Malton Medical Staff/Staff Bio

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Staff Bio
Malton Medical Staff

Welcome to the Malton Medical Staff Group Pages

Staff Bio


List of Staff

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The current list of full-time, active Malton Medical Staff:

If the name you seek isn't on the list, and you have a complaint about them, they are not ours. Contact us and we'll discuss it.


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Retired or Missing in Action


Fans

There are also several people who help the Malton Medical Staff and move around with them, but have not (yet) requested to become a member of Staff:

Friends and Allies

Members of other groups who work very closely with the Malton Medical Staff and who help us are listed below:

Undead Fans

(Update: Most of our Undead Fans have gone Missing In Action. If your group would like to be our new Undead Friends, please try and put a little humour in your snacking. Mean Zambahs need not apply!)

Believe it or not, the Malton Medical Staff have their undead fans too! Below lists the zombies and groups that have a particular affinity for us, by visiting us persistently or just being memorable in their own special way:

Special Mentions

Malton Medical Staff really do spread the love, and we're not bothered whether it's to the dead or undead either:

  • A special mention goes out to feel'nstiff who has decided to join MMS full-time!

Staff Interviews

Interview with Nellie Harmon

Interviewed in January 2008

What is your position in the ranks of the Staff and how do you feel about it?

I am the Head Nurse at Eligius General Hospital. Well I have only held the position for about a week now so I am still adjusting to the role.

How did you end up joining the Staff and why?

When I first arrived in Malton I fell in with Monde and he kinda showed my around. He was on his way back from an ambulance run and I joined him. I was looking for a place to go in Malton and I felt like this was a place I would fit in.

What new feature will you be adding to Eligius to commemorate your promotion in the staff?

Not sure yet, but I will think of something. ;)

What's the strangest thing you've witnessed?

Well, thats a tough one. I would have to say the platypi that the guys made at St Ethelberts.

What are you wearing and why?

I am wearing a white nurse's uniform dress with platform boots. It is cut about like Ms Morg's with a white doctor's coat over it. Originally I lost a bet with Monde back in October and had to spend a month in it. The boots were a Christmas gift from Zombie Fetish. It took me a month to get the hang of them.

How has being a part of MMS changed your outlook on this otherwise grim situation?

At least someone in town is still cracking jokes that aren't from Gallows Humor. There is a place to go where, usually, there is something more than survival.

What do you think are some of the Pro's and Con's of being a woman in Malton?

Well the Pros are harder to define. Finding decent clothing would be a pro since there are fewer women in Malton than men. The Con I would have to say is being hit on by a lot of the guys in town.

Interview with Zombie Fetish

Interviewed in January 2008

What is your position in the ranks of the Staff and how do you feel about it?

I am currently (as of...a few days ago?) the Head Vice Nursey for St. Ethelberts Hospital.

How did you end up joining the staff and why?

My first days in Malton were very boring. I roamed around the burbs for a few days. I ended up in Heytown and I was being attacked by a zombie. I saw a hospital(Sixtus General Hospital) and entered. Upon entry I was quickly healed and GreenWing welcomed me. The group were the chattiest lot I had ever run into! I asked to join and I was given a trial run. I became a full fledged member after Ms. Morg threw her Rosary beads at me.

What new feature will you be adding to St. Eth's to commemorate your promotion in the staff?

I cant do much as of now since Im saving my energy for cading, killing, dumping, and healing...but after that comes partying, so I will make the announcement during a game of Strip Twister by placing "ZF is now Head Nurse" on the color circles...hopefully that wont be too much of a distraction.

What do you wear and how did you come by it?

I wear a zombie mask, a Santa hat, black jacket, black skirt, and black shirt. My clothes are spattered with blood and a bit torn, but Im used to it. Oh and I also wear 5 1/2 inch platform boots. They are sexy, and I kick ass better. A platform boot to the face would surely break it! I also wear a collar with a broken chain dangling from it because before the outbreak I served as a slave.

What's the strangest thing you've witnessed?

I have witnessed many strange things, from kidney tossing, to multicolored animals, to dumping ice cream on parrots, so it would be difficult to just choose one.

Animals appear to play a big role with the Staff in St. Eth's. Tell us about your pet and how you found him.

Do they ever! I'd say almost everybody in the MMS has a pet thanks to Sunflower. I have a few myself. An octopuss named Olli who came from the sewers and is very fond of Sunflower's neck, a black pug named Bela who found me in the park when I was zombified and wouldnt stop following me, and a deer that fits in the palm of your hand named Swan...after the unofficial leader of The Warrior's. Swan was given to me as a gift from Sunflower.

What do you think are some of the Pro's and Con's of being a woman in Malton?

Pro's are, since you are a woman, you can easily obtain certain materialistic items from men such as jewelery, clothes, and even acid spitting platypi. If you give someone an order, and they dont listen, you can always kick them in the face with your platforms, step on their feet with your stiletto's or just throw a shoe at them. Another pro is that women are often complimented in Malton, which boosts their ego and makes them feel better about themselves.

The only Con I can think of is being inappropriately groped or worse by a drunk or a jerk off who will pay dearly if they show their face again...a shotgun is very unforgiving.

Oh! And another Pro I can think of is if a woman is attacked or groped by a jerk, all her mates will happily and vengefully go after that person, making their lives a living hell!

Interview with Theresa Evermoore

Interviewed in January 2008

What is your position in the ranks of the Staff and how do you feel about it?

I am a Malton Medical Staff nurse and an Eyeball Specialist. I suppose sometimes I double as hospital security as well. I believe strongly in the Hippocratic oath, even though I pack shotguns alongside my first aid kits. I'm quite pleased with my position here at the hospital, St. Ethelbert's is a great place to work. The only bummer is that sometimes we get patients without a sense of humor.

How did you end up joining the Staff and why?

In my very early days in Malton, I had no idea what I was doing, and I was completely lost on the streets. Every building I passed by had been barricaded so heavily that I could not enter. After I spent my first night on the streets (and survived, surprisingly enough), I was jumped by an active zed. He/She/It chased me through Roftwood until I ended up at St. Ethelbert's hospital. The cades were low enough for survivors to enter, and the people operating the hospital were very hospitable and talkative. After a few days of hanging around St. Ethelbert's and slowly leveling up, I had made friends with several of the staff. It was then that I asked if I could be inducted in the ranks, and Morgueasm made me an official nurse-in-training.

What is the strangest thing you've witnessed?

A six month old baby installing and fueling up a portable generator in the hospital. I know we all gotta pull our own weight, but that generator had to be at least 10 times heavier than that baby girl. Oh, and recently I was lucky enough to witness a lab monkey putting the business end of a shotgun to group of zombies with surgical precision. That time ZF kept whacking poor P Fletcher on the head with an empty tray counts as pretty strange too.

Animals appear to play a big role in the Staff at St. Eth's. Tell us about your pets and how you found them.

I keep a contingency of emergency kiwi birds on me at all times. I wouldn't call them pets, per se, but survivors and zeds both react amicably when they get cute little kiwi birds thrown at them. I find them in the factory next door to St. Ethelbert's Hospital. I wonder what they were manufacturing there prior to the outbreak...

How has being a part of MMS changed your outlook on this otherwise grim situation?

Humor and helpfulness still exists in Malton. I've even seen violent zeds reform their naughty ways so they could come and be in the warm company of pretty young nurses. Sometimes it's easy to forget that there's legions of hungry zombies out there wanting to munch on us, all because of the great atmosphere that the MMS puts on.

So, What are you wearing right now?

A burgundy camisole and boyshorts. It's almost bedtime! Should I put on my nurse's cap?

What do you think are some of the Pro's and Con's of being a woman in Malton?

Well first of all, the fellas, for as much as I love them, just can't fill a pvc nurse's gown quite like us ladies. Fighting zeds, healing survivors, and looking great while we do it. And though I like being showered with attention, it can be annoying to fend off a guy's flirty advances when I'm busy wheeling empty gurneys to the rapidly collapsing barricades. But you have to take the good with the bad, we are the hottest nurses in Malton, afterall! Check out our calendar. *winks*

Interview with Ms. Morg

Interviewed in July 2007

What is your position in the ranks of the Staff?

I'm the Head Nurse, of course, and you can take that any way you like.

How did you end up joining the Staff and why?

I stumbled in and Green was quick to show me around, I didn't just want to be the damsel in distress, so I started working hard to heal people. I remember it was a chaotic night, probably in the middle of a break-in, and Green appointed me Head Nurse. Why not?

Your actual name is Morgueasm, how did you come by the name, Ms. Morg?

I like making things stiff.

How do you normally greet important visitors to the Hospital?

Confetti and Gymnastics! Always!

What is the most unusual thing you have put in the IV drips in the Hospital?

There was that one time Green asked me to dilute some rubbing alcohol with fruit juice. Did I put that in an IV though? After ingesting that, how would I ever remember anything ever again? Quite recently, we did put Champagne in the IVs. You get drunk your way, we'll get drunk our way.

What do you wear and how did you come by it?

I wear a white, low-cut, PVC nurse's dress. My other clothes just got so bloody and Green picked it up for me on one of his mall runs. He says it's handy because it's wipe-clean, I suspect there's more to it than that! ;)

How do you feel about being the Head Nurse, the second in command?

I'm surrounded every day by strong men with axes and guns, what is there NOT to like?

What was your darkest hour?

The Mall Tour had some very dark times. I've never been through a siege before, and it just seemed hopeless when half of us were dead or dying and without FAKs. I think I (along with the rest of the staff, patients, fans) have learned a lot from that experience.

What was your favourite moment?

That's a difficult pick! We have too much fun!

What would you like to say to all of your fans?

Come and visit me sometime! I'm always available.. xoxo

Testimonials

Archive I

Pyte's Prayer

I approve of this prayer. ;) ~ Morg

  • Pyte said "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray to Malton my spleen to keep, And if I die before I wake, I pray Ms. Morg will make me cake."

Battle of the Presidents

This needs fixing up. I'm too tired to do it myself.--Jallus 13:57, 22 July 2008 (BST)

I cannot believe I missed this! Thanks, Jallus. Entertainment, indeed! --Morgueasm 17:16, 24 July 2008 (BST)

  • President Obama said "Heal please? I seem to have lost my secret security deachment and was rather dead for a bit." (10 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "And by lost I mean that they were devoured by a rampaging horde of re-animated neo-cons." (10 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  • Monde said "Oh, you met Jack Neon too, huh?" (10 hours and 36 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "And if elected, I pledge to reanimate the economy that has been killed by the reckless fiscal policy of my predecessor." (10 hours and 35 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "Welcome Senator Obama. Nothing personal but I voted for HIlary. However that will not effect our medical care here." (10 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*Crashes through sky light and drops to the floor amidst a rain of broken glass, (Batman-style) and pulls her shadowy cloak around her. (Also Batman-style. Or mabe Dracula-style. Anyway...)" (10 hours and 32 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "yeah i've seen that msogynist guy pking before... if he comes back i'd be happy to help remove him :)" (10 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "lol looks like we have some vip's here... sorry gus but i voted for His noodly Appendage" (10 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  • Monde said "With a name like that I'm almost glad he's removable. Tch, edgy morons." (10 hours and 31 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*Rises slowly from her crouch, bits of glass dropping from her carbon-fiber-dual-chromated-dynakic-poly-molecular-quasi-scientific body armor/cape, her eyes glowing a pale white like those of a wolf reflecting the light of a campfire.*" (10 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "Mr Obama is at 53HP and needs a heal." (10 hours and 29 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "Extends one gauntleted finger at Barak and says in the bestest, depest, growliest, voice she can muster (like she's been yelling at Bill all night)..." (10 hours and 28 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "You may have won the primaries Barak, but you will not escape me this time. Here in Malton, with your security detachment making their way through the intestines of a dozen fetid digestive systems, you will feel the full fury of the Hillary Ma... Er,.." (10 hours and 25 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "ahahaha *claps excitedly*" (10 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "Thanks for the heal whoever. D13 that guy is going to be reported to RG. THanks to whoever healed ZF. Sunday was asleep thankfully." (10 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*Checks note cards* Hillary Man? Honestly people! It's this kind of planning that let this boob take us in the primaries. G*d damnit people! Well whatever, *tosses cards over shoulder* You're gonna die tonight Barak! *Clenches fists and strides forward*" (10 hours and 22 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*Cards flutter to the floor, their somewhat carefully prepared remarks now forgotten. Hillary draws back one fist and unleashes a powerful skull crushing blow*" (10 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "so... should we intervene? or buy popcorn?" (10 hours and 20 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "*puts on referee shirt* In this corner weighing in at 180lbs. The former first lady and Senator from NY. Ms. Hilary Clinton." (10 hours and 18 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*The Senator, who had been absently checking his watch and tapping his toe during Hilary's speech, now seems to vanish before her furious blow and her fist instead impacts the solid oak support beam against which he had been leaning (He's so cool).*" (10 hours and 17 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "and in this corner weighing in at 250lbs. The nieve first term Senator from Illinois Barack Hussien Obama." (10 hours and 16 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "*munches popcorn* anyone else want any? *offers up*" (10 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "MMS just stay out of the fight and continue conserving AP." (10 hours and 15 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*Splinters fly and the beam creaks and the rafters groan but ultimately hold steady* Hillary, Hillary! This conflict is over. Our quarrels are behind us. Join with me against the forces of the evil neo-cons! They are your true enemy!" (10 hours and 14 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "Never! *Screams a savage, incoherent roar of pure animal rage and svagely charges the junior Senator, unleashing a fusilade of blows. Fists, elbows, feet, and knees fly at their target who desperately tries to evade but is not entirely successful*" (10 hours and 10 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*Ducks, doges, and evades the torrent of abuse that the poweful Senator throws at him. Such is the fury of her assault that even his agility and cunning cannot save him from all of her rage and one cudgel like fist finds its mark. The senator is sent" (10 hours and 7 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "flying across the room in that typical way that you see in the movies where the arc of the flying person is completely linear - as if their trajectory is unaffected by gravity. Anyway, he is sent flying into another beam which snaps in two.*" (10 hours and 6 minutes ago)
  • Alvy Fang said "daemon pass the popcorn please. O.O conserving AP? isnt that the antithesis of what we do :p" (10 hours and 5 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "hehe that's what i was thinking... *passes Alvy the popcorn*" (10 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*Wipes a thin trickle of blood from his lip and glowers from beneath his sweat-beaded brow* I beat you once at the polls, and I'll beat you again here! *Grip the 8x8 oak beam and swings at his assailant in a wide arc. Newspapers and FAKs are sent flyi*" (10 hours and 2 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*The Hillary Man makes no attampt to evade the heavy oaken weapon and it connects solidly with her skull, exploding in a hail of splinted wood while Hillary's gaze remains locked on her tormentor* *Barak swallows uneasily*" (exactly 10 hours ago)
  • President Hillary said "*Her eyes widen and the light that was once an erie glow intesifies to the white-hot intesity of a welding arc. The room is bathed in the seaing white light of her rage and she roars. Her voice has lost all sense of humanity as her rage takes on a demoni" (9 hours and 57 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "this is the best movie ever!" (9 hours and 55 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "Er, demonic tone. Her teeth have become thick and pointed and she seems to have grown to superhuman proportions. He cape which once flowed gracefully about the ground now hangs from her muscular shoulders like a bath towel, ending fully two feet from the" (9 hours and 55 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "floor. Her lower jaw juts forward and tendrils of thick saliva drool from her thick thick tounge which lolls from her mouth and slowly writhes like a slimy black eel.*" (9 hours and 52 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "hahaha hillary smaaaash!" (9 hours and 51 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*She steps forward, and the floor of the lobby, so long ago tiled with emerald green marble, so carefully selected to create a peacefull atmosphere, but which now cracks and splinters beneath the weight of the lumbering behemoth*" (9 hours and 49 minutes ago)
  • Nellie Harmon said "Until the burb is secured save AP as much as possible in case of attack on the hospital. The last thing we need are staffers with too little AP to defend the hosptial. As long as the burb is red we need to watch our backsides more than cracking jokes." (9 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "*She roars again. Like one of those dinosaurs in Jurassic Park - or maybe the cave troll in Lord of the Rings. She sweeps aside a gaggle of horrified onlookers, many of whom stand transfxed by the piercing light of her gaze, and sends them tumpling pell-" (9 hours and 45 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "mell into the barricades. Hers steps thunder through the halls as she charges her slender apponent in a seemingly irresistable charge of monstreous rage and revenge. Her hands now loosely open sweeping wide arcs with her viscous black claws. Her thick," (9 hours and 41 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "muscular arms smashing the buildings beams before the anslaught of her assaault and all the while Barak crouches motionless, apparently defenseless against her fury*" (9 hours and 40 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "*as the beastial form of his once esteemed opponent, now turned murderous aggressor bears down on him, Barak carefully weighs his options. In Malton where the only news outlet consistes of random 4 year old newspapers," (9 hours and 37 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "he wouldn't be able to count on his adoring media to rescue him from this scrape; he had to use his wits. As the beast charged him, he heard Nellie's voice barking orders to her staff and as the authoritative tones of her voice echoed throughout the lobby" (9 hours and 34 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "he quickly formulated his strategy. As Hillary went on about how scary she had become with her big muscles and scary claws, he croucehd motionless and waited." (9 hours and 33 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "And so it was that when the monster's chsrge bore down on him he lept. With the frantic speed of a rabit evading the gnashing jaws of the wolf he lept with desperate abandon to evade the slashing claws, crushing feet, and drooly, icky tounge. (yuck)" (9 hours and 30 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "He lept high and eyes wide, fingers fantically grasping, fingers clawing, clutching, he reached for... and caught the cold brass of the chandalier hanging overhead and swung up to safety. The Hillary Beast thundering below him realized she had missed mark" (9 hours and 27 minutes ago)
  • President Obama said "too late to stop her charge and she skidded out into the street, her claws scabling ineffectively to gain traction on the smooth floor." (9 hours and 26 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "As her charge ended in the streeet and she turned to begin another, she glances down to the lower right corner of her screen to see, as if for the first time, a small red 1 quietly annoucing that, much like her campaign, she had badly mismanaged her AP." (9 hours and 23 minutes ago)
  • President Hillary said "And the Hillary beast was heard to mutter to herself, in a voice thick with impotent rage, and self recrimination that even now was casting about for a scapegoat,* Sh*t." (9 hours and 21 minutes ago)
  • daemon13 said "ahahaha what a great end... torn apart by zombies... that's how all politicians should go!" (9 hours and 20 minutes ago)

Holy shit.

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