User:Murray Jay Suskind/Campaign
As has been well established, I, Murray Jay Suskind, am running for Mayor of Malton. This is my official campaign website. Be sure to watch this page as it develops and grows.
No Zed Unfed -- Suskind '07
Announcement Speech
The candidate shuffles up to the podium, Boss Tweed -- err -- Papa Patrucio is chomping on an unlit cigar in the background. Roaring applause comes raining down from his fanatical supporters. The candidate clears his throat and begins to speak...
My name is Murray Jay Suskind, and I am seeking the Zombiecratic Party nomination for Mayor.
My fellow Maltonians, I love our fair city. It is a good place to be undead. We have a great sense of community, banding together as one to eat, sing, dance and play. It's this sense of community and fellowship that makes me call Malton my home.
However, our city is not a perfect one. There is a certain decay in Malton, and not the good kind that rots your brain. No, we have problems with three things in Malton: crime, drugs and unchecked growth.
As far as crime goes, everyone in Malton has witnessed gun violence. Some harman comes up to you hiding a shotgun under his trenchcoat, and tries to blow your head off. Studies have shown that gun violence is the number one cause of "death" amongst zombies in Malton. This is unacceptable, and when I'm Mayor, I will take guns out of the hands of harmanz and off the streets of Malton.
Gun violence is just an extension of a larger problem, though. Throughout Malton, drug abuse is rampant. Harmanz who are intolerant of zombie unlifestyles run around shooting up zombies, peddling drugs amongst our youth. In fact, a lot of harmanz in Malton engage in gun violence just to feed their all-consuming addictions. Rest assured, when I become Mayor, it will be us who do the pushing -- pushing the drug dealers outside and showing them the light of true Barhah!
Finally, rampant and unchecked barricade sprawl is damaging our sense of community in Malton and destroying the beauty of our fair city. I remember as a youngling in Ridleybank, running through the neighborhood, doors open, neighbors welcoming me with open arms, a ransacked building and plentiful brainz to eat. But Ridleybank is a sad exception to the rule. All across Malton, barricades are being erected, shutting out neighbors and friends and shutting in recluses. That is why, when I'm Mayor, we shall have an open door policy. All across Malton, we should treat each other as neighbors and freely let guests come and go as they please.
Once these, and other reforms are implemented, Malton shall be an even better place to celebrate unlife. Neighbors brought together, drugs and guns off of our streets, and plenty of brainz for all to eat.
Thank you, and may Barhah shine upon Malton.
I'm Murray Jay Suskind and I approve this message.
The Issues
I have a comprehensive vision for Malton. While my vision is based on the three positions taken above -- a Malton free of guns, drugs and barricades -- this vision is further fleshed out by my positions on other issues as well. I hope you find this informative.
Gay Marriage and/or Zombie Marriage
The institution of marriage is a sacred and holy institution... for harmanz. It is a trifling and petty concern. As a loyal Zombiecrat, I am all about free love.
Abortion
Fetuses are delicious and nutritious.
No Zed Unfed
It is my goal -- neigh my promise to make sure that every zombie in Malton gets five pounds of delicious bra!nz to feast upon each day. My comprehensive program of surgical zombie strike teams opening up brain buffets, horde-wide feeding groans and comprehensive feeding drags to help feed the younglings will help sate our zombie appetites for sweet, sweet bra!nz.
The Sacred Canon of George A. Romero
I feel as the campaign season rolls on, it will grow obvious that I, Murray Jay Suskind, have the strongest grip on the canon of George A. Romero of any candidate in the field. In fact, it is quite obvious from the sacred canon of George A. Romero that it is the harmanz who are the bad guys and villains, while the heroic zombies are risking their "lives" in the pursuit of sweet, sweet harman flesh.
Death Culting
The unfortunate reality of life in Malton is that the harmanz constant pushing of guns and drugs on the zombie population is that many of our zetheren lash out and strike back using the harmanz own tools. I will bring forth a day when all of Malton is gun and drug free; when that time comes, then death culting will become unnecessary.
The Separation of Barhah! and City
Many harmanz have called for a "wall of separation" between Barhah! and our city institutions. I am here to say right now that such a distinction is unacceptable. Any policy that is anti-Barhah! is inherently anti-zombie. It is essential that Malton embrace the unlife of many of its residents and that necessitates the embrace of Barhah! by our city institutions.
PKing
Player killing is a petty harman concern. When Malton is gun, drug and barricade free, the supposed menace of player killing shall be over.
Zombie / Harman Groups
I have long maintained that zombie and harman can stand side by side in this city. Therefore, I embrace zombie / harman hybrid groups, as long as they maintain strict gun, drug and barricade free policies.
Anti-Harman "Discrimination"
It is the harmanz who have made our fair city rife with gun violence, it is the harmanz who peddle drugs upon the zombie youth of this city, it is the harmanz who have shut themselves off from the rest of Malton with their barricades, it is the harmanz who resist so violently when zombies simply partake in a meal. I believe in a Malton where zombies and harmanz stand side by side, but it is official harman policies that are pro-gun, pro-drug and pro-isolation that breed intolerance in Malton.
Operation Enduring Mhr? / Extinction
I believe that all buildings in Malton should be barricade free and open to zombies. However, any attempt to kill all harmanz in Malton would be discriminatory and any attempt by zombie clones to "patrol" a specific kind of building go against the very spirit of Barhah! I wish for a day when all of harmanity embraces true Barhah! but it must be done of their own volition, not by force.
Feeding Our Young
It is important that the younglings of Malton have enough to eat. While a barricade free Malton would go a long way in achieving that, I am calling for elder zombies to be generous with feeding groans and feeding drags, so that our younger zetheren may eat, grow and become zombahz who are strong in Barhah!
The Importance of Death Rattle
I propose that all of Malton's schools begin a comprehensive program to educate harmanz on the beautiful language of Death Rattle. Malton is truly a bilingual city, but the refusal of half of our residents to learn the other half's native tongue is unacceptable. It has forced me to post my campaign website in English so that I can spread the word of community and Barhah to the harmanz of Malton.
Cultural Programs
Malton is marred by violence. While much of this is due to the prevalence of guns, drugs and barricades, some of this has to do with a violent mindset that grips both the harmanz and zombahz of Malton. That is why I am going to increase funding for cultural programs like squaredancing, singing, literature and inter-species cultural gatherings such as the Quartly Study Group. Though they will have to reject the way of the gun and the way of the needle.
Yard Signs
- Zah b!mb!n zahmbah! -- Suskind '07
- Progress is his middle name -- Murray Progress Suskind
- Nah mar harmanz! Harmanz bahd! -- Suskind '07
- A safer, drug free Malton -- Suskind '07
- Rahm zah barr!gahz! -- Suskind '07
- When little Bobby ended up in the hospital, Murray apologized... for not eating him. -- Suskind '07
- Ah! arr bahz bah!ahng ah ahz! -- Suskind '07
- B!mb hazz! Marr b!mb hazz! -- Suskind '07
- How do you stop a trenchcoater? Eat him. -- Suskind '07
- The other candidates don't know how to squaredance -- Suskind '07
- No Zed Unfed -- Suskind '07
Campaign Song
"Rock the Casbah" by the Clash. It was clearly sung in Death Rattle.
Other songs in Death Rattle
- "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana
- "Louie, Louie" by the Kingsmen
- "God of Emptiness" by Morbid Angel
- "Just" by Radiohead
Campaign Staff
- DeathByMoshpit -- Public Relations / Minister of Propaganda
- Gore Corps -- Hired Muscle
- Auxunit 10 -- The Candidate's Personal Entourage
Endorsements
- Boss Tweed
- Tammany Hall
- Willie Clinton
- Lachryma
- Gore Corps
- More to come!
Biography
Murray Jay Suskind: Daring to Lead
I wasn't always one of the most active and dedicated zombies in all of Malton. No, I had much to overcome to reach the position where I am today. For you see, I was not always a zombie. In fact, once a time when I was very much lost in the world.
I was born the son of a mill worker, the nephew of a goat herder and the grandson of a goat ball licker. Despite this humble upbringing and the fact that I had to walk uphill both ways through 20 feet of snow on my way to school, I persevered and became the first person in my family to graduate from college. After a brief stint as a sports journalist, I returned to academia and taught a course on Elvis at a small Midwestern liberal arts college. However, there was something that drew me to Malton. A certain je nais se qua. So I flew to England and entered the zombie apocalypse.
I entered Malton as a military scout. At the time I thought it would be fun to kill me some zombies. However, even as a scout, my ability to avoid my own death left something to be desired. It was at that point where I began to exist as a zombie, but not embrace my true zombieness nor embrace true Barhah!
You see, I would wander around Malton killing any old zombie I could find. My need for XP and my senseless wanderings leading me to strike at my own zetheren out of confusion and boredom. I was truly lost. But something miraculous happened during my wanderings. I encountered a horde of over 200 zombies standing outside of a building in Ridleybank. It was the Battle of Blackmore and I had stumbled upon my route to Barhah!
During that battle, I contacted my zetheren over at the RRF. The Battle of Blackmore was a low time for the RRF. As the ebbs and tides of any group go, the RRF was in a bit of a rut. A recent change in leadership, a low turnout of membership and a general malaise that afflicted the zombahz of Malton's most distinguished horde. However, there were signs of a turn-around. A renaissance of Barhah! that would overflow and baptize me in the cleansing waters of all that is good.
A new strike team, Auxunit 10 had formed. And their leader, Silent Sister, contacted me about joining that group. I dove in head first and had much more fun than I ever had before, striking with my zetheren, eating fresh harman meat and tearing through barricades like a hot knife through butter. I had seen the light of Barhah, and it was good.
As I grew more and more active, I played a role in the development of AU10. I helped write and form propaganda. I built the AU10 wiki page. I also started coming up with various strategies and tactics to help starve survivors of needed resources in a prolonged siege situation. Eventually, the Battle of Blackmore ended, due largely to the intervention of the Shacknews horde. However, I was still energetic and enthusiastically contributing to the RRF. This enthusiasm and positive contribution to the horde did not go unnoticed and Silent Sister suggested to Papa Patrucio that I be allowed to join the War Council.
Once I gained membership to the RRF War Council, my energies took off to an even greater extent. I have probably exhausted the Papa's patience with my constant overflow of ideas on how the RRF can bring more Barhah! to Malton. I was asked to re-start publication of the Malton Herald & Sun, putting my experience as a newspaper journalist to good use, informing all of Malton of the events of the day. My time with the Malton Herald & Sun has been my most rewarding time in game, introducing me to greater elements of the Maltonian community. And that is why I am working so hard to unite us all as one community, under the banner of Barhah!
At the time, my energies were so strong that I even formed an elite strike team known as the Red Guards who for two months brought their own peculiar brand of zealous Barhah! to Malton. Alas, it was not meant to be, as the daily grind of leading a strike team and the low turnout for a morning strike time lead to the disbanding of the Red Guards.
However, my enthusiasm for the game and the RRF has not dampened. In fact, it is in the broad picture sense -- freed from the constraints of the daily grind that a strike team commander faces -- that I have made my greatest contributions to the horde. It is this same broad vision that I will bring to Malton. A Malton united in Barhah! A Malton free of guns, barricades and drugs. A Malton where zombie and human can stand side by side, be neighbors and eat to their heart's content. And this is a Malton that I can help make for all of us. Join me.
Barhah!
Accomplishments
- Level 42 Rotter
- Executive Editor of the Malton Herald & Sun
- Member of the RRF War Council
- Former strike team commander of the Red Guards
- Chairman of the Ridleybank Special Olympics Committee
- Member of Auxunit 10
- Veteran of the Battle of Blackmore, the Second Battle of Blackmore, the Shacknews siege of Stickling, and the RRF Excursion.
- Coordinator of recent Barhahween, Barhahgiving and St. Barhatrick's day celebrations.
- Eater of Ron Burgundy's Brainz.
- Key developer of NT starvation as a siege tactic...
- 1. Have rotters clog revive points.
- 2. Have those rotters take down the names of the dedicated revivers and how often they revive people.
- 3. Launch daily attacks against local NT's and nearby safehouses. Make sure NT's are sacked and that the most dedicated revivers are the first ones who are killed.
- Active in many UD forums, providing much of Malton with crucial RRF outreach.
- The pimpin'ist zombie around.
Poster Room
