RRF/Malton Herald & Sun/Text/Text031008
If a suburb falls in Malton and no one notices, does it make a sound?
Lost in the shuffle of the Big Bash and the outcry over a certain megahorde, the RRF has been steamrolling suburb after suburb across Malton, with nary a peep from the greater populace. Amongst the dead suburbs are such stalwarts as Roftwood, Stanbury Village and Tollyton. However, it seems as though no matter how many suburbs the RRF smashes, no one seems to give them due respect.
"It's something where they've been doing this so consistently for so long that people start to wonder 'Should I even care anymore?'" explains Dr. Edwin Thomas, professor of Media studies at Malton University. "When it becomes standard practice for a horde to annihilate all opposition to it, a situation develops where it becomes harder and harder to find something newsworthy about it."
"That's bullcrap!" retorted one member of the RRF's War Council. "We destroyed the entire Survivor Security Zone and it still hasn't recovered. We're eating the last, best hope for the survivors. And what do we get? Nothing. If I wanted to be in a situation where no one cared about me anymore, I'd hang out at Caiger Mall."
On possible obstacle to news of the RRF's recent dominance of our fair city is the fact that no one has survived. All of the suburbs hit by Excursion III are still considered very dangerous. Some theorize that if there are no survivors of an RRF assault, then no one will be able to spread the word around to fellow survivors.
"It's true. Outside of your newspaper, there are few reporters who will approach a zombie for a story. When the entire survivor population of a suburb has been zombified, then the media may well miss the story," explained Thomas.
There are some who feel that the RRF is missing a golden opportunity by not patrolling the homeland in favor of going on Excursion. Among them is self-professed "Son of Blackmore" Benny Bibbit. "When the RRF was gone, we managed to successfully hold Blackmore for like, 5 hours! This really is a time for a survivor renaissance in Ridleybank! I've been barricade strafing for two whole months and local ferals have killed me only 15 times!"
While proper credit may not be given, there is little doubting that the RRF is cutting through survivor strongholds like a woodchipper cuts through Steve Buscemi's corpse. Residents of Malton have a great need to fear. Just because you're not being targeted by the flavor of the week, doesn't mean that you're safe.
The Malton Movie Club
Malton has caught movie fever! Whether it's the cousins of our current residents fighting in the latest battleground of the zombie apocalypse, or simply catching the latest installment of the sacred canon of George A. Romero, zombies and survivors alike can't get enough of the movie house.
Perhaps this is best exemplified by the zombie groups Sanitarium and Lebende Tote. These two groups have been touring the cinemas of Malton on their own little film festival.
Said one member of the festival, "Oh, we've caught all of the classics. Night, Dawn, Day, Land, Diary, Shaun. But it's more than that. I've really enjoyed sitting down with a bucket of limbs covered in butter and watching non-zombie films like 'No Country for Old Men,' 'There Will Be Blood,' and 'I Am Legend.'"
The interviewer and interviewee then engaged in an extended argument about whether "I Am Legend" is a zombie movie or not.
Malton Tech film professor Gordon Hirsute feels that Maltonians falling love with movies again is a sign of Hollywood's adaptability. "For several years, audiences fled theaters as Hollywood kept pushing an inferior product on the American public. As home DVD sales soared, more and more people stayed at home to watch their favorites with a loved one. However, with the zombie apocalypse at hand, most people aren't at home anymore, and have to go to the movies to receive a much needed escape."
Regardless of the reasons, Malton's moviehouses a booming, crammed full of zombies and survivors alike. So you'll excuse me if I step aside for a moment and catch some Diary at the movie down the block.
Classifieds
- Rooms for Rent: Anywhere in Northwest, West, Central or Southern Malton. Vacancy rates through the roof! 3bd, 2bath apts. available for as low as $100 per month!
- Looking for Love: Kum awn, Cevun. Teh last gaim chainj wint 2 farr!!!! Give teh ahsum sirvivers sum luv!
- Don't Leave Me: Goolina? You can't go! We love you! Please don't leave us! We need you! Hell, I need you! I'm a mess without you! I miss your laugh. I miss your scent, I miss your musk. When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
- Plenty of cheap real estate available in South Blythville and Lockettside. Close-out prices! A handyman's dream!
- Found: Level 2 Civilians. Truell Museum, Roftwood. Please contact AU10 command station to arrange burial.
- Wanted: Able bodied Zeds to join our time honoured team, Group 0. Want action, want bloodshed? Then Marven Mall in South Blythville is the place for you.
- Found: Prescription bottle of Fluphenazine inside NW Nichols Mall on New Years Eve. Name says Dickhole Guy. Contact Braggledorth to claim.
- Christmas Sale: Giddings Mall filled with slightly damaged merchandise. Everything must go! Up to 85% off!
- Roommate Wanted: SZM (Single Zombie Male) looking for roommate in Northern Ridleybank. Your share of the rent would be 5 brainz a month. Must be willing to put up with a mess and NO BARRICADES! Not only do I hate them, but the neighborhood association really frowns upon them. Call KL5-3322.
- Friends first? Handsome single male zombie seeking companionship. I enjoy dining out, shopping at the mall, ransacking, and square dancing. Come have some brainz with me and we'll see where it goes from there... Contact Talunex at Blomfield Grove PD in Ridleybank
- Found: Left arm, torn off at mid-bicep. Tattered remnant of checkered sleeve still remain. Tattoo reads "Christine" in a heart.
