Team Zombie Hardcore

Team Zombie Hardcore
The flag of TZH!
Abbreviation:	TZH
Group Numbers:	70!
Leadership:	His Holiness: Mark Whalberg,the Fhour HorseMhen]
Goals:	Bring Glory and Beat Assery to Malton, and to give Praise to "The Aweosme"
Recruitment Policy:	You must be forever Hardcore, Forever Awesome! And you MUST HAIL WHALBERG!
Contact:	TigerStripedDog@gmail.com

Team Zombie Hardcore (TZH) is a TEAM of human survivors who attack and kill zombies and Threats to the Awesome in North Blythville, South Blythville and the SSZ aka Survivor Security Zone. TZH is led by their divine leader Mark Whalberg, a Lunar/Solar Spiritual Being who was created in the image of "The Awesome" by "The Awesome" to further the Hardcore efforts of this fundamental force of being in the universe. TZH, while headed by Whalberg, led by the 4 HorseMhen of Whalberg: Dhavid Grohl - The Ruler of Rock, Duke Cage - Destroyer of D-Bags, BuckNaked Jihad - The Bringer of Badass and superdot - The Sultan of Swat. Each of the Fhour HorseMhen lead their own Sect of TZH. These Saints of Sweetness lead the glorious quest against all that sucks, against all that is soft of core and weak of sauce. Ours is the struggle for a more awesome Malton, ours is the Quest for the purification of souls. To purge the Suck from this land. Ours is Awesomeness. For we are the bearers of the words of Whalberg. We are those that shout the most furious of tributes to "He That Is Awesome": BALLS TO THE WHALLS!

According to group leaders within TZH this flag is the best possible representation of their ideology and attitude, along with our newly incorporated theme music: BALLS TO THE WHALLS!!!If you think you belong in that music video then hit up our forum at BTTW! Onlineor contact us in game where we will be in the middle of doing something legendary. For those of you who can't join, Whalberg has licensed "Brawndo Inc" to market his urine as a new energy drink called "Brawndo" seen here:Whalberg Piss!

History of TZH

In The Beginning

There were two fundamental forces in the universe:

The Awesome - A force of badassness and Rock. This is the part of you that makes you want to beat total ass. Or to stomp zombie face. All feelings of Rock, Coolness, Sweetness, being Awesome, or Pwnage are but a small part of "The Awesome" shining through you.

The Suck - This is everything shitty and weak. This is popped collar frat boys. This is trenchie douche bags who need to get a life. Its emo drama-queens who need to get punched in the face. When you cut in line, when you kick a puppy, when you become a zombie... this is The Suck slowly eating your soul.

The Awesome and The Suck are two opposing forces. Like Yin and Yang they battle for control of the universe. But unlike Yin and Yang they are not equal, for "The Awesome" will prevail. Sucky d-bags are always lesser to those who are awesome. Yet the Suck is not without power. Always be wary of "The Suck" and remember that to be glorious and/or classy, you must be awesome! And the only true path to Awesomeness is through faith in the divine prophets of the awesome, such as the first Propet: "He Who Is Awesome". Faith in "The Awesome" has been shown to manifest in many ways. It is now generally known and accepted that those of The Church Of The Beyonder are also basking in the light of "The Awesome" as it pours forth from The Second Prophet of "The Awesome" - The Beyonder

Malton

Team Zombie Hardcore has been present in Malton since September of 2005. But this was not the beginning. Oh no. To fully understand the glory of TZH one must first know the legend that is Mark Whalberg.

Once Whalberg came to Malton he stood amongst the hordes of shambling dead and he knew deep inside him that the root of the zombie evil was not NecroTech. The plague that had engulfed Malton came not from science, nor from mad geniuses behind lab tables. Nay, the root of the zombie infestation came from the citizens of Malton. It came from their Soft Cores and their Weak Sauce. For many were vegetarians and metro. Many of them spoke words softly and enjoyed Oprah's book of the month club. The had gone against the ways of the ancients and shunned those things which are sweet as hell: Beef, Whiskey, Rum, and Beer. As generations had passed the souls of those in Malton were worn thin, and eventually blew away on the farts of its citizens, the farts which they loved to eat so much.

But things would Change! Oh yes! They would change! For it was not long before Whalberg found Big Nixon, and his brother Papa Nixon holed up in an ancient ruins known as an "Arms". A place long forgotten by those that drank Zima and Shmirnoff Ice. And this place was besieged by the zombies, who uncomprehending in their suckitude sought to end their miserable unlife at the hands of Big Nixon and Papa Nixon's many guns and manly axes. But there were hundreds, nay THOUSANDS besieging this place. But with one might hip thrust Whalberg vanquished them, and in so doing save Big Nixon and Papa Nixon from being overwhelmed by the stank that is zombitude. It was then and there that Whalberg granted unto these two men, these survivors miraculous powers by which they could show Malton where salvation lay.

And so Team Zombie Hardcore was born. And in time more came to see Whalberg as the one true hope in Malton. One after another they came to him. To bask in the glory of his most manly of faces, and awesome of belts. And it was with the combined power of the Whalbergium that flowed through his veins and loins, and the power of the Foreigner Belt that he wore that Whalberg and his Team traveled throughout Malton. The Team knew not where they would go, nor why they were going. Whalberg in his infinite wisdom and inebriated state would say only that he sought out three more. Three more warriors that would become HorseMhen of Whalberg!

The Holy Land

And so it came to pass that in their wanderings Team Zombie Hardcore came to North Blythville And there they settled into their new home: Hardcore Headquarters. This was the beginning for TZH as a growing power in Malton. What had once been a wandering band of Saints had now become a settled group. "The Awesome" had taken its chosen and given unto them a land otherwise unsettled. They claimed this place as their own, and proceded to rock all the time and throw huge drunken bashes for the crunkification of face, and inebriation of spirit. Amen.

The Discovery of Team Strike Force

Many wars were fought and won by Team Zombie Hardcore, alliances made, friendships forged, and soon more and more new members swelled into the ranks of these Saints of Sweetness. It seemed that in time all of Malton would come to know the glory of Whalberg. It was during a great conflict though that perhaps the greatest of all discoveries was made. Big Nixon, while down in South Blythville spreading the word, happened upon a small band of Heroes known as Team Strike Force. Big Nixon was shocked to hear the holy words uttered by these men he had never met! BALLS TO THE WHALLS! they exclaimed! It was a miracle, here in South Blythville was another small group, who had come as if guided by "The Awesome" itself to the lands of TZH.

Big Nixon greeted these lost brothers, and rushed to tell Whalberg the news. Whalberg, who of course already knew said merely: "Big, of yeah of ironically little faith. I knew of the coming of these men. For this is Duke Cage, your brother. He will become the second HorseMhan. He is one hardest of Core. There is much beat assery within him, and there is nothing about him that doth suck. Go to him Big, and tell him that he has been chosen by "The Awesome" to ride forth and save Malton from the zombies. And tell Duke that he shall forever be known now as: "The Destroyer of Douche Bags!". And so it was that Team Strike Force joined their brothers, and TZH became larger and more powerful than ever before. And so Big and Duke became fast friends, but never gay with each other, grew in friendship and ass beatery!

The Rise of Superdot

And for a time there was much ass beatery. And then there came another conflict, this one was with PKers who are naught but zombies in human skin. Betraying all that it means to Rock Hard and Be Awesome. And in this conflict the Wharriors of Whalberg were tested, in a trial by fire against the worst that Malton could offer. And it was during this time that one Wharrior in particular rose in reputation by great deeds and unwavering pwnage: superdot. And so it was the superdot was given to lead a squad of his own. It was not long until Whalberg came to superdot and said "superdot my son. You have shown yourself to be as great as I knew you would be. For when you joined us, I knew, knew that you would be badass. And so it is. And so you are my third HorseMhan! And from here until the end of time and zombies, you shall be known as "Superdot, the Sultan of Swat!".

The Dark Times - The Suck Fights Back!

As with all great things, Team Zombie Hardcore did not go unchallenged. Much as awesome things throughout history have been stricken down by those that suck, so was Team Zombie Hardcore attacked. It was not long after superdot came to know the light of Whalberg that a sinister group began to rise in the Blythvilles. These pathetic agents of popped collars and tofu-meat substitute known far and wide as the Malton Skeet Club came and began to grief the innocents of South Blythville. And so Team Zombie Hardcore did what they had to do. They took up the banners of "The Awesome" and quested against these softcored Douch Bags. And as they were Douche Bags it was most awesome that Duke Cage was the first to strike. He rode forth atop the tank he constructed with his feet: "The Polar Express To Pain" that fires brimstone and Pabst forth from its mighty cannon, laying waste to all that would stand in his way! And so the MSC war was started.

This began a dark time for TZH for in our vanity we underestimated the power of "The Suck" that was within these villains. They were crafty, and used many dark tactics to face Team Zombie Hardcore. Racist Alts were created, they posed as only posers know how, to tarnish the name of the Wharriors. They griefed, sacked cades, and did unspeakable things! The name TZH was tarnished throughout Malton. Yet still, the MSC were so terrified by the light that would banish their darkness that they traveled to the Astral Plane, and there at the Astral City of Brainstock they cried and whined for help. Taking anyone, regardless of how wicked to come and face those Hardcore Heroes that they knew they could not defeat, nor even approach themselves.

There were many battles fought after this, and the war continues to this day. The Wharriors of Whalberg will never cease in their efforts to drive the minions of suckitude from the Holy Lands.

The Jhihad!

The war with the MSC continue to intensify. Like might angels fallen from heaven so too did some of the Wharriors fall to the griefing and murderous ways of the MSC. Members of TZH whose cores were not hard enough fell to the streets, and were devoured by the ultimate agensts of "the Suck": zombies.

And in our darkest hour, when Whalberg was nowhere to be seen, there shined a shiny light. And there in the road stood a magnificent creature of unrivaled glory and machismo: BuckNaked Jihad. Like a flaming sword sent from "The Awesome" he stood naked on the streets of North Blythville. His dangling unit challenging any and all comers to die at his feet in shame. Even the Three HorseMhen were so shocked by his presence that they could not approach him. No there was but one Wharrior who had the gall to step foot in his presence and it was Scooty Puff Sr: THE DOOMBRINGER. Buck, who had recently finished eating a 12 foot long sub in just under 43 seconds faced this Hardcore Hero and knew immediately that he had found a brother long lost. Scooty Puff, bowing before Buck in reverence said these fateful words: "Awesome one, surely you are the Fourth Apostle of Whalberg, surely you are the last HorseMhan!". And indeed, in that moment "The Awesome" sent a revalation to Buck, and he knew that this was why he was created, to carry the flag of Whalberg, to be a HorseMhan, and so he replied: "Yes DOOMBRINGER, your master has spoken to me know, I am the fourth, and I shall be called: BuckNaked Jihad, the Bringer of Badass. And in my coming so begins the Jhihad!"

And it has been so, from that day forth that Team Zombie Hardcore has begun the Jhihad against those that suck in this city. And the battle fought against "The Suck" was awoken anew. It was in our darkest hour that the last HorseMhan was brough to us. Now the Team surges forth into Malton to realize their Dhestiny.

Brainlessstock.com, and the Exile of the Awesome

As a side note, it was during the Jihad that members of Team Zombie Hardcore punched everyone in at Brainlessstock right in their minds with an awesome-nami (Think tsunami, only made of awesome). Everyone at Brainlessstock that wasn't fully stocked up in awesome was flabbergasted and didn't know how to react. At first there was bullying, but TZH didn't back down. Then there was spamming, but TZH fought back, and at last they did the only thing that impotent nerds with a modicum of power can do... they censored us. And there was no crying or gnashing of Teeth on our end. Victory has been achieved! TZH wins the day and Brainlessstock can suck a Cockstock for all we care! BALLS TO THE WHALLS! A photograph was taken and posted below, observe how Brainsuck.com is dressed up as a police officer because they think they are some kind of authority:

Too bad TZH brought the boot down upon them. GET SOME!

Hey wait a second... Brainstock... ShitStock... ShitRock... coincidence? I think not. The Awesome works in mysterious ways, these lame as chumpa-lumpas name themselves "Brainstock" and then they get their Shit ROCKED. BY MY LEG! BALLS TO THE WHALLS!

Jack's Cold Sweat and Chimera 7

These douche bags are so sucky, they even get their own section. Click on that link if you think Cookie Monster rules everyone's face, if you like puppies, if you hate mosquitoes, or if you're cool.

Membership

Team Zombie Hardcore membership is is by approval of Mark Whalberg only. Email Dhavid Grohl at TigerStripedDog@gmail.com today to see about joining TZH and beating total ass. Dhavid Grohl screens all comers, and passes a select few on to Mark Whalberg, who makes the final decision.

Membership is exclusive, members are not allowed to be a part of another group.

Members

Members and their Zombie/Pker Kill Counts post 10-17-06

Legendary Soldiers From TZH Origin

Mark Whalberg - Overlord/Warlord/Divine Leader/Commander in Chief - 95/5
Big Nixon - Reincarnated/Retired - 112/7

The Dhisciples

Dhavid Grohl - The Ruler of Rock - the 1st HorseMhan

RFKzombiekiller - Thats right motherfuckers! He's back, and those text rapists on Brainstock can suck a dick! HIS! We don't give a SHIT about what they say. GET SOME!
headlessagnew
Scooty Puff Sr
profFransworth
Jarlaxle
Viridious - 31/2
Kiiro - 131/14
Rage McRoiduser
BONE SAW
Gus Johnson (en memorium)
Alexander Karelin
Bobby Kennedy
Ben Augusta
a puke covered bum

The Dhestroyers <---- You can actually click this and get our Roster of Glory

Duke Cage - The Destroyer of Douche Bags - the 2nd HorseMhan - Rock 'n Rohl!

Morris O'Brian - Squad Doctor and Photo Journalist
Shu - Scientist - You DON'T mess with humans! You DON'T!
Mike Smith - Profile Police Nemesis Hero - Fuck YOU, PROFILE POLICE!
Jakovasaur - Zombie Bait - Get Some! You got your face rocked by a chick!
Shirly Logan - Squad Mutant - Back from the dead.
Dark Fuzzball - Bigfoot - I'm so Hairy! Why?
8008135 - ENFORCER OF PAIN - Flaregun + The Happy Shopper's FACE = KaBLAMO! Best Kill Shot EVAR!
Owner of Face - The name does explain some things.
Scotw - Tech Guy -
ObiFireFighter - Walking Testicle of Hardcore Fury - PWNAGE! ...Why is Fuzzball so hairy?

Supernauts

Superdot - The Sultan of Swat - 3rd HorseMhan

FC3 Mais -
The Zombodile Hunter
Blackstun -
Chainspawn -
JevonKillsThings -
Jayne M Cobb -
tenamautomatic-
Cyrano De Ventura- He skates the dreams of the children who have no one to speak for them.
don't shoot im stoned
bizzarechaos
Pheonix Pelor
ithumper
Dargoff
BuffaloSabres
TanManDown- Designated doctor of asskickery

Sons of Whalberg

BuckNaked Jihad - The Bringer of Badass - The 4th HorseMhan

Big Ol' Tbone - 19/2 Gaze upon him and despair ye softcore.
Papa Nixon
Wayne Enders
Sludge Vohaul
Lonely Killer
Taji
KingDoncho (of Punchtania)
Douglas Michals
Commander Namyr
Steelskull
dud

Description

	This Group is HARDCORE
	This group follows Mark Whalberg and believes in his Divine Awesomeness. BALLS TO THE WHALLS!!!

Since the foundation of their fortification of fornication, aka TZH comes to Whalberg Mansion in Stanbury Village... TZH has spawned a whole new breed of Warrior in the Survivor Security Zone. That is of course, The Legion HARDCORE. Many have come to see the true light that is the awesomeness of Mark Whalberg. Many have come to know what the words "BALLS TO THE WHALLS" really mean. These masses grow daily, and soon all of Malton will bow before the Lord of Awesome! REPENT! AWESOME HAS COME TO THE WORLD IN THE FORM OF ONE MAN!!11! AND HIS NAME IS WHALBERG! If you see the above banner on the webpage of any group, you can know in your Heart of Hamburgers that the group you see is truly HARDCORE.

BALLS TO THE WHALLS!

Radio Information

Behold! The flyer for TZH PIRATE RADIO! FUCK THE FCC! HOLY CRAP! ~ Featuring MC RFKzombiekiller Rocking your shit in the AM AND THE PM!!!

	Short-wave Radio Info
	This group or location has a dedicated radio frequency. Frequency: 27.37 MHz Transmitter Coordinates: Your Face!

Manifesto

To: Whom it may concern (that would be everyone) From: TZH leadership

TEAM ZOMBIE HARDCORE is totally awesome. We believe that the bruising of zombie ass is essential. We also stress the importance of swizeetness and ass kickery. We do not support PK'ers, because PK'ers are all man-ginas. Any confirmed PKers of TZH members or declared members of PKer groups are a TOP priority for our "Asses to be bruised" list.

Our authority and rules apply only to ourselves, and as such we are totally sweet as hell. TZH believes in the divine power of its leader Mark Whalberg, and as such you will frequently see us tagging buildings in his honor with his righteous message to the world: "BALLS TO THE WHALLS!!!" You won't find our TEAM bashing other groups unprovoked. We are already better than you without in game trash talk, and we know it.

For those seeking refuge and a place to make a difference; look no further than North Blythville, the ANTI-RG suburb.

To PKers: What the fuck is wrong with you? As if there isn't enough to worry about in this fucked up place. Get ready to have your shit seriously rocked, because we won't stop, we can't stop. Thats what being Hardcore does to you. Turns you into a super robot from the future of awesomeness and asskickery.

To Bounty Hunters: Get fucked! You are just poser pker's. The RG is not a reason to kill someone. Justly killing a douchetard pker like Steeeve will get you on the RG, which makes about as much sense as Ben Afleck. Fuck you, Ben! Make a good movie for once! It's been more than a decade! But we digress.... the RG is bullshit as is anyone who lives by it. Holler to Mike Smith, you are a hero!

To The DEM: While we intend to keep communication open, we are not interested in an alliance with someone who supports the RG and the idiot Bounty Hunters. Ashate, Paul Power, and Father Thompson, you guys are given the Whalberg Token of Respect for the fact that you actually had the Balls to participate in the matter of North B's continuation of hardcore suburbia.

To ZOMBIES: You suck. We are coming for you. Fear us. Our fervor and fanatacism has no bounds, and can only be described in one word: HARDCORE!!!

Action Shots! OMFingG BALLS TO THE WHALLS!!!

Here you can see RFKzombiekiller rocking it out with his trademarked spread weapon! Eat it zombie turtle boss!

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This is Sludge Vohaul... yeah, those are flying zombie love children, and thats him kicking their asses.

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Here you see Wayne Enders showing off his massive pecs... and calling down missiles from the jet he controls with his mind. Beleive it because its FACT. (This pose actually means "BALLS TO THE WHALLS" in sign language... look it up)

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Here you see Viridious, as he beats the everloving snot out of two zombie androids... that have machine gun hands. Get ready, because they're coming for you next... oh wait, they're dead because Viridious PWNT THEM!

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Here you can see Commander Namyr and Papa Nixon. That is Namyr doing the sextuple front flip with blazing missle deployment extreme firing action. Papa is there in the front there shooting at the zeds off screen.

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This is none other than kickbutt wailing on the zombie worm boss... kickbutt also enjoys wailing on guitar, rocking it out, and pwning your shit on the weekends. Kiss your sister for him.

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Here you see the Battletoads, who also praise Whalberg and beat ass. Chuck Norris once fought the Battle Toads. There was much weeping and gnashing of teeth... it ended in a tie.

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This is, of course, The Zombodile Hunter doing what he does best. PWNING the fuck out of a huge ass Zombodile. Yes, Zombodiles have three heads, and yes The Zombodile Hunter kicks all three of their faces at once. One kick is with his oversized penis (Shown here wreathed in flame).

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It should be obvious who this is. Who else can make themselves explode at will? Who else could face down the Zombie Motherbrain? Oh thats right, Mark Whalberg. For the record the explosion comes from knocking his testicles together.

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This is Duke Cage driving the "Polar Express to Pain" Tank that he built using only his feet. Why only his feet? Becuase like hell would Duke Cage ever stop beating zombies to death with his hands long enough to make a tank. What are you stupid?

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The fucking awesome civilians of North Blythville can be seen here, celebrating TZH and shouting "Balls to the Whalls". There is a zombie dog that we let chill because the Polar Bear in TSF headquarters has sex with it... I mean seriously no human should have to go through that, and it has to have sex with SOMETHING.

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Honorable Mentions

The following people have earned High Honors by the TZH SUPREME Council for their dedicated and valiant efforts

The Kool-Aid Man gives TZH the big "OH YEAH". The Supreme Council would like to thank Kool-Aid man for this ringing endorsement, for hating zombies, and for kicking total ass.

This is a thank you that TZH recieved from Billy D, there was a note inside that read:

"Whalberg, thanks for being so much more awesome than me and saving my life. Thank the Awesome that you came to Malton"

~ No prob Billy D. Just don't get eaten by zombies... again.

Holy Whalberg its Cindy Crawford! Thats right kids, Cindy was busy at a Malton-Illustrated photo shoot when she was surrounded by a million zombies. Just as she was nearly torn to shreds Whalberg saved her life! They totally made out! BALLS TO THE WHALLS!

Notable Mentions have been reset, a new era has dawned, and mentions will be added as they come. BALLS TO THE WHALLS!

News

Team Zombie Hardcore Continues to Rescue Malton From Softcoreness!: With the new recruits and revitalized heroes of TZH we have followed Whalberg to the center of Malton where we are breaking off feet in the ass of zombies everywhere. Whalberg Mansion shall forever stand! Long live The Kilt Store! Long live the SSZ! AND Balls To the WHALLZ! --Duke cage 16:00, 22 February 2008 (UTC)

UPDATE

It Rains BBQ Beef Ribs in North Blythville Scientists were at first baffled by this recent phenomenon. However, anaylsis of the blood of TZH members found it to contain a new element, possibly lunar in origin that has been named "Whalbergium" in honor of Mark Whalberg. This mineral, when combined with Oxygen forms Awesomite. This compound is highly unstable, and has been found to emit a radiation that appears to be outside of the known spectrum, whose penetrance is close to that of gravity. This marvelous new form of energy is toxic to zombies, much as Kryptonite is toxic to Kryptonians. It is also toxic to soft-core losers and asshats. Scientists soon deduced that Mark Whalberg's lunar birth is likely responsible for this condition, and his followers have been "contaminated" with a similar affliction, although in lesser quantities. In addition to increased genital size, Hardening of Core, and supernatural senses of cool, Awesomite is believed to be causing the meteorological phenomenon observed recently. IN addition to the days showering of Beef Ribs, weather-persons in the area are expecting a drizzling of Whiskey and Gin. If only we could get it to rain tonic.

Enemies

The following information is old, and will soon be moved to this page: DoucheBaggery.com

We recommend you check it out, if you have liked what you have seen so far (and if you haven't you're a moron) you'll like this.

Your Friendly Reminder...

Going one moment without being awesome is a sin. Have you sinned today? Have no fear, your sins against The Awesome are forgiven through your inspired faith in Mark Whalberg. Remember, Whalberg pwnz your ass. Say 3 "Balls to the Whalls" and wail 4 times on an air guitar and all is forgiven my child.

Also, bracelets with a small HWWR logo on them are availble to faithful followers of the Awesomeness. If you are ever questioning what you should do, or how to act, you can look at your bracelet and ask: How Would Whalberg Rock? And the answer will come to you as surely as zeds will eat your brains if you run out of AP outside.

‎	Under The Beyonder's Grace
	"WHO'S GETTIN FUCKED??!!!" This Group is Allied The Church Of The Beyonder. They are true Pimps Of The Land.

	Sacred Ground Policy Supporter
	This user supports the Sacred Ground Policy.

	O.M Ally
	Team Zombie Hardcore is an ally of the Olney Militia

	Coalition for Fair Tactics Group
	This group has ratified the Coalition for Fair Tactics Group Pledge.