Suggestion:20070930 Blinding Other Players
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Humorous Suggestion |
| This suggestion has been removed from the main suggestions voting system because it was deemed to be a humorous suggestion. Suggestions that are intended to be funny, ironic, or satirical should not be placed in the main suggestions system. To do so is considered vandalism. If you are unsure of how a suggestion will be viewed by the community, you are encouraged to place it on Developing Suggestions first. Doing so allows you to gauge community support and improve it before taking it to voting. |
20070930 Blinding Other Players
by MichaelRead at 13:08, 30 September 2007 (BST)
Suggestion type
Skill, balance change, improvement, etc.
Suggestion scope
Who or what it applies to.
Suggestion description
Disclaimer
The views expressed in this well thought out suggestion do not represent the views of the majority of the BBK
Suggestion Blind Ignoramus
Today I met a blind guy, and all he did was complain to me about how some fucker shot him in the face with a week old can of mace. It was bad enough that I had to sit through his shit for my entire 14 min bus trip, but to top it all off, he had a fucking guide dog telling him what to do. Now, what person deserves some domestic pet doing everything for them? Not a fucker dumb enough to get mace in his eyes. We all know it will fucking blind you, dumbass.
Anyway, so, I was thinking, right, and, like, If we were able to blind people in Urban Dead, itd be friggen sweet. We could call the skill, "eyeshot" or some shit. There could be sweet add ons with this too, like finding an eye patch in a hospital. Kinda like an angry pirate, but not in the water, and less obsessed with looking for treasure.
To be honest, being blind would be a massive inconvenience but, if we also lessened the number of characters that one person could use when using the speak tool, we wouldnt be able to complain about it so much.
This bring me to my next point. If the blind fucker on the bus can complain about having a heaps smart dog telling him what to do, why the fuck cant we have helper monkeys in UD.
So, in conclusion, bring in cans of mace that blind dumb cunts who are stupid enough to look into the part where the mase comes out. And then if you are blind, you cant speak as much so you cant piss normal people off like blind people in real life do. Then, if you are blind you lose ten levels because we all know that any type of disabled person isnt a real person anyway.
So, in order to gain those levels you must obtain the ability to see again.
This can be done in only one intricate way.
1. You must find a hospital, and search for an eye patch. ( This would be heaps hard coz your blind.)
2. After your blinded eyes are protected by a cotton or leather eye patch covering, you may use your newfound heightened sense of smell to sniff around for a helper monkey.
3. Once finding the helper monkey, you fall to the ground as your main character, and turn into the role of the monkey.
4. You must start from level 1 as the monkey and gain neccesary skills such as "typewriter use" and "italian organ grinding busking". These skills will help you level up, and make you smarter so that you can gain enough "monkey points" (MP) to become so intelligent that you can jump into the NecroTech buildings and hack the mainframe computer emulators so that you can place the tubes in your ears, and anus. This will give you (as a monkey) the ability to think for yourself, and therefore give you the tools required to be a successful helper monkey to your original blind character.
5. Once you have reached the MML (Maximum Monkey Level) you learn the art of wizadry and can peform tasks unimaginable by commoners.
6. One of these tasks is laser eye surgery.
7.Once you are a wizard, you are invincible and invisible. If you were to be killed by a wizard, it would say "you have been smote by a wizard". You can now only perform one task. It is a verbal rebuttal to the unfortunate circumstance. The button would say, "press for rebuttal" and then your character would say "Fuck, i got killed by a wizard."
8. Once your monkey becomes a wizard, you gain a new skill. It is "Ultimate Pet Owner". This skill gives you the ability to scream out the chant that Xena screams in Xena warrior princess. The screen would state, "You yell 'LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYALALALALALALALAAAA' loudly". This action summons all the monkeys and wizards within a range of ten blocks, but depending on the wind, it could be less or more. (It would be greatly appreciated if someone could come up with a suggestion about wind to help this suggestion, thanks holmes.)
9. Once you have summoned the monkeys, you eat the ones that are under MML and they give you maximum health so that you can undertake the operation that is going to be performed by the full powered monkeys/wizards. This operation is a skill only attainable by morphing with 39 other MML monkeys/wizards. The skill is called, emergancy eye replacement.
10. By now yiou feel dumb because you realise that your striving to get the skill "laser eye surgery" has done nothing, because these morphed monkey/wizards are going to perfom this operation courtesy of the xena skill. (but you realise that you would not have got the xena skill without reaching MML, so that is now sweet and you smile.)
11. After saying the codeword, which will come to you in a dream about monkey lovin', you are mauled by the 40 monkey/wizards. You are scared for your life, but you are happy becaue you emerge with the eyes of another bystanding unsuspecting survivor.
12. He now needs to go through this process to become un blind. You have a button called "Taunt" where you perform a number of physically demeaning actions that the blind person cannot see. So its ok humour. Not bad humour. You then act retarded, becaue you are ignorant to the fact that not all disabled people are retarded, some can be normal but just have physical disabilities.
13. Over all, you will learn the skills of Morality and Equality, and you will realise that you shouldnt complain in real life if you are ever blind because they give you a fucking dog that can do everything for you anyways, so you dont have to go through the whole monkey/wizard process.
In my opinion, this series of advanced skills and ideas will go right over the heads of the average UD wiki users.
All in all, you can play UD, experience the prejudice and hardships that come with being blind and not bludging off the government and using their dogs ( which always seem to go missing and the blind people need new ones, because they accidentalty run over them when attempting to drive their motor vehicles.[which is something else we need to put in this game, someone suggest mass public transport like kayaks and canoes and Scooters and shit]). So pretty much, your nerding it up in your own UD world, while learning some real life social skills such as acceptance and equality.
Pretty much, this is the best suggestion youll ever see so please look deeply into your heart and souls and realise that some disabled people are ok, but the ones that complain should not get helper dogs because they only lose them because of something that they would not do if they could see.
Mainly because its their fault that they looked into the outtie end of the mace bottle.
Thoughts?--MichaelRead 13:48, 30 September 2007 (BST)
Voting Section
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Votes must be numbered, justified, signed, and timestamped.
Votes that do not conform to the above may be struck by any user. |
| The only valid votes are Keep, Kill, Spam or Dupe. If you wish to abstain from voting, do not vote. |
Keep Votes
- Keep - LOL, i can't believe you wasted so much time writing this shit. you're a way better vandal than me--GomerPyle41 05:35, 1 October 2007 (BST)
Kill Votes
Spam/Dupe Votes
- Spam - Yeah, I admit I didn't read it completely through but I can still tell it's complete horseshit. --Midianian|T|T:S|C:RCS| 13:54, 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam - I'd vote humorous, but it ain't even funny -- boxy • talk • 14:24 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam - Just because a man was attacked by a person with mace, you think it is right? You have alot to learn. You must be very childish, thinking you can use the big curse words......This is the worst suggestion I have ever laid my eyes on. Please dont suggest anything ever again. doc crook 14:30, 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam - awfull --~~~~ [talk] 14:39, 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam - I remembered you as a UD wiki vandal, now I'll remember you as the person who contributed the most worthless thing I've ever seen. Doc Crook's last sentence sums up my thoughts. 'arm. 14:59, 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam I was laughing, but this is still complete fucking horseshit.--Wooty 18:02, 30 September 2007 (BST)
- Spam - Author reported for violation of suggestions rule 10. --The Grimch U! E! 19:11, 30 September 2007 (BST)
