Detulux Inc

"We break your legs so you don't have to."

Detulux Incorporated
Abbreviation:	Detulux Inc
Group Numbers:	Who's counting? Who cares?
Leadership:	Mr. S. Pain (S Pain)
Goals:	Take what we can, and get the hell out
Recruitment Policy:	We'll let anyone in. Hell, we even took in Unema
Contact:	Find us in person, or use our forum (we tend to forget to check the talk page...).

Company History

Detulux Incorporated is a thoroughly legal and law-abiding business that deals in everything. Founded by Mr. S. Pain, the company has went from strength-to-strength and now holds shares in many major conglomerates internationally. Any rumours of arms smuggling or weapons storage on our part are all unfounded, baseless lies, and Mr. Pain holds no interest in collecting or storing weaponry in any way shape or form (honest), as proven by the court case a few years ago in which he was found “not guilty“. Any rumours that the judge and jury were bribed are also unfounded, baseless lies, and the fact that many of the accusers have turned up dead is just one huge coincidence.

Mr. Pain takes warehouse inventory while Unema 'helps out' in the background.

The Current Situation

For the purposes of libel, the term "merchandise" in this article has been substituted for the word "weaponry", as have several four-lettered profanities with the word "pony". Mr Pain and several Detulux head-honchos came to Malton to procure some new experimental merchandise from a rogue Necrotech scientist. Unfortunately, this was during the tentative hours of the first zombie outbreak, and thusly when the pony hit the fan the crew from Detulux Incorporated were trapped in Malton by the quarantine order. Now all that matters is surviving the zombie outbreak and getting back to the Detulux compound alive, preferably with all their limbs still attached. And where is their compound, you ask? Paris, France. Pony, it's going to be a long few years.

For a brief spell, Mr. Pain lost his senses and left Malton (claiming to have escaped back to Paris, but really he was lying comatose in a gutter as a zombie for about three months). He feels better now, though. The drugs have stopped the flickering images of dancing polar bears and now he’s back! As a figurehead. Everyone knows that the real commanding force behind Detulux is his right-hand woman Psi Baka Onna.

Our Goal

Outside of Malton, Detulux Inc dealt with everything. In Malton, however, there are only two things you can dispense: violence, and kindness, so we deal in those. We'll take out zombies, PKers, GKers, and maybe even the odd rogue human element, while protecting and caring for those who wish to make Malton a nicer place to live in.

Secretly, our actual goal is to disarm the nuclear weaponry toting zombie menace. Seriously.

	No Nuclear Weapons for Zombies
	This user or group believes that zombies are powerful enough already, thanks

Current Objectives

To have a damn good time, drink beer, eat pie, and keep Kempsterbank a safe, Outer haven for fun lovers. Even for the zombie ones.

Joining Detulux

See the “applications“ topic at our forum.

If you're crazy enough to want to work for a group fronted by an eccentric British cynical bastard, foolhardy enough to sit in the same building as some of the least serious people in Malton (“apocalypse“? Bah, that‘s just another word for “par-tay“!), or just want to join a group that has a cool slogan (damn straight!) come and see us and chat with our curiosity shoppe of extraordinary people (and we'll try not to break your face). When you join you will be given a free novelty pen*, and a 500 page rulebook on the codes and practices of Detulux Inc, of which you will be completely free to ignore. (*Novelty pen not guaranteed, while very limited stocks last.)

Concerning Zombie Applications

Detulux Inc recognises that there are many individuals who do in fact enjoy being undead, and that several of these people often fight for the human cause. Under the right circumstances, and assuming that Mr. Pain doesn't blow you away on sight, we will in fact recruit zombies. How do you let us know that you'd like to join? Erm...I dunno...gesture a lot. If you can speak, say 'BANANA GANGBANG' twice or something. We'll get the picture, and if we don't we'll probably stop shooting to have a good laugh.

It has to be mentioned that in Malton’s perculiar political climate, it is awfully hard to keep a premises for vitally challenged Detulux staff (believe us, we‘ve tried), so undead members do have to make do with living on the street. Sorry.

N.O.O.B.S

What is N.O.O.B.S, you ask? Why it’s Detulux Inc’s Newbie Order Ordaining Beginner System (patent-pending)! New to Urban Dead? Detulux Inc happily devotes time to helping newcomers to levelling up by assisting with revives and information. Unlike other groups however, we do not provide a formal training program to level up by. Rather, we prefer "in-the-field" experience, a free-form programme if you will…in that we don't actually do much in terms of directly influencing your levelling up. At the most, we'll make sure at least one Detulux building is at very strongly barricaded at all times, and we'll try to make sure at least one of us has a revive syringe and the AP needed to revive handy. That’s how N.O.O.B.S works. *Sighs*

All newbies are advised to check the bulletin board near the bottom of this page for useful links. And make sure to add all the staff at the bottom of this page to your contacts list! The last thing we need is staff shooting at zombies without realising that they're actually shooting at other staff members!

The official Detulux Inc recruitment poster.

Spreading the Word

Detulux Inc doesn't actively encourage staff to try and shanghai civilians on the street into joining our company like zealous cultists (much), however we do recognise that there is only one way to enlarge our influence in Malton and that is through word-of-mouth and graffiti tagging. Both of these are endorsed by Mr. Pain, but he would like for any tags advertising the company to not be overwritten over tags advertising other groups; in the past he has negotiated for groups to not spray over our tags, and so he would like to practise what he preaches (for a change).

The Official Recruitment Poster (rather crudely shown here, thank you UD wiki for ruining the quality, I don't think) is possibly an alternative to simply tagging "Join Detulux Inc". By instead tagging this link, those curious enough to check out the link will be greeted by a higher-resolution version of our poster, in which they will receive both a general feel for what we are about, and at the same time receive the link to this wiki page.

The poster is by our fellow Detulux staff member and zombie Yak-man Jazon, and you can see more of his excellent work here.

Base of Operations

The two warehouses at [55,75] in Kempsterbank act as our permanent base of operations. These buildings are ideal, as they are adjacent to several resource buildings and are near Pole Mall. These buildings are kept at EHB (Extremely Heavily Barricaded) in accordance with the Kempsterbank Barricade Plan. Thusly, staff members without free running will have to make themselves comfortable at the nearby Junk Yard or one of the resource buildings next door to the warehouses, and shall have to consider themselves on sentry duty (consider it an incentive to learn the free running skill early, so you can come inside to the nice warm warehouses).

Company medic Psi ushers an unwelcome visitor off the premises with her Giant Pencil 'o DoomTM.

As far as visitors and passers-by are concerned, these buildings are of course still public domain, although we stress that a no-PKing/no-GKing policy will be enforced by any members of the Detulux staff, and visitors breaking this policy will be shot and asked to leave the facility (in that order).

Zombie staff members are free to do as they please, wandering the area and feasting on various feral zombies. A free lunch! What more could you want?

We also have a radio frequency that was established before we arrived, at 27.55. Please don't spam this frequency, remember that we're not Malton Zoo Radio...

Detulux Staff Revive Point

We have now established a revive point in Tyack Plaza, 1 square west of our top warehouse and Ebbutt Road, 1 square south, 2 squares east. If you need a revive then request one. Staff and allies will get priority. Please remember to post your profile in your request, if we can't ID you then we won't revive you.

You can request a revive from either the the forum or by mrhing repeatedly while we're busy pumping someone else full of the glowey green stuff.

What does 'Detulux' mean?

The hell if we know. Sounds cool though, doesn't it?

Diplomacy

Was handled by Unema, minister of explosives, but due to him often going AWOL thanks to bad internet connections or otherwise, the new management is electing the new second in command, Magnus Keel, to take the reigns here. For the best really, neither the boss(es) nor Unema can be considered 'people persons'.

Acts of diplomacy can be arranged face to face in game or on the forums.

Policies

Sacred Ground Policy Supporter This user or group supports the Sacred Ground Policy and acknowledges that all Cemeteries in the city of Malton are considered Revivification Points.

We promote the sacred ground policy so we consider all cemeteries to be revive points. Although the majority of our company do have itchy trigger fingers so it may be a strain for them to remember where they are before they make with the "bang bang shootyness".

This user or group supports the Random Revive Policy

On the occasion where we do combat revive (may it be by accident or otherwise) Psi suggests that you punch whoever did the reviving in the nose and run to the nearest tall building or zombie horde and thanks you for not undergoing any unnecessary violence... aside from the nose punching, ofcourse.

Equal Opportunity This user/group supports the equal opportunity policy and does not discriminate on grounds of vitality, welcoming members/friends from both the living and the dead.

We also promote equal opportunity, because zeds have feelings too (apparently). We don't offer much in zombie accommodation due to restrictions from the UBP (Uniform Barricading Policy).

Uniform Barricading Policy Supporter This User or Group supports the Uniform Barricading Policy by actively maintaining barricades according to local plan or UBP standard.

We believe that resource buildings should be available to all survivors, even those yet to learn free running. Also putting this policy here highlights our intentions to follow the plan in our new suburb, as we agreed with Knights Templar.

Marks

This is where we list the rogues known to us or our allies. Show them no quarter!

Known PKers

• A Big Saint Bernard - Pain isn't fond of dogs as it is (he's a cat lover), but when a dog walks in and shoots you it's just begging to be neutered. We have evidence of it PKing, too.
• Osama bin ladin - On general principle. Can't have a major terrorist of the free world running around now, can we?
• Eugene Carosine - The Warehouse Killer. He is definitely not welcome around our parts (considering the Detulux Compound consists of mainly warehouses, if you catch my drift).
• Pathetic Bill - 'He' is not welcome around our parts, ever.
• alagar30 - I really don't know much about him except the fact that he kills while he travels from place to place. So we put a .22 slug into his eye and he's been around since.
• Castilla la Nueva - He's a real mean bastard who I bet still has a major thing against us after being killed a few times by Stickmaster.
• Logan Mortis - he's part of the Browncoats and I'm really not sure if we want a full out war with them. Though, if he's pissing us off we'll crack his skull a few times.

Known Gkers

• Seto Itchitaka - On advice from the Knights Templar.

People We Just Don't Like

• THIS SPACE FOR RENT.

Ex-Marks

This is a section for those we have either enacted revenge on, who we have falsely accused or have now resolved our problems with. Once in this section they are considered free men/women/zombies and are welcome in the Detulux Inc Compound.

• Vigeous - Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Saying that, he was never an enemy as such, he just operated in a way that was a conflict of interests. Let it be said that Detulux does not hold on to grudges. Same might as well apply to DreadheadDead, too.
• bIurredbrain2 - We broke bread with the Angels of Mercy, so we can't kill him now.
• Tony Blair - Tony Blair is no longer PM, so he's free to go. Still want to punch him on the nose though. Now, where's Gordon Brown?
• Osama W Bush - Despite being a blight on the human gene pool Osama W Bush is not a Pker and is not listed on the Rogue's Gallery and thus is free to walk about the place without being shot at. Yes, he's not a pretty sight.
• IronMikeTyson - Malton Zoo can worry about him from now on.

News

ZERGRUSHKEKEKEKE!!!! This user hates Zergers but hates paranoid chickenshits more. |} Recent News Add new recent news above the last entry, please date and name if possible. Entries will be deleted every new month. February 23 2009,stickmaster: hey everyone! I know that not many people come to our page but whatever! I'm just here to remind everyone that 3/14/09 is pie day! 3.141592654.....etc. And I'm still on tour to all 4 corners of Malton! Ok, thats about it, see ya! March 18th 2008, Psi Baka Onna: Everyone had a good St Patrick's day? Good, down to buisness then. Pain is considering giving up U.D and returning to "france", so that means command of this fine ship has been shifted to 2nd in command, which'll be me. Huzzah, apparently. So, lets do some commanding. Kempsterbank is a mess, most of our members hanging out our revive point there. Some of us ran out to Roftwood for a revive and are currently stocking up on supplies, ready to come fix up what we can back in the home 'burb. We're offering revives to anyone who needs it, if you wish for someone to shove a dirty great needle into your cerebral cortex then request a revive on our forums For full breifing and discussion, see the news topic on the forums (members only I'm afraid) Bulletin Board Place any other random news here, no date or name required (but if you are talking about yourself in relation to something, a name really would help). Remember to sign up to the forum. The most recent news discussion takes part on there. Useful Urban Dead links: the wiki hub, a map of Malton that is far superior (but less detailed) to the suburb maps on the wiki hub. Do you use Firefox instead of Microsoft Internet Explorer and find the Urban Dead interface quite dull to look at? Then have no fear! Download the Firefox Urban Dead Toolbar and transform your drab interface into something resembling this. And you can also close it for those rare moments when you aren't playing Urban Dead. *CAUTION* No members of this wiki will take responsibility should you download it and find it fouls up your computer. Saying that, it works fine for those of us who do have it (makes the game more interesting too). Keep discussions in the appropriate places, i.e. the discussion page. Current news will be deleted at the start of a new month, but Pain keeps a record of past news if anyone ever really wants to see it. Psi takes requests for UD character sketches. Coloured ones. Just ask her (nicely). You can see her stuff at her Deviant Art account. We're on the UD stats screen! And yet the math it presents doesn't add up... Other proposed Detulux slogans: "A,B,C,D, I will eat your family" and "100 years before the mast". Checking the Rogues Gallery is recommended, just in case any PKers walk through the Detulux building. I want their heads on pikes! Regular Staff & Honorary Members Current Staff If you're a member of Detulux Incorporated add yourself to the list via the edit button, or ask one of the other members if they'd be kind enough to do it for you: S Pain: Founder and Chairman of Detulux Incorporated (bow before him, maggots) Psi Baka Onna: New boss-lady with Giant Pencil, currently considering getting a tie... Magnus Keel: Teh 1337 Snip3r, second in command and diplomat. Stickmaster: The Hunter and chef of the group. Also known to carry lots of guns, all loaded. Likes to bake pies. Unema: Minister of Explosives to Japan Yak'man: A Giant kickass mutant yak! Elle Parkman: Generally Bemused Scout/Handywoman John Morrison: The King you Hail to...baby. Sgt Redrum: Administrator of Lead Poisoning eek107: Radio packrat. Seriously, he has far too many radios. KickButa: Try not to stare too much. Retired & MIA Staff These gallant Detulux Incers have probably left for pastures new. Proof that you can escape from Malton! If they turn up again their status as Current Detulux Staff member will be reinstated. Maistro Osimi: Currently Joint-Manager of Detulux Inc, Brooke Hills Dept. Largosan: Currently Joint-Manager of Detulux Inc, Brooke Hills Dept. Forest Gump Jr: He's still running. Reivax Hango: Kicked Undead Babies (probably). Agent Ignorance: Agent of Ignorance (Well duh) BlackReaper: Has gone to the Dark Side. They offered cookies. Dr. Five: Doctor of Death Jackass 99: Prefers Runescape Azzuhra Aloisi: Dr. Kickass with an attitude to match. Magna Cum Loudly: Does What it Says on the Tin A Sneaky Bastard: He went to the zoo, zoo, zoo. Honorary Staff Don't add yourself, we'll add you, assuming the boss gives the go ahead. mutantarachnid - (The Malton Zookeepers) - Official Liason to Detulux Inc. bloodpanther - (The Malton Zookeepers) - Mr. Pain likes cats. Gill Grissom - (C.S.I. Crime Lab) - Grissom. Kicks. Ass. RedMercury - (VGCSU) - Because Unema apparently cocked up and Redmercury bailed him out. Escavel - (VGCSU) - Because Unema apparently cocked up and Ecavel humoured him. Holy Ghost - Preached salvation to a Mall full of Zeds. Bicycle Repairman - Is it a Stockbroker? Is it a Quantity Surveyor? Is it a Church Warden? No, it's Bicycle Repairman! Dr Leon Kennedy - He's seen this shit before, he knows what he's doing! Mascots! Oh come on, every group needs a mascot! Add anything that you think deserves a place as a Detulux Mascot. Remember to put who/what it was, why, and who added it. A Giant Snake - We were in a siege situation and a giant snake slithers in and curls up in the corner...we offered it food, booze and mutantarachnid fed it a stray pony. --Added by Unema Allies and Enemies Allied Groups Local: Knights Templar - Being the major influence in the Kempsterbank area, Mr. Pain intends to work closely with this group to keep the suburb safe. Nightwatch - I can think of at least two separate entities outside of UD called Nightwatch, and they are both awesome. This group makes a third! Dirty South Cleanup Team - Helping to keep our streets clean of the undead undesirables. West Grayside Watch - The enemy of our enemy is our friend. ;) Ständige Vertretung - Not allies as such, but we have the understanding that we can ask each other for assistance when needed. All round nice guys really :D Latinos! - We don't actually speak Spanish that well (yes, the irony that the founder's name is "S Pain" is quite apparent, thank you) but we're more than happy to ally ourselves with any group willing to help out. Other Alliances: ROACH Klips - Mr. Pain had a delightful conversation with the head of this group, a nice chap called Sturm23. His group has very noble intentions, indeed. Keep up the good work! Angels of Mercy - Regardless of their mission, which is rather hard to agree with, these guys accepted our treaty. So long as they don't kill us in our base buildings they can stay here. VGCats Survivalist Union - It's a good webcomic! Also one of their members has been a very nice guy during a time of well....stuff. Order Of the Specter - A highly secretive group that was very understanding when someone trying to soil our good name decided to mess with them. Deck of 52 - 52 highly trained mercenaries? We like them already! Groups We Just Like: The Malton Zookeepers - Detulux loves animals and this is the group who ensure that Unema can go back and see Mr. Snappy the crocodile as much as his 'ickle heart desires. Friend Of The Zoo The Thinking Monkey brings luck to friends of the Malton City Zoo! The 23rd Inquisitorial Strike Team - For the Emperor! Drama Club - They make us laugh, it's just nice to see a group of thespians (yes, I know big words) willing to put their lives on the line to bring us breathers some entertainment. Keep up the hard work folks! We really appreciate it! Malton Fire Department - Of course, Detulux Inc will always do their best to assist all the emergency services (even the police if circumstances get that bad), but this group in particular have been placed here following charming correspondence with the Assistant Fire Chief Probee, concerning tag status of the Detulux facility. All I can say to the fire department is, when the government does drop a load of napalm on Malton to purge it clean with fire, remember who your friends are, eh? ;) Dr Steel's Toy Soldiers - Mr. Pain respects the good Doctor's taste in clothes, and the fact that he actually exists. Disrespected Groups D.A.R.I.S. - Are a bloody joke. If we ever come back to the Brooke Hills, it'll be to help disband these c*nts. Pain: The Detailed Explanation - I can see where they're coming from, if there are entire suburbs of survivors who constantly hunt down PKers, why can't there be a suburb for PKers who constantly hunt down innocent survivors? It's basically an Outer Heaven situation, and to all non-Metal Gear Solid fans this basically means that Shearbank is now a haven for those who like to shoot other survivors. I don't mind that part, what I do mind is when people get so uppity and pretentious that they go so far to say, and I quote, "We live in a different world than you!", unquote. Goddamn, I get the point, you like to shoot other survivors because shooting zombies is below you, but there's no need to pretend it makes you a higher power or something. It's only a game, people, and it's one that is impossible to win. So yes, if you live in Shearbank and are a member of DARIS, blame Headless Gunner for making us put you in this section, because he makes you all sound like trenchcoaters. Miscellaneous Hypnotoad All glory to the Hypnotoad! SNAKE IS DEAD Snake? Snake?! Snaaaaaaaaaaaaake! "About bleeding time someone got him, how did he avoid the zeds for so long...oh, right....boxes." - Unema Remember, Remember the VGCats of November This user or group remembers the vendetta against the villainous undead in Ridleybank. On the 5th of November, the VGCSU marched on the choked heart of Malton and tried to liberate it anew. Victory was briefly theirs, but with the fall of Caigar, now they seek vengeance! Detulux Inc and Mr. S. Pain copyright (C) to Sean Patrick Payne. The Detulux Inc comic strip, from which this group derives its name from, can be seen at http://the-russian-gestapo.deviantart.com/ or http://www.drunkduck.com/Detulux_Incorporated/index.php?p=335421