The Spanish Inquisition

The Spanish Inquisition (TSI)

History

The Spanish Inquisition was an ecclesiastical tribunal started in 1478 by Catholic Monarchs Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella I of Castile. It was intended to maintain Catholic orthodoxy in their kingdoms, and to replace the medieval inquisition which was under papal control. The new body was under the direct control of the Spanish monarchy. It was not definitively abolished until 1834, during the reign of Isabella II.

However, the Inquisition was unexpectedly revived in the early 21st century by Pope Xalbador to combat a new heresy, Zombigensianism. This new heresy originated in Malton with the initial zombie outbreak, and holds that there is indeed life after death, but on Earth rather than in Heaven or Hell.

TSI in Malton

TSI was established in Malton in 2009, centring its initial efforts on repairing Vinetown after a massive Zombigensian uprising which forced TSI to use priestholes in Pegton. TSI eventually established itself at St John's Cathedral, Vinetown in April of that year after carrying out missions in Dentonside, Pitneybank and Edgecombe as well as Pegton. Its mission focuses on Vinetown and Pegton, the latter being the home suburb of TSI's 'Father', the barely intelligible but devout former Black Flag roadie Mick McManix. Afternoon cream tea every Sunday (zombies permitting) with the hospitable cardinals at St John's is a popular Vinetown recreation, as seen below.

Scripture and Policy

TSI does not kill survivors except in proven cases of PKing/GKing/zed-spying. Suspected PKers, GKers and zed spies are given opportunities to confess, recant, repent, retract, and then return to the ever-welcoming bosom of the Holy Mother Church. However, persistent offenders are repressed, rejected, refuted, repelled and ultimately may be excommunicated and refused admittance to Vinetown and other holy areas on pain of death.

TSI procedures in dealing with heretics [aka 'zombies'] and murderers [PKers] follow precedents taken from certain non-canonical texts from the Gospel According to Brian, including these famous proverbs from the Book of Ximinez. (Some new techniques have also developed, taking into account changes since the time of these texts, such as the invention of 'boomsticks' and 'cake'.)

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! (Book of Ximinez)

Our chief weapon is surprise...surprise and fear...fear and surprise.... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.... Our *four*...no... *Amongst* our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... I'll come in again. (ibid.)

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! (ibid.)

Poke her with the soft cushions! Confess! Confess! Confess! Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR! Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. (ibid.)

Iconography

A number of famous icons are associated with the Spanish Inquisition. As well as being noted for their nice red ecclesiastical uniforms - robes, wimples, mitres, slippers etc - TSI are infamous for their use of such torture devices as The Comfy Chair, The Drying Rack and the Soft Cushions. Images of Comfy Chairs are often found in TSI territory as a warning to zombies and other heretickal sects of what awaits them if they should linger. A Comfy Chair showroom is occasionally open for business in Mitchem Mall.

TSI members usually wear medallions of St John and can also be identified by their impenetrable regional accents.

Radio KTSI

A weekly Sunday sermon is usually delivered by Radio KTSI, in partnership with DJ Paul Gargoyle et al at St. John Classic Rock Station - thus covering Malton's discerning ultra-religious/cheesy rock-lovin' crossover audience on one convenient wavelength (26.34MHz). Rock on - Amen!