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Abbreviation: RELCAC
Group Numbers: 10
Leadership: Sneaky Snake
Goals: Defending Ol' Broken Glass Creek
Recruitment Policy: By chugging contest only.
Contact: nestor23

RELCAC is dedicated to swilling beer and defending Ol' Broken Glass creek. Caught in Malton on a booze run, they have decided to set up an auxiliary cabin wherever the filth and smell reminds them most of their Central PA home.

RELCAC members can often be seen trying to do one or more of the following activities: Trying to convince Jon Wood that they have, in fact, burned the broom; filming a shoddily written/acted sequel to some elaborate inside joke of a film; threatening the diabetic among them with sugar; searching for someone's lantern, grappling hook, and snake arms; or pissing in/on various rivers/corpses.

Current Events

Some members of RELCAC are now engaged in the rebuilding of West Becktown, while others remain in East Malton, helping on the front lines. It is rumoured that the Bull Riding Machine at the The Acott Arms may even get repaired.




Visto Tutto

Hatchet Schorchhose

Rutherford B Hayes - Member of the RELCAC Republican Guard

Jodo Mycelium

roman truth - Member of the RELCAC Republican Guard

Zpallo (Ex-Patriot Former KGB Agent, Malton Defender)

Lance Pellington

david sharp


For outstanding service in the 100 AP war, the following RELCAC members have won medals or awards:

nestor23 - Three Purple Hearts, and one Yellow Star (for copius amounts of urine placed upon the corpses of our enemies)

Hatchet Schorchose - Purple Heart, and Bronze Star for combat heroics in the Second Battle of Waugh, where he bravely cleft Stapleballs in two.

Rutherford B Hayes - Purple Heart, Nobel Prize for Peace

Visto Tutto - Pullitzer Prize for his memoir "Blood on the Bar Stool"

Roman Truth- The MWRZ (Most Welcome Rookie Zealot) Award for such vicious loyalty to the RELAC cause in the war against 5punk. He has also been presented with a certificate of achievement for unknowingly choosing a name that would prove to correspond so well to RELCAC's multipersonality enemy Roman Totale/RTotale

Former 5punk members

A few days ago, we noticed that several former members of 5punk have set their group to RELCAC. Welcome! Our newest members are listed below. We can't vouch for their actions, but we're happy to have them onboard after all of the unpleasantness of the past summer. A hearty welcome to our favorite new turncoats:




RELCAC spokessnake Sneaky Snake issued the following statement about the new members:

It does not come as a surprise that 5punk members, no doubt shocked and awed and whatnot by our now-concluded summer campaign, have decided to join RELCAC. They have been shy about their intentions, so we can only guess as to what they want. Safety? A sense of belonging? A chance to express their delicate homosexual desires that have germinated for so long in the hothouse of the 5punk forums? We can only guess.

In response to questioning, Sneaky Snake clarified:

Well, they're British or something, right? You hear what goes on in those boarding schools and whatnot, and you just sort of assume. And you figure that they're probably all stiff upper lip around each other, and we're pretty laid-back about what people want to do in their spare time. That's all I meant.

Note: Sneaky Snake is going to be suspended from his duties as official spokessnake until the controversy dies down. Could someone get him that message? I can't seem to find my memo paper, my pen, or an inter-office pneumatic tube container. --Cvk 22:08, 16 September 2007 (BST)

Political Structure

RELCAC has a simple political structure. It works as follows: RELCAC is run by a President--Rutherford B Hayes at this juncture--however to be president you need to gain the approval of the Council of Six (One for each letter in RELCAC.) Aside from voting for president the Council of Six is in charge of tallying the votes from the Senate. Any RELCAC member who has been with the group an odd number of days is in the Senate. The Senate votes on whether or not the President has the power to elect a new Council of Six. If they vote in his favor three times in a row, he can change two members. If they vote against him three times in a row, he can only change 1 member. However if he receives a scattered vote (i.e., for/for/against, against/for/against, etc.) then he can't change any of the members. But Council of Six members can make a vote to remove the president (5:1 majority needed) unless they get a veto from 30% or more of the Senate.

RELCAC members not on the Senate are assigned Cabinet Positions. These positions include the Secretary of Booze, the Secretary of War, and the Secretary of Battle. The Secretary of War and the Secretary of Battle often have overlapping duties. In the even of a disagreement the President can intervene with an Executive Order, choosing one Secretary to side with. However if half the Council of Six dismiss the Executive order, then the policy of the other Secretary is immediately adopted, unless the Senate blocks it with a 55% or greater majority vote. Though, if that happens, then the Council of Six can unblock it with a 4-2 or better vote. However, if one of the two is the Head of the council of Six, then the measure remains blocked. The Secretary of Booze is a largely ceremonial position. However, if the day happens to be November 12th, the Secretary of Booze can issue an edict. If approved by 60% of the Senate, the edict becomes law. That is, unless the President issues a Reverse Edict Petition to the Council of Six. The Reverse Edict Petition automatically passes, however the Council can immediately remove both the Secretary of Booze and the President with a majority Ouster Vote.

Ouster Votes can also be called by members of the Senate, directed to other members of the Senate. But not until that member is granted authority from the council through a Petition for An Ouster Vote. Five Council members need to back said petition. The President can issue a Petition Cancellation Memorandum if he so desires, but only if the Memorandum is sponsored by one Council member and one Senator.

Also, Robert's Rules are in full effect at all meetings of all governing bodies.

It should be mentioned that the rumors of a shadow group of dark cabin dwellers, who silently pull the so-called strings of the entire RELCAC movement, have been exaggerated. These hateful lies are not to be taken seriously and public repetition of them could be considered treason. No such group exists. All hail the glorious leader!


The 100AP War

RELCAC members enjoyed a peaceful, booze-fueled existence until the start of The 100 AP War.

The origins of the 100 AP war (long a misnomer at this point) are shrouded in mystery. Some say it began when nestor23 inadvertantly offended 5punk members by overwriting graffiti at The Waugh Arms. Others say that 5punk member Stapleballs struck the first blow, striking down Nestor23 as he slept off a bender in the Acott. Like the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, the hostilities triggered by this initial spout of violence would echo for generations to come.

The early days of the war were marked by running street battles between nestor23 and Stapleballs. Eventually, the violence spread and Stapleballs began killing other other RELCAC members. RELCAC members made several attempts at diplomacy, but all were rebuffed. Eventually, RELCAC launched The Acott Offensive against Stapleballs. The climax of the Acott offensive was The First Battle of Waugh, launched after RELCAC members kidnapped Stapleballs' mom. Below is a transcript of grainy footage taken from the Waugh Security camera:

  • stapleballs' mom said "Stapleballs! I've been looking all over for you!" (7 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "We brought someone for you, Stapleballz" (7 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "I hear you've been a BAD BOY!" (7 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 said "Hey Asshole---you wanted a fight, did ya? You wanted to drag us all into it, did you? Well look who we got now?" (7 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "I heard you've been PKing!" (7 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "In addition to not picking up your soiled underwear. I've washed it. Pick it up, boy!" (6 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom hit stapleballs with a fire axe for 3 damage. (6 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "That's right Mrs. Balls, he's been a baddie." (6 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "Take that, ingrate!!!" (6 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom hit stapleballs with a fire axe for 3 damage. (5 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 shot stapleballs with a pistol for 4 damage. (5 minutes ago) ...and again.
  • Harpomarxist hit stapleballs with a fire axe for 3 damage. (5 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 shot stapleballs with a pistol for 4 damage. (5 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "And that!! You're a shame to the whole family!!" (5 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "Remember guys, don't kill him yet." (5 minutes ago) ...and again.
  • stapleballs' mom said "Your sister is crying." (5 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "Let's hold him down and let him watch his dear old mom depart this world." (5 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 said "Ah, it's going to be a fine day, killing two members of the Stapleballs family. Or three, depending on whether your mom is also your sister, as I hear you inbred ingrates are fond of." (4 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "Wait . . . TWO members!?!?" (4 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "Any final words for your son, Mrs. Balls?" (4 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "That wasn't the deal!!" (4 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs' mom said "I . . . stapleballs!! Help me!! Don't just stand there!!" (3 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 killed stapleballs' mom. (3 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 said "Hey, you don't loook too Bold or imposing to me. Asshole." (3 minutes ago)
  • Harpomarxist said "Make it hurt, boys!" (3 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 shot stapleballs with a pistol for 4 damage. (2 minutes ago)
  • Hatchet Scorchhose hit stapleballs with a fire axe for 3 damage. (2 minutes ago)
  • nestor23 shot stapleballs with a pistol for 4 damage. (2 minutes ago)
  • stapleballs was killed by nestor23. (2 minutes ago)

Accusations of zerging quickly proved to be nothing more than sour grapes. RELCAC members plan to celebrate this day as "Staplemas" from here on out.

The West Becktown Campaign

In response to the escalating violence, Rutherford B Hayes proposed the Waugh / Acott Peace accord, to attempt to end the madness of the 100 AP war. He also argued that the violence should be limited to Stapleballs, and that Roman Totale in particular should be spared out of respect for a kind revive. However, the Accord was met with derision by members of 5punk. As members of 5punk gathered at the Waugh, RELCAC members feared a sneak attack.

RELCAC therefore launched a preemptive attack now known as The Second Battle of Waugh. There were no 5punk survivors. The war has entered a dangerous new phase; 5punkers and RELCACers now kill each other on sight, while the hellish zombie nightmare continues outside.


RELCAC has admitted that one of its members, Roman Truth, has been implicated in the murder of a civilian non-combatant. Self-appointed President Rutherford B Hayes has promised a full investigation and pledged to prosecute any RELCAC member guilty of violating the RELCAC Rules of Engagement. "Our war is with 5punk, and 5punk alone," says Hayes. "If we condone the alleged actions of Roman Truth, we lower ourselves to 5punk standards. While we all support our troops in the field, we want to end this war as soon as possible. The killings of innocent civilians does not bring us closer to peace," added the beleagured, non-popularly elected president"

Senator Roman Truth recently introduced a resolution of censure of President Hayes in response to allegations of illegal destruction of the Army and intentional "loss" or the AP War. I understand the frustration that led Senator Roman Truth to introduce this resolution and support his right to do so without becoming the target of personal attacks questioning his patriotism and loyalty to his country.

Congress has a responsibility to thoroughly investigate the President's actions and to ensure that our government is fighting terrorism in the most effective way possible while protecting the rights of law-abiding Malton citizens. It is Congress’ obligation -- irrespective of party politics -- to determine whether or not the President broke the law, and to hold him accountable if he did. As with the proposed censure and impeachment of President Andrew Jackson, this process should include a thorough investigation of all of the relevant facts, full congressional hearings, and a meaningful opportunity for the President to explain and defend his actions prior to any votes regarding the President's possible censure.

Like most RELCACers, I was stunned to hear the Administration admit that the President directed Roman Truth to only kill 5punkers who he could prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, intended to attack RELCAC and only if those attacks would cause "substantial loss of life". Although I am a member of the Senate Armed Services Committee, these rules of engagement had been hidden from me. Since learning about the ROE, I have repeatedly called for the Committee to fully investigate the ROE, and I think it is stunning that a majority of my colleagues on the Committee have opposed authorizing an investigation by the full committee.

I am extremely dubious that there exists any legal basis for the President's actions. There is already a law in place that permits the current ROE and the recently passed PATRIOT Act extension -- which President Hayes favored -- updated many of these security provisions. These laws require the Army to show probable cause that someone is a 5punk terrorist or spy, and get clearence from a commander before they kill the member. There is even an emergency provision that allows our Soldiers to kill the suspected 5punker and then apply for a clerance afterwards, if a delay would threaten national security. If the Army can get an authorization by showing probable cause, and even apply for it after the fact in emergency situations, then there would seem to be no reason to have the Army follow the stringent rules of engagement imposed by the Commander-in-Chief.

Further, I am very concerned that the Administration has selectively released information as part of a public relations campaign to build support for the current ROE instead of submitting to appropriate congressional investigation and oversight. Administration officials’ statements to Congress strongly imply that many details about these ROE have been concealed from the public and the vast majority of the Congress. I am particularly concerned that their selective release of information may be intended to conceal unnecessary hoops our Soldiers need to jump thru, or possibly violations of the law.

Finally, I am infuriated by the way Congress is moving on the ROE situation to date. Despite the fact that Congress knows virtually nothing about the extent of the President's ROE, already bills have been introduced in Congress to nibble around the edges of the destruction of our Army and possible "loss", as RBH would say, of the 100 AP war and to legalize acts that may later be found to be patently illegal. Congress is acting like a doctor dispensing a diagnosis and treatment for a patient he has never seen.--------Senate Majority Leader

The Senate Majority Leader has just ordered the Senate Sergeant at Arms to "respectfully request his esteemed colleague Roman Truth's presence in the chamber." Rumors were swirling after Senator Truth stormed out of the chamber after his esteemed colleague from Virginia refused to yield just 2 more minutes of time so the Senator could finish his censure remarks. The Senate Majority Leader's actions were sparked when the Senate Armed Services Chairman received a report that Roman Truth's Army was last seen marching towards West Becktown. Roman Truth's Army has not entered West Becktown in over 100 years and is barred from entering the town per Malton Law. As Senator Truth stormed out of the chamber, he screamed into his cell phone "this President is a donkey fucker and I will do anything to stop him" in front of 25 8th graders from Iowa learning how the legislative process works. When Senator Truth realized his improperness he apologized to the children and complimented their teacher on her "nice ass and perky tits"--C-Span Reporter 22:14, 12 August 2007 (BST)

The August 2007 Wave of Destruction

The 100 AP finally came to a close Zeds reminded RELCACers and 5punkers who the real threat was by wiping out Caiger Mall and surrounds. RELCAC members fled to Fort Creedy, where they helped a survivor force counter the wave of destructionh

The Return of the 100 AP War

The 100 AP War has resurfaced with the emergence of a splinter group within RELCAC. A group calling themselves The RELCAC Republican Guard has denounced RELCAC's peaceful stance and vowed to renew the war against 5punk. RELCAC officials have neither confirmed nor denied the existence of the splinter group, but they have sworn to investigate and prosecute all RELCAC members who violate the fragile truce that ended the 100 AP War. The splinter group has been known to also go by the name "RELCAC Starship" and "The REaL RELCAC Experience '07"

Former unpopularly-elected RELCAC President Rutherford B Hayes was quoted as saying "It pains me as a man of peace to continue this war, but since the war never officially ended, it would be a shame to stop killing until it really does end. I vow not to harm the only good 5punker, Roman Totale - I just hope I don't confuse him with RTotale, who is fair game and looks alot like Roman."--UN Observer 22:31, 27 September 2007 (BST)

It should be noted that the resident Spook of RELCAC, Zpallo, (Ex-Patriot former KGB, now an upstanding member of Malton Civil Defense) has been MIA the past weeks. It seems that Zpallo, especially close with theharpomarxist, has cut off some forms of communication. It is unknown whether he will be assisting the Republican Guard, secretly working for his own goals, or following a top-secret special assignment. This maximum training (lvl 41) killing machine is not one to take lightly. Internal Affairs is checking into this, and any and all actions that he performs, except those of killing zeds and preserving civilians is NOT approved by the RELCAC defense supreme command.

-RELCAC Information Dispursement Office.

INCOMING BROADCAST, OCTOBER 7, 2007, 0000 hrs EST [datastream.encrpyt.brn]Intelligence Report Broadcast to RELCAC. Recent Observations of the following individuals have been noted, as of October 7th, 2007. Ramkoers, for killing civilians within Caiger Mall without any just cause. Pagram Librarian, and TEZZREX, for Generator destruction in and around Caiger Mall. Also, ROMAN TOTALE has been frequenting the Warehouse north of the NE quadrant of Caiger Mall. Please note that this broadcast contains no authorized orders, no authorization by any member of RELCAC, and its contents do not necessarily reflect the views or even the normal intelligence services of MALTON's RELCAC Group. Transmission Out. [datastream.encrpyt.dlu//r_locate]


The Wood Family
Rev. Aaris Aardvark

know what you are talking about Short-wave Radio Info
This group or location has a dedicated radio frequency.

Frequency: 26.45 MHz
Transmitter Coordinates: RELCAC home cabin