are a mouthy trenchcoater who believes spamming the radio with KOS decrees is a worthy use of your time. Loose lips sink ships; some shivs loosen lips (from faces).
- Reload days. Sometimes we just don't want to waste ammo! Guess it's not always important after all. C'est la vie.
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