Clubbed to Death
Clubbed to Death is a zombie nightclub enterprise, originally based in Club Wadman in Gulsonside and Club Simpson in Osmondville, but which has occupied Blesley Mall as its headquarters since 2009. The group's activities focus on ensuring that these nightclubs and their neighbouring mall provide zombies with 24/7 entertainment, and a regular supply of the phattest underground beats and juiciest brains.
| Clubbed to Death | |
| |
| Abbreviation: | CTD |
| Group Numbers: | ranges from <10 to 30+. |
| Leadership: | The only thing we follow are groans and beats. |
| Goals: | 1. Clubbing; 2. Death. |
| Recruitment Policy: | VIPs, by invitation only. Everyone else must stay behind the velvet rope. |
| Contact: | Hermann Munster |
Headlines and Deadlines
Note to Readers: Clubbed to Death's Full Colour News Section has now been moved to the discussion page - see you there! Readers are encouraged to ask questions and enter into dialogue on the talk page, or with our editor, Hermann Munster.
History of a Legend
After many months on tour across Malton, from painting Molebank red to eating the Zoo's cuddliest animals, Clubbed to Death finally moved south and became active in the Gulsonside area in Spring 2009. The undead party-goers scored a famous victory over the hapless Blesleyites just before Mall Tour '09 arrived, denying the Mall Tour their expected brainfeast and ensuring a safe haven for rotten dancers and feral zombies in southern Malton's liveliest undead nightspots. Club Wadman, Club Simpson, Club Single, and Club Adam were all incorporated into the Clubbers' portfolio.
After this triumph, which has left a legacy of ruination and disco fever to this day, the Clubbed to Death party went west to Pole Mall and the Clapton Stadium. Despite some successes in ruining the stadium and targeting the bandanna-wearing fashion victims of Pole Mall Security, the clubbers found the local clubs to be beyond redemption, and returned to their Ghoulsonside homeland.
Despite occasional breather efforts to wrest control of Blesley and Clubs Zedman and Zedson from their undead hands, the zombie club co-operative has dominated eastern Ghoulsonside and western Osmondvile for much of 2009. Ghoulsonside even received the coveted Ghost Town Award during summer 2009, a testament to the ongoing efforts of the Clubbed to Death dance posse.
In Autumn 09, The Fortress attacked Gulsonside in a futile effort to reclaim Blesley Mall and its environs. In October 09, after weeks of failing to ever hold Blesley for more than a day, The Fortress accepted honourable defeat and looked for easier pickings elsewhere. Clubbed to Death spokeszombies responded by welcoming the prospect of more fresh bra!nz, and wished the Fortress well in their next epic failure.
For more recent club happenings, see our talk page.
Manifesto
|
EXTINCTION |
| Clubbed to Death fights for the Extinction of Revival in Malton. |
Clubbed to Death is a non-denominational organisation, dedicated to preserving nightclubs and malls for the use of Malton's undead denizens. Its three-pronged mission is to debrain breathers, ruin their clubs, and party hard.
While most members are brain-rotted zombie humans, our membership includes a famous cartoon dog, and at least two of its members are in fact literally members i.e. male genitalia (beware: they all bite).
Some Clubbed to Death members can be found in a breathing state after being revived, inadvertently or otherwise. While breathing they nonetheless continue to pursue the aims of Clubbed to Death.
Clubbed to Death does not actively recruit new members, but does encourage all Maltonites to embrace their Disco-Loving Zombie ethos and lifestyle, viz. ingesting brain-based drugs, dancing in a jerky, uncoordinated fashion, and dressing outlandishly. Needless to say this hedonistic lifestyle has resulted in the spread of numerous infections among the Malton population.
Since November 2009, Clubbed to Death has been a member of the Salt The Land Alliance, dedicating itself to eliminating revival in south-central Malton, in the hope of achieving peace in our city.
Club Anthem
DJ Brainz spins another killer set at Club Zedman
The Club Anthem is the eponymous bangin' choon featured on The Matrix soundtrack, a club epic by Rob Dougan, yes it's called Clubbed to Death - duh!
VIP Lounge Members, past and present
Bop Till You Drop - Clubbed to Death motto
Past and present VIP Members of Clubbed to Death are as follows:
A Worker
Abdul Hasan Mejid
Abdul Hasbeen
Avoiding Zombies - granddaddy of the movement; nurtured many clubbers from fresh-faced n00bs to Level 43 hardcore rotters.
Barack Boobrama
Above left: Barack Boobrama Above right: John McSlain
Brainetarian
Buck Joe
Chumley Armstrong
Cleburne
Nope, still not wearing any pants.
Commence T'Jiggling
Cube Drone - Unspeakably vile. Best avoided.
Darth Samedi
Edmund Slackbladder - Once fought the Clubbers, but was then assimilated.
Fillmore West
Friar Mouldy Bits
Good Bad and Ugly
Bad, yes, ugly certainly, but good? Doubtful at best.
Gouge Away - #1 Pixies fan; also enjoys gouging.
Grandpapa
Heneage - Reliable source of understated, how you say, 'English humour'.
Celebrity zombie Hermann Munster: not as friendly as he was on TV
Herr Gerdongerdorf
John McSlain
Ketchem
Malodorous Monk
Moore Perry
Mucous Face
My Willie - Bites. Dislikes being hacked off with an axe, so don't do it.
Nick Spalding
Nightzed
Oldblackdog
Rectum Killed'em
Rotting Snoopy - Snoopy cocking his leg on you is the ultimate humiliation. Yes, even worse than being a Blesley breather.
Rotting Snoopy and Deadstock enjoy a tasty meat treat
Trenchant Paws
Your Willie - Also bites, but obviously smaller than My Willie: vide supra.
zedcee
Zhed Dead
Clubbed to Death Radio
ZNN: Zombie Nation News
Although zombies lack the dexterity to use radios, breathing Clubbers sometimes broadcast on the airwaves. Preference is given to the wavelengths for Gulsonside/Osmondville (26.16MHz) and Blesley Mall (26.46MHz), although the latter frequency is rarely used since the mall has not been on air since Spring 2009.
Undead Hawtness
Zombie women may not have warm blood running in their veins, but that doesn't mean they can't be hot. We are pleased to present a few of the fine feral females who have clubbed to death alongside our shambling, two left-footed* selves, courtesy of Zombie Pin-Up [1]... Enjoy the view!
(*i.e. our own left foot, plus the severed one we each carry with us for good luck.)
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Zombie Karaoke |
| This undead user enjoys serenading survivors when visiting safehouses. |
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B-A-N-A-N-A-Z! |
| This user knows exactly what to do with a banana. |
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Salt The Land |
| Clubbed to Death supports the Salt the Land policy. |
