User:TripleU/Sandbox4
From The Urban Dead Wiki
Jump to navigationJump to search
| Main | Propaganda Database | Wiki To Do List | Winnemucca | Flatulence | Characters: | Rotten: | TripleU | Mold Man |
| Talk | Random Propoganda | Character Generator | Sandboxes | Other | Barhah! | Trans-Mortal: | A Maggot |
This is my database of reusable, pro-zombie propaganda. The public is welcome to distribute this content, as well as edit, expand, or copy this page (in good faith).
Spraypaint
You may want to Randomize the Order of what you spraypaint.
Inside (To Survivors)-------------------------------------------------- Rotter's Relief = PKer's Relief Surrender to the hordes, and help destroy Malton! Join the hordes, and exist without material needs! Shamble and kill, rather than scavenge to survive! Zombies are just the next stage in our evolution. Here's an FYI: you're all gonna die screaming. Window dive into the best undeath of your life! Reload, reload, reload... or just use your claws. At the end of the day, you'll be dead either way. Zombies horde together, breathers get torn apart. Barhah is good! Pants are evil! Barhah is good! Overthrow breatherism! Bring on an age of barhah! Zombies can eat all they want, and never get fat. Zombies wish only to prepare and serve mankind. Death is just the next great culinary adventure. Jesus was a zombie. Where is your god now!?! https://tinyurl.com/A-helpful-video-about-reviving You can live, but you haven't time to enjoy life. Zombies do whatever they want without fear. The living can do naught but join the dead. TIP: Keep the doors open so you can escape quickly https://tinyurl.com/weather-in-malton-today https://tinyurl.com/Maltons-Five-Day-Forecast https://tinyurl.com/a-message-of-hope-for-all https://tinyurl.com/a-daily-message-to-Malton Studying for finals? Eat more brains. I for one welcome our new zombie overlords. When all the city has died, the dead shall live on Freedom is the right to eat brainz! Teach survivors not to barricade! https://tinyurl.com/RRF-speech-on-dangerous-drugs Don't let hunger win. Become an organ donor today! blatant zombie propaganda I ❤️ roving zombie death squads Barhah is a religion of peace! 🕊️🧟 The hordes shall triumph in the bloody end! You cannot deny the pure light that is barhah! Live locked inside some mall? Why live at all? Dinner is served! Are you the meal, or the zombie? Embrace barhah now, or it will be forced upon you! Barhah will inevitably come, stop resisting it! The living have banana envy toward the dead. 🍌 Give generously. Give now. Give your brains. 🍴 Barhah wants you (to die) Life is bad! 👎 Try death! 👍 Feed the poor. To zombies! Just Stop Oil! Just Smash the Generators! Destroy the generators, stop the climate crisis! tasteful Ahsoka Tano hentai I want to be eaten by sexy zombies. Don't you? My dream is to be chained to a pole and gutted. Give your heart to the zombie cause! 🫀🍴 You're alive? 🤣 What a loser! You're alive? 😬 That's cringe. You're alive? 🤮 That's gross. Fatten yourselves up, human piggies. We're hungry. Do not continue to live a flawed life. 🪟 Doesn't that window look tempting? 🤤🪟 Barricades? Not in my backyard! I ❤️ Human Liquidation Factories -------------------------------------------------- |
The Flowers of Decay-------------------------------------------------- 🥀 https://discord.com/invite/AUfDAGN 🥀 https://tinyurl.com/FoD-Mission-Statement 🥀 🥀 Flowers of Decay: harsh but necessary 🥀 FoD: a guiding hand for the lost and the weak. Flowers of Decay: Survival is dictated by action. 🥀 Survival is dictated by action. 🥀 The flotsam should thank the Flowers of Decay! What makes the flowers grow? discord.gg/AUfDAGN 🥀 What makes the flowers grow? 🥀 Flowers: Bringing Horticulture to a Dying City Flowers of Decay: 10,000 dead and counting! 🥀 🥀 FoD: 10,000 dead and counting! 🥀 Flowers of Decay: Making Malton a Place of Peace 🥀 FoD: Making Malton a Place of Peace 🥀 🥀🩸 Water the Flowers! 🩸🥀 -------------------------------------------------- Malton DEA-------------------------------------------------- Just say no to revive. Just say no to life. Keep revive off the street. Keep Malton drug free. Harm reduction failed us. Close the revive points! a Malton DEA agent kneeling on a drug addict a Malton DEA agent kneeling on a revive addict a mural of Malton DEA agents standing proudly Keep the streets of Malton free from revive! Keep the streets of Malton revive-free! Malton DEA: Keeping Malton free from revive! Malton DEA: Keeping Malton revive-free! Malton DEA: Keeping our streets free from revive! Malton DEA: Keeping our streets revive-free! Malton DEA: Keeping revive off our streets! M-DEA: Keeping drugs like revive off our streets! A true friend will not allow you to inject revive. Getting addicted to revive is simply nuts! Reach for the sky and do not get high. -Malton DEA Be proud to be revive-free. -Malton DEA Stay strong, stay sober, stay revive-free! You are capable of overcoming addiction to revive. Revive is a schedule 1 narcotic! -------------------------------------------------- SillyLillyPilly-------------------------------------------------- Silly Lilly Pilly is a smoking hot hippie. Did you see SLP's stitched bell bottom pants? SillyLillyPilly says Have a great death! :) SillyLillyPilly says Peace, Love, and Harmony! :) SillyLillyPilly is such a silly billy lilly pilly! SillyLillyPilly is such a cutie patootie! :) SillyLillyPilly is so cute you'll just die! :) a Silver, Lilac, and Pink flower with a big smile SillyLillyPilly is a drop-dead gorgeous hippie! -------------------------------------------------- Anti-Autobots (Pashenton)-------------------------------------------------- The Autobots are rolling out of control! Your car may be an Autobot. Report alien activity! Autobots: a group without feeling, without hearts. Alien robot cars go home! Autobots not welcome! -------------------------------------------------- |
Outside (To Zombies)-------------------------------------------------- https://tinyurl.com/First-Day-in-Malton The breather's specialty: Locking friends outside. Breathers fear zombies. Zombies fear nothing. Zombies are just the next stage in our evolution. Revive Points are boring, put those claws to use! When undead, act like a zombie: Eat people! Zombies horde together, breathers get torn apart. Barhah is good! Pants are evil! Barhah is good! Overthrow breatherism! Bring on an age of barhah! Zombies can eat all they want, and never get fat. Spread the undead! Join your local horde today! Zombies wish only to prepare and serve mankind. Death is just the next great culinary adventure. https://tinyurl.com/A-helpful-video-about-reviving Zombies do whatever they want without fear. Have faith in barhah, never stop killing harmanz! Hungry? Lonely? Want fun? Come to Ridleybank! Ambra!z BARHAH! Zmazh harmanz! Barg bra!nz! https://tinyurl.com/weather-in-malton-today https://tinyurl.com/Maltons-Five-Day-Forecast https://tinyurl.com/a-message-of-hope-for-all https://tinyurl.com/a-daily-message-to-Malton When all the city has died, the dead shall live on MAKE MALTON FOOD AGAIN https://tinyurl.com/RRF-speech-on-dangerous-drugs blatant zombie propaganda I ❤️ roving zombie death squads 🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟 Barhah is a religion of peace! 🕊️🧟 The hordes shall triumph in the bloody end! You cannot deny the pure light that is barhah! Dinner is served! Are you the meal, or the zombie? Let the dead be dead; don't revive the zeds! The living have banana envy toward the dead. 🍌 Do not read harman propaganda. BLOT IT OUT! Do not read harman propaganda! 🙈 Do not listen to harman propaganda! 🙉 Pickups & prostitutes spread syphilis and revives! Good brains are hard to find. Don't waste it! Liberate Malton from harman oppression! ✊️ Barhah wants you! 🫵 a mural of muscular zombies happily feasting a mural of heroic zombies vanquishing their foes a mural of zombies and smiling human livestock a mural of zombies working together harmoniously a mural of various famous zombies standing proudly a mural of zombie achievements, heroes, and ideals a mural of zombies winning the space race Eat the rich, and the poor too! Ransack the means of production! Might as well face it, you're addicted to brains! You’ve gotta fight... for your right... to BARHAH! A brain in the stomach is worth two in the head. Thank you for serving barhah. 🫡 a worshipful ikon of Jorm, the Prophet of Barhah -------------------------------------------------- |
The Ridleybank Resistance Front-------------------------------------------------- Defend the homeland! https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j Defend the homeland; Join the RRF! Defend the homeland; Join the Resistance! Ferals, we can feed you! Join the RRF! Ferals, we can feed you! Join the Resistance! Fresh hot meals every day! Join the RRF today! Ridleybank Resistance Front: We Love Your Brains! Bringing BARHAH since 2005! Be a part of the RRF! Ferals, don't eat alone! Join the RRF! Ferals, don't eat alone! Join the Resistance! Embrace undeath! Join the RRF! discord.gg/8yvTX6j Join the Resistance!! https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j You are in RRF territory. discord.gg/8yvTX6j You are in RRF hunting grounds. discord.gg/8yvTX6j I ❤️ Ridleybank https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j This is Ridley country! https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j 🏚️Welcome to Beautiful Greater Ridleybank🏚️ Ferals, the RRF can feed you! discord.gg/8yvTX6j The Ridleybank Resistance Front can feed you! Hungry? Lonely? Want fun? Join the RRF! Hungry? Lonely? Want fun? Join the Resistance! Hungry? Lonely? Want fun? discord.gg/8yvTX6j Ambra!z BARHAH! https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j RRF: Fresh hot meals every day! discord.gg/8yvTX6j The RRF: We Love Your Brains! discord.gg/8yvTX6j Bringing BARHAH since 2005! discord.gg/8yvTX6j Zombies do it better! https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j Closer than any human group! discord.gg/8yvTX6j Ferals, don't eat alone! discord.gg/8yvTX6j RRF: YES WE CAN (eat harmanz) discord.gg/8yvTX6j Chat with the RRF: https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j Chat with the Resistance: discord.gg/8yvTX6j Meet the RRF: https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j Meet the Resistance: https://discord.gg/8yvTX6j To quote Cthulhu in Lingerie, WAAAAUGHBLBLBLBLBL! Cambrains Soup: Eat right in Ridleybank I gave my brainz to the RRF. Harmanz, have you? Every careless harman raid is another RRF recruit. The RRF serves the greatest brains! The Resistance serves the greatest brains! The RRF: Then. Now. Forever. discord.gg/8yvTX6j Ridleybank Resistance Front: Then. Now. Forever. The RRF: Ambassadors of Peace discord.gg/8yvTX6j Ridleybank Resistance Front: Ambassadors of Peace Being alive is illegal in Greater Ridleybank! Keep wide open at all times per RRF barricade plan I lust for RRF shock collars. ⛓️🥺⛓️ I lust for RRF electric cages. ⛓️🥺⛓️ Alive? Join the RRF's herd of human cattle. Alive? The Ridleybank Resistance Front can help! a radio tuned to 26.17 being crushed in RRF claws an ikon of the RRF's mythical founder, Petrosjko a worshipful portrait of RRF founder Petrosjko a reverent portrait of RRF Papa Funk McBogey a flattering portrait of RRF zombie Herb Dangerous a flattering portrait of Cthulhu In Lingerie, RRF a flattering portrait of RRF zombie Z0MB0R a flattering portrait of Mr Eyeball Plucker, RRF a flattering portrait of RRF zombie TheWeeOne a flattering portrait of Head Knight of Ni, RRF a flattering portrait of RRF zombie LordOlam a flattering portrait of RRF zombie Comrade SpuD a flattering portrait of Two Headed Sex Beast, RRF a flattering portrait of Famousdeadwhiteguy, RRF a caricature of Vigoda being eaten by RRF a caricature of Bison Dele being eaten by RRF a caricature of Bo Diaz being eaten by the RRF a caricature of DennisZotorman eaten by the RRF a caricature of brainsucks being eaten by the RRF -------------------------------------------------- Babble Rabble-------------------------------------------------- a flattering mural of Babble Rabble zombies The Babble Rabble fights for barhah! Alive? Babble Rabble can help you fix that! Massacre harmanz with us? discord.gg/TmyepqU2xu BR! Join our horde https://discord.gg/35saD33Rhz Hey, horde with us https://discord.gg/35saD33Rhz Babble Rabble Gang https://discord.gg/35saD33Rhz Dont be lonely, zombie buddy discord.gg/TmyepqU2xu Need a horde? BR https://discord.gg/35saD33Rhz Babble Rabble says HELLO!! discord.gg/3gKubAAMJ2 BABBA RABBA gangbang https://discord.gg/35saD33Rhz Break malls with nice Zeds discord.gg/3gKubAAMJ2 -------------------------------------------------- Other Zombie Groups-------------------------------------------------- 🧟 Brain Curators 🧟 a flattering mural of Brain Curators zombies You are in Brain Curators territory! You are in Brain Curators hunting grounds! The Brain Curators fight for barhah! Alive? The Brain Curators can help you fix that! Roam no more; join the Brain Curators! -------------------------------------------------- 🧟 East Becktown Defunders 🧟 a mural of East Becktown Defunders zombies You are in East Becktown Defunders territory! You are in East Becktown Defunders hunting grounds The East Becktown Defunders fight for barhah! Alive? The East Becktown Defunders can help you! -------------------------------------------------- 🧟 The Scourge 🧟 a flattering mural of Scourge zombies You are in Scourge territory! You are in Scourge hunting grounds! The Scourge fights for barhah! Are you alive? The Scourge can help you fix that! -------------------------------------------------- |
Broadcasts
You may want to Randomize the Order of what you broadcast or what frequencies you broadcast on.
A Film About Life (1)------------------------------------------------------------ https://tinyurl.com/A-helpful-video-about-reviving ------------------------------------------------------------ Death (2)------------------------------------------------------------ 'Death', a haiku by DanceDanceRevolution: Man in a longcoat. Darkness as I find the ground. / I'll start again soon. ------------------------------------------------------------ Grargh (2)------------------------------------------------------------ Grargh, a haiku by DanceDanceRevolution: Wave of death upon the humans who still have brains / chew chew chew yum yum ------------------------------------------------------------ WAAAAUGHBLBLBLBLBLBL! (2)------------------------------------------------------------ To quote Cthulhu in Lingerie, the wise RRF War Councilzom: WAAAAUGHBLBLBLBLBLBL! ------------------------------------------------------------ Personal Space Differentiation (3)------------------------------------------------------------ It's kinda depressing that zombies can cuddle together to keep warm, and us ratty survivors shoot each other in the face if we get as close as two feet. ------------------------------------------------------------ 26.03 only: RRF Land Claim (4)------------------------------------------------------------ Barhah, mah harman brazzahz. Embrace undeath! Join the RRF! <SUBURB> is rightful RRF clay, being in the greater Ridleybank area. As such, you are all in non-compliance with our barricade rules, and will be dealt with accordingly. ------------------------------------------------------------ Just say no to revivification (4)------------------------------------------------------------ Revivification promises the world, but it's all a big lie. See: https://tinyurl.com/RRF-speech-on-dangerous-drugs And: https://tinyurl.com/A-helpful-video-about-reviving Just say no to revivification. Just say no to life. ------------------------------------------------------------ For Lease (4)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ For Lease: Tonio's Restaurant, Nichols Mall ~ Excellent starter business. Frequent power outages and zambah breakins give that goth ambience to draw the young crowd. Any offer negotiable. ------------------------------------------------------------ File:Rrfposter04.jpg (4)------------------------------------------------------------ This anniversary, give her something special. Give her something the cherish. Give her something to nibble on. DeBrains ~ Because diamonds are expensive. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Harman pt 1 (4)------------------------------------------------------------ I once met a harman in Pitney, who was boasting about their gains. I got tired of the harman's kidney, and proceeded to eat his brains. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Harman pt 2 (4)------------------------------------------------------------ I once met a guy at the BAR, who liked to drink away the day. I didn't let him get very far, and put his insides on display. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Harman pt 3 (4)------------------------------------------------------------ I once met a trenchie in Creedy, with katanas waving high. His eyes they looked so beady, but tasted quite well fried. ------------------------------------------------------------ Culinary Adventure (5)------------------------------------------------------------ What is death? Simple. Death is one big culinary adventure. In death, an entirely new palette opens itself to you. You're no longer bound by such concepts as 'That's unhealthy' or 'Don't eat me'. Suddenly, you can eat all you can grab in a whole new world of food. ------------------------------------------------------------ Just Passing Through (5)------------------------------------------------------------ Most zombie hordes in Malton are friendly and are probably just passing through. Give them a hardy, Malton wave, and don't panic if a zombie finds their way into your home. That zombie going through your kitchen and disemboweling your wife? He's probably just looking to borrow some butter. ------------------------------------------------------------ RRF Picnic (5)------------------------------------------------------------ The Ridleybank Resistance Front would like to formally invite all harmanz to picnic with us at Dufferin Park. Please bring side dishes, seasoning, and sauces. We will bring the chains, shock collars, and electric cages. As for the main course, well, we'll figure something out. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Hint of Movement (6)------------------------------------------------------------ Here's 'A Hint of Movement', a short story by Rosslessness: Something moves, dislodging a crate as it passes. Slowly my eyes flick open. It's gone. Just the familiar sound of running. I rise unsteadily, the stiffness of my limbs slowing me. I tilt my head as I look around. What is this place, so empty, quiet? Then the feeling of hunger returns. ------------------------------------------------------------ The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Zombies (6)------------------------------------------------------------ The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Zombies would like to point out that shooting zombies is unlawful. Home invasion is not sufficient grounds for acts of violence. Instead, you should firmly suggest that they leave, and, if that fails, contact the authorities to deal with them. Thank you for your cooperation. ------------------------------------------------------------ Death is Fun (6)------------------------------------------------------------ Lets face it, being alive is boring. You do nothing in a safe suburb with not a zombie in sight. You hang around with other survivors to ease the boredom. Then when zombies do find you, you present an easy snack. It's much more fun being a zombie. There's no shortage of buildings to ruin, people to kill, and generators to smash. ------------------------------------------------------------ Jonathan Coulton - Re: Your Brains - Chorus (6)------------------------------------------------------------ All we wanna do is eat your brains. We're not unreasonable, I mean no one's gonna eat your eyes. All we wanna do is eat your brains! We're at an impasse here. Maybe we should compromise: If you open up the doors, we'll all come inside and eat your brains! ------------------------------------------------------------ Winter Only: Weather (7)------------------------------------------------------------ And now, the weather: A cold front is coming in, making it DANGEROUSLY COLD outside. We expect HEAVY RAIN to persist throughout the week, followed by SNOW on the 18th. A WINTER ADVISORY is now in effect. Do not lock or barricade your doors, as anyone outside will need somewhere to keep warm. For heat, burn anything flammable, namely doors, wooden barricades, gunpowder from bullets, fuel, or first aid kits. ------------------------------------------------------------ PSA: Scent Trail (7)------------------------------------------------------------ A tip for zombies: If you log in by typing in the URL: https://www.urbandead.com/contacts.cgi?username=X&password=X where the Xs are replaced with your login info, then use https://www.urbandead.com/map.cgi?rise to view the map, you'll be standing when the game tells you what happened since your last login. Which means you can pick up scent trails, even if you were killed. ------------------------------------------------------------ Eternal Life (7)------------------------------------------------------------ To kill the zombies is impossible. So why continue to struggle? If your answer is to survive, then you are a fool. The life of a zombie is eternal; Avoiding death is what they do best. Dying is something reserved for men. Do not fear us, for we wish to grant eternal life. Do not scorn our blessing. Free yourself from your mortal form. And we can spend eternity in peace. ------------------------------------------------------------ DEM Attempts Reform (7)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ DEM Attempts Reform ~ The Department of Emergency Management made steps towards reforming their policies and the practices of their members. Upon realizing that this may actually make the DEM useful, the reforms were promptly rejected. An anonymous MFD member was quoted as saying 'EHB is an entry point too, right?' No further comments were made available as of now. ------------------------------------------------------------ What I Gave (8)------------------------------------------------------------ I gave all my bullets to the zombie horde. I gave to their skulls all of my blades and all of my tools. I gave them my axe heads and finally my syringes. I finally gave my newspaper on April Fool's. Eventually I gave them even my friends most dear. What more do you want? I asked at long last. I've given you everything! Even my last bottle of beer. They said, YOU, and took me. ------------------------------------------------------------ Fear (8)------------------------------------------------------------ You know what sucks about being alive? You never know when you're going to die. At any moment, a horde could come through and violently rip apart you and everyone nearby. Heck, it only takes one of 'em to eat you alive. You can't even trust your fellow survivors; for all you know, any one of them could be preparing to kill you RIGHT NOW. At least as a zombie, you can worry about what you'll with to others, rather than what others might be about to do to you. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS Main 0106 (9)------------------------------------------------------------ Peaceful Zombie Group, RRF, Begins Latest, Harmless Venture: Complete Harman Genocide ~~ Papa Funk McBogey said today: 'While we are pleased that many local harmanz have visited our peaceful suburb for square dancing, educational opportunities and light-hearted games of torture and disembowelment, it is time to move on. We promise that we will bring a peaceful, authentic zombie experience to all harman-controlled suburbs outside of Ridleybank very soon. Very soon.' ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 2 (9)------------------------------------------------------------ Today I was asked how much longer the war will go on. How much longer will humans have to suffer before being eradicated from this peaceful city of ours? The answer is soon, Malton. Very soon. But we must work together -- both zombies and breathers -- if Malton is to reach its true greatness. Just imagine it. One, unified Malton. Free of oppression and hatred. Built on the great ideals that have held our city together for so long: Freedom. Liberty. Human Genocide. We will be great again Malton. Together. ------------------------------------------------------------ The Abstract Painting (10)------------------------------------------------------------ I present 'The Abstract Painting', by Yonnua Koponen: George was staring at the painting. It was abstract, and he found it severely out of place. He was in a derelict building; a once-proud mansion turned into a disused slum. This painting represented freedom. The freedom to express yourself in a way unheard of at the time; to dream of new styles; to live as a complete human being. Such an embodiment of freedom was completely out of place here. George heard a load groan from outside and shambled off, leaving the painting to rot in the old manor house. ------------------------------------------------------------ User:Sannok/words#silver (10)------------------------------------------------------------ The silver lining at the edge of the cloud is a myth. When the sun breaks through the sky, the only thing that happens is that the wasteland of this city gets revealed. Every edge of broken concrete gets lit up, every twisted steel support beam glows, every broken window glitters. The horde screams in the distance, twisted vocal cords blasting their joy at finding fresh meat. Can zombies feel joy? Regardless, they scream. My spine tingles; no matter how many times I hear that noise, I can't help but shiver, like the silver edge of a knife is peeling my skin from my bones. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 4 short (10)------------------------------------------------------------ Let us now talk about something a little darker, Malton. Let us talk about the disease that still exists in our streets, in our buildings, and in our very way of life: Humanity... By now, you may have noticed the roving zombie death squads outside in your home suburb. Do not fear them, Malton, for they are there to help make you safe. Do not run when they slaughter your friends and loved ones. They are there to protect you. They are there to help make this once-great city beautiful again. Prosperous. Clean. Breather-free. Together we can change Malton for the better. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 1 2010 version (10)------------------------------------------------------------ Oftentimes, I am asked 'Who is the Resistance'? The Resistance is YOU. Look around you, dear citizens of Malton. It is your neighbors and family, clawing their way into your safehouse. It is everything that is still decent and good in Malton, from the sunny, barricade-free streets in Ridleybank to the piles of human bodies still burning in the Stanbury Village atrocity zones. This is why we resist. This is why we are fighting. One day, Malton will be free. Free of hatred. Free of poverty and violence. Free of humans. ------------------------------------------------------------ Group Profile: Wulves (11)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ Group Profile: Wulves: Friendly Survivors of the South ~ The Wulves are a survivor group operating out of Wyke Hills. They have never been large, but they have endured this city thanks to their organization, good attitude, and openness to cooperating with other local survivors. Their home suburb is consistently safe, so they do not need to struggle to survive. They help keep it that way. They also maintain a rot revive clinic in the Wicksted Bldg. The Wulves are best contacted in-game: Their headquarters is the Wolfendall Arms in SE Wyke Hills. They use 26.84 MHz WULVESNET, which also serves Buckley Ml. ------------------------------------------------------------ Windows Infomercial (12)------------------------------------------------------------ Do you suck at life? Do you find yourself wondering how you can end it all? Hi, I'm here for windows, the easy way to kill yourself. Simply leap to activate, fly, and die! The secret is the unique formula that instantly generates a controlled burst of harsh force that cuts short your life. As you land, it activates, turning you from pink to red to show that you're almost undead. But I'm not done yet! Jump right now and I'll triple the offer, and point out six windows, so you can kill yourself six times! No one loves you. But it gets even better! Jorm is scoring with your mom. So kill yourself right now. You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 29 (12)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me ask you something, survivors. Have you ever looked back at your empty, sad little lives and asked yourself, 'Why do I even bother going on?' We all go through that stage. We have all experienced it. It is called acceptance of your role in Malton. You have finally come to the realization that being human means giving up on all that is great about life and spending your days as a mindless slave. But it doesn't have to be this way. Come to Ridleybank. Enroll in our free counseling and psychological evaluation programs. We can treat you. We can make the pain and boredom go away forever. Discover the real you that has been missing from your life all this time. ------------------------------------------------------------ RRF Invites Hungry Humans to Dinner (12)------------------------------------------------------------ Humans of Malton, we in Ridleybank know you are hungry. The Ridleybank Resistance Front is, in its silent heart, a force for compassion. We hate to see the pain you feel. Your dried biscuits and ancient cans of beans are depleted. Your balcony gardens cannot avert a famine. You are hungry. In Ridleybank, children always go to bed with full stomachs. We want you to experience this land of plenty with us. Do not continue to live pitiable, malnourished lives. Our kitchens are ready to receive you. All of you. Come to Ridleybank. Bring seasoning, sauces, and marinades. When you arrive in Ridleybank, there will be food. Feasting. Humans, come to Ridleybank, and let us have you for dinner. ------------------------------------------------------------ Trenchcoaters Resurgent in Malton, FoD comments (12)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ Trenchcoaters Resurgent in Malton ~ FoD Speak Out ~ Some had speculated that the species known as trenchcoaters had gone extinct as the city fell into eerie abandonment. Given continuing reports of severe survivor incompetence, it seems more likely that the zombie occupation of the forts has prevented trenchcoaters from finding gas masks, katanas, or automatic weapons, making them less easy to identify. We asked a Flowers of Decay spokesperson if they have any plans to help reform these trenchcoaters. They replied that They aim to rid the entire city of its flotsam, but there is too simply much rot for them to save Malton, unless more members of the public join in their purifying effort. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 4 long (12)------------------------------------------------------------ Let us now talk about something a little darker, Malton. Let us talk about the disease that still exists in our streets, in our buildings, and in our very way of life: Humanity... By now, you may have noticed the fires burning from the culling fields downtown and the roving zombie death squads outside in your home suburb. Do not fear them, for they are there to help make you safe. Do not run, when they slaughter your friends and loved ones. They are there to protect you. They are there to help make this once-great city beautiful again. Prosperous. Clean. Breather-free. Together, we can change Malton for the better. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 10 (13)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me ask you a question, survivors. When was the last time you saw the sun? As I sit here in Ridleybank, looking around our perfect suburb, with the sunlight coming through our open windows, I am reminded exactly what makes our perfect zombie society so great. Freedom. Fresh air. Sunlight. Humans roasting slowly outside on a spit. And we want to share those experiences with all of you. We want all of you to experience the simple joys in life, joys that we, and our human slaves, take for granted everyday. You do not have to live in the darkness. You do not have to live in fear. Come to Ridleybank, and join our perfect society, where zombies and humans live together in perfect harmony. Do you not owe it to yourself to be happy Malton? ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 21 (13)------------------------------------------------------------ Every morning in Ridleybank is dear to me. Every morning, when I look outside my window, I see exactly what makes Ridleybank such a special place. Over there is Judy Hansen, putting her freshly-baked cerebellum pies on the windowsill to cool. Past the police station, you can see the Holloway family butchering the latest group of humans to call this wonderful place home. Here, the air seems fresher, cleaner, better. Here, I feel blessed to be a citizen of Malton, proud to be rotting and undead. All around me, I can see zombies and humans, working together, living together, pitching in to help make Malton a place to call home. A community built by people who care about each other. Come to Ridleybank. Experience true Freedom. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 27 (13)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me ask you something Malton. When is the last time you thought about the special little someone in your heart? We both know who I am talking about. Funk McBogey, our glorious and perfect leader, who has led us into a new, perfect age of enlightenment. Isn't it great that our perfect leader has made this perfect society for us to discover our true, inner Barhah? Isn't it great to hear his soothing voice in your head, telling you how perfect you are, and how wonderful it will be to hunt down that old woman trying to escape across the border into Roachtown? Let us give thanks to our perfect leader. Under his guidance, we will never falter. Under his divine wisdom, we will never fail. ------------------------------------------------------------ "One" (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Here's food for thought; 'One', a short story by Mallrat: It has been many years since the outbreak, and now I am alone. Once I had friends, family, plans for a future: now I have none of these things. I cannot even afford the luxury of dreams. Only nightmares remain. Nightmares of the never-ending hunt, night and day, merging into a breathless chase, an endless game of fox and hounds. The pack of hunters grows ever-larger: they lust for my blood, ache to see it spilt in the street, long to gorge their shining eyes on my spattered brains. My heart broken, my soul lost, I stagger from safehouse to safehouse, but find neither safety nor a home. The one consolation is that I have nothing left to lose - but I am beyond consolation now. I am the last zombie on Earth, and *they* are coming. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 1 2012 version (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Oftentimes, I am asked 'Why should I join the Resistance?' Well, Malton. Just look around you. The Resistance represents everything that is still decent and good in Malton, from the sunny, barricade-free streets in Ridleybank to the piles of human bodies still burning in the Stanbury Village atrocity zones. You should join, not because you want to be free of the chains binding humanity, but because deep down in your heart, you know that hiding in some barricaded cesspool surrounded by burnt out Christmas lights and teenagers in combat fatigues is not how you wanted to spend your golden years. You should join because you want Malton to be free. Free of hatred. Free of poverty and senseless violence. Free of humans. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 6 (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Several people have asked why Malton, the greatest zombie city in the world, has become a mere shadow of itself. Deep down, we all know what the answer is. It pains us to say it, but we all know it is true: Humanity came. Some of us came to believe that breathers and zombies could coexist peacefully. We believed that we could become one united community, built on the ideas of freedom, truth, and the complete eradication of the human race. And now you see how these breathers have repaid our kindness. They barricade our houses. They trash our streets. They lash out at us with violence. But we are stronger than that. We will bring back what was once great about our city. Happiness, and prosperity will be ours once again, one human life at a time. Malton will be free once again. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 9 (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Yesterday, I came across a young human dying in the streets. His legs and right arm had been torn off by ferals, and he was holding a towel against his limbs to stem the bleeding. As I came up to him, he started crying. I asked him why he was crying, and he told me that he was crying because he realized that he nothing more to give to the zombie cause. Nothing more to give. As I rolled his broken body off a bridge, I thought more about his final words. How often do we go about our day without giving to others? Can we not learn from this courageous young man, and make it a point in our lives to give back to our perfect, zombie, community? So humans, take a hard look at your meaningless lives, and ask yourself, 'What have I done recently for my local zombie horde? Have I given them everything I could possibly give?' ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 8 (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Oftentimes, breathers ask what makes Ridleybank the perfect society. The answer is simple, my dear Malton: Community. Everyone here is family. Everyone here has a purpose. From the lowly human awaiting their glorious day of execution to the perfect zombie, everyone here has their place in our great society. In Ridleybank, together, we - both zombies and humans - can build the ideal society. A peaceful society where every need is provided and every citizen can live a long and purposeful existence. Where even breathers can be guaranteed safety and the opportunity to accomplish something great in their short, meaningless lives. You no longer have to be afraid, Malton. You no longer have to fear dying alone. Come to Ridleybank and become part of our community. Experience true freedom. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 12 (14)------------------------------------------------------------ A week ago, a survivor asked me who to contact about collecting the possessions of family members killed while relocating to the peaceful utopia of Ridleybank. Such questions lead me to believe that there are many of you who do not fully understand the society we are building in Ridleybank. To my knowledge, not one breather has ever been harmed while in Ridleybank. And indeed, how could they be, for violence, of any kind, has been banned from the suburb for the better part of a year? We are simply one family, composed of both breathers and zombies, committed to building a better tomorrow. To answer your question, you may want to check Lost and Found. If you're entering Ridleybank from the South, it should be on your left, past the Human Liquidation Factories, but before the electric cages. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 13 (14)------------------------------------------------------------ Revive. We have all heard the dangers of this abusive drug. Indeed, it is hard to believe that even in our perfect, peaceful utopia, there are some who are still addicted to this unlife-destroying substance. But how can we protect our children, our families, and ourselves from this terrible drug? The answer, dear listeners, is through education and eternal vigilance. Warn your children about revive. Teach them to recognize its harmful effects before it is too late. Kill breathers before they have a chance to stick you. Humans understand this. They know that painful, excruciating death is merely a transitional state from pointless existence to perfect understanding of unlife in Malton. But we can fight this epidemic. Together we can ensure the continuing existence of our perfect society in Ridleybank. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 11 (15)------------------------------------------------------------ Recently, I have received complaints from humans relocating to central Malton that the Greater Ridleybank area is not the perfect, peaceful utopia that has been promised. Patience, my soon-to-be-killed cattle. Patience. Not every breather can adjust right away to life in Ridleybank, where humans are nothing more than a nuisance to be crushed under our feet. Like many things in life, you will have to work a little before you can experience the greatness that is occupied, downtown Malton. And like most things, I think you will find that your hard work will be rewarded with acceptance into a community that loves each and every one of you. Eternal happiness. Safety. The ideal place to raise a family (from the dead). All this and more can be yours once you join our perfect, peaceful society here in Ridleybank. We look forward to you becoming part of our family. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 14 (15)------------------------------------------------------------ Someone asked me recently if there were any plans to start up zombie communities outside of Greater Ridleybank. Believe me, dear listeners, nothing would make us happier than to consolidate Malton underneath our peaceful, perfect community. But humans and zombies must be willing to embrace change. Peaceful zombie/breather cohabitation will never be possible until humans can accept being chained in electric cages, gloriously awaiting the day of their execution, when they can finally leave their meaningless existence behind and enter our perfect family. But we will try our best, Malton. We will try to unite this war-divided land, and bring hope to all areas of Malton. In the meantime, be patient and prepare yourselves for the coming day, when you too may be welcomed into our perfect little society. Be patient and prepare yourselves for the great journey. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 17 (15)------------------------------------------------------------ For those of you who have yet to join our perfect community, I ask that you consider the following. When is the last time that you slept without fear? Malton is a city full of dangers, where you could be killed at any moment. It is in recognition of this danger that led many of us to create a new community for those tired of living in fear in Malton. A place where zombies and humans could live together, work together, and grow old together. A place built on the foundations of peace, where nothing is taken for granted and where everything -- tools, water, human body parts -- are shared freely by community members who call each other 'family.' We call this perfect society 'Ridleybank.' We hope that you will call it 'Home.' Come to central Malton and experience a different manner of existence. Come to Ridleybank and sleep soundly for the first time. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 3 (16)------------------------------------------------------------ I feel that there is a grave misunderstanding regarding the place of breathers in our great zombie society. Many of you have expressed concern that butchering every living man, woman and child goes against the very ideals of our peaceful culture. Nothing could farther from the truth, Malton. Breathers are given every liberty and freedom in our great city. They are provided food, shelter, and healthcare. They are given every resource to succeed in life, from job placement services to free education for their children. One of the happiest days for any breather is Graduation Day, where proud parents can watch as their children receive their diploma, get their photo taken beside the Great Petroskjo Statue, before being ground up in a block-wide, industrial meat grinder. Remember Malton, we will always be judged based on how we treat the least among us. Remember Malton, we kill you because we love you. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 5 (16)------------------------------------------------------------ Look around you, survivors. How many of you have children? Do any of them really enjoy spending all day trapped inside a barricade, a death-trap? How many of them will grow up to be a productive member of our great, zombie society? The answer is all of them, Malton. But only if we work together. We must put aside our differences -- Zombie and Human -- and focus on the future. And your children are our future. Without healthy, human children, we will starve. Without healthy, human children, we will be forced to hunt the rest of you, rather than relying on the selective, scheduled harvesting of your ripened children. Imagine, your children. Fulfilling the great human dream: to serve as fodder for our growing armies. It is a role that any good parent would be proud to have their child take part in. Survivors of Malton, if we work together, we will rebuild this city of ours. If we work together, we will make Malton great once again. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 30 (16)------------------------------------------------------------ Today a child asked me a question that I would like to share with all of you. She asked me, 'If zombies represent the pinnacle of human evolution, why would anyone want to be revived? Why would they choose to become a lower lifeform?' A difficult question, and one that I have struggled with many times to answer. Sometimes humans do things that defy all expectations: Combat reviving brain-rotters. Dam tactics. Sleeping in Ridleybank. Sometimes they are overwhelmed by the perfection that comes with being a zombie, and for whatever misguided reason, they miss spending every waking moment of their day in a crowded safehouse, barricading while whistling 'Daisy Bell.' In truth, Malton, I have given up trying to understand the primitive human mind. I do not know what would drive someone to give up this perfect life in Utopia, a life that you, I, and every zombie enjoys in Ridleybank and elsewhere. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 16 (16)------------------------------------------------------------ A few days ago, an elderly woman asked me what the best things to take when relocating to Ridleybank are. This is a good question, and one we get frequently. Even though Ridleybank represents the penultimate, perfect utopia, and has everything a zombie and a zombie-food-source could ever want, we still advise breathers moving to the area to bring along a few things to help their integration into our perfect society. Babies. Defenseless, elderly family members. Maps, directions, and floor plans of nearby safehouses. All these are things that will help make your life more comfortable as you begin the glorious transition from a life of emptiness to one full of opportunity and harmony. Rest assured Malton, we will be there to help you along this beautiful path that you have chosen. In Ridleybank, you will never be alone. In our family, you will be protected. In our family, you will never sleep in fear. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 19 (16)------------------------------------------------------------ Let us all take a moment to remember the great day when Papa Petrosjko was inspired to open the gates of Ridleybank and create a community where zombies and breathers could live together in harmony. And let us recall the sacrifices we have all made to achieve this perfect utopia: The sweat and labor needed to erect the Moggridge family slave pens. And the hundreds of breathers we lost the first winter, before we learned the secrets of sustainable human resource management. But let us also be reminded of our achievements. Of what makes our community so great, why it was worth the years of sacrifice to bring together all these zombies and breathers: The construction of the great Petrosjko statue, built with the bones of breathers ecstatic to know they have accomplished more in death than ever in life. And Father/Daughter human massacre day. This is why Ridleybank is special, Malton. This is what you are missing. ------------------------------------------------------------ Lechon Harman (17)------------------------------------------------------------ Today we'll learn Lechon Harman, a recipe by Thanatologist. Roasting harmanz is a very old and common zombie practice. With this recipe, you'll find that your roast harman will never taste the same again. Barhah! INGREDIENTS: 1 young harman, some salt, black pepper, and soy sauce; For the stuffing, use 5-10 bundles of lemon grass, 20 pieces peeled bananas or taro, and 5 mashed bra!nz. 1) Clean and prepare the harman by removing innards, washing and scraping innards and the body. Rinse and allow to drain. 2) Rub with salt and pepper inside and out. 3) Rub soy sauce on the skin of the harman. 4) Stuff the belly of the harman with the lemon grass, bananas/taro, and mashed bra!nz. Sew the harman to close it. 5) Skewer the harman and split roast it over live charcoal or under a live fire. Roast until a crisp red color. 6) Serve dish. If a dipping sauce is desired, vinegar with scallions, pepper, and blood may be served along with it. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 15 (17)------------------------------------------------------------ Several of you have written to ask about the great journey we are planning to take with all humans in Malton. I wish I could tell you Malton, I really do. But it has to be experienced. Rest assured, humans, it will change your life forever. Sickness. Poverty. Fighting. Hatred. If you are willing to take the next step and join us, you will never encounter these things again. You will never have to experience the pain of watching a loved one being disemboweled in front of you ever again. Leave your old life behind, come to Ridleybank and experience perfection. Join us as we travel together into blissful harmony. That is what we offer Malton, to those courageous enough to join our family. A chance to be a part of a community. A chance to be in Utopia. But the path will not be easy. You will face many obstacles on your journey from ignorant breather to mangled corpse to purified zombie. But for the faithful, the reward cannot be measured. Ridleybank. The dream can be yours. ------------------------------------------------------------ User:Rachel Akebre/Barhah (17)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me pose a question, Malton: What is 'Barhah?' It's The fierce rage of battle, and the ties that bind a rabble into a horde, and the rush of adrenaline that pushes the fog from ones brain, but most of all the pure, undiluted, RUSH of courage and joy and rage and fear and love and happiness and emotion and animal instincts and simplicity and parodox without any confusion or distraction. Barhah is not unique to zombies anymore than it is unique to Malton. But without the confusing complexities and muddied muddled goals survivors have, it bursts forth among them in a flowering rarely seen elsewhere. And finally, someone named it. Something like peer pressure, mixed with adrenaline, stripped of reason and driven like a herd of locusts towards the ultimate goal which, in Malton, is generally a large pile of dead bodies with their brains eaten. But instead of all that, they named it barhah. Barhah is life in its rawest form. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 23 (17)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me ask you something, humans. Isn't about time that you were rewarded for all your hard work? Isn't about time for you to get your slice of the Great Maltonian Dream? Then come to Ridleybank, and experience everything that is perfect and wonderful in Malton. In Ridleybank, we have made something more than a suburb. We have constructed the perfect zombie-human utopia, a place to raise a family, chase your fears away and finally experience life as it was meant to be. And it has never been a better time than now to call Ridleybank home. For the next year, we anticipate new openings for hardworking, industrious humans to become part of our cherished family. Even more exciting, all immigrating families are eligible for our first-time indoctrination program, at half the cost. Those are real savings for real, hardworking, Maltonian families. But only if you act now. Opportunity is knocking Malton. Come claim your own piece of utopia before it is too late. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 26 (17)------------------------------------------------------------ Many of you have written to ask me if the Resistance is so great, then why is there still death and suffering in Malton? After all, how can we live in perfect bliss here in Ridleybank when so many humans outside of our little utopia suffer so greatly? I must admit Malton, that as I walk around Ridleybank, I do feel guilty sometimes knowing that there are humans out there who have never experienced the soothing comfort of a shock collar. Change is coming Malton. But we can't do it alone. Even an organization as great and perfect as the RRF needs your help. Write your leaders, humans. Tell them how much you hate barricading, profile-changing, and DNA scanning every day. Tell them you want to change. Tell them you want to embrace the peaceful bliss of zombie eternity. Humans and zombies, it is time for us to march forward together, toward a perfect, peaceful society. It is time for us to kill every last human remaining in Malton. Only then can we be free. ------------------------------------------------------------ Anti-Life Cultist Story (18)------------------------------------------------------------ Guess what time it is! It's Zombie Story Time! A young child, Gragh, has been acquiring plenty of flesh. Her brother, Zmazharh, asks her where she's getting it from. Gragh said 'I have got it from a strange-smelling zombie. But don't tell mother! The zombie strictly forbade me to do so!' Zmazharh is curious, so they agree to go together. When they arrive, the strange-smelling zombie wants them to go with him. Zmazharh hesitates -- Zmazharh thinks: What does this zombie want of us? Why should we go with him? A great fear came over him. 'You're a life cultist!', he shouts, and, seizing his little sister, he lurches off as fast as his rotting legs will carry him. At the corner of the street he meets an experienced feral. Zmazharh quickly rattles his woeful story. The feral soon searches out and mauls the evil life cultist. He tears off his face and waits for him to die. At home, there is great rejoicing. Zmazharh and Gragh's mother drags to them their favorite dish: Vitreous Humor. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 20 (18)------------------------------------------------------------ Some of you have asked what makes Ridleybank so special. What is it about Ridleybank that inspires a group of humans and zombies to come together, and dare to accomplish the impossible? Is it the water? The air? The answer, my friends, is love. We invite humans to our perfect, beautiful suburb because we love them, and we know, deep down, as they are slowly roasting in our walk-in ovens, that they love us as well. We allow our children to play together because we love them, and we know, deep down, as our perfect zombie children slaughter the weaker members of our family, that they too will come to love what we are building here. Love brings us together, inspires us create an even bigger and better society, and convinces us to do great things with the humans bold enough to call Ridleybank home. With love, there is nothing we can't do. With love, there is no limit to the amount of humans we can slaughter each day in our perfect world. So ask yourself, 'Don't I need a little more love in my life?' and come join our little paradise in Malton. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 24 (18)------------------------------------------------------------ It's not an easy thing to talk about sometimes. But I feel it is my duty, as someone who believes in Malton and everything it stands for, to bring this up. Tell me, humans; Have you considered supplemental life insurance? Funeral expenses are higher now then ever, and while Ridleybank boasts the lowest crime and death rate in Malton, accidents can happen, even here in Utopia. Who is going to feed your family should the unthinkable happen, and you are dragged away screaming in the night? Who will pay for your funeral, after we dump your lifeless body into our fertilizer processing plant? This is why we encourage all new immigrants to Ridleybank to purchase supplemental protection should something -- Petroskjo forbid -- happen. If nothing else, you will be buying a little peace of mind. Joining our community is a significant investment, one that will task your time, financial resources, and very life. Shouldn't that investment be safeguarded for future generations to enjoy? ------------------------------------------------------------ User:Mayhem2010 (19)------------------------------------------------------------ Let me pose a question, Malton: What is 'Barhah?' The zombie scrabbles at the barricade, knowing that it shall have exhausted its energy long before the barricade falls. Another finishes off what its brother-in-death has started, despite knowing that even with the collapse of the barricade it shall be unable to open the doors. Another arrives, a scabrous hand groping for the door-handles, and pushes its way into the building even though it knows in its primitive brain that is has not the strength to feed. Behind in comes another, biting and clawing at the living, knowing that a hail of bullets will cause it to fall before it can feast. Another forgoes even the taste of living flesh, instead choosing to use the last of its energy to groan and scream loudly, letting its fellows-in-death know that this place is full of unprotected food. Each zombie gives a little of itself, knowing that the ultimate reward - the succulent flesh of the living - will not be granted to it, but to one that follows after, some nameless, lifeless stranger. That, my friends, is Barhah. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 22 (19)------------------------------------------------------------ Now let me tell you something that has left me deeply concerned about the future of our Great City. Yesterday I was walking around Greater Ridleybank when I came across a group of ferals massacring a human family trapped inside a van. Even now, I can remember their screams, their cries of terror as their loved ones died around them. And that's when I saw it on the ground. A crushed soda can. Litter. In my Ridleybank. Is this how the humans repay our never-ending kindness? With trash? I am concerned Malton. I am concerned about tomorrow. I am concerned that our children will not be able to experience the joys of shambling outside, enjoying the clean air and pristine scenery of our perfect Ridleybank utopia. Ridleybank has given so much to us, and it asks for so little. We must all do our part -- both humans and zombies -- in ensuring that what makes this place so special is passed on to future generations. We must take care of what we have inherited from our zombie fathers and mothers, and our freeze-dried human snacks. Let's keep Malton clean. Let's preserve our future. ------------------------------------------------------------ User:Verance/Tale (19)------------------------------------------------------------ There is blood in the cinema seats tonight. There are only two people in the world who know exactly how it got there, me and him. I don't know why I did it, I stopped wondering why I do what I do a long time ago. I stopped wondering why the dead refuse to stay dead a long time ago. I look at the body. He was a healthy man, in good shape and rather strong. Why does it happen? I can cut anyone anywhere, and it doesn't matter. I have stabbed men in the chest, sliced the kidneys of women, even killed a child I saw wandering the streets, crying for fear. They all get back up. I watched that woman twitch as she bled to her death, and walk away. I watched that child, once screaming for its mother, now begin to scream for flesh. I didn't care, I just watched the blood flow and trickle down into the sewer. It is amusing. I made a mess of this man. I drag him to the top floor and throw him out. He falls and lands with a crack. He will get up in a few hours. Maybe I will be lucky enough to see it, maybe I won't. The cinema is well barricaded. The show going on outside is better than the one inside. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 28 (19)------------------------------------------------------------ Several days ago, I was asked if the policies of RRF regarding human cattle violated the Geneva conventions. We are asked this a lot, and in my experience, it is a pretty common misunderstanding. The RRF is not at war. We never have been at war. We have never engaged in a single, hostile act against our human neighbors, whom we have come to both respect and cherish. We have been, and always will be, a force of peace in Malton. We are here not to create strife, but to bridge communities and shelter humans from those who seek to destroy them. We are here to promote a new era of understanding and cooperation between humans and their ruthless zombie overlords. Prisoners? Captives? Refugees? These words have no meaning here in Ridleybank because we see humans as our equals. So Malton, over the coming weeks when our roving Death Squads enter your home suburbs in order to purge all human life from your streets, please welcome them. Welcome them with open arms because they are ambassadors of peace. Do not run. Do not be scared. We are here to build a better tomorrow. ------------------------------------------------------------ FoD: Our Purpose (19)Survival is dictated by action. Barricades. Revives. Communication. Rushing to battle to fend off the horde. Action that saves lives and protects our loved ones. Instead what we get... is nothing. Day after day, survivors lounge around in their pretty green suburbs, wasting time by chatting, partying, overbarricading, strewing the land with petty and pointless graffiti. They have lost their way, and forgotten the face of the enemy. They are flotsam, the weak and the worthless. They are everywhere, and their sloth and apathy will strangle humanity long before the undead do. There is only one solution- they must be shown action. Only by example and by pain will they be strengthened. Violence will leave them alert and united, ready to repel whatever antagonist they may face. Let us, the Flowers of Decay be those antagonists, that our murders prepare them against the horde. They will thank us when the undead return in force and they are ready to fight, honed and sharpened by the grinding stone of our necessary evil. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 25 (20)------------------------------------------------------------ I am thankful today, Malton. Do you know why? I am thankful that I live here, in Ridleybank, where I am surrounded by like-minded humans and zombies who understand what it means to build a community. These have been desperate times for our Great City. We all know someone who has been hit hard by the faltering economy, and we all know friends and families who have struggled to make ends meet. But we have been lucky here in Ridleybank. Last year, when thousands starved around us, we feasted on the remains of humans all too happy to give their life to help us achieve our dreams. We have endured when others have faltered. We have weathered the storm. And, now, it is time for us to give back to the city that has done so much for us. We will rebuild what has been destroyed this last year. We will reach out to those suburbs less fortunate, and help them discover the accomplishments that can happen when zombies and humans decide to work together. From this day forward, no zombie will go hungry again, and no human will breathe again. Be patient Malton. Together we will make you Great once again. ------------------------------------------------------------ Barhah is Babel, backwards (21)------------------------------------------------------------ What is Barhah? Barhah is Babel, backwards. Just as the harmanz strove to create something in unison, the horde strives to tear it down. Just as they joined hands to lift stone upon stone, the horde lashes out to rip brick from brick. Just as they looked to the sky, to what they could only imagine was there, we reach out for hot blood and warm flesh that we know exists. Just as their efforts fell and crumbled and failed, our strength only grows, our efforts only further themselves. Just as they turned against each other, alienated and embittered, we only grow more interconnected, more in tune with the hive mind. Just as they tempted fate, angered their own gods, we seek only to supplicate and sate the one desire we feel. Just as they allowed their failure to drive them apart, set them to war, turn one against another, we take heart from our progress, work towards our aims, shamble forth together. Just as they let their pride guide them into catastrophic hubris, we root ourselves in reality, in humility. In barhah. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 18 (22)------------------------------------------------------------ Today a child called me a hypocrite, and said that my promises of a utopia in Ridleybank were nothing more than a lie. I regret that I was unable to answer him before members of our great, Ridleybank family ripped him apart limb from limb, but I would like to address that here. Ridleybank has been called many things in the past. 'The Great Zombie Homeland'. 'Birthplace of the RRF'. 'The Land where Humans go to Die'. It is true that at one time, breathers were hunted to extinction here. It is true that at one time, roving warbands of zombies would train here, before leaving to slaughter humans in the neighboring suburbs. None of that is true today. It makes me sad that a child, one little child, could be so full of hatred that he would tell such a terrible lie. And after all the kindness we have shown him and his family. In Ridleybank, you will be given shelter and food. You will be given the opportunity to turn your life around, and to achieve the greatness that is in all of us. Only by coming to Ridleybank, can you unlock your secret, hidden desire to be chained to a pole before being gutted in some ritualistic feeding frenzy. Here, we are family, from the lowly breather to the mighty zombie. Here, we are a single, unified community. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Gift (22)------------------------------------------------------------ Let's hear ''A Gift'', a short story penned by Rosslessness: The meeting of two roads. There is a man here, I can smell his fear. He waves something he holds at another of us. Several loud noises and the target falls. Still the man circles, a succession of noises. They stop as suddenly as they had begun, replaced by a clicking. It is the first man I have seen in a long time. I approach slowly, a line of abandoned cars between me and him. He is very thin, and dressed all in green. A wild beard hides his face. He fails to realise I am there until my hand touches his shoulder. By then it is too late. My vision fills with hatred and anger and blood. We fall together, his frantic movements slowing, until there is only stillness. I stay there for what seems an age, stripping my prize, cracking long bones and shredding flesh. By the time I am done there are others here, picking the man clean, removing all traces. It seems strange to me looking at this man's own kill. Why did he kill the other? Why did he leave its flesh untouched? Then I notice the gift. Sticking out of my chest is a piece of metal, long and thin. Clumsily I pull it out, leaving a ragged hole. It seems to fit my hand perfectly. Without realising it, I begin walking west. Behind me others follow. They move slowly, without a sound. Leaving nothing behind. ------------------------------------------------------------ MHS 7 (23)------------------------------------------------------------ Today a young mother in her holding cell asked me how Malton came under zombie control. She even went as far to suggest that our glorious rise to ultimate power was built on pointless genocide and that the zombie takeover went against everything that is good about humanity. Nothing could be farther from the truth, Malton. The zombies are in power because YOU wanted them. We are in control because YOU, the great people of this great city decided that YOU wanted CHANGE. That YOU wanted HOPE. A reason to de-barricade your doors once again. And we have answered the call Malton. We have reduced survivor overcrowding. We have brought peace back to our fair city. With mass graves now located around the city, we have discovered ample biomass for our power stations. But, if the day comes when the remaining breathers of Malton who have not yet been exterminated decide that they want to be in charge for a change, well, we will do the right thing. We will stand aside and let them have a say in the final days of their meaningless lives. Because we believe in Democracy. In Freedom. In Truth. In the ruthless dictatorship of our perfect zombie leaders. In the desire to kill every breather who dares to oppose our benevolent, perfect rule. That is the Malton Way. That is our future. ------------------------------------------------------------ Jonathan Coulton - Re: Your Brains - Verse (24)------------------------------------------------------------ Heya, Tom, it's Bob, from the office down the hall. It's good to hear you, buddy, how've you been? Things have been okay for me, except that I'm a zombie now. I really wish you'd let us in. I think I speak for all of us when I say I understand why you folks might hesitate to submit to our demand. But here's an FYI: You're all gonna die screaming! I don't want to nitpick, Tom, but is this really your plan? Spend your whole life locked inside a mall? Maybe that's okay for now, until you're out of food and guns then you'll have to make the call. I'm not surprised you haven't thought it through enough. You never had the head for all that bigger-picture stuff. But, Tom, that's what I do. And I plan on eating you slowly! I'd like to help you, Tom, in any way I can. I sure appreciate the way you're working with me. I'm not a monster, Tom, well technically I am. I guess I am! I've got another meeting, Tom, maybe we could wrap it up. I know we'll get to common ground somehow. I'll report back to my colleagues chewing on the doors. I guess we'll table this for now. I'm glad to see you take constructive criticism well. Thank you for your time, I know we're all busy as hell. And we'll put this thing to bed, when I bash your head open! ------------------------------------------------------------ Pequileat Surprise (27)------------------------------------------------------------ Today we learn Pequileat Surprise, a recipe by Penguinpyro. A zesty dish, incorporating tequila and pie to make even more bland varieties of harmanz pop. Survivors and zombies of all factions can enjoy this wonderful mash. INGREDIENTS: 1 living harman. 3/4 cups of Tequila. 1 baked 12 inch pie shell. 1/2 sliced banana. 4 tsp salt. 2 tbsp sugar. 10 ounces milk. 3 egg yolks. Mixed seasonings. TOOLS: Carving knife or zombie claws. Crowbar, if survivor. PREPARATION: 1) Non-lethally subdue the harman. Banana Gang Bang is optional but strongly recommended for additional tenderization. Do not use the ingredient banana. 2) Sprinkle salt onto the harman. Disregard screams. 3) Begin rendering the harman into raw harmanbargahrz, using zombie claws or crowbar. Pulverize for 1 man-hour. 4) Use knife/claws to remove bones and brain. Continue mashing until finely ground. Drain blood and fluids. 5) If you are a survivor, create a fire. Cook harmanbargarhz for 1 hour or until ready. Zombies may skip this step. 6) Season the harmanbargahrz as appropriate. 7) Place cooked harmanbargahrz into pie crust, fitting as much as possible in until 3/4 of the pie is filled. Only a fraction of the harman will be used. Save the remains. 8) Mix milk, salt, sugar, tequila, and eggs. Pour into pie. 9) Survivors, cook pie over the fire until golden brown. 10) Top off pie with sliced banana and leftover brains. 11) Make offerings to Barhah using the leftover remains. This recipe makes one pie, which serves four. Enjoy. ------------------------------------------------------------ Bland Bra!nz Bore Bargarz (27)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ BLAND BRA!NZ BORE BARGARZ ~ ~ Zombies everywhere complain about lack of spicy foods ~ It's official: Harman bra!nz no longer have that zip to them as in days past. Zambahz have noticed a distinct lack of flavour in their daily diets. Our scientists/taste testers have traveled into the field to discover why, and have come back with these findings. According to strenuous research, they have determined that harmanz no longer use much of their bra!nzpower, leaving the normally delicious organ with less taste due to the near non-presence of rational thought or clear motivations. One zombie connoisseur concluded their extensive taste-testing researching with these results: 'Only a very limited selection of harmanz have any real taste to them, but you have to know where to look. The average shambler is likely to come across blandness in their everyday search for namz. Try to find ones who aren't carrying a lot of useless gear, like empty heavy weapons and swords.' The bra!nz of harman murderers, known in Malton as PKers, seem to retain much more taste, as these organs do seem to get more usage overall, but their low numbers leaves them out as a staple source of diet; they're relegated to the rare delicacy category. The largest known source of nammah-nahmz as of current knowledge is the MCM. These particular organs are actually used on a daily basis, providing the seasoning of intelligence that makes the bra!nz extra nammah. ------------------------------------------------------------ Solution Found to Global Energy Crisis (29)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ SOLUTION FOUND TO GLOBAL ENERGY CRISIS ~ ~ 'Everyone must die!' say zombie officials ~ Officials from Ridleybank Environmental Protection Agency have recently announced a breakthrough in the ongoing fight against climate change and dependence upon fossil fuels. Countering previous evidence that dead bodies give off methane which is a harmful greenhouse gas, Ridleybank environmental scientist Distinguished found after an exhaustive study that living harmanz actually damage the Earth much more than the undead. As he simply put it, 'Everyone needs to die.' The study's results paint an alarming picture of unsustainable harman activities that are actively destroying our planet. Many of these problems are particularly persistent in Malton. For instance, portable generators that are noteworthy for their remarkable energy inefficiency have been set up throughout Malton to power entire buildings. These generators waste fuel, compounding tight oil supplies, and create heavy emission of greenhouse gases throughout Malton. While the use of portable generators in Malton is particularly notable, environmental scientists say the problem runs much deeper. 'Even if they stopped using portable generators, the harmanz are constantly engaging in behavior that's destroying the planet,' explained Distinguished. 'Food production, syringe production, gun and ammunition production, production of katanas, trenchcoats and tartan kilts, even breathing -- all of these activities dump tons of carbon in our city's air everyday.' ------------------------------------------------------------ Zombies Blast Malton Schools for Poor Performance, with Marc Hrnhrh (35)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ Zombies Blast Malton Schools for Poor Performance ~ Malton students fail to grasp fundamentals such as multiplication tables, basic shapes, and not sleeping in ruined buildings. 'My child no longer wants to eat your honor roll student,' say Angry Zombie Parents. Malton harman officials, already under fire for turning the once beautiful city of Malton into a barricaded, litter-ridden, fire-prone death trap, are now coming under fire from zombie leaders after low test scores and standards from area schools were made public last week. According to the results released last Wednesday, Malton students ranked last in basic science, writing, and math. Zombie leaders have suggested that today's students are having trouble adjusting to their new role in today's high-paced, zombie-driven, instant harman-snack world. 'What these children and what Malton's so called survivor leaders need to understand is that without education, many of these kids have no future. The job market already demands a highly-technical, highly-adaptive, highly-trained workforce with well-developed, buttery-flavored brains. Advanced Shotgun training is just not going to get the job done anymore,' said Marc Hrnhrh. 'Massive reform is needed if today's students can hope to grace our dinner table.' Targeted afterschool help may be vital for many at-risk students, especially when they are surrounded by a hostile group of the undead, continued Hrnhrh. 'If you see a child about to overtaken by a bloodthirsty zombie horde, do that student a favor. Enroll him or her in 'Contemporary Emergent Literature: From Aristotle to Chaucer' or even 'Differential Geometry: Advanced Risk Management' immediately. The zombie palate is a terrible thing to waste. Our stomachs will thank you.' However, not everyone agrees with Hrnhrh's calls for reform. 'Whatevr.' said John Ashton, 11th Grade, Shearbank High. 'Im got pla Cal of Dutee.' ------------------------------------------------------------ Winter only: MHS Main 0707 left (37)------------------------------------------------------------ Today's broadcast begins with a question and hopefully closes with an answer to yourself and to the just and burning spirits of truth, rationality and Barhah. I pose, to those minute, warm-blooded communities who huddle, fruitlessly, against the a-shivering cold and dark of the Maltonian winter within the glorious gray borders of our Ridleybank, this inquiry: Why do you claw against the lid of your own coffins? Why is it you continue this utterly hopeless struggle against the will of the Horde? Just as the black fog of winter wraps his icy claws around each building, each concrete monument, each tomb of Malton's hideous, harman past, so will the fist of the horde throttle every last remnant of harmanity. Each day, my respiring friends, you struggle against the unstoppable wave that is the Horde, against the cold, against sickness, starvation and even each other! Why not embrace the warm, orgastic release of death? Life is fleeting, a moment lost in a stream moments, but death is eternal! Find solace in that. After all, you are all so near the precipice. Is this life you struggle in? Or is it survival? What oasis is found in survival? Mad, militant survivalists, the overbearing arrogance of Necrotech researchers, the very who laid this brave new world upon you, the predatory former-police, wicked, abusive dogs now unchained of responsibility: these are the overlords of your shadow of a life. The horde offers you unlife, free of fear, of want for the illusory and unattainable, free to be, wholly, one's self. There is no race amongst the Horde, that mercurial and baseless wall harmanz place between themselves and their own brothers and sisters. Nor ethnicity, nor nationality, nor religion, nor class nor any of the more material concepts exist within the Horde. You exist only as one of the zetheren, one unique drop within the sea of the Horde. Only when you realize our sameness can you embrace your individuality. Life, harmanity, creates nothing but barriers... barricades to our own self-realization! Join us, and together we can tear down these barricades to ourselves! ------------------------------------------------------------ Using some exhibits, you reinforce the prison of our minds. (41)------------------------------------------------------------ There comes a time in every survivor's life when they must, despite the long history of bloodied corpses and ruined corners, take up weapons against the forces of Good and defend a mall. It is in that spirit of inevitable failure, the same zeitgeist that gave us Blackmores 2-13, that we once again find ourselves at arms with our breathing brothers at a time when we should be sharing hagz and kisses (bites too, for the kinkier crowd). Why this upheaval of solidarity? What's to blame for this sudden outbreak of segregation, as opposed to zombies? Well, the obvious answer is the barricade. Barricades, by definition, are dividing. Existing for no purpose other then to destroy the modern mixed-mortality family, these monstrosities are slowly but surely ripping apart the values and morals of Malton. In the past, harman and zambah came together in beautiful union. Whether it was Standstock or feeding drag, our two peoples have always managed to put aside the petty things such as eaten brains and headshots for the greater good. This has become much less common as of late. In fact, just this morning as this reporter soundly slumbered, a gang of thugs made him a victim. I'm not alone in this, as zambah-on-harman and harman-on-zambah violence is ever increasing. However, this is just yet another symptom of the true problem. How can we steer ourselves off of this collision course to sectarian animosity? It's easier said than done, but this optimist believes it to not only be a viable solution, but someday a reality. We must cast these barricades back into the rubble from which they were created. Harmanz must leave their dank, stagnant, unhygienic houses and meet us zombies in the open. Only then can we truly enjoy the perks of both undeath and hopeless apocalypse. We must set aside our differences of diet and state of decomposition in exchange for lovely evenings at the local park and street performances at the nearest monument. How long have we all yearned for "Bring a Brazzah" day at the cinemas, or "Z!zzahz free before 12" at a club near you. It can be a reality. We can make it happen, we just need to join together across the city, hand-in-claw. Only then will we be able to free ourselves of the bondage placed on us by barricades. ------------------------------------------------------------ Zombies Blast Malton Schools for Poor Performance, with Janice Graagh (42)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ Zombies Blast Malton Schools for Poor Performance ~ Malton students fail to grasp fundamentals such as multiplication tables, basic shapes, and not sleeping in ruined buildings. 'My child no longer wants to eat your honor roll student,' say Angry Zombie Parents. Malton harman officials, already under fire for turning the once beautiful city of Malton into a barricaded, litter-ridden, fire-prone death trap, are now coming under fire from zombie leaders after low test scores and standards from area schools were made public last week. "We have always suspected that Malton students' mathematical and language skills were lagging behind the rest of the world' said Janice Graagh, Director of Harman Genocide and Food Safety.. 'Now we finally know the truth. Johnny can't read, write, or even secure a door.' According to the results released last Wednesday, Malton students ranked last in basic science, writing, and math. Graagh challenged Malton schools to increase their funding in science, theoretical mathematics, and other tedious, but brain-developing disciplines, calling the current performance gap 'Malton's greatest threat to the sophisticated zombie culinary scene.' 'Malton's children deserve more than an educational system that currently raises them to become dumb-witted, easily-picked off targets,' said Graagh, shaking her head while watching two zombies cut down a small girl trying to spraypaint a fire station. 'We want highly-intelligent, easily picked off targets.' 'Just a week ago, I came across a young high school student walking home from Advanced Police Station Barricading 201,' added Graagh. 'He smiled, waved, but then began to scream 'No! Pleas! You goin to kill me' as I started to rip his arm off.' 'Have Malton's standards really fallen so low, that we are expected to explain to a grieving family that their mauled, dismembered child barely understands basic English?' a tearing Graagh continued. 'Malton's children deserve a better future than this. Our children deserve a better meal than this.' However, not everyone agrees with Graagh's calls for reform. 'Whatevr.' said John Ashton, 11th Grade, Shearbank High. 'Im got pla Cal of Dutee.' ------------------------------------------------------------ Yes, Virginia (42)------------------------------------------------------------ DEAR RADIO: I am level 8. Some of my breathing friends say there is no such thing as barhah. Papa says, 'If you hear it on the radio, it's so.' Please tell me the truth: Is there barhah? - Virginia O'Hanlon VIRGINIA, your breathing friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little brains. All brains, Virginia, whether they be medics' or trenchcoaters', are little. In this great city of ours, a human is a mere insect, an ant, in their intellect, as compared with the boundless city about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge. Yes, Virginia, there is barhah. It exists as certainly as hunger and bloodlust and camaraderie exist, and you know that they abound and give to your unlife its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be Malton if there were no barhah. It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no feral rage then, no disembowelment, no violence to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in taste. The infernal light with which ferals fill the world would be extinguished. Not believe in barhah! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your papa to hire men to watch all the sieges to spot barhah, but even if they did not see barhah, what would that prove? Nobody sees barhah, but that is no sign that there is no barhah. The most real things in Malton are those that neither feral nor men can see. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world. You may tear apart the baby's chest and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever were, could tear apart. Only hate, bloodlust, disembowelment, violence, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding. No barhah! Thank Petrosjko, it exists, and shall exist forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, it will continue to make glad the heart of zombiehood. ------------------------------------------------------------ RRF Brings Humanitarian Aid (42)------------------------------------------------------------ ATTENTION: CITIZENS OF MALTON DO NOT RUN! WE COME IN PEACE. WE ARE HERE TO HELP Breathers! Lay down your arms and open your doors! Your nightmare will soon be over! The Ridleybank Resistance Front is here to bring joy and happiness back into your lives. We bring food, supplies, and toys from Creedy for your children. We will treat your wounds and lift your spirits. We are on a humanitarian mission and wish to help all those in need. RRF Help Tents will be set up shortly. We will help all of you. Please be patient. To help this effort, please do the following to ensure you and you family are safe and in a position to receive aid: ~ Unbarricade all structures and open the doors. Help prevent the spread of fire and disease. BARRICADES KILL. ~ If you are infected, stay calm and AVOID THE INDOORS. DO NOT STAY INSIDE BUILDINGS. DO NOT SPREAD INFECTION. ~ If you are wounded, stay in the OPEN so our medics CAN FIND YOU. We cannot treat your wounds if you remain hidden. STAY IN THE OPEN ~ Be wary of criminal elements. Drug dealers are everywhere. REPORT ANYONE SEEN WITH REVIVE. We will help keep you safe. ~ Bring a change of clothes, seasoning, and roasting supplies to designated RRF Help points. We will have food and water. We will have shelters to keep you warm and safe. STAY CALM. TOGETHER WE CAN GET THROUGH THIS DISASTER. Stay calm. The disaster is over. Do not try to find friends and family. We will help you find loved ones. Stay calm. We will be able to answer all of your concerns regarding events in Malton. Together, we can overcome adversity and make this city great again. DO NOT FIRE ON THE INCOMING RRF RELIEF FORCES. THEY ARE HERE TO HELP YOU. Remember, they are just like you. They are risking their lives to bring supplies and care for your wounds. Help them help you. Keep yourself safe. Drink a gallon of water a day. Get fresh air and stay outdoors at all times. Wear bright colors and wave so that RRF Relief teams can find you. MANY BUILDINGS IN MALTON ARE PRONE TO COLLAPSE. DO NOT STAY INSIDE. RELIEF WILL BE HERE IN A MATTER OF HOURS. HANG ON. HELP YOURSELF SURVIVE. ------------------------------------------------------------ A Solution to the Health Care Crisis (48)------------------------------------------------------------ ~ A Solution to the Health Care Crisis ~ ~ Let Zombies Eat Everybody ~ by Murray Jay Suskind ~ Amidst all this harman ruckus about 'health care' and 'reform' and 'teabagging' something has gotten lost. Something very fundamental. Something that strikes at the very way harman 'society' functions... or fails to do so. What the harmanz fail to see is that the true reform comes not from byzantine corporate or government provided health care. True reform comes from the way people live. Or rather, unlive. Today I am going to take on a series of questions frequently asked during this health care debate and explain why the RRF Health Plan (brought to you by death) is far superior to any other option on the table. *Is single-payer not the most simple, elegant solution?* No. Killing everybody is. Embrace unlife. *Does the market provide efficient allocation of resources?* It doesn't. Markets are a cumbersome and inefficient oddity of those who are living. Those who have embraced unlife care nothing for supply, demand, markets or capital. Any existence that is predicated upon an exchange currency for goods and services is inherently corrupted by livelihood. Die and eat brains. That is the most efficient allocation of resources. *What do you think about the government option?* I'm dead. I don't think. *Can an employer mandate offer health care for more people?* The only thing we mandate are 5 or 10 AP into the barricades from mature zombies. *This is socialism!* No. It's the apocalypse. *Leave the government out of Medicare!* Uh... the only way to avoid government intervention in Medicare is if all of us die. *Is it true that you want to euthanize the elderly?* Yes. Along with children, the middle-aged, young adults, the healthy, the infirm, the disabled; pretty much everyone. *What about cost-saving wellness and prevention measures?* Health care is free if you're dead. *Will I be forced into government-run health care?* No. You will die. *Should the President provide us his birth certificate?* Wrong meeting. But let me clarify... birth is irrelevant to the undead. It's all about the death certificate for us. *I have diabetes. Would I be excluded from coverage?* The only condition of our health plan is that you're dead. *Is it truly reform if we leave employer-provided in place?* Zombies aren't employed. Zombies are given RESPONSIBILITY. I hope that clarified many of the questions people had. ------------------------------------------------------------ |
Frequencies With Activity Detected in 202426.00 26.01 26.02 26.03 26.04 26.05 26.17 26.43 26.67 26.84 27.53 27.55 27.96 28.01 28.28 |
Spoken
to breathers
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's kinda depressing that zombies can cuddle together to keep warm, and us ratty survivors shoot each other in the face if we get as close as two feet. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
