VZW/First Malton Film Festival

The VZW Malton Film Festival

The VZW Malton Film Festival is a celebration of locally produced cinema. Even in its darkest hour, and amidst a plague of flesh eating zombies, the visionary film-makers of Malton have produced many cinematic gems. Join the VZW as it travels across Malton to view some of these wonderful examples of human creativity brought to the silver screen. VZW members will be visiting 20 Cinemas throughout Malton where they will evict any standing undead, repair and rennovate dilapidated structures, install and fuel generators, and then invite local survivors to watch films made in their suburb.

The following Cinemas have been elected for the First VZW Malton Film Festival. After each Cinema is listed a new film developed and crafted by local filmmakers and also a short description of the picture. The Festival begins October 23, 2007 -- join us and Enjoy!

• Kirkland Cinema (70,98) the Film Festival was here on October 23, 2007 and showed:
  • Deliverance II

In this 2010 existential action epic, four suburban friends take an armored car trip through the center of Malton. But what begins as a lighthearted adventure becomes a voyage into the heart of darkness when zombified locals descend on the foursome and force them to kill or be killed. A masterpiece of grace and power, this movie still terrifies and enthralls today. (Reviewed by Lewis Medlock)

• Cockle Cinema (49,68) the Film Festival was here on October 24, 2007 and showed:
  • The Evil Zed

Curiosity overcomes five innocent trenchcoaters vacationing at a cabin in Mockridge Heights’ Tancock Park, and their cellar-snooping unleashes the spirit of the evil Zed – “Gristlemaw” of the Zdz. After all his pals have become possessed, flesh-eating zombies, the one remaining survivor (Deuce Cowbell) tries to solve the nightmarish mystery and save his friends. Spider-Man 13 director “Son-of-Sam” Raymee uses impressively outdated special effects to make this low-budget horror classic. (Reviewed by Samuel L. Plisken)

From the Film: *You see Deuce Cowbell on the screen in Tancock Park with a secret tome* He said "Klaatu Barada *cough* Nik *wheez* tu!!" *Suddenly, a suburb or two away, Gristlemaw of the Zdz turns his disgusting, gore covered head, his glowing eyes a bright red at the mispoken words...summoning him and his undead scum from Edgecombe!!

• Grills Cinema (36,62) the Film Festival was here on October 25, 2007 and showed:
  • Inga Does Malton

Our funniest Swedish slapstick gornstar, Inga, is back in this tale about Malton's hardcore punk rock scene. Inga gets a chick band together to tour the elitist suburbs, but finds out that it isn't easy to hire some zombie roadies unless she gives up a little something of herself in return. Special appearance by Ron 'the Hedgehog' Jeremy as the band's manager. (Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

From the film:*To the sound of classic '70s blackspoitation film music, the camera goes down over the City of Malton, focus tightening on a tiny hole in a wall tavern called the Clatworthy Arms.* Wild cheers from the audience erupt! *Outside, a hoard of zeds is trying to get in as the music from inside swells. The doors burst open revealing the taught, ample chested frame of Inga gyrating wildly on stage, electric guitar in hand, as sweat streams to the stage. *On screen - Inga leaves the stage after her set, heading to her dressing room. Inside, two well-built zombies are eating an unsuspecting delivery girl. In a sultry voice, Inga says "Save some for me boys!!"

• Puckard Cinema (26,61) the Film Festival was here on October 26, 2007 and showed:
  • Million Dollar Zombie

This multiple ‘Malti’ winner follows a determined young athlete who, through her sheer determination, reanimates two long dead boxers to help her train. Despondent over a painful estrangement from his daughter, trainer Frankie Un’Dunn isn't prepared for boxer Maggie Muffins to enter his unlife. Maggie's determined to go pro, and she eventually convinces Un’Dunn and his cohort to help her get to the top. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Judd Cinema (3,99) the Film Festival was here on October 27, 2007 and showed:
  • Lassie 2008

The original Lassie gets a modern-day update as it churns from black and white to cinemascope technicolor with dynamovision. The surviving, creative students holed up at Malton Community College have interspliced digital Malton Zoo animal battle carnage and gore sequences into the original. These shorts are very moving as Lassie tries to save his master Billy from a rabid bear named Lucius. There is never a dry eye in the house especially with the tribute to Old Yeller at the film's end. A must see for all ages, living or dead. (Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

• Megamax Cinema (15,62) the Film Festival was here on October 29, 2007 and showed:
  • Escape from Malton and Escape from Malton, Again

In Escape from Malton the outbreak of the zombie virus causes the city of Malton to be turned into a maximum-security quarantine zone. Unfortunately for the president of the United States, that's precisely where he lands when he's forced to bail out of a crashing Air Force One. Condemned criminal and former war hero Snake Plissken is once again called upon to rescues the chief executive -- but the president must first promise to revive Plissken and grant him his freedom. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

And in Escape from Malton, Again antihero Snake Plissken is once again sent into the center of the zombie outbreak. This time, a cataclysmic earthquake hits Malton, turning it into an island and threatening to unleash hordes of ravenous zombies. The New World President views the quake as a sign from above, expels Malton from the Union of Allied Countries and makes it a penal colony for those found guilty of moral crimes. When his daughter, part of a resistance movement, steals the control unit for a doomsday weapon, Snake again gets tapped to save the day. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Dalgliesh Cinema (2,45) the Film Festival was here on October 30, and showed:
  • Zomblish

Cultures clash with a mighty clang in this comedy of manners and mayhem. When a beautiful Zombie housekeeper, Flor, is hired by a rich Maltonian family, everyone's life is upended in hilariously zany ways, especially when the parents make it their mission to be so welcoming that they become overwhelming -- especially the dad, who's quickly smitten by Flor's well preserved beauty. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Vesey Cinema (5,45) the Film Festival was here on November 1, and showed:
  • Another Day of the Triffids

It's bad enough when a blindingly beautiful meteor shower causes 99 percent of the world's population to lose its eyesight. But things only get worse when a crop of walking, flesh-eating zombie weeds begin preying on a sightless planet. Can a sighted, one-armed VZW soldier and an alcoholic, nymphomaniac, NT scientist save the human race from becoming mere plant food? Bring your favorite brew, raincoat, and weed killer to a viewing of this remake of the classic sci-fi hit! (Reviewed by Samuel L. Plisken)

• Holly Cinema (33,10) the Film Festival was here on November 2, and showed:
  • A Good Year in Tuscany

A zombified Diane Lane and Christina Aguilera are Savannah and Traci, two lonesome travellers who randomly meet on the EuroRail as they try to escape their tragic pasts. They soon share a vineyard and chateau together with members of a female Italian soccer team. After a pillow fight, the women soon learn that they are much more than just housemates. Has won 6 MTV Europe Movie Awards for Best Makeup, Best Costume, Best Wine Drinking Montage, Best Armpit Shaving Scene, Best French Kiss and Under the SportsBra Fondling, Best Orgy Sequence. Note from Holly Cinema Mgmt.: Please bring your own hand lotion and box of kleenex to the theater please. (Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

• Wickstead Cinema (39,7) the Film Festival was here on November 3, and showed:
  • Faster Pussycat 2.0 (in 3D)

"I never try anything, I just do it! Wanna try me?," leers Tura Satana in the original Russ Myer epic. Faster Pussycat 2.0 is a tale of three zombie go-go girls as they travel through the Southern California desert on their way to a rodeo for gimps. Their suped up 1970 Dodge Challenger takes on a variety of highway misfits as the girls race and devour their victims after each victory. These terrific undead female protagonists are great role models for every little zombie girl. It's a little bit Road Warrior meets Death Proof. (Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

• Rago Cinema (46,3) the Film Festival was here on November 4, and showed:
  • Sopranoed

The successful HBO franchise is revived for the silver screen in this goodfellas drama by all the original cast members. Uncle Bobby eats himself to death with one tiny little wafer and reanimates as Zed Baccala to become head of the New York family. Tony and AJ find themselves in a fix that keeps them at the Bada Bing just as their new arch-nemesis begins taking over all of the gambling rings in the 5 burroughs. Miffed at getting kicked out of med school, Meadow returns back home as a psychotic machete wielding vixen. Can the New Jersey syndicate survive the undead mayhem in nearby Manhattan? Can Zedified Christopher's beak handle all that coke as he takes his revenge on Tony? Will Carmella ever forgive the Boss for tapping a few Russians at the morgue? (Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

• Bagehot Cinema (65,4) the Film Festival was here on November 5, and showed:
  • Ocean’s Fifteen

In this sequel to a sequel to a sequel, Danny Ocean reunites with his old flame and the rest of his merry band of thieves and con men. This time, the caper concerns three huge heists in NecroTech facilities in Pegton, Crowbank, and Vinetown. The corpse of Catherine Zeta Jones co-stars, and a reanimated Sammy Davis Jr returns as a crazy Brain Rot Center employee. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Fanning Cinema (84,19) the Film Festival was here on November 6, and showed:
  • The Taking of Giddings One, Two, Three

Mr. Ochre and his crew of PKers take hostages in the Giddings Mall. If Okra, er...Ochre and Co. don't get a million baby pacifiers in an hour, Ochre will start carving graffiti on the shoppers' foreheads. Quentin Tarantino borrowed a lot from this unsung classic of crime cinema -- including criminals using colors for code names -- for his film Reservoir Dogs. (Reviewed by Samuel L. Plisken)

• Fowin Cinema (94,31) the Film Festival was here on November 7, and showed:
  • Nicholai and The Omega Zed

The first film is Nicholai, a depressing, silent film found inside a TRON lunchbox hidden inside a dumpster behind Club Clatworthy. As far as we can tell, Nicholai Hel filmed himself doing mundane tasks such as looting the Nose Factory shop at Hildebrand Mall, clipping his toenails, and not answering his cell phone whenever his VZW comrades request his assistance to battle the walking dead. The screenings will be played with the soundtrack of Highlander on the speakers. Who waaaaants to live foreveerrrr..... Who waaaaants to live foreeeeveeeeeeerrr.... when Zeds must die.....(Reviewed by Dr Mugwump)

The second film, The Omega Zed, was originally filmed under the working title: I am Lame. It is a black and white, home-made movie, and possibly the very first and only film made by a zombie. On a lark, two pioneering Maltonian Film-makers bolted a video camera to a zombie named Zed Pirate Roberts. His apparent docility brought on by sucking the revive serum out of spent syringes. For the next week the camera was turned on for five minutes every hour and the resulting footage was...curiously compelling. The opening scene shows a vain Zed Pirate Roberts calmly staring at the flame scorched side of an abandoned ambulance. Some additional highlights include Zed Pirate Roberts staring at the inside of a refrigerator, staring at the pavement, staring at a wall, staring at a cell phone, and the belly buster of the movie; Zed Pirate Roberts staring at a reflection of himself staring - a clear reference to the famous scene from Taxi Driver...only without any words being spoken and no crazy mohawk and no young Jodie Foster. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Crump Cinema (91,40) the Film Festival was here on November 8, and showed:
  • The Zombie Wears Prada

After taking a job in Malton as assistant to local undead fashion magazine editor Mortisha Priestly, small-town girl Andrea Sacks is thrilled -- at first. But the magic soon wears off, leaving Andrea feeling battered and used -- and wondering whether working for a zombie boss from hell will pay off. (Reviewed by Luis Tully)

• Montagu Cinema (72,17) on November 9th the VZW will sponsoring a viewing of:
  • Third Eye Open

Airlifted in from Japan, this film is the most recent work of horror film master Takishi Miike. After Japan is swept and cleared of all remaining walking dead, Yoko Oh-Say begins her search for her missing husband. While looking, she is guided by unknown forces that gain her access to top secret research showing a direct connection to military research and the zombie plague. When the government discovers her, Yoko must use her spiritual connection to the dead to rapidly uncover the truth before she's silenced for good. (Reviewed by Wedge)

• Baggs Cinema (59,15) the VZW will be sponsoring a viewing of:
  • Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Zombie

Flamboyant pirate Jack Sparrow, steals the show as a charming, carefree undead pirate who roams the streets of Malton. When a rival pirate, Yann Tiersen, pillages the Suburb of Edgecombe and kidnaps the governor's daughter, Elizabeth, Jack decides to help Elizabeth's love, Will, save her. Of course, the mission isn't quite that simple. (Reviewed by Ettore Fieramosca)

• Sonvico Cinema (53,31)the VZW will be sponsoring a viewing of:
  • Dr. Strangeglove

In this blackly comedic send-up of the Zombie Apocalypse, a deranged PKer, Cross Dressed Man, leads an attack against the Malton Defense Force that sets the stage for Armageddon. In a series of virtuoso comic performances, Spracklingbank's own Pepe Le Pew plays an impotent Fort Creedy arms dealer, a harried, cemetery groundskeeper and an ex-NT lobotomist. (Reviewed by Samuel L. Plisken)

• Evershed Cinema (65,45) the VZW will be sponsoring a viewing of:
  • Brokeback Malton

Two zombieherders, Jack Twisted and Enis Del Merde, meet and fall in love while working together near Malton’s City Zoo in 2009. Over the next 20 years, their lives take different courses: Jack becomes a zombie-rodeo cowboy while Enis remains a ranch hand working for McZed's Tasty Zed Burger Ranch. (Reviewed by Vincent Coccotti)

• Neal Cinema (65,50) the VZW will be sponsoring a viewing of:
  • Franklin Towers

Kyle MacLachlan stars as Cord Deller in this dreamlike and surreal thriller set in Philadelphia. Cord lives a life of semi-luxury in his new apartment in a complex overlooking Rittenhouse Square. Never paying his neighbors much mind, he is unaware of the horrors that are taking place only walls away from him. Cord begins to become wary of the tenants of his building when he finds that the young man from the 8th floor that he's been dating has been living in the building for over 70 years. Cord soon learns that he's being slowly zombified as the essence of his life is being extracted for the continued survival of the tenants. This David Lynch film won best thriller at Cannes Film Festival this past year. (Reviewed by Wedge)

• Rathbone Cinema (71,54) At the end of the Film Festival Tour, the VZW will be hosting a Mega-Movie-Marathon here. Everyone is invited to join us for several days of festivities! We are currently working on having the beer catered by the Clatworthy Arms.

Film Festival Tour Album

The VZW would like to thank and acknowledge all the survivors who helped to support the Film Festival. If you don't see your name below and you have joined the VZW at any of cinemas and watched any of the films shown at the Film Festival, sign the official Film Festival Tour Album and show your support!

Soren Kierkegaard, Chris Cro, Jak Orion, LittleK, Phantom PF, IAmDarthNihilus, Don Wesson, Grunmanesqe, Samantha Alavansta, Alner's Ghost, Harvey Levin, jlove1, John Charles, Karth Salvage, Dagwold, ROACH Klips, Harald von Holzapfel

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