Dr. Schwan's Culinary

Working off of the success of the Dr. Schwan’s Essentials product line, Albert Schwan found himself late one night in Colglough wondering how to improve the lives of those within the quarantine zone through the use of Necrotech science. While staring at a blank work-pad, The doctor gagged down a pre-packaged lunch from the Necrotech cafeteria deepfreeze to maintain his strength. At that moment, an idea hit him like a lump of scalding hot preheated gravy hitting the bottom of an empty stomach. If a society works on its stomach, there must be a way to improve the quality of post-outbreak life by improving the caliber of the available cuisine…THROUGH SCIENCE! Introducing Dr. Schwan’s Culinary product line, the newest in scientific advancements from the Colglough Building Labs. Current Product Line The Dr’s Special Feral Undead Seasoning Salt Dr Schwan had been watching the Feral Undead from the Colglough Building windows as they canvassed the streets looking for prey, all the while wondering why so many of them would persist in this area—despite the inhospitable reception that they usually receive—rather than follow their natural westward migratory patterns. This ceased, however, when he met a reformed member of their clan who informed him of the ancestral land of Whittenwood upon which modern Whittenside and the surrounding areas stand. Albert had been aware that Zombies had existed long before the outbreak from his past experiences while attending MU, but he had never guessed that their familial roots would tie them so strongly to a specific geography. Slowly he began to sympathize with their plight and even respect their feral behavior as part of the natural ecology of this area. Further examining their behavior, he came to realize that the Feral Undead, like their totem vulture, are essentially scavengers. The source of the animosity towards them is rooting in the fact that sometimes humans are such easy prey. How then to switch their natural tendency for the betterment of the entire region? Dr. Schwan realized that, though the corpses that litter the streets may be nutritious and easily obtainable, the zombies much preferred the taste of live human flesh. After abandoning research designed to make humans taste worse, Dr. Schwan set his mind to finding a way to make corpses taste better. He finally settled on a formula that used the best in Necrotech science, but early attempts to include MSG to enhance flavor proved too subtle for a zombie palate. The Dr’s Special Feral Undead Seasoning Salt, is a combination of essential salts from the MU archives, special herbs and spices, crystallized revivification fluid (to seal in freshness), and ground glass (to open even the most decayed taste buds). Though he knows that it will not prevent the hoards from craving genuine article, one zombie choosing to feed on a corpse seasoned with The Dr’s Special Feral Undead Seasoning Salt is a victory for Whittenside and a testament to the power of reason and science over instinct. To order and use The Dr’s Special Feral Undead Seasoning Salt simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page Dr. Schwan's Culinary This Zombie enjoys the refined flavor of a corpse served with The Dr’s Special Feral Undead Seasoning Salt. Bag-Man Schwan’s Nabra!nzbarg Bra!nz Having observed the effect of revivification fluid on human tissue, Dr. Schwan began to wonder about its potential on other dead specimens. During his travels he had come across squirrels, tigers, an owl and a few other creatures who seemed to respond identically to the solution, experiencing full revivification. As an experiment at Miscotonic U, he had even tried a predecessor to the Necrotech solution on a severed limb, with violent and unpredicted results that lead to the hospitalization of two lab assistants. Presumably because of the solution's built-in imperative to reconstruct cerebral tissue first, the arm developed a brain-like growth near the wrist, the removal of which proved to be the only method for terminating the experiment. Post experiment vivisection revealed the tumor to be capable of sending out base motor impulses through rudimentary synapses but incapable of any degree of conscious thought or malice, making its action truly mysterious. In his recent attempts to follow up on this research and push the limits of revivification fluid application, the doctor attempted—under carefully controlled conditions—to apply the solution to an amalgamated lump of bean curd and spam. The result: the lump of matter formed itself into a near perfect human brain with only a slight color variation from the genuine article. Attempts at transplantation proved that the brain did not have the capacity to stimulate a body or to reason as electrical activity was only very minimal and will was altogether absent. Prepared to call the experiment a failure, Dr. Schwan had just heaved the remnants into a bin, when a zombie incursion into the facility allowed two zombies to gain access to his lab. Set to defend himself, Dr. Schwan watched in amazement as the zombies cried BRA!NZ and began to devour his test materials. Revivifying both zombies, the doctor quickly began work on what would eventually become BAG-MAN SCHWAN’S NABRA!NZBARG BRA!NZ. TESTED AND FOUND FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! To order and use BAG-MAN SCHWAN’S NABRA!NZBARG BRA!NZ simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page Dr. Schwan's Culinary BAG-MAN SCHWAN’S NABRA!NZBARG BRA!NZ. HARMANZ AHM HRANS NAH BARG Z!NGZ. Dr. Schwan’s Insta-Full There is a misconception that just because zombies are often broken and bloody in appearance, they are incapable of healing from an injury. In fact, just the opposite is true. While spending some time at the Fort Perryn Gatehouse, Dr. Schwan was carefully observing the battle with his usual scientific vigor when he saw a Fort Perryn soldier shoot a zombie in the head, causing it to fall to the ground mere feet from where he was concealed. The zombie lie there with a gaping hole in its head and, as the doctor watched, he noticed the hole begin to close. As it did so, Dr. Schwan removed bits of the brain matter with his medi-kit, observing them reform and enlarge on the end of his tweezers before ceasing and returning to a shriveled grey lump. He repeated this experiment several times on the zombie, picking away matter as the cranial wound sealed, and each time the result was the same, it enlarged then shriveled. Writing down his results, he allowed the wound to seal and secluded himself as the zombie rose and resumed its attack on the fort. Dr. Schwan concluded that the rot virus, which permeates all areas of our ecosystem, does indeed allow us the ability to regenerate at an alarming rate. This mutation, demonstrated by the miraculous potency of first aid kits ever since the outbreak, allows zombies to heal internal organs but not surface wounds, and survivors the ability to heal surface wounds once zombified material has been removed from the site of the injury with sterile pads. The revivification fluid is then a combination of concentrated rot virus and systemic purgative that removes zombification and bolsters and accelerates the original tissue mutation, facilitating full revivification. However, the question remains: what caused the tissue on the tweezers to stop growing? After weeks of study involving field research and self mutilation, he was able to discern that the rot virus requires electric activity to survive. Once it reaches beyond the extent of the nervous system as specified in the host’s DNA, it dies and regeneration ceases. If no central nervous system exists, it attempts to establish one using a human template embedded in the solution as it did with the nabra!nzbarg Bra!nz. But why did the Nabra!nzbarg Bra!nz fill out while the zombie brain matter reverted? The answer lay in the preservatives in the spam. Using preservatives added to the revivification mixture, Dr. Schwan briefly experimented with other applications of this discovery, and ultimately injected the solution into a wandering zombie. As he stared at the pile of ash that had once been a zombie but had more recently become a 60ft tall mass of writhing flesh necessitating immediate incineration, he decided that he needed to set his sights a bit lower. Ultimately, his attentions turned to culinary application. Dr. Schwan’s Insta-Full is a time release capsule that contains modified revivification solution (purgative and concentrated rot virus with neurological template removed), Sorbic Acid (the preservative used in Twinkies), and bovine synaptic tissue. To use, one need only ingest a small piece of jerky and one capsule of Dr. Schwan’s Insta-Full. The outer layer of the capsule dissolves in the stomach acid releasing the revivification fluid and bovine tissue. The jerky is thereby revivified and induced to regenerate within the stomach. At this point, the second layer dissolves releasing the sorbic acid which prevents reversion. As the now living jerky continues to expand, its growth is kept in check by the stomach acid. Once the preservative runs out, the tissue dies but does not revert, and the stomach is left with approximately 14 to 20 oz of digestible beef. Dr. Schwan’s Insta-Full: a meal in a bite. Also available in chicken, lamb, and pork. To order and use Dr. Schwan's Insta-Full simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page Dr. Schwan's Culinary This user believes that people have to eat even in RPGs. That's why this user chooses Dr. Schwan's Insta-Full Dr. Schwan's Single Malt Malton Whiskey Being the facility head of a Necrotech building in Malton is never an easy job, but, while some of his colleagues may choose to throw themselves from the high windows, Dr. Schwan gets by with an occasional nip of fermented fortification. Since setting up shop in Colglough, the doctor has maintained a fully stocked bar in his office and prides himself on the quality of the contents therein. Whether treating the soldiers from the Fort to a libation or helping a member of the zombie hoard take the edge off after a particularly traumatizing revive, Dr. Schwan had always considered it part of his duty to provide refreshments for his guests. However, over time, he began to realize that the intoxicating effect of the alcohol was getting weaker and weaker. Initially, he attributed this to the sobering nature of post-outbreak life, finding new and higher quality beverages to slake his psychological thirst, but as the condition worsened, he became convinced that it was a response to a biological change. While this nagged him, there was always something more pressing than what he had begrudgingly named “the booze issue” until the straw that broke the camel’s back came in the person of one Kieran Furlong: a man with a taste for alcohol to rival Dionysus himself who—emboldened by a virus-augmented tolerance—seemed determined to drink the Dr. out of house and home. Having revised his list of priorities, Dr. Schwan immediately began to research the cause and possible solutions to “the booze issue.” His researches first lead him to consume mass quantities of alcohol in order to establish a threshold. This was an interesting time to be in Colglough, and more than one guest received a revivification needle in the neck having been mistaken for undead. This period also led to the development of an upcoming Dr. Schwan product: Dr. Schwan’s Miraculous Hangover Remedy. Having established a baseline, the Dr. studied his own reactions and the reactions of his guests to eventually determine that the same rot-mutation that causes our rapid healing and the hyper-effectiveness of our first aid kits, causes the alcohol we ingest to sanitize the lining of our stomach and cause cellular regeneration. As the ethyl absorbs, part of it is consumed in the act of regeneration, part of it gets blocked by the newly-fortified tissue and digested, and only the remainder produces the desired effect. Consequently, alcohol with a low enough proof actually has the ability to heal smaller flesh wounds, explaining the effects of beer noted by many survivors since the outbreak. The trick, then, was to find a way to counteract the regenerative effect. Dr. Schwan discovered that a dose of concentrated rot virus, mixed with the alcohol, did the trick, but the rot virus also produced a bad taste, making the mixture—to use Kieran’s comments on an early test batch—“taste like ass”. After this disappointing first review, Dr. Schwan began to experiment with ways to incorporate the rot virus without damaging the taste, eventually finding a way to incorporate the virus into the brewing process itself. The end result of this research is Dr. Schwan’s Single Malt Malton Premium Unblended Whiskey. This unique in-house beverage uses a patented process whereby the barley (grown on the rooftop of the Colglough Building itself) is malted in a mixture of water, preservative fluid, and concentrated rot virus. The resulting mash is strained and distilled producing a fine whiskey with a smoky aroma and a bite unrivaled by standard potables. This whiskey will knock even the stoutest of revelers flat on his ass, intoxicating even the undead with its mixture of manufacturing excellence and cutting edge science. To order and use Dr. Schwan's Single Malt Malton Premium Unblended Whiskey simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page Dr. Schwan's Culinary This user values the refined flavor ofDr. Schwan's Single Malt Malton Premium Unblended Whiskey BRA!N-RAHM It was a cold November in Malton that found Dr. Albert Schwan sitting in Anne General Hospital, recovering from a recent zombie attack in the Hurst Building in lower Whittenside. Looking around the room as the contents of the first aid kit began their miraculous work, he became fixated by the spashes of blood on the walls, and, as is often his habit, began to visualize fractal patterns in the seemingly random smears and splatters. He also mused on the wisdom of Necrotech deciding to put Morphine drips in standard issue first aid kits. To counteract the lethargy, he injected himself with a dose of his rot virus derived medication Rotalin. His mind began to clear just as his wounds began to close at their usual heightened rate. Finally, his eyes snapped into focus and he noticed a more regular shape in the blood on the wall, mostly covered by an overturned centrifuge and some other equipment. He cleared away the debris and discovered it to be a bloody hand-print. Whether the result of the residual effects of the morphine or some other psychological trigger, Dr. Schwan pictured himself as a child, of no more than 3 years, holding his hand to the wall of his New England home and tracing its outline in crayon. Caught in the moment, he picked up a nearby eyedropper and filled it with some of the blood from a pool on the floor. He applied slow pressure on the bulb at the end as he moved it along the wall and drew a beak and a waddle on the thumb of the handprint. Finally he used a scalpel to scrap away a spot of blood to form the eye and stepped back to examine his work. A Turkey. Had he really been in Malton this long? He had forgotten the significance of the date entirely. It was the 25th of November: Thanksgiving. A tear began to come to his eye which aroused in him a suspicion. Wiping it away, he removed his instrument bag and analyzed the first aid kit. As he suspected, it was contaminated by rot venom and some residual chemicals that had produced a psychotropic effect that had been elevated by the Rotalin injection. He spent the next few hours purging the contaminants from his system and riding out their effects. When he regained his clarity, the nostalgic diversion had ended though it left him inspired. Taking some prototype genetic material from his upcoming textile project that made use of Heathers’ cloning technology to create a faux leather, he modified the bovine template into something that resembled avian flesh and fashioned the resultant mixture into a sphere before the material gelled and solidified. He then produced a firmer material infusing the same technology with a human genetic makeup provided to his equipment by the wireless Necronet from the nearby Malcolm Building. He wrapped the replicated human skin around the bird meat, but something was still missing…the stuffing. Dr. Schwan created a hollow space in the middle of the sphere using some compressed air, and filled the void with his NABRA!NZBARG BRA!NZ synthetic brain product. As he did so, the name BRA!N-RAM came to him as the most appropriate designation for this design. He then roasted the finished product over a gas laboratory flame until the outside began to take on a golden brown hue. The result appeared to be something like a Turducken. Albert crept softly into the ruined Colglough building with his new creation, righted a lab table, and set the BRA!N-RAM on it with a note that read “Happy Thanksgiving.” He was unsure if they would notice the product and deemed it highly unlikely that they would appreciate it even if they did. This was England after all. But then he reasoned, if one cannot go on a contaminated medical supply induced trip down memory lane and do something illogical with the best of intentions that may be gravely misinterpreted by one’s brain-eating neighbors, then what else are the holidays for? Available prepackaged seasonally wherever ShwanTech products are sold (limited quantity seasonal Thanksgiving product) Dr. Schwan’s NT Flavor Additives Albert sat at a desk inside the Needs Building enjoying a morning breeze as it poured in through the open window on the far side of the room. The air in Wyke Hills was so different from that in Whittenside; he found himself almost missing the fetid stench of decay: a scent ripe with possibility and the promise of endless test subjects. Still, the people of Wyke Hills were a fine group and not having to repair or replace laboratory equipment every day definitely had its benefits. He took a sip of his Whiskey—a remnant of the Colglough distillery, now served in the newly established Twelfth Hour Bar—and mused on the shadow of a cobweb cast by the rising sun across the ceiling of the room. Intricacy, structure, functionality: he could relate. Just then a building regular, a man who chose to call himself NightFighta, climbed in over the barricades. Albert nodded in greeting. There was nothing out of the ordinary in this event but something in the simple phrase that he uttered as he walked by caught Albert’s attention: “those Rot revives sure leave a bad taste in a person’s mouth”. Still tracing the outline of the web shadow with his eyes, Albert thought back to some of his many deaths. Searching his memory, he realized that the observation seemed familiar, though through all of the physical trauma associated with the revivification process, there was seldom time to take stock of such a trivial sensation. Was there such a taste? And if so, what produced it? Albert did not continue in this vein long before he was alerted to action by a change in the shadows on the ceiling; The spider web had been torn away leaving only a string blowing in the wind. It had been replaced by the silhouette of a woman carrying a gun and several pieces of sporting equipment. She lunged in through the window screaming “HAIL! COBRA!” and brought a tennis racket down upon Dr Schwan’s head with bone-shattering force. The Last thing Albert heard was the Thwong! of one of the strings breaking as he was embraced by a familiar darkness. He awoke on the street and fumbled for his supply of Rotalin in a red haze of emotion. Pressing the button crudely with his zombified fingers, he felt the fluid enter his skull somewhere near what was once his eye. As the cool sensation tingled its way across his mind, he headed for the nearest treatment facility leaving the door ajar as he entered, all the while attempting to remember NightFighta’s comment. In short order he received his treatment, and after thanking the technician, he moved his tongue against the roof of his mouth. Indeed! There was a strong acidic taste not unlike a combination of citrus, battery acid, copper, and a hint of something he could not identify. The sensation lingered for several minutes after revivification. Albert set to work immediately, risking infectious bites to take samples from the next several zombies he revivified. Eventually he found it: a slight alteration in the mouth caused by the revivification process. As the tissue regenerated, the glands responsible for the infection and digestion capabilities of the dead transformed once more into saliva glands, expelling their contents into the mouth. But what if those contents could be modified…Through Science! The end result of the research that followed was Dr. Schwan’s NT Flavor Packets: a breakthrough in flavoring that uses an additive packet added to the contents of a standard issue NT syringe. The contents create an additional step in the revivification process that replaces the contents of the glands in question with a flavored mucus before converting them back into saliva glands. The only effects—after Albert and his team were able to design out the horrible and debilitating rash experienced by the first few test subjects—are a slight increase in revivification time (2.5 minutes) and a pleasant flavored sensation in the mouth. Dr. Schwan’s NT Flavor Packets come in Revivifying Mint, Banana, Strawberry, Coffee, Orange, Green Tea, Garden Lavender, and, at the insistence of Petite Fille of the Feral Undead, Lady Grey (actually a cocktail of the green tea, coffee, and orange flavors that approximates a dark tea and bergamot flavor) To order and use Dr. Schwan’s NT Flavor Additives simply copy the code for the following tag to your user page Dr. Schwan's Culinary This user is "the freshmaker" because they use Dr. Schwan’s NT Flavor Additives Holiday Eats...Through Science! "Holiday Eats...Through Science" is a cookbook featuring recipes designed to put the festive back in "zombie infested city". The recipes feature several D.S. R&D products and can be cooked with materials and implements found within the quarantine zone. Sample Recipe: Maltonian Holiday Fruitcake Ingredients • 1/4 cup of any kind of fruit-flavored powder/mix. Obtain from local mall. (Tang or Coolaid work best. If Jell-o is used, reduce the quantity of the third ingredient by 1/2) • 1/2 cup of water to reconstitute the fruit powder. (water and fruit powder may also be substituted with 3/4 cup diced brains or brain substitute diced) • 1 small rot-lichen from a ruined building (enough for about 2 teaspoons of ground material. The same amount agar agar or twice as much gelatin can be substituted. In a pinch, gelatin can be derived from the claw like nails of most zombies) • 1/4 teaspoon powdered alganic acid 0.8% (on stock in most NT facilities) • 1/2 teaspoon Calcium Chloride (on stock in most NT facilities) • 1/3 cup of water for a calcium bath • 1/4 cup Single Malt Malton Whiskey • 3/8 cup Canola oil (can be found in the fryers at mall food courts.) • 1/2 cup powdered Halloween candy • 1 banana (surprisingly easy to find considering the total lack of other fruits in Malton since the outbreak. can be replaced with 2 1/2 Tbsp dried eggs plus 2 1/2 Tbsp water) • 1/2 cup powdered hardtack • 1/4 teaspoon ground clove cigarette tobacco (can be substituted with regular tobacco, the spicier the blend, the better.) • 1/4 cup chopped nuts (removed from candy bar is OK. Remainder of bar minus chocolate can be used in place of equal amount of powdered Halloween candy) • 1/4 cup dark rum (can be substituted for another 1/4 cup of whiskey) Directions • Mix the fruit powder with the 1/2 cup of water to reconstitute 3/4 cups thickish fruit juice • Remove 1/4 cups of mixture setting the remainder aside • Mix 1/4 cup fruit mixture with alganic acid and stir until alganic acid is disolved • Let the mix rest for 12 hours to eliminate the air bubbles • Prepare the calcium bath in a bowl by dissolving the calcium chloride in the water. • Fill a syringe with the fruit-alginate mixture and expel it drop by drop into the calcium bath. The syringe needs to be high enough (about 6 inches from the bath surface) for the drops to sink and to prevent the formation of a tail. Don’t go too high or the drops may break into smaller drops creating “baby” drops. • Allow the forming spheres to sit in the calcium bath for about 1 minute and then carefully remove them using a sieve. Then rinse them very gently with water to remove the calcium and discard the calcium bath. • Set aside to allow the solidification process to continue. • powder the rot-lichen and mix with the remaining 1/2 cup fruit mixture. • Simmer mixture for 1/2 hour to start geleficiation and remove the toxins from the lichen powder. • Allow the mixture to cool in a morgue fridge or outside for 12 hours. The resulting product should be a dense gel. • Dice the fruit gel and set aside. • In a large bowl, cream together Canola oil and powdered candy until fluffy. Mash and beat in banana. Whisk together hardtack and clove tobacco; mix into oil and candy in three batches. Stir in spherical fruit mixture, whiskey, and chopped nuts. Scrape batter into prepared pan. • Place in fireproof container into an incinerator on lowest setting for 20 to 25 minutes. Cool in the pan for 10 minutes, then top with gelified fruit and sprinkle with 2 tablespoons rum. • Cut out one piece parchment paper (regular paper may be substituted) and one piece un-medicated gauze from a first aid kit, each large enough to wrap around the cake. Moisten cheesecloth with 1 tablespoon rum. Arrange cheesecloth on top of parchment paper, and unmold cake onto it. Sprinkle top and sides of cake with remaining rum. Wrap the cheesecloth closely to the surface of the cake, then wrap with paper. Place in a hermetic container, and age for at least 10 weeks. If storing longer, douse with additional rum for every 10 weeks of storage. Other Products and Services TinyURL for this page http://tinyurl.com/ykvd8c8