Church of the Resurrection/History

The Church of the Resurrection has an enduring love of Sweet Zombie Jesus. Below is a record of the outgrowth of that love.

Operation: Tending to the Sick

St Eusebius' Hospital, Ketchelbank was proselytized beginning 6 October 2005, and notable headshotting heretics converted on the first two days, until a complete breach was achieved on 8 October and over 20 sinners converted with the aid of unaligned onlookers who congregated around the Church's activities.

Operation: Eternal Life

The day after the final success of Operation: Tending to the Sick, an attempt was made on the two adjacent buildings formally owned by the godless NecroTech corporation. The Telfer Building fell on the first day with 5-10 conversions. The less populated Russell Building was cleansed the following day with a further 5-10 conversions. On both occasions, breaches were made by coordinated Church proselytizing effort, though once the doors were open, the mass conversion was assisted by the now-considerable unaligned congregation.

Operation: Cleansing Fire of Faith

From 10 October 2005, the Church has instituted a policy for the wholesale cleansing of the suburb of Ketchelbank of remaining sin. Targets purged as of 16 October include (in approximate chronological order): Riddell Way Fire Station, the Horder Motel, the Trick Museum, Burlton Bank, Edson Bank, Heckworthy Auto Repair, Catcott Auto Repair, a warehouse [43, 34], Getsom Drive Fire Station, Edson Bank, Skilliter Library, the Staples Building, the Lockwood Building, the Kempson Building. Total number of conversions is unknown, but is conservatively estimated to be over 60.

Operation: Office Prayer

From the 13th October - 16th October, the church spread God's Word to the heathens residing the godless office buildings of Staples, Lockwood (Richmond Hills) and the Kempson building. The first two buildings where being run by scientists. The reason for this preaching was that such office buildings did NOT allow forcing Jesus on fellow co-workers, nor discrimination based on religion; that has now been changed.

As of 16 October, the Church considers Ketchelbank cleansed. Its continued holiness is now left in the hands of its inhabitants.

Operation: Via Dolorosa

On 16 October 2005, the Congregation commenced a holy pilgrimage to St Jude's Cathedral, Molebank. St Jude was beatified by the Church for his miraculous ability to take sad songs and make them better, and the church of his namesake is considered particularly holy. A painting of the Cathedral can be seen at the Molebank Citizen Volunteers page.

The pilgrimage will involve the conversion of all those along its path, and will culminate in the liberation of the Cathedral from the hands of the Infidel.

Operation: Dark Dungeons

Beginning 17 October 2005, the Church entered the suburb of Eastonwood, on the first stage of its pilgrimage. Notable buildings washed clean of sin during this part of the journey (as of 22 October 2005, in approximate chronological order): Patriarch General Hospital, the Surrage Building, the Harold Building, Pooll Crescent Police Dept, the Nettleton Building, the Tryme Building, Evans Row Fire Station, St Simon's Hospital, St Anslems Hosptial, Coley Towers, Hosken Building and Club Burningham. Despite large numbers of sinners in many of these buildings, the Church's organisation and purity of faith ensured that resistance was negligible. Total number of conversions is estimated to be well over 100.

During the Church's passing through the suburb, the LORD revealed unto the Church a local group calling themselves the Warseers, a pernicious group of Harry Potter cultists that appears to have been recruiting virgins en masse for Satanic sacrifice, in dark rituals as described in JK Rowling's unholy witchcraft training manuals.

The Warseer defense consisted primarily of an unorthodox variation on 'hit-and-run' tactics, that cleverly omitted the 'hit' element. Despite such daring maneuvers on the part of their opponents, the Church was able to exorcise several of the cultists before they were able to focus their defensive efforts on neighbouring suburbs as planned. All copies of their Satanic Harry Potter books and dice were also taken and burned, and replaced with the wholesome and uplifting literature of Jack T Chick.

Operation: Cleansing the Fort

A major siege of Tayler Lane Police Department ended with a Church victory against the foul heathens. The Department itself consisted of numerous soldiers of Satan who where defeated by the hand of God through the Church. The fort was taken by the 25th of October, and is the first step for the Church into Darvall Heights.

Operation: Faith Healing

After entering Darvall Heights and destroying the heathens of the wicked Taylor Lane PD, the Church proceeded through the adjacent 'medical' facilities of St Matheos', St Pius' and St Eutychian's Hospital in turn. There, the misguided in their arrogance had sought to 'cure' the frailties of the body by poisoning and butchering it with medicines and surgery and empiricism, rather than addressing the root cause and merely exorcising the illness demons from the sick.

By the more godly medical techniques of the laying on of hands and of teeth, all the heathens in these buildings were given a sweet respite from their ailments.

Operation: Sign of the Cross

In a grand display of God's power and the love of Sweet Zombie Jesus, the Church made its way to the Crossman Grove Police Department, home of the Crossman Defense Force, where the sinners either found God or fled. The evil building had been thought to promote man's laws over those of the LORD!

Operation: Stations of the Cross

After the vile building of Crossman Grove was turned to the LORD, the Church of the Resurrection moved to a succession of easy victories in the name of Love - namely the Halse Crescent Police Dept, Postlethwaite Crescent Fire Station, Dandison Auto Repair and the Herman Building. These buildings promoted secular society, and the evils of the secular world.

Operation: Scourge of Cords

"When He had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out, and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables." John 2:15

The denizens of Caiger Mall, a Den of Merchants, worshippers of Mammon, dared defy Sweet Zombie Jesus. The Church of the Resurrection, claws strong and bites infectious, rained down the LORD's Justice and Holy Wrath for six days and six nights. On the seventh day, the Church rested, just as the Tasty Father rested when the Earth was new, then took up once more the Cross of its Pilgrimage.

Operation: Christmas Feast

Following long months of Pilgrimage, the Church arrived at its destination -- St. Jude's Cathedral and the surrounding area -- just in time for the Christmas holiday. As evidence of God's Love for the Church above all others, the Church of the Resurrection met no meaningful resistance as it preached its message of Love and Tolerance. No doubt, those who had announced opposition to the Church either fled in terror of our Righteous Wrath, or chose to open their juicy little hearts, lungs, kidneys, and other internal organs to the Love of Sweet Zombie Jesus.

In addition to the Cathedral itself, the Church and its allies converted all unenlightened souls in the neighboring Necrotech building, and in the godless Communist factory that sends out brainwashing signals across the suburb.

From this point forward, wherever the Church may travel to spread the Good Word, let it be known throughout the world that St Jude's Cathedral belongs to the Church of the Resurrection. Any harman or zombie who enters any part of the building acknowledges this fact, and should make proper obeisance on such occasions. Any claims to the contrary are heretical lies, and the perpetrators of such falsehoods will no doubt receive the full Punishment that God decrees.

Operation: Outreach

Now that the inhabitants of St Jude's Cathedral have been reminded to let the Church into their hearts (and other organs), the Church has determined to start making it better elsewhere, and is currently running a community outreach program in North Blythville. The impoverished and downtrodden of this area are being charitably provided with the most basic essentials: King James bibles, badly-drawn cartoon tracts, and a selection of diverse and interesting intestinal parasites.

Operation: Spreading the Faith

Following the success of their program in North Blythville, the Church has expanded their charitable efforts to South Blythville. Upon finding that another parish had already started a program in South Blythville, the Church, following in the example of the infinite altruism of Sweet Zombie Jesus, joined their brothers and sisters in improving the lives of the wretched community members.

Operation: Initiation

On reaching St. Mark's Cathedral, the Church performed a Ceremony of Baptism for all recent additions to the Sacred Body of Christ. The hours-long ritual conferred the honour of "BtSM - Baptized at St Mark's" on those new members. In addition, the honourific of "VCM - Veteran of Caigar Mall" was bestowed upon all Church Members who had fallen at least once in the Cleansing of that Den of Greed. This was also the occasion of the Sermon to St. Mark's.

From this point forward, wherever the Church may travel to spread the Good Word, let it be known throughout the world that St Mark's Cathedral belongs to the Church of the Resurrection. Any harman or zombie who enters any part of the building acknowledges this fact, and should make proper obeisance on such occasions.

Operation: Blowing out the Candles

Their first shakey steps of the third leg of the pilgrimage has taken them to Williamsville, where the church has destroyed the powerstation, the The Mayor Building, the Missen Building, and the Hurst Square School. From thence the church shambled purposefully through Wyke Hills. First the Church preached the Good News to the sinners of Screech Lane Police Station, and from thence they moved to cleanse the Lodder Building of the foul contamination of Necrotech equipment. Emptying out a factory, they moved on to their next church service.

Operation: Blessing Blesley

The Church met up with the Minions of the Apocalypse and showered Blesley mall and the suburb of Gulsonside with the blood of Zombie Jesus' love.

Operation: St. Patrick's Party

The Church, after milling about in Gulsonside, decided that the time was ripe for a grand St. Patrick's day celebration. There was a grand parade and a party in St. Patrick's Church that eventually spilled over into the rest of the suburb.

Operation: The Divine

Having reached St. John's Cathedral at the end of the St. Patrick's Day festivities, the Church commenced preaching to any lost souls in the cathedral and surrounding areas. The Church met only token resistance, with the sinners' half-hearted attempts to deny the love of Sweet Zombie Jesus only serving to show how they secretly yearned to accept His Holy Embrace.

From this point forward, wherever the Church may travel to spread the Good Word, let it be known throughout the world that St John's Cathedral belongs to the Church of the Resurrection. Any harman or zombie who enters any part of the building acknowledges this fact, and should make proper obeisance on such occasions.

Operation: Crusader's Path

For the past two months, the Church engaged in a lightning blitz through Pegton, Pitneybank, and Spracklingbank in an effort to convert as many survivors as possible and establish churches in new, uncivilized lands.

Operation: Purification

The Church arrived in Gibsonton attacking and clearing several buildings, most importantly St. Matthew's Cathedral.

From this point forward, wherever the Church may travel to spread the Good Word, let it be known throughout the world that St Matthew's Cathedral belongs to the Church of the Resurrection. Any harman or zombie who enters any part of the building acknowledges this fact, and should make proper obeisance on such occasions.

Operation: Responding to the Infidels

On April 19, 2006 The 4-H (or, as we call them, the For-Heatheners and the HHHH) declared war on the Church of the Resurrection. In response to this obvious (to the COTR) cry for help and instruction, the Church went doorknocking throughout the For-Heatheners stronghold, Huntley Heights. Notable successes included the opening, occupation, and ransacking of the necrotech Vicari Building supporting the HHHH revive point, converting to the Second Life all the inhabitants of Kirby Police Station and the Hanson Museum, and the conversion to Zombiedom of Aiden Hodder, leader of the HHHH, at Potts Bank. See: User:Aiden Hodder.