User talk:Dr Albert Schwan

Feel Free to comment, unless you are a process server, in which case, I'm dead:

User Redirects

Quick heads up that "The Man" is probably going to delete your redirects (Schwann, Dr Schwann, etc) that link to your useraccount. Apparently we are not supposed to have them. Yeah, I know. Oppression and stuff. -MHSstaff 22:12, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Hello, I'm the man. I'll be deleting your user redirects today.--Yonnua Koponen ^{Talk ! Contribs} 22:14, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Indeed? Well, if that is the way the cookie crumbles, then I'll just have to live with it. Say, would either of you fine gentlemen have any White Out? The Owl is following me and there is no way I can concentrate with all that hooting. --Dr Albert Schwan 22:17, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Yeah. It's rough out there. "The Man" and his lackeys are always trying to keep us poor users down. Stay strong brother. -MHSstaff 22:19, 22 September 2010 (BST)

While we're at it, are you this guy? If so, why have you made a second account?--Yonnua Koponen ^{Talk ! Contribs} 22:20, 22 September 2010 (BST)

No. The fact that you have seen him too confirms my worst fears. I had been operating under the assumption that he was a figment of my imagination. I can only conclude from this that he is, in fact either my long lost clone "brother" or a doppelganger sent by the Israeli Secret Service, a front organization for the Harold Lloyd Fan Club to kill me! Getting back to your question, yeah, we're not same person.--Dr Albert Schwan 22:32, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Well then, looks to me like a pretty compelling case for impersonation.--Yonnua Koponen ^{Talk ! Contribs} 22:38, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Actually, there are also two different Albert Schwans in Malton. If the existence of two similar named alts run by different members is reason enough to drop this as impersonation is another matter. -- Spiderzed▋ 23:00, 22 September 2010 (BST)

Well stated for somebody who isn't the Owl. --Dr Albert Schwan 00:12, 23 September 2010 (BST)

More like parody. --Dr Albert Schwan 22:40, 22 September 2010 (BST)

FOETUS!

you got music taste, brother, thanks for the revive. -- LEMON #1 23:31, 22 September 2010 (BST)

You're welcome. Nail changed my life. --Dr Albert Schwan 00:11, 23 September 2010 (BST)

Who are you... really?

Are you the same as Albert Schwan? You seem to be playing him for a fool. --Wesker 04:32, 23 September 2010 (BST)

Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste. I've been around for a long, long year, stole many a man's soul and faith. Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name, but what's puzzling you is the nature of my game.--Dr Albert Schwan 18:14, 23 September 2010 (BST)

WWWHHHHOOOO!

Albert…This is the Owl! I do not object to you and the Heathers using this as a work of satire provided that it functions like one and links to you appropriately. In fact, it only serves to illustrate most of the terrible things I say about you. However, if it remains active on the wiki making edits that continue to be mistaken for me, I will see to it that all of your White out is confiscated…and attempt to pursue this as a case of unethical wiki impersonation.

-- Albert Schwan (Agent of the Owl)

Wowie Zowie! It's my little brother! How have you been? I've not seen you since boarding school. So you are in the science racket too, eh? I'd heard . . . things . . . but that is neither here nor there. Let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we?

(inhales rapidly from a small brown paper bag)

Well, Albert, my old spare kidneys, here is no me and the Heathers. Do you find it so hard to believe that somebody else can love you too? You shouldn't say terrible things about me. I always say nice things about you.

From what I've read on your wiki (I have a LOT of free time) The Heathers like to make effigy characters of their opponents from time to time, giving them pejorative praenomen such as "Gay" or "Xtreme." Further you suggest that these effigies are used as "spies", yes? Neither applies to me. My understanding is that you are based in Whittenside, so I have avoided that part of Malton specifically to avoid causing confusion. I did run into some of your alts/flunkies in Wkye Hills. Hulking Zombie and I shared some pornography. He may have told you about it. We bonded; it was great.

As far as impersonation goes, only a total retard would get us confused. A cursory examination of our writings and meeting either of us in game should provide ample evidence to the contrary. However, if you are asking that I put a disclaimer on my wiki page(s) pointing out that I am NOT you as well as providing the slow witted a link to prove it, I shall be happy to comply. Will you do the same? --Dr Albert Schwan 04:34, 26 September 2010 (BST)

I will be happy to. I must further ask that you refrain from attempting the use of redirectors designed to usurp the core identity which is mine. The fact that you describe yourself as a work of Parody earlier in this talk page indicates that you are full well aware of this. Your attempt to add these redirectors was a work of impersonation and vandalism which is partly why they were removed. To the rest of your claims, I have no wish to debate you. I find your creation by the Heathers to be in poor taste and I find it marginally offensive that you would set up shop in a suburb where my group and my allies operate. That said, I am the last to try to quash creative work, and you are absurdly creative. I am actually flattered anyone would go to the trouble.

I grant that you have a right to exist provided you cease impersonating me and attempting to usurp my wiki presence, provide a link to your UD profile on your user page and refrain from linking to mine, remove or alter your claims against my group’s name or initialism in your description/profile (your previous affiliation with the bogus Discount Gynecology group was fine), do not remove this conversation from your talk page, and display the aforementioned disclaimer prominently on your page in a concise manner using no misleading double speak that might imply that we are the same person. If you would like to use a link to my user page in this disclaimer, do so; I will be linking to yours.

Beyond this, do as you like provided it is clear that you are not me and are not affiliated with me in any way. Currently that is far from clear; incidentally, your previous statement effectively calls several users and a sysop “total retards.” While I think this was leveled against me, that was probably not a good idea on your part should this ever be escalated as a dispute. At current, you are a work of impersonation, make yourself a distinct individual in the ways I suggest and I will not pursue this. I think you will find that I can take a joke much better than your creators. Fail to do this, and I will pursue this accordingly.

-- Albert Schwan  06:07, 26 September 2010 (BST)

Agreement! Yes! We shall make it so! Mwahahahahahah! Dr Albert Schwan 19:52, 26 September 2010 (BST)

My head hurts now...Which one of you was the Schwan from a few days ago in IRC? You two are making my head spin. --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ ^{#nerftemplatedsigs} 19:58, 26 September 2010 (BST)

You're kidding, right? I have no time for the IRC! I'm too busy writing articles about myself on the UD wiki! (*pours some White Out in a brown paper bag, then breathes gently, but rapidly into the bag) Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'ley wgah'nag! Heh! heh! Dr Albert Schwan 20:06, 26 September 2010 (BST)

OK, so it's the original. Got it. --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ ^{#nerftemplatedsigs} 20:10, 26 September 2010 (BST)

Technically, I'm older. He was hatched 21 seconds after I, but yes, you were definitely talking to the other guy. And for being so clever, you get a cookie. I bake them myself. They're high in fiber, so I can have normal bowel movements. Dr Albert Schwan 20:18, 26 September 2010 (BST)

I don't take cookies unless they're cookies of evil. ;) --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ ^{#nerftemplatedsigs} 20:20, 26 September 2010 (BST)

They have prunes in them, and are sweetened with stevia instead of sugar, so they're kind of evil. Dr Albert Schwan 20:23, 26 September 2010 (BST)