Battle of the Bear Pit

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This historical event is no longer active. However, its wiki page is preserved to reflect the event's significance in Urban Dead history. Please do not edit this page or the corresponding talk page without good reason.

4yellow.jpg A Sidenote by the Author
The first set of images on this page was deleted, as their creator decided he didn't want them associated with zombies. If you're interested, there's plenty of information regarding that on the talk page. It's been a while, but I've finally gotten around to replacing them with new, better images. I think they're better, anyway. Maybe it's because I made them or maybe it's because the scotch blurs my vision. Regardless, when in Rome! If anyone's still worried about something, then I suppose I should say that most of the people in the images are friends of mine (or the images themselves were taken by friends of mine). In fact, one of the people is a former member of DARIS- guess which! And if you recognize one of these people... well then holy shit, you might just know Ron Burgundy?

Battle of the Bear Pit
Date Late April - Early May, 2006

Late May - Mid June, 2006

Place Havercroft and Ackland Mall
Result The initial invasion of zombie territory led to a survivor victory. A few weeks later, it was followed by a month-long zombie counterattack, which ended in a second survivor victory.
Groups in the order they arrived
Channel 4 News Team, Malton Rangers, The Corleone Family.

The Malton Mafia, Cannonball Crew, Justice Inc, Malton's Angels.

Chi Vai Hunters, Acid War Templars, WSFFG.

Ackland Abattoir, Ferals.

RRF (specifically the Squaredancing Squad, Barhah Brigade, and Packers), DOA, Shining Ones.

Ron Burgundy, Major Grippy, Vito The Don Stare, The Dark Pope, Maximus, members of the RRF War Council

Class, Tridents, Odin

Large amounts of feral zombies, Bears

Many survivors entered Valhalla. Some twice. Dare I say, some thrice?

Also, when fighting resumed, high profile survivors were targeted and account for a somewhat disproportionate number of survivor casualties.

The Channel 4 News Team killed so many zombies. I don't know if you heard them counting. They killed over 1000. They just stand back up, but you know the saying, "you've got to get up if you want to get down."

On the 14th of April, 2006, Halomarine34 warned all survivors in Ackland Mall to "cut your losses and evacuate immediately." Before anyone could react, zombies and death-cultists broke through the barricades and brought a quick end to the retreat. In short order, the entire suburb of Havercroft followed suit. Fleeing the scene, one survivor spray painted "Ackland Abattoir" inside the Mall, suggesting, in the most obscure of terms, that Ackland had become a "slaughterhouse"- an "abattoir," as it were. Thus formed a new zombie group, the Ackland Abattoir, who numbered some twenty five corpses but can be said to have spoken for most of the undead in Havercroft.

Enter Ron Burgundy, a Fearsome Warrior- a veritable little Buddha covered in shotguns- and the bloodthirsty Channel 4 News Team. He and his team followed the scent of Desire southwest, from Yagoton, hunting Wes Mantooth. The Channel 4 News Team, the Malton Rangers, and The Corleone Family entered Richmond Hills on the 21st of April, setting up camp in the northeast. Resistance was minimal and all three groups soon moved on, having run out of Tridents and lost interest in petty gains. Thus did our adventurers first cross into Havercroft, where the Ackland Abattoir had left not a plastic tree unscratched and not a single barricade intact.

It Begins

Fighting was bloody, to begin with. The survivors setup base on the border, restocking in Carle Street PD and St. Mark's Hospital and sleeping in low-key safe houses to the south, all of which became prime hunting ground for the Ackland Abattoir. Ron Burgundy, for his part, drew up a barricade plan such that "every building borders an entry point." In this plan, he pointed out that Channel 4 News Team would not, at the time, be entering "The Bear Pit," their term for Ackland Mall and the surrounding area.

This was soon to change, however. Frequent zombie incursions into safe houses forced survivors to spread out and most found themselves spending every waking moment barricading. This, Ron Burgundy said, would not please Odin. They had to regroup and bring Swift and Hideous Death to their enemies! Only then would the Gods be appeased- and should the Gods be appeased, perhaps they would deliver Wes Mantooth unto the News Team.

Survivors move South

Foul Zombies control Ackland Mall.

Thus, Ron Burgundy saw fit to kill two birds with one stone. The many survivors who had died were asked to go west, to Caiger Mall, saving themselves the cost of a needle and spreading the word of a Glorious Battle in Ackland Mall. That's right, Ackland Mall, not Havercroft! The survivors were spreading word of a battle in The Bear Pit, where they had, until then, intended not to go! Indeed, the times, they were a changin'. Word was also sent to the previous defenders of Ackland Mall, most of which had ceased to exist and none of which were able to partake in the battle. Justice Inc, an unrelated group, did join the fight, offering to supply revives, which were in extremely short supply.

At that point, the Channel 4 News Team had decided to regroup in The Bear Pit, but not Ackland Mall, following their old strategy. They would barricade the mall and surrounding buildings, sleeping in the latter and moving to the former when it appeared safe. The Malton Rangers, for their part, had offered to watch the northern flank. The Corleone Family, unfortunately, had fallen and had yet to be resurrected. They had, however, secured the help of The Malton Mafia, whose whereabouts were unknown- though I'll be damned if I didn't hear some Italian being spoken to the east. Also, several unknown people had begun barricading the mall and running off in the days leading up to the change. "These brave souls," it was said, "surely earned their share of Mead in Valhalla."

The Cavalry Arrives

Four members of the News Team crash the News Van through the front doors of Ackland Mall, pose for this awesome photo, and then bring Swift and Hideous Death to the foul zombies pictured above.

In Caiger Mall, word was spreading and people began moving. No official groups had joined the fight, of yet, but a good forty individuals moved down, mostly entering Ackland Mall, itself. There were hourly incursions of up to ten zombies, but the survivors somehow held them off. Realizing he was late and that his friends were holding on by the skin of their teeth, Ron Burgundy and his allies abandoned their safe houses and moved into the very heart of The Bear Pit.

The southeast corner quickly became a doorway to Valhalla; there were some sixty survivors inside the mall, none in the southeast, and a good eighty zombies outside, all in the southeast. Like I said, the Ackland Abattoir count twenty five and speak for the rest. As of the 2nd of May, incursions were still brutal and the situation still volatile. Realizing the mall was within their grasp, however, the survivors spread the word to all those remaining in low-key buildings to move on into Ackland and secure things. Within a day or so, the survivors inside outnumbered the zombies outside.

The steady flow of support from Caiger Mall continued, and some members of the Cannonball Crew and Malton's Angels showed up. Also, the YRC's main man in Havercroft rejoined the living and began helping Justice Inc in the revive zone- that's right, our heroes finally got the spare time to revive their own!


It became safe to say, around May 10th, that the Glorious Battle was over, as survivors control the mall and their reach had been extended to much of the rest of the suburb. The Channel 4 News Team declared victory three days later and left the area. The Ackland Abattoir, they said, had been down right Classy foes, but what zombie horde can withstand the Awesome Might of over three hundred Vicious Pagan Killers led by none other than the Channel 4 News Team- for that is how many survivors ultimately showed up! None, I dare say.

Following all this, the Channel 4 News Team, the Malton Rangers, and The Corleone Family went to Hildebrand Mall, where they intend to buy new suits and then move on the surrounding suburbs. Many of the survivors who followed them into Ackland remained in the suburb and held the mall. All was not well and as they left, two small groups of RRF members were en route to try and help the Ackland Abattoir. Given, however, that most survivor groups were pulling out and placing themselves in threatening positions, the RRF presence was expected to be short-lived and minimal- not to mention late. Regardless, it appeared to be nothing Ackland Mall's gritty survivors couldn't take.

The Killing Resumes

Hildebrand Mall proved more of a cleanup than a battle and the Suit Store therein was quickly secured. All the better, it seemed! The RRF and DOA had both taken a break from their pledge drives and moved into Havercroft to kick some ass with the Ackland Abattoir. However, when our heroes left Ackland Mall, they did so with one caveat: should the zombies arrive in larger numbers than expected, the Channel 4 News Team, the Malton Rangers, and The Corleone Family would all return and remind everyone in the area of just how good we look.

It's important to point out that the entire RRF did not come. Rather, only the Packers and the Squaredancing Squad showed up. They keep their numbers private, but each strike team is rumored to have something on the order of 20 members. The DOA and the Ackland Abattoir each had about 15 members. Before survivor reiforcements arrived, there were some 150 zombies outside Ackland's northeast corner and about 250 survivors inside, 30 of which braved the northeast. Several survivor groups had formed and were doing what they could to organize the survivors. Included among these new groups were Ackland Mall Security, the Loose Cannons, and the Malton Nudists.

On the 22nd of May, Major Grippy of the Malton Rangers gave the first official command to move back to Ackland Mall, saying "I ran across some zombies glad-handing eachother today on the forums, boasting about how easily Ackland is falling to them and how little a challenge they face in devouring its ill-organized defenders... So I say we show them a real fight! I think it's high time we headed back into the Bear Pit and showed them just how classy we really are." At the time, Ron Burgundy was away from the Internet, ballin' the jack up the American Eastern Seaboard. The Channel 4 News Team officially followed suit upon his return, two days later. Most of the Channel 4 News Team had, however, already taken matters into their own hands; they're killers, first and foremost!

The Place of Class

Zergs attack! Channel 4 News Team photojournalists quake with terror and, for the first time, fail to take a perfectly crisp image.

The first and most obvious problem with the renewed battle is a case of zerging on the part of the survivors. It came to everyone's attention only after Kevan had banned the offending profiles; previously, no one had been aware of the zerging except the person doing it. Ron Burgundy took no action against him, his reason being that Kevan had already done so and taking further action served no purpose short of punishment, which serves no purpose. Of course, said Burgundy, "I realize this could offend some people, who may see it and think I'm being lax for the sake of group numbers, effectiveness, or some such. I'm not, I'm just trying to keep things in perspective." The Channel 4 News Team issued a formal statement the next day and apologized.

On the zombie side- and the lighter side- it became immediately apparent that some were targeting high profile survivors or members of high profile groups. There were allegations of spying thrown about, but it seems likely that the zombies had added their enemies to their contacts lists. There was, no doubt, some spying, but there's not much time to search through a list of survivors when only a handfull of zombies manage to break through the barricades at one time. To be fair, the Ackland Abattoir say such tactics are against "Abattoir Law." What's more, there's no big problem with this. We clean up good. It does, however, suggest a certain anger.

There was also some false information spread around the mall in a smear campaign against the Channel 4 News Team. To begin with, several unknown people, unaffiliated with the News Team, claimed to be speaking for Ron Burgundy and spread hideous lies to the effect of "Burgundy says you guys are shit out of luck and he's not coming back." When he and his team showed up shortly thereafter, there were allegations that they were trying to take control of the mall. This, of course would contradict the Channel 4 News Team's oft repeated policy of following the scent of Desire toward Glorious Battle and not holing up in one place to wait for the zombies to come to them. That is to say, the Channel 4 News Team is a survivor group on the offensive and has no use for a base.

The final smear was an allegation that "the leaders of the Channel 4 News Team and the Malton Rangers were cowering in a completely different mall several suburbs away." It was, however, the policy of both groups to send their dead to Caiger Mall, where revives are more common than headshots and where there are hundreds of bored survivors looking for a fight. High profile survivors were targeted and this policy is an attempt to use that very same visibility to our advantage. As soon as word is spread of the goings on in Ackland, we return to the Bear Pit, loathing all the way the old, old wooden ship Diversity, which made us leave.

But I Digress

Such smear campaigns come from frustration and frustration on the zombie side is understandable- anger at the zerging, even more so. A week into the battle, there were 400 survivors inside Ackland and 80 zombies outside. Ackland Mall's survivors were no longer on the defensive and the rest of the zombies didn't leave, they were killed. Many of these new survivors came down from Caiger Mall, armed to the teeth and full of Desire (hence the last smear, perhaps).

Possibly as a consequence of the problems above, someone by the name of "Warrant Officer Hudson" approached the Channel 4 News Team with an interesting bit of treachery. He claimed to be working for the Malton Liberation Force, whose members had apparently infiltrated other groups in an attempt to control their actions. He and his team seemed to dislike the Channel 4 News Team, for nebulous reasons, and threatened to take down the barricades in Ackland Mall, should the News Team refuse to leave. Hudson expressed regret for turning on the News Team, but offered no alternative to leaving, although the News Team's allies were welcome to stay. Many people (both zombies and survivors) didn't take kindly to such threats, and they seemed like bluffs, at best. One of the Channel 4 News Team's close allies, however, turned out to have been a founding member of the Malton Liberation Force and immediately instigated a secretive coup within the Malton Liberation Force. Hudson disappeared and the group's remaining members began a friendly if mysterious relationship with the News Team and its allies.

Following the nonsense in the beginning and the mysteriousness of Warrant Officer Hudson, however, a standard siege took place and Class came back to the fight on both sides. There is, to my knowledge, no lasting disagreement between any groups involved, despite various invocations of Norse Gods and the like.

A Standard Mall Siege

Survivors endure a trying two month siege.

The feared Pk-day passed without a hitch and few assaults on the part of the zombies resulted in much more than minor break-ins. The only notable one was on the 4th of June, when something on the order of 25 zombies got in through the northwest corner. They were promptly killed, but the number of survivors they took with them is unknown. All other break-ins involved a small number of zombies and ranged in frequency from daily to nearly hourly and back again. Zombies involved in these attacks often ran through the mall, destroying generators and radio transmitters.

Numbers on the zombie side grew to 120 in early June and surpassed 200 with the arrival of The Shining Ones and the implimentation of Scent Death. Finally, zombies, just like members of the Channel 4 News Team could literally smell the Desire! To help all other survivors do something similar, radios were added to the game and survivor numbers inside the mall reached 550 with the arrival of more independent survirors as well as the Chi Vai Hunters, Acid War Templars, and WSFFG. Survivor numbers are, however, somewhat deceptive. Most survivors stayed in the southwest corner of the mall while the zombies attacked in the northwest. Break-ins, of course, were fended off by all survivors, but the 130 who stayed in the northwest corner sustained the vast majority of the casualties and, with the cunning use of barricades, prevented an unknown number of attacks entirely.

As is always the case, a stalemate followed. One would have expected the zombies to wander off slowly, disintegrating as small groups of zombies developed a bad taste for plastic trees and refrigerators. Instead, the opposite happened. On June 10th, there were just over 200 zombies outside. On June 11th, there were 130. On June 12th, 80. The next day, there were none. A bewildered Ron Burgundy climbed over the barricades, scratched his head, and said, "when in Rome." Among the survivors, suspicions abounded of a trap. Some fears were allayed when The Shining Ones were spotted in West Grayside by Ed Harken and Garth Holliday.

Into History!

When the group first arrived in Havercroft, there were zombies in every building and not a single barricade in over 100 blocks. Two months later, our heroes could barely lift their arms because they killed so many zombies. The Battle of the Bear Pit was one hell of a fight, the likes of which its participants are unlikely to repeat.

With no zombies to sustain them, the Channel 4 News Team and a group of allies too large to list here left Ackland Mall and Havercroft altogether. As has been said, there is no use staying in a suburb full of dead bodies when one could simply move to a suburb full of the undead! Ackland's northwest corner had seen perpetual fighting for two months and within a day of the zombie defeat, half of the survivors in it had left. Such is our patience! So, where does one go when one has driven his enemies before him and heard the lamentation of their women? Barrville. Out there, the air is thick. You may think it smells like Bigfoot's dick, but that's actually the scent of Desire.


Ackland Mall and the rest of Havercroft stood strong for one month, as the Channel 4 News Team and their allies, under the banner of the New Malton Colossus, waged war in Barrville, Ridleybank, and Stanbury Village. They enjoyed a good deal of success, especially in the latter, but fell back to help defend Ackland when zombies from the Big Bash showed up in the hundreds.

Inside Ackland were a good 300 survivors, all but 40 of stayed away from the corner that was under attack, fearing the regular break ins of up to 35 zombies. To be fair, this is standard procedure and it's the exact same thing the Channel 4 News Team, itself, did in Bale Mall, Nichols Mall, and Hildebrand Mall. Before a mall is secure, you hide in the buildings around it and barricade from there. When it's somewhat secure, you hide in the safe corners and barricade the one that's under attack.

This tactic is, however, precisely what led to the downfall. On the 15th of July, there were over 300 zombies outside Ackland and they worked their way through the 40 defenders without much of a problem. They ransacked the southwest corner and it was over. The Channel 4 News Team suffered 40% casualties. Presumably, the other defenders did the same.

Never fear, my friends, for Odin has willed it to be so. What's more, the Channel 4 News Team will be stronger for it- because we clean up good.