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Kiwi aka.jpg Laterzzz!
This user will be less active until Kevan implements lip gloss or until the proletarian rise up. Was nice knowing you, UD comrades!

I is Czarina.
Joined: 2006-10-14
Character class: Russian Medic
Favorite equipment: Medkit
Character profile: Urban Dead profile
Current status: I is alive. You have problem with that?
Character group: Ghetto Cow
Character stats: 45 deaths, 45 revives, and a whole lotta people healed...and 7 zombies killed!
Journal: No journal for Lachryma

MIA Arular.jpg Missing In Action
This user listens to M.I.A. and thus is feeling a little militant. And rebellious. Who else is gonna pull up the people?

Zcow.jpg Suck the Cow!
In the grim darkness of Malton there is only war. And rats.

Soviet.png Not One Step Back, Comrades!
This user thinks that the Soviet Union was awe-inspiring during WWII

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Vista has given Lachryma a rat for going onwards to shinier things

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Cap'n Silly has given Lachryma a rat for recognizing his page's awesomeness.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Ev933n has given Lachryma a rat for ...she knows why!

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Dickholeguy has given Lachryma a rat for a lovely revive

Pretty Ratty.jpg A rat, and it's for you!
Vista has given Lachryma a rat in order to prevent all the ackward questions that giving a corset brings with it

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Pyrranha has given Lachryma a rat for answering all his newbie questions in under two minutes.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
ShinobiSlider has given Lachryma a rat for stopping political war, even IF it would've been really entertaining.
Sake article.jpg Magatsu's gift!
You have been/said/done or are just having something Magtsu Taito think is awesome! Sake for you!

Police badge.jpg Excellent Job!
Savant 231 A has given Lachryma a badge for being a damn good zombie killer, and for making good comics!

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Che13 has given Lachryma a rat for accepting Che's laziness as a good thing.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Everybody at Random Feth has given Lachryma a rat for helping to make Vista angry.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Macampos has given Lachryma a rat for her help at Millen Hills

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
sexualharrison has given Lachryma a rat for being a Wiki Goddess

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Sarpek has given Lachryma a rat for being cool in the Elbow Room.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Suicidalangel has given Lachryma a rat for making his talk page look sexy.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Gregory has given Lachryma a rat for being consistently awake and entertaining at 2 a.m. on the NMC forum.

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Axe Hack has given Lachryma a rat for no reason at all

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
JohnRubin has given Lachryma a rat for voting for his ratty suggestion

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
P02 Samuel has given Lachryma a rat for just being way too cool!

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Kouchpotato has given Lachryma a rat for being the hot Russian lady, duh

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Dux Ducis has given Lachryma a rat for voting the correct way on his and Engel's new policy

Rat-ah-tat-tat.jpg Here, have a rat!
Sexualharrison has given Lachryma a rat for crawling back. Because she has no RL friends and needs this wiki to complete her.

Backstory (Somebody cares. Somewhere.)

After a rather disturbing tour of duty in Chechnya, this Russian medic spent all her cash to visit the lovely countryside near Malton. After a long flight, some visa hassles, and being mystified by why she came to Malton in the first place, she was in no mood for the federal agents
Lachryma's trusty first aid kit.
slamming on her hotel room door. Anyway, to keep it short, Lachryma was drafted into the Army and air dropped at St. Matthew's Hospital in Gatcombeton. To aid her in her new mission of helping survivors, she was taught several phrases in English, including Ghetto Cow, and now she wanders around, healing random people and dreaming of the Motherland.

Series of Interviews

Early Interview

(Lachryma speaks in a heavy Russian accent. She seems nervous, glancing out of the safe-house often, and she obviously wants this interview to be over)

You like my English? I learn quick, so is good, no?

Please tell me about your first day in Malton.

I get drafted in your army, sent to help your people. Meanwhile, in Motherland, my people die. So I angry, very. I dropped off at hospital with gun, medkit, and clothes on back. I no find place I can get in, so I go to auto shop, throw out bodies, and close doors. I think I safe. Ha! Then I sleep.

And did you have a nice rest?

I wake up, zombie at my neck [she unconsciously touches the scars on her throat] and blood everywhere. I run, think I am dying, but man in white coat gives me needle, and I live. If only we have such in Russia!

What do you think of the quarantine of Malton? Is it worth it?

In Russia, we crush undead with tanks, spray with machine gun fire, and blast with Katyusha rocket. There is no 'quarantine', no worry of civilians. They die for Motherland.

You mention zombies in Russia. Did you encounter any before you came to Malton?

Da. I in apartment in Moscow, packing for Malton. I hear scream, so I go, for I am medic, no? In next apartment, pale man attacking lady. I pull apart, man turns fast, almost bites...[she looks thoughtful for a moment, then continues] but I push man, falls hard. I have no idea what is wrong, think drugs, and I leave country soon, so I punch man in throat. You do right, knock out man. But he keeps biting! Woman stops screaming, finally, and with neighbors, we tie up man, call police. I scared, go straight to airport, and come to undead city. I was genius, no?

How did you end up joining Ghetto Cow?

I go north, after bad experience with zombie in auto shop. I find Dag00, college man who speak a little Russian. He teach me English, I help him. Is good deal.

Tell me of your current activities.

What I do now? Ah, I go from survivor place to survivor place looking for hurt warriors. I heal, move on, sleep at Ghetto Cow HQ. I no big, bad zombie killer, but I still have role, no?

And what are your future plans?

Dag and I talk, decide on new course for group. East Boundwood nice, so it doesn't need small group. People needed in hot spot of Ridleybank, so we go there, soon. Maybe fight in black building, maybe anywhere in suburb. Is big move, with big consequences, but we figure out. About time we make difference, maybe I go back to Motherland soon, no?

January 13th Interview

(Lachryma is lounging on a desk in the Latrobe Building. She seems very relaxed, with only the occasional sharp glance given to the barricades)

Tell me of your view of the Fourth Siege of Caiger Mall

When I get to mall, around Christmas, I see giant horde outside one part of mall. They claw and groan there, is disturbing. But then it get worse, as whole horde suddenly comes to Latrobe. They still here, trying to get in, but they no can breach all at once. 3 zombies is easy to dispose of, and we is lucky that all 200 no come in at one time.

What are your current tactics?

I heal some, but lack of supplies is annoying. Instead, I finally get hands on miracle needles, and so I help those almost dead. Is good work, and I see much benefits. For old times sake, I still heal hurt ones sometimes.

And how are you holding up in your biggest siege since the Blackmore Building fell?

At Blackmore, living ones got less and less. Here, we go from 50, to 80, to almost 100 breathing ones. We is outnumbered, but we no can be kicked out.

I hear that Ghetto Cow has made many allies recently.

Is true. I spend time on radio, talking with people who think like us, and we get allies. Is tiring work at time, but is useful. Also, we get new members, who tire of fighting by themselves. Life is good.

Any thoughts on the current situation in Malton?

You mean lack of zombies, of heavy decrease of zombie numbers? Is sad, for when dead walk, we start living. We no lead easy lives with zombies outside, and I fear for zombie-free Malton. We can no afford to be soft like in old life, for that leads to huge infection again.

May 11th Interview

(Lachryma is sitting at the base of a staircase in a bland-looking building in West Becktown. She seems strangely focused.}

It's been some time since our last interview. You're a hard woman to track down.

Da. I keep moving. There is always new places to see, experience. Change is lovely, no? So I keep up change.

Where have you been recently?

I spend large amount of time in Yagoton place. Is...interesting suburb. There was desperate struggles, grand sieges at Wantmore NT, and determined dead ones. But we outlast them, now place is peaceful. Boring. So I leave. Now I is trying to improve Molebank. But is far trickier, dead ones vicious in area. Is challenging.

You are very close to Caiger Mall.

Yes. Is lovely. [She smiles for the first time.] I find new Soviet flag. I keep it folded and safe, so I not lose it. Anyway, I go to mall occasionally, to get medkits. Also, I stop by Latrobe place. Is under siege, but is still boring. So I go with random people to bring life to Molebank. Death comes close, but we have lovely needles, no? So we take risks, have fun. Find rats too, in abandoned buildings. I hope to get second Soviet flag, so I can make purse out of to carry extra rats. What? I see no problem with this. Don't give weird look.

How has leading Ghetto Cow been?

Is usual. I is Czarina. They follow, I yell, and sometimes they whine. Then I get vicious, then they follow orders again. Is like leading little children, but less mess.

Anything else you'd like to mention?

Ah yes, I declare War On Sheep, please support. Is lovely.


  • Dag00-Is good man, fellow leader of Ghetto Cow. Can shoot zombie in head at 300 meters.
  • Jon D'oh-He fight hard, organized his new group well, and he come to Ridleybank. Therefore, is comrade.
  • John Manning-He once kill 13 zombies at once, firing large amount of bullets. That is Motherland style of war! Is honorary member of Russian Army now. Also, he fight in the 'bank.

Lachryma's Proudest Moment

I in Blackmore, looking for hurt people, when I see Ron Burgundy is very injured, even though his hair still perfect. I quickly bandage him, and get autograph on medkit. I never met celebrity before, and I never heal one either. I no forget this moment.

Lachryma's Second Proudest Moment

On February 13th, I add informative article to Mod Conspiracy page, is pure genius. I is proud to expose evil bourgeoisie of wiki to world, is good work. Motherland would think, "Is lovely".


Some humor is always welcome in a zombie apocalypse! (It reads right to left, and then drops down due to page-width issues)

Part 1

Lachryma, Part 1.PNG

Better better version, not drawn by me:

Lachryma, part 1, again!.jpg

Part 2

Lachryma, Part 2.PNG

Part 3

Lachryma, Part 3.PNG

Part 4

Lach, Part 4.PNG

Part 5

Lach, Part 5.PNG

Part 6

4th Siege Comic.PNG

Part 7

Lach, part 7.PNG

Part 8, ish


Random Comics


'Caiger Build-Up' Comic.PNG


Lachryma, Radio.PNG


Life in Malton Comic.PNG

Council Of Leaders!

This comic is about the revived Council of Leaders, the reaction it stirred up on the Brainstock forum, and the reaction on the NMC forum. Enjoy!

CoL Comic.PNG

Other Characters

  • Kolea-He died in Caiger Mall, which fell soon after. Congrats, Shacknews. About a month later he finally got revived and so he went to a randomly selected mall.
  • Criid-She died in Stickling Mall, which fell soon after. Congrats, Shacknews. (I sense a pattern...). Then she got revived and went to Yagoton. This is fascinating, isn't it?
  • Naith-Got sick of both being alive and being in a boring suburb. So she went to Nichols Mall, died, and never looked back.


I is so homesick for Motherland, I is dreaming of it now:

You are inside the Kremlin. Soviet flags decorate the walls and Kalashnikovs have been stacked up in the center. The building has been extremely heavily barricaded with ideals and copies of the Communist Manifesto. A Worker's Paradise has been set up here. It is running. Somebody has spraypainted Not one step back! onto a wall.

Since your last turn:
  • KGB agents killed the last zombie (4 seconds ago)
  • The Proletariat healed you for 10 HP (0 seconds ago)

Recently, I have dream of dark future. Is not pretty sight.


Lovely gifts

I get this from Tovarisch Khrushchev, for voting for him to position of power. In exchange, he sign poster for me:

C4ntpropoganda3 signed.jpg

From Che13, for my birthday, I get shiny thing that ends all questions from fools about hammer and sickle, finally. Is fulfillment of my dreams.

Kareliya (Small).jpg ☭ Lachryma Rules!! ☭
And if you see question marks instead of the hammer and the sickle go here, and don't annoy the Czarina.

From Sonny person, I get pretty poster for supporting new, mad plan of his.


From Specialist290, for purposes of our Ghetto Cow reunion. I added eye patch, of course, to fit with pirate-theme of reunion.

No, I do not understand message of poster.

My Template

Kind person made this for me:

Kareliya (Small).jpg We love Lachryma!!!
{{{Name}}} loves the hot Russian lady!!!

If you think I is lovely too, put: {{Lachryma|Name=username}} on page.

Artist's Interpretation

Here is lovely art of me:



I tell story about Moggridge PD during GC reunion, is lovely. I also practiced much before, so you cannot even tell I have accent! Look at it here.

Also, after reunion, RRF zombie horde finally shows up at Moggridge, birthplace of them. They trash pirate party, have too much grog, and I is thrown out by hand of RRF Papa. I love them still, yes? Photos are lovely, are they not? But is so many!

My Song

Very kind and sweet Specialist290 write song about me, is absolutely lovely:

Czarina (to the tune of "Lovely Rita," by the Beatles)


(Oh Czarina, lovely girl,
Oh Czarina, lovely girl...)

Oh Czarina, lovely girl,
Nothing can come between us.
When you fall I'll have a revive for you...

Standing there barricading when I spied a dark-eyed lady
Patching up a bite wound on a NecroTech type.
In the dark she looked much older, and the bag across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a milit'ry man.

Oh Czarina, lovely girl, may I inquire discreetly,

Would you mind sharing this safehouse with me?


*piano solo*

Took her out and tried to win her--
Had a rat and scotch for dinner--
Told her I would really like to see her again.
Zed broke in; I got infected,
AP'ed out, and shouted "Feth it!"
Waited for a medic with a needle or two...

Oh Czarina, lovely girl, what would we do without you;
Get a syringe and I'll wait here for you,
Lovely Czarina;
Czarina lovely girl;
Oh, my Czarina lovely lovely girl...


Goddess.jpg Death And Destruction
This user or group supports the fiery women of Hel's Daughters and their zombie ways. Would you like a taste?

Caiger Fething Mall Defiant Caiger Mall Defender
This user or group is dedicated to the defense of Caiger Fething Mall, and to maintaining its free flow of liquor at market prices.

Calculus.JPG Calculus
This user really hates calculus.

Bsfa98.JPG War On Sheep
This user or group is sick of survivors acting like lame sheep. Zombies are supposed to be the herd creatures, not the living!

Kiwi aka.jpg MJ Loves Your Kiwis
Murray Jay greatly admires Lachryma's awe-inspiring Kiwis.
Firefox.png Firefox User
This user uses Firefox.

RecentChanges.jpg In Need of WikiRehab
Lachryma is addicted to recent changes.

Cybelesdaughters.jpg Where Are The Women?
This user or group supports Cybele's Children and agrees that there should be more female characters in Malton.

User:Lachryma/Sandbox-Is link for me, leave alone.

Motherlandbank- Again, is link for me, no touch.