Iamnot

iamnot
Abbreviation:	iamnot
Group Numbers:	Oh, zillions. Billions. Which one is bigger? That one.
Leadership:	all members are equal, except the one's that are especially equal - these are the equallest and they are more equal than everyone else
Goals:	community communing and communication through connundrums, concepts, contrasts, contraindications and contraflow systems
Recruitment Policy:	open
Contact:	find us in Braham Boulevard School, Wray Heights in our specially designed 'Answerphone Building' it works exactly the reverse of an actual real answerphone: if someone's in, leave a message. if no-one's in... don't bother. And if you need to email you can do so to: theremainsofthebrains@yahoo.com especially if you're a hot internet babe not called Dennis and you wish to make woopie with me. Urban Dead - The best place for internet dating.

Our Hood

• we are moving... maybe... naturally we've got a lot of stuff so it might take a while* 16:52, 5 December 2011 (UTC)

Braham Boulevard School - Here you'll find a smattering of iamnot's history and a brief description of what our lovely building is like.

Steed Road - Our revive point. Wait here and the doctor will see you one day.

St. Margaret's Church (Wray Heights) - The church of iamnot. The BEST place to spend your sunday.

Whitcherell Bank - Full of money. You simply cannot rob us enough.

Meany Auto Repair - We love these girls. They fix our cars.

Sollas Cinema - All the best films. All the time.

FAR Systems Ltd - Sponsoring the Braham Boulevard 'We're going into Space' project, 2008.

The Great Tandem Accident - A significant event which happened, and continues to happen on Steed Road sometimes making it hard to revive people.

Sir Reginald Von Hundenburger - Currently hiding just around the corner fearing cyclitic wrath due to an ongoing police investigation.

Our Zombies

Ze Zombeths of Ze Zombeth of Zom. B. E. died? don't worry! you can still live!

I am, Iamnot

Iamnot is all about being something. Here at Iamnot people like to think long and hard (usually about 3 seconds) about something they are not, then they are more free to think more about what they ARE. This is important. It's bollocks, but it's important bollocks. George Jones knew this, and we are all nothing, nothing if we don't have a little George inside of us, but we must remember that however much we want it, we will not be a lot of things, least of all George Jones. God rest his mighty soul.

I am Iam Not

I have returnathed from the dead, and once again trampling my merry way across the earth, rising from the dead isn't all it's cracked up to be, i'll tell you that. -28.04.20

Iamnot - Best Webpage 1999-2009

Iamnot has recently been voted 'The Best Webpage Ten Years Running' by readers of Hello magazine that have never seen this webpage. We're obviously chuffed to bits and look forward to the double page spread in last months edition of !OHell where we will all pose in the nude with bananas up our bottoms. Iamnot - Best Webpage 1999-2009

Like being drunk, but better

Apparently knowing Iamnot is a bit like being drunk, but better. This is according to roving reporter Reginald Herald, whom, having drunk at the Bagot a few times, confided in an Iamnot member whilst the headlines screamed at him from behind the bar. "Iamnot", he said "is like having all the best alcohols in the world injected right into your brain all at the same time with no nasty hangover later on. It's like the Big Bang. It's that good. You're all great." He then threw up and told everyone he loved them.

We're Building a Religion

Cake did it. And let's be honest, if they can then anyone with half an arse can do it so we've decided to as well. Iamnot is now officially a Religion omg it's actually true! We've got our own Church and everything!! The Church of Iamnot, St. Margaret's Church Wray Heights, will be serving mass to the masses every Sunday with the Reverand Porpoise mashing the altar up for a 2 hour set of thumping church choons. It's not to be missed, and it's only a fiver, with free entry to all the sexy ladies before 10am.

Oh, and there'll be an orgy after mass in the cloister, bring your own diaphragm.

The Passion of the Porpoise

It's a new film, soon to be released all about the messiah, some people say it's blasphemous but probably they are the same peope that think nothing about screwing their kids. So stuff them. Anyway it's out soon and it's all about some guy who came from nowhere and changed the world by being great and learning from Paul Daniels. It's very moving, my left arm twitched almost continuously, but unfortunately it's all in Garlic so it's a bit smelly.

The News

Weekly updates from the Wray Heights News Office.

yeah right, bollocks this hasn't been updated for three years. mostly this is due to our glorious leader, me, being uploaded by aliens to another planet where he was fed pins and taught to pinch squirrels.

anyway, we're moving to new offices. and we have new alliances, the LOVELY Wulves. We've also made friends with reddit_surviors, well, sort of. in time they'll come round and we'll be BEST FRIENDS! YAY!

watch this spruce. 16:52, 5 December 2011 (UTC)

Well some people said i was mad... some people said i ad lost some sort of plot that i assume they thought they still had. well, for your information i haven't lost it, i threw it away. today i have committed suicide in steed road. you won't be seeing me again. bye bye birds eye. Iamnotaporpoise 22:56, 5 June 2008 (BST)

Well, it's been a funny old week. People have died, people have lived, some people have even been reborn, I assume this to be the reason the chemists have all run out of vaseline which I need to eat on a day to day basis simply to stay alive.

Eveyone is dead in Wray Heights. Apart from those who haven't been killed. Naturally Braham Boulevard prevails as a hopeful glint of light grey beauty amongst a sea of ruined buildigs. A veritable gem in a thorny crown of misery.

Anyway, it's Easter here, which means fasting, slowing and churching. Everyone's welcome to drop in and say hello at Braham Boulevard, we aren't actually that religious, but someone died 2000 years ago for our sins and GOD DAMNIT they deserve your respect.

Also the church is open if you wish to pray to the father, the son and the other one that gives you the willies late at night.

Amen Brother. --Iamnotaporpoise 18:48, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

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And in other news the iamnot page (that's this one for the hard of thinking, i might make that a link just to surprise anyone that clicks it) raced past its sixteen hundredth visit today. In laymans terms that's sixteen hundred visits, which means that 1600 times this page has been accessed. This is a lot of accessing for a page of this type, probably only comparable to the amount of times different people have accessed Britney Spear's arse, which is almost certainly as much of an anti climax as coming in here.

So well done everyone you've made it all worthwhile and I'd like to thank my lack of a proper life for making it all possible. See you in Hell. --Iamnotaporpoise 02:58, 23 March 2008 (UTC)

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Also in the News: The iamnot space program is underway. Sources close to iamnot have revealed that one iamnot member has already taken his protein pills and is rumoured to be putting his helmet on. 'Planet Earth' he said, 'is blue, and there's nothing I can do' suddenly someone blew a tuba in the background momentarily distracting the reporter and the would be astronaut made a run for it.

Wray heights residents are advised to look out for a tin can type craft floating in a most peculiar way high above the moon and against a backdrop of luminous orange stars later in the year. Probably passing the one hundred thousand miles mark by July.

Exciting stuff. Let's just hope the spaceship knows which way to go.

The whole project is sponsored by FAR Systems Ltd. Wherever you are, you're never too Far™--Iamnotaporpoise 19:06, 23 March 2008 (UTC)

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More News. There's so much news going around at the moment I just feel like stabbing myself in the eyes. Braham Boulevard has been taken by zombies. The last iamnot survivor, iamnothere, who actually isn't here, but is there, well, no, he isn't because he's somewhere else now, has reportedly had to flee Braham as he woke up with a zombie tangled up in his bedsheets whilst attempting to give him some of that zombie loving we've all heard so much about.

Don't worry our highly trained member has cunningly hidden in a ruined building next door where the zombies will never think to look. Unless they see this, which they won't because no-one ever reads any of this page. Thank fuck.

So that's it. Our home and our dreams of being the first Urban Dead group IN SPACE have taken a massive blow. Jobsworths at FAR Systems Ltd are already looking to cost save and wriggle out of their sponsoring of the Braham Space Program, but don't worry, we've got a plan B. - We call it B because it's a real stinger. All will be revealed in due course.

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'MOre More more news...

A new kind of super hero is in town. The Loon Ranger has dropped in to Malton to get away from the ghosts of his turbulent past. He's very uptight. If you encounter him it is advisable to at least sleep next door as it's not just his trigger finger that gets twitchy in the wee hours. Many a man has been rudely awoken by The Loon Ranger's cannon, and many a woman disappointed by it.

Todays News was brought to you by Smash Mashed Potato. For Mash get Smashed.

WARNING!!

DO NOT ever buy tuna pate. Instead just stick your tongue firmly up a cats bum, as far as you can get it. When, and only when you can feel the tip of the cats turd pressing against your extended oral appendage have you had an experience which is similar to, but not quite as bad as, tuna pate. Also you've saved yourself a small amount of money which you can spend on plasters which you will need for the large cat scratches you have across your eyes.

I promise you I have done you a big favour with this warning. --Iamnotaporpoise 03:03, 26 March 2008 (UTC)

Recruitment

we are not recruiting at the moment. if you find one of us and talk to us about joining it may be possible.

Leadership

[Porpy the wonder porp] Porpoise they say i made my money messin up young minds... Not much I can say here really. I'm not a leader, more of a spiritual guide.

Making Wray Heights Safe - Together

IAMNOT officially protecting buildings in Wray Heights - Yes that's right folks. If you're inside an IAMNOT Protected Building in Wray Heights you are probably safer than in a building that isn't. Look for the 'IAMNOT Protected Building' signs before you settle down for the night.

Of course we can't assure your safety. I mean, if you're going to fall asleep whilst shagging a zombie lover who is smoking a cigarrette on a bed with nylon sheets in a building devoid of smoke alarms then you're just asking for trouble. But we'll do our best. We're good like that. Sex with a zombie lover is actually pretty damn good, and a lot of people would tell you it's actually well worth the risk, that is, they would if they weren't dead.

Steed Road is, as always, open for revives.

You're So Cool

You better fucking believe it. Join us and gain Uber Cool status IMMEDIATELY! Also get a free T-shirt with a picture of Rod Hull on it. What's so cool about that? Well, Rod Hull died a few years ago, but the picture was taken last week.

Radio

	Short-wave Radio Info
	This group or location has a dedicated radio frequency. Frequency: 27.31 MHz Transmitter Coordinates: Tip Top Secret, Need to Know Building, Wray Heights

Iamnot Radio ('Iamnot FM - The counties roundest sound') broadcasts on 27.31mhz 24 hours a day, 7 days a year, 365 seconds per household. We specialise in the following musical genres: Numpty Classics, Urban Bowl, Punk Frock and Techno Phobia. Tune in and drop out. In betweeen the cover of cutting edge choons tactical information is broadcast to our members in the most fashionably unencrypted fashion known to man: plain text radio!

For proper internet music radio with real sound, real DJ's, a chat room and some massively eclectic playlists I recommend and endorse Bucket of Bad

Joining

• If you wish to join iamnot you must have read this page entirely, then, agreeing with everything said and pledging allegiance to Iamnot, for better or better, for ever and ever, etc etc, then put Iamnot in your profile and God will love you even if up to this point you've been a complete shit. It's that easy, (it used not to be, back in the day you had to create a new character starting with 'iamnot' but nobody did that, of course, but you still can, if you want to be HARDCORE) then, optionally, swear The Oath of Oaths which you can make up on the spot, drink something alcoholic as way of a toast and scream in blood curdling bile bubbling rage at all of Iamnot's enemies. There aren't that many enemies, we're quite friendly. Very friendly. Fiendly even.

• Then, having done all that and probably feeling a bit worn out present your good/bad/ugly self at our PATENTED AnswerPhone Building:

Braham Boulevard School where you'll be given a brief briefing and a wedgy followed by some cake, a dose of sharpened pins and an outline of the general Iamnot Ethical Code which does not exist.

• If your character is of low level don't worry, you don't have to level up before you arrive, we'll feed you crisps to make you strong.

• Iamnot is about fun. Games are fun. That doesn't mean it isn't serious, it's deadly serious when war were declared! You get 48 fun filled turns a day. Let's make 'em count.

• If you are not Iamnot - you are not. Remember this because you'll forget it later.

Allies

• Wulves

• Grayside Demons

• Malton Death Dealers

• United Bar Alliance

• reddit_survivors

• Rotter's_Relief

Enemies

Currently, and technically we have no enemies.

We are currently shooting to kill,and literally dying to shoot;

Sarah Marshall + Lightening Farron et al

be warned, we are coming. you will never know safety again. team FUCK YOU is on your doorstep.

We have in the past been at war with S.T.A.R.S but that's all in the past now that the whole of Malton is being eaten alive by damn dirty apes, er, I mean zombies, damn dirty ones.

History

Stuff happened. I think I can remember big lizards, or something. It was all such a long time ago...

Arrrrrgh!!!

I've been killed! How do i get a revive? Simple, just go to Steed Road and use your special Iamnot whistle. Phweeee!

Take some cash, there's might be some action for you whilst you're waiting around. You want any business? Uhmmm...

The Glorious George Jones

George Jones: Iamnot Principle Founder and Red Squadron High Trouser Commander. Love and Hugs. xxx

• George Jones has since been tragically killed in a loud shirt and high trouser collision above the skies of Norfolk, England whilst on an expedition to save endangered starlings. He leaves behind a wife, two children and a wardrobe full of flammable swimwear.

RiP George Jesus Jones

An anonomous writer penned this emotional poem in tribute to our glorious leader:

A better man you'll never be

Than George Jesus Jones.

My heart rained heavy spats of sorrow,

My pillow stained with tears,

My soul was crushed,

Mine eyes tight shut,

My fists clenched hard,

My feet unwalkable,

My toes curled into bizarre shapes

Of pure grief,

So not believing was I the day

That George J J

Passed away.

I still don't believe it!!

It isn't true!!!!!

Tell me it isn't true!!!!!!!!!!!!

How my sadness saddens me..

Hardening in my bladderie..

So sad, I cannot pee.

- Anon

Keep this page running! Donate!

Donations of money, in any quantity will help this page grow and remain a glorious pustulating boil on the internets underbelly for years to come.

Donations of sperm are no longer accepted, but the ones previously supplied were quite tasty, so thanks for those.