User:CaptainVideo/April fools

Stakerdown	Jen's In Town	Karlsbank	Best Woundwood	East Woundbood	Lambpart Hills	Assorted Body Parts	Girltown	Rhodium	Hard to tell, what with all the smoke
Plywood	Thriving Ska Scene	Gnatkingcolton	Shudderbank	Yooperton	Hillen Mills	It Rains Blood Here	Pushenshuv	What's a "Rolt"?	Ayn Rand's Objectivism Preserve
Ben & Jerry	Chunkytown	Drywall Heights	Clint Eastonwood	Hill Brooks	Columbo	Heightly Haunts	Santaville	Jethro Gibsonton	Hey Nonny Nonny
Innsmouth	Bricktown	Broketown	Night of the Day of the Dawn	of the Son of the Bride of the Return	of the Revenge of the Terror	of the Attack of the Evil, Mutant, Alien,	Flesh Eating, Hellbound,	Zombified Living Dead	Part 2: In Shocking 2-D
A Destination a Little Up the Road	Xanadu	Worldwide Pants	Artsencrofts	Las Lindas	Fiddlybank	Legoland	Saltville	Pumaman!	Ron Paul '08
Giggidy!	Shane! Come back, Shane!	Goldlick Pop. 339	She Sells Sea Shells	Hilbraith Galls	Cadbury Village	Roflwood	Edgecombton- sidebanktown- villewood Hill Heights Village	Dougton	Dented Side
2,3,5 Trioxin	Evenington	MacArthur Park	天地無用!	Smoking crater of some sort	Candy Mountain!	Follytown	Counting Crowbank	Winetown	Caulfield
Trixiebank	Woodwyke	Jurassic Park	Greendoor	Taptaptap	Hampsterbank	Wray Heights	Pudding! Yay!	Donny Osmondville	Nickel Ante
Volks Village	Cuddlebank	Pop and Lockettside	Farside	Pinch Heights	A Peach Looks Good	With Lots Of Fuzz	But Man's No Peach	And Never Was	Burma Shave
Larry	Moe	Curly	Williamsville	Fnord	My Humps	Frontier Psychiatrist!	Eh	Fittinside	Miltown-Bradley

"Some good old fashioned MOB propaganda in response to Escape" By Marina

Depression Rampant in Survivor Community
Suicide pacts increasing as thousands lose hope; public-spirited zombie groups offer free counseling

After nearly five years of quarantine, Malton survivors are coming to understand that not only is no permanent cure for zombification forthcoming, but that the government and outside organizations have truly abandoned them to their fate. Unsurprisingly, this traumatic realization is causing depression and delusions in thousands of survivors, and many of them have been gathering in Owsleybank to appeal to a higher power.

The movement's leaders pattern their actions on the famous zombie strike of 2005, but in contrast, the goals of this movement are unclear at best. Do they wish for a sort of rapture for all survivors, abandoning Malton to its zombified residents? Do they expect to be released into society, leaving other survivors behind? Do they believe that enough agitation on their part will prompt the government to finally destroy both survivor and zombie alike? Those who believe in a higher power refuse to answer, saying only that they leave Malton's fate in his hands. Many do not even believe in the mercy of this higher power, yet they gather, wondering what will happen next.

Some survivors have gone so far as to propose mass suicide, should appeals to this higher power not produce the (as yet unknown) desired effects. Although some scoff at this method, seeing death as only temporary in this environment, these survivors insist that they would resist the temptation to ever stand up again. It is unknown how many of those advocating mass suicide are zealots for the cause, wholeheartedly prepared for permanent death, and how many of them are simply being pressured into agreeing to jump to bolster the emotional appeal to the higher power. Many worry that the weakened mental state of many depressed survivors is a contributing factor to the proposed suicide pact, and urge survivors to treat their depression instead of throwing away their lives. After all, it's a well-documented fact that the survivor lifestyle is incredibly taxing, and even for the strongest survivors, the stress of day-to-day life in Malton is so punishing that, combined with the near total lack of Vitamin D (easily remedied by exposure to sunshine) depression is a natural, even an expected reaction.

Leading zombie groups such as the MOB, RRF, Minions of the Apocalypse, Feral Undead and No Escape have gathered in the area and are committed not only to helping to treat the depression of any new recruits, but also to providing those truly determined to follow through with their suicide pacts with a complimentary early execution of their plans. We provide trained postmortem-adjustment counselors, skilled in integrating former survivors into the zambah community, and our brothers and sisters excel in helping others find companionship, dinner and BARHAH.

Survivors of Malton, there's no reason to throw your life away. Cast it away instead, and join us in BARHAH!

The Survivor Depression Checklist
Do you exhibit signs of depression? If you answer yes to one or more of these questions, please seek treatment immediately. MOB counselors are waiting outside your safehouse to help change your life and bring you to BARHAH.

• I feel unhappy all the time (yes/no)
• I feel hopeless or powerless (yes/no)
• I'm stuck passively waiting for a higher power to change my life (yes/no)
• I just can't take the idea of searching for another round of ammo or sharpening my katana again (yes/no)
• I don't feel the camaraderie with my friends that I used to (yes/no)
• I feel like I just can't win (yes/no)
• I feel crushingly lonely (yes/no)
• I don't have the motivation even to put up barricades anymore (yes/no)
• I avoid duties like checking the revive points and healing others (yes/no)
• I don't even feel satisfied by making a perfect headshot (yes/no)
• I feel tired all the time (yes/no)
• I spend my time with fruitless busywork like smashing bottles (yes/no)
• I can't take yet another can of beans (yes/no)
• I worry about what the repeated revives are doing to my system (yes/no)
• I have suicidal thoughts (yes/no)
• No really, that ledge looks like my best friend (yes/no)
• Or I could just walk right into the horde (yes/no)
• I have a plan for harming myself (yes/no)
• I'm being influenced by my friends' suicidal talk (yes/no)
• I would be happier if it was all over (yes/no)

*This checklist is intended only for the purpose of convincing you to seek comfort in the welcoming arms of the MOB, and is not designed to provide a diagnosis or treatment.


The Serenity Prayer, Malton Edition
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to jump off that ledge; and the wisdom to find BARHAH!