Detulux Inc
"We break your legs so you don't have to."
| Detulux Incorporated | |
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| Abbreviation: | Detulux Inc |
| Group Numbers: | Who's counting? Who cares? |
| Leadership: | Mr. S. Pain (S Pain) |
| Goals: | Take what we can, and get the hell out |
| Recruitment Policy: | We'll let anyone in. Hell, we even took in Unema |
| Contact: | Find us in person, or use our forum
(we tend to forget to check the talk page...). |
Company History
Detulux Incorporated is a thoroughly legal and law-abiding business that deals in everything. Founded by Mr. S. Pain, the company has went from strength-to-strength and now holds shares in many major conglomerates internationally. Any rumours of arms smuggling or weapons storage on our part are all unfounded, baseless lies, and Mr. Pain holds no interest in collecting or storing weaponry in any way shape or form (honest), as proven by the court case a few years ago in which he was found “not guilty“. Any rumours that the judge and jury were bribed are also unfounded, baseless lies, and the fact that many of the accusers have turned up dead is just one huge coincidence.
The Current Situation
For the purposes of libel, the term "merchandise" in this article has been substituted for the word "weaponry", as have several four-lettered profanities with the word "pony". Mr Pain and several Detulux head-honchos came to Malton to procure some new experimental merchandise from a rogue Necrotech scientist. Unfortunately, this was during the tentative hours of the first zombie outbreak, and thusly when the pony hit the fan the crew from Detulux Incorporated were trapped in Malton by the quarantine order. Now all that matters is surviving the zombie outbreak and getting back to the Detulux compound alive, preferably with all their limbs still attached. And where is their compound, you ask? Paris, France. Pony, it's going to be a long few years.
For a brief spell, Mr. Pain lost his senses and left Malton (claiming to have escaped back to Paris, but really he was lying comatose in a gutter as a zombie for about three months). He feels better now, though. The drugs have stopped the flickering images of dancing polar bears and now he’s back! As a figurehead. Everyone knows that the real commanding force behind Detulux is his right-hand woman Psi Baka Onna.
Our Goal
Outside of Malton, Detulux Inc dealt with everything. In Malton, however, there are only two things you can dispense: violence, and kindness, so we deal in those. We'll take out zombies, PKers, GKers, and maybe even the odd rogue human element, while protecting and caring for those who wish to make Malton a nicer place to live in.
Secretly, our actual goal is to disarm the nuclear weaponry toting zombie menace. Seriously.
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No Nuclear Weapons for Zombies |
| This user or group believes that zombies are powerful enough already, thanks |
Current Objectives
To have a damn good time, drink beer, eat pie, and keep Kempsterbank a safe, Outer haven for fun lovers. Even for the zombie ones.
Joining Detulux
See the “applications“ topic at our forum.
If you're crazy enough to want to work for a group fronted by an eccentric British cynical bastard, foolhardy enough to sit in the same building as some of the least serious people in Malton (“apocalypse“? Bah, that‘s just another word for “par-tay“!), or just want to join a group that has a cool slogan (damn straight!) come and see us and chat with our curiosity shoppe of extraordinary people (and we'll try not to break your face). When you join you will be given a free novelty pen*, and a 500 page rulebook on the codes and practices of Detulux Inc, of which you will be completely free to ignore. (*Novelty pen not guaranteed, while very limited stocks last.)
Concerning Zombie Applications
Detulux Inc recognises that there are many individuals who do in fact enjoy being undead, and that several of these people often fight for the human cause. Under the right circumstances, and assuming that Mr. Pain doesn't blow you away on sight, we will in fact recruit zombies. How do you let us know that you'd like to join? Erm...I dunno...gesture a lot. If you can speak, say 'BANANA GANGBANG' twice or something. We'll get the picture, and if we don't we'll probably stop shooting to have a good laugh.
It has to be mentioned that in Malton’s perculiar political climate, it is awfully hard to keep a premises for vitally challenged Detulux staff (believe us, we‘ve tried), so undead members do have to make do with living on the street. Sorry.
N.O.O.B.S
What is N.O.O.B.S, you ask? Why it’s Detulux Inc’s Newbie Order Ordaining Beginner System (patent-pending)! New to Urban Dead? Detulux Inc happily devotes time to helping newcomers to levelling up by assisting with revives and information. Unlike other groups however, we do not provide a formal training program to level up by. Rather, we prefer "in-the-field" experience, a free-form programme if you will…in that we don't actually do much in terms of directly influencing your levelling up. At the most, we'll make sure at least one Detulux building is at very strongly barricaded at all times, and we'll try to make sure at least one of us has a revive syringe and the AP needed to revive handy. That’s how N.O.O.B.S works. *Sighs*
All newbies are advised to check the bulletin board near the bottom of this page for useful links. And make sure to add all the staff at the bottom of this page to your contacts list! The last thing we need is staff shooting at zombies without realising that they're actually shooting at other staff members!
Spreading the Word
Detulux Inc doesn't actively encourage staff to try and shanghai civilians on the street into joining our company like zealous cultists (much), however we do recognise that there is only one way to enlarge our influence in Malton and that is through word-of-mouth and graffiti tagging. Both of these are endorsed by Mr. Pain, but he would like for any tags advertising the company to not be overwritten over tags advertising other groups; in the past he has negotiated for groups to not spray over our tags, and so he would like to practise what he preaches (for a change).
The Official Recruitment Poster (rather crudely shown here, thank you UD wiki for ruining the quality, I don't think) is possibly an alternative to simply tagging "Join Detulux Inc". By instead tagging this link, those curious enough to check out the link will be greeted by a higher-resolution version of our poster, in which they will receive both a general feel for what we are about, and at the same time receive the link to this wiki page.
The poster is by our fellow Detulux staff member and zombie Yak-man Jazon, and you can see more of his excellent work here.
Base of Operations
The two warehouses at [55,75] in Kempsterbank act as our permanent base of operations. These buildings are ideal, as they are adjacent to several resource buildings and are near Pole Mall. These buildings are kept at EHB (Extremely Heavily Barricaded) in accordance with the Kempsterbank Barricade Plan. Thusly, staff members without free running will have to make themselves comfortable at the nearby Junk Yard or one of the resource buildings next door to the warehouses, and shall have to consider themselves on sentry duty (consider it an incentive to learn the free running skill early, so you can come inside to the nice warm warehouses).
As far as visitors and passers-by are concerned, these buildings are of course still public domain, although we stress that a no-PKing/no-GKing policy will be enforced by any members of the Detulux staff, and visitors breaking this policy will be shot and asked to leave the facility (in that order).
Zombie staff members are free to do as they please, wandering the area and feasting on various feral zombies. A free lunch! What more could you want?
We also have a radio frequency that was established before we arrived, at 27.55. Please don't spam this frequency, remember that we're not Malton Zoo Radio...
Detulux Staff Revive Point
We have now established a revive point in Tyack Plaza, 1 square west of our top warehouse and Ebbutt Road, 1 square south, 2 squares east. If you need a revive then request one. Staff and allies will get priority. Please remember to post your profile in your request, if we can't ID you then we won't revive you.
You can request a revive from either the the forum or by mrhing repeatedly while we're busy pumping someone else full of the glowey green stuff.
What does 'Detulux' mean?
The hell if we know. Sounds cool though, doesn't it?
Diplomacy
Was handled by Unema, minister of explosives, but due to him often going AWOL thanks to bad internet connections or otherwise, the new management is electing the new second in command, Magnus Keel, to take the reigns here. For the best really, neither the boss(es) nor Unema can be considered 'people persons'.
Acts of diplomacy can be arranged face to face in game or on the forums.
Policies
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We promote the sacred ground policy so we consider all cemeteries to be revive points. Although the majority of our company do have itchy trigger fingers so it may be a strain for them to remember where they are before they make with the "bang bang shootyness".
 This user or group supports the Random Revive Policy |
On the occasion where we do combat revive (may it be by accident or otherwise) Psi suggests that you punch whoever did the reviving in the nose and run to the nearest tall building or zombie horde and thanks you for not undergoing any unnecessary violence... aside from the nose punching, ofcourse.
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We also promote equal opportunity, because zeds have feelings too (apparently). We don't offer much in zombie accommodation due to restrictions from the UBP (Uniform Barricading Policy).
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We believe that resource buildings should be available to all survivors, even those yet to learn free running. Also putting this policy here highlights our intentions to follow the plan in our new suburb, as we agreed with Knights Templar.
Marks
This is where we list the rogues known to us or our allies. Show them no quarter!
Known PKers
- A Big Saint Bernard - Pain isn't fond of dogs as it is (he's a cat lover), but when a dog walks in and shoots you it's just begging to be neutered. We have evidence of it PKing, too.
- Osama bin ladin - On general principle. Can't have a major terrorist of the free world running around now, can we?
- Eugene Carosine - The Warehouse Killer. He is definitely not welcome around our parts (considering the Detulux Compound consists of mainly warehouses, if you catch my drift).
- Pathetic Bill - 'He' is not welcome around our parts, ever.
- alagar30 - I really don't know much about him except the fact that he kills while he travels from place to place. So we put a .22 slug into his eye and he's been around since.
- Castilla la Nueva - He's a real mean bastard who I bet still has a major thing against us after being killed a few times by Stickmaster.
- Logan Mortis - he's part of the Browncoats and I'm really not sure if we want a full out war with them. Though, if he's pissing us off we'll crack his skull a few times.
Known Gkers
- Seto Itchitaka - On advice from the Knights Templar.
People We Just Don't Like
- THIS SPACE FOR RENT.
Ex-Marks
This is a section for those we have either enacted revenge on, who we have falsely accused or have now resolved our problems with. Once in this section they are considered free men/women/zombies and are welcome in the Detulux Inc Compound.
- Vigeous - Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Saying that, he was never an enemy as such, he just operated in a way that was a conflict of interests. Let it be said that Detulux does not hold on to grudges. Same might as well apply to DreadheadDead, too.
- bIurredbrain2 - We broke bread with the Angels of Mercy, so we can't kill him now.
- Tony Blair - Tony Blair is no longer PM, so he's free to go. Still want to punch him on the nose though. Now, where's Gordon Brown?
- Osama W Bush - Despite being a blight on the human gene pool Osama W Bush is not a Pker and is not listed on the Rogue's Gallery and thus is free to walk about the place without being shot at. Yes, he's not a pretty sight.
- IronMikeTyson - Malton Zoo can worry about him from now on.
News
Recent NewsAdd new recent news above the last entry, please date and name if possible. Entries will be deleted every new month.
Kempsterbank is a mess, most of our members hanging out our revive point there. Some of us ran out to Roftwood for a revive and are currently stocking up on supplies, ready to come fix up what we can back in the home 'burb. We're offering revives to anyone who needs it, if you wish for someone to shove a dirty great needle into your cerebral cortex then request a revive on our forums For full breifing and discussion, see the news topic on the forums (members only I'm afraid) Bulletin BoardPlace any other random news here, no date or name required (but if you are talking about yourself in relation to something, a name really would help).
Regular Staff & Honorary MembersCurrent StaffIf you're a member of Detulux Incorporated add yourself to the list via the edit button, or ask one of the other members if they'd be kind enough to do it for you:
Retired & MIA StaffThese gallant Detulux Incers have probably left for pastures new. Proof that you can escape from Malton! If they turn up again their status as Current Detulux Staff member will be reinstated.
Honorary StaffDon't add yourself, we'll add you, assuming the boss gives the go ahead.
Mascots!Oh come on, every group needs a mascot! Add anything that you think deserves a place as a Detulux Mascot. Remember to put who/what it was, why, and who added it.
Allies and EnemiesAllied GroupsLocal:
Other Alliances:
Groups We Just Like:
Disrespected Groups
Pain: The Detailed Explanation - I can see where they're coming from, if there are entire suburbs of survivors who constantly hunt down PKers, why can't there be a suburb for PKers who constantly hunt down innocent survivors? It's basically an Outer Heaven situation, and to all non-Metal Gear Solid fans this basically means that Shearbank is now a haven for those who like to shoot other survivors. I don't mind that part, what I do mind is when people get so uppity and pretentious that they go so far to say, and I quote, "We live in a different world than you!", unquote. Goddamn, I get the point, you like to shoot other survivors because shooting zombies is below you, but there's no need to pretend it makes you a higher power or something. It's only a game, people, and it's one that is impossible to win. So yes, if you live in Shearbank and are a member of DARIS, blame Headless Gunner for making us put you in this section, because he makes you all sound like trenchcoaters. Miscellaneous
"About bleeding time someone got him, how did he avoid the zeds for so long...oh, right....boxes." - Unema
Detulux Inc and Mr. S. Pain copyright (C) to Sean Patrick Payne. The Detulux Inc comic strip, from which this group derives its name from, can be seen at http://the-russian-gestapo.deviantart.com/ or http://www.drunkduck.com/Detulux_Incorporated/index.php?p=335421 |
