Malton Medical Staff

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Malton Medical Staff
Malton Medical Staff
Malton Medical Staff
Abbreviation: MMS
Group Numbers: 10
Leadership: Head Administrator lostfire

Head Nurses Alicia Huberman and Charles E Winchester

Head of Security Imgonnadiesoon

Goals: Health care with Comedy!
Recruitment Policy: Join the Roftwood Coordination Center discord server, fill out an application on the forum, or ask us in-game.
Contact: Come, talk to us in-game or visit the Roftwood Coordination Center discord server: Our forums are still up but you'll receive a reply on discord the fastest. Forum!

Welcome to the Malton Medical Staff Group Pages

Who Are We?

The Malton Medical Staff are an active, pro-survivor group who are putting the comedy back into Health care around central Malton. We administer and maintain entry-point Hospitals by keeping a core group of friendly Hospital Staff in each one to provide fast, efficient health care, advice, scouting intelligence and defence. We also are able to respond to medical emergency requests (for example, after a large break-in), perform "medical rampages" and also patrol and maintain the health of the buildings and survivors around the Hospitals we administer.

Liam Kearney said: "It's just so great to have met such fun, welcoming, naked alcoholics with guns and pyromaniac tendencies...I'd swear it was heaven if it wasn't for the smell of sulphur...and the zombies I suppose"

Where are We?

The main Administrative Headquarters where the Malton Medical Staff are based is Eligius General Hospital in the suburb of Roftwood, but we are currently spread out in an attempt to restore and maintain the local infrastructure.


What do we Do?

We run Hospitals, specifically, Hospitals that are entry points (at VSB+2). A Hospital administered by the Malton Medical Staff is clean and hygienic, correctly barricaded, powered and lit and quickly becomes the hub of the local area. Buildings surrounding the Hospital are also maintained by the Hospital Staff.

The many other activities of the Malton Medical Staff are here.


Our Philosophy

Our Philosophy is to talk in-game. Our Staff actively talk to each other and to the survivors in the building, they speak announcements and also crack jokes. At one point, we said everything in-game, instructions, reports, everything. We still do for the most part, but have found that the forum definitely helps us in the long run. You can still spend a night in our hospital and wake up to a wealth of chatter. Be prepared for it!

Through our philosophy of delivering vocal health care with a good dose of humor thrown in, we have quickly become a well-loved, well known and well praised group in Malton.


Are we a part of the DEM?

Lately, there seems to be some confusion regarding this. We are not a part of the DEM. Never have been, never will. We are totally unaffiliated with the DEM, save a few emails here and there with their people. That said, we are neutral about this whole war going on between them and those other guys. We'll heal the injured and revive the fallen regardless of group affiliation because that is what we do.

Join the Staff, or be a Fan

Joining the Malton Medical Staff is easy, just talk to us (in game!). You'll easily be able to recognize a member of Staff since they're the ones who talk so much. If you don't want to be part of us, that's fine too (but not so cool), we have lots of people who are not formally members of Staff, but who follow us around and help us out anyway - they're called the "Fans".

FAQ on the Staff

UD MMS Join.jpg
Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some common questions survivors have asked us about joining the Staff:
  • What prerequisites do you have? The only pre-requisistes we have are that you are human, pro-survivor and do not have other group obligations.
  • Are you just after Medics then? No! We also need scientists for revivification and military personnel for scouting and Hospital defense. Civilians are also welcome. Staff can develop whatever roles they like and can change roles too.
  • But I only arrived in Malton yesterday! Great! We are happy to have Level 1 players along with level 41, it doesn't matter, we're all in this together and just because you may be new doesn't mean we don't like you or would rather not spend AP helping you out.
  • It's just healing and barricading? Not quite, looking through the Staff Activities, you can see we actually do an awful lot. There's never enough AP to do all the tasks that need doing. Many of our Doctors carry shotguns too.
  • Do you just hang around in one place then? Mostly, we are too large to be a mobile unit. Malton Medical Staff generally stay in Administered Hospitals (unless in exile). Most Staff develop an affinity for their Hospital and really do call it "home".

Organization Structure

At the very top of the Malton Medical Staff is the position of "Head Administrator". A position of all-reaching power, the Head Administrator oversees the Hospital activities, guides the Staff and is responsible for their safety, welfare, and ongoing insanity. The Head Administrator always has the last word but feels out the thoughts of the staff for an informed decision.

Second in command is the Head Nurse, who assists the Administrator in planning the twister parties and takes over as leader in the Administrator's absence. The rest of the Staff then follow.

Next are the Senior Hospital Staff. These whiskey soaked veterans are the extremely flammable heart of the MMS. Senior Hospital Staff have been with the organization for a significant amount of time through the good and the bad. Don't underestimate their twister and drunken operating abilities these are the best of the crazy.

Regular members have through force of will and drunken luck survived the probation period for new members and have blossomed into this metamorphosed state. Expect them to have unorthodox healing methods and chatterbox mouths.

Probates are new members to the staff who regardless of experience in the city must undergo a grueling training period of twister death matches and surgical tackle hugs in order to learn the ways of the Malton Medical Staff and find out if we are right for them. Sign up today by contacting us through our forum or in game and we'll get you kitted out in your complimentary kidney armor.

Suburb Operations

We are based in the suburb of Roftwood, and administer Eligius General Hospital, St. Ethelbert's Hospital, and dispense health care and comedy to the surrounding buildings as well as helping out at the local revive points.

Notable Battles

The Malton Medical Staff are not a violent, war mongering, gun toting group yet being in Malton means we have to fight to live and battle the horde just to survive and sometimes, we get into some very large battles. The very first large battle was against LUE at St. Ethelbert's Hospital and actually caused the MMS group to form, more about that can be read our "History" below.

Here follows a series of the largest battles in the long and illustrious history of the Malton Medical Staff:

  • The Last Stand of Roftwood against the Ridleybank Resistance Front (January 2008)

MMS Coronation Bash of 2010

MMS has a whole bunch of things to celebrate right now; our return home to Roftwood, an ton of new and unstable recruits, the discovery of our long lost pet wombat, and our new head staff to name a few! We've decided to gather as many allies, fans, acquaintances, and random nearby people as we can and have the biggest party Roftwood's seen since we left!

- The party will run from Friday the 28th at server reset to Saturday the 29th at our birthplace: St. Ethelbert's Hospital; anyone who wants to attend is welcome to drop in for alcoholic debauchery the likes of which they've never seen.

- We would like to ask that our guests refrain from killing each other, barricading, and reviving for the duration of the festivities; however, anyone who sticks around after the party ends is more than welcome to engage in a post-celebration bloodbath and poetry reading.

- Guests are more than welcome to drop into the MMS IRC channel to have some AP-free shenanigans. ([1] for in-browser, [2] for client)

So drop on by! Play some naked twister; get drunk; marry a zombie; learn how to perform surgery with an enchanted fire axe; sing with friends; sing with enemies; sing with strangers; anything you can think of! It's the Malton Medical Staff 2010 Coronation Extravaganza, and we hope to see you there!

This person has been kind enough to volunteer a screenshot of the entire party. Please ensure he is constantly healed at all times, and when the post-celebratory bloodbath and poetry reading occurs, try and kill him last. Thanks!

Coming to the party? Post in the area below this line and chat with other guests about the festivities! Zombies, Survivors, PKers, and players of all kinds are welcome! Everyone except text rapists; we hate those guys.

The party has started! Head on in and have some fun! There will be no barricades or attacking for the duration of the festivities, and we ask that any slightly sober guests assist us as they are able to with maintaining the health and accessibility of the party.

RRF - Members of the various branches of the Department of Homeland Security plan on stopping e by for drinking, square-dancing, nudity, singing and other forms of debauchery. We look forward to having this fine bunch of harmanz back in the area to chase around and spank (the good old Uncle could always use a new nurse by the way). -- Papa Jadkor (RRF) (MotA) (MT11)

If you want real debauchery, there's rumours of a powerpoint presentation that's pretty near the knuckle. scatterkeir 23:48, 18 May 2010 (BST)

Speaking of debauchery, who could forget our (in)famous naked twister death matches? I thouroughly intend to throw down the gauntlet at least once. And seriously, if the fireworks, copious amounts of alcohol, and the chance to play naked twister with me don't entice you to come, than what will? XChro

All these zombies keep crashing the party and wrecking the place. They knocked out the generator during naked twister and let's just say that isn't my leg you're touching XChro... Mazzola

Looks like we have some unruly guests who arrived unfashionably early; we'll get that taken care of in time for the bash. Lelouch vi Britannia is helping make Ridleybank green_ and gives Achievements 22:25, 24 May 2010 (BST)

Recent Parties

The MMS' tour of central Malton! We visited MCM, Doc Huvuulloo's Quick Patch Up Station, partied on Halloween with the Zookeepers at the Malton Zoo, and ended up in Kinch Heights to settle at our new HQ.
A small contingent of MMS took part in the lectures at the Malton College of Medicine when it was based in Greentown. Some of the topics included were Alternatives to Anaesthesia, How to Handle a Zombie Attack, and Revivification. You can read transcripts of our lectures right here! We had a wonderful time and will make it a point to visit again and sit in on some of the fine classes they offer.
The MMS recently celebrated the first ever Human/Zambah wedding in Malton at St. Ethelbert's Church in Edgecombe on April 29th, 2008. The Bride and Groom both wore white which didn't last very long as it immediately turned into an Etruscan Gladiatorial event. Even with us all zombified in the end, the happy couple still got their ARRGGGH's in to the FlyingSpaghettiMnstr, who gracefully floated above us all and touched us with his glorious noodles.
We partied so well during The Last Stand that we wanted to hold a special Valentine's Day event. We weren't sure if it was going to be a Sweetheart's dance, a Masked Orgy, or another reason to get drunk on surgical spirits and moonshine. We chose all of the above and painted one of the rooms in the hospital black and pumped The Cure through the PA into it for the staff, fans, and guests who didn't have a sweetheart and didn't want to be a part of all the sweetness. Unfortunately most of the day was spent fighting off random ferals. The new update kicked us all in the face and fed us to the strangely unnamed zombies outside. We still had fun, those of us that were alive, and we can only try again!



It all started when a survivor arrived at an abandoned and ransacked Hospital after fleeing the horde. He threw out the dead bodies littering the entrance lobby, built up the barricades and finally installed and fueled the generator he had been carrying almost halfway across Malton.

The suburb was Roftwood, the building was St. Ethelbert's Hospital, the survivor was GreenWing and the stage was set.

Realising that in order to keep the Hospital, he needed survivors, GreenWing made conversation with everyone who passed through the Hospital doors, some left for elsewhere, many stayed silent, but some listened and remained, and even joined in. The conversation spread, people liked it because it was helpful and funny and slowly, the numbers in St Ethelbert's Hospital grew from a tiny handful until it rivaled Eligius General Hospital - the Entry Point for Hildebrand Mall.

The informal set of people collectively called themselves the "St. Ethelbert's Hospital Staff", and GreenWing became the Hospital Administrator and Head Administrator of the St. Ethelbert's Hospital Staff.

The Long Siege

The Hospital was clean, fast, efficient and supported a large area with medical rampages, regular mobile patrols and emergency Ambulance units. The amazing popularity of the Hospital attracted the attention of the undead too, at first break-ins were infrequent - a minor inconvenience - then the Hospital came under a much more determined siege.

For weeks break-ins became common, the Staff valiantly fought back and kept a horde numbering over 20 at its peak out of the Hospital, all while still keeping it a free running entry point! There were many casualties, the Head Administrator was targeted in an attempt to silence the conversation but it still continued and it flowed midst the sound of feeding groans and shot gun blasts.

It all came to an end when St. Ethelbert's Hospital, the home of the Staff fell under the combined attacks of the GMT Breakfast Club and RRF groups: Aux Unit 10 and Group 0, Zombies a Go Go and other ferals. There were many casualties, Staff and patients fled and scattered and the Hospital was ransacked, the conversation finally silenced. But all was not lost. For the Head Administrator had made and spoken of emergency evacuation plans and now these were put into effect.

The Staff regrouped, many familiar faces met up again and the conversation that was silenced restarted and won the hearts of the people who followed and they became known as the "Fans". The Staff and Fans regrouped in exile but were followed by the zombies that targeted them before. Weak from weeks of siege and with the new suburb falling, the Staff and Fans were forced to flee again to yet another Hospital in another suburb.

Forged in Exile

The Staff and Fans regrouped once more and more people followed them. Another unloved and lowly Hospital that began with less than 10 people grew to over 70 in size and became a formidable stronghold while other buildings around were being emptied.

But what's this? Roftwood began to recover, the horde left the suburb in ruins and now the exiled survivors began to return to pick up the pieces, returning to their homes to rebarricade their safehouses.

And so, the St. Ethelbert's Hospital Staff knew it was time to return home, but they returned not as a loose band of Staff with a few fans, they returned as the Malton Medical Staff, forged in the time of exile and ready to bring the conversation back to Roftwood and to spread health care with comedy as far and as wide as they can.

The Tour and a New Home

Sadly nothing that good lasts forever and before long the RRF were making things untenable at Eligius' and Ethelbert's. With a low survivor population and entirely too many hungry zombahs in the area the decision was taken to leave Roftwood again and tour Malton. With Mrs Morg and Nellie driving the Staff before them, like a herd of cats, the group visited several notable locations including the Zoo for Halloween and a spell at MCM in St George's Hospital.

With continued bleak reports from Roftwood the decision to permanently relocate was taken. Urban General Hospital in Kinch Heights has since become the new HQ of the MMS. A place of laughter, cookies and naked twister. There has always been a darker side to UG though: the darkness and horror that dwells within the MRI suite. Only the foolish (StormGuru) or the brave (Alvy) have dared to intrude on this place of evil.

Since our arrival at UG there have been more notable events including the sad retirement of both Mrs Morg and Saralan as Head Nurses. Of course there have been continued enrollments to the Staff as well as promotions. Throughout there has always been the essential care free attitude and willingness to lend a hand (preferably our own) that have marked the MMS way of life.

Return of the Staff

With MCM laughing it up through Roftwood as part of their '09 Field Trip, MMS under the direction of Alvy and Stormy returned to Roftwood to find a toehold amidst the wastelands. Currently holding out in St Ethelberts, our ancestoral home, the Staff are again bringing chatter, lively characters and a little splash of humour to the desperate survivors of Roftwood. Only time will tell how long we will last but we will certainly aspire to the reputation and legend of our predecessors.

From Anarchy to Monarchy/Lordship

Much time passed. Alvy Fang and Storm Guru passed on from this reality to a different one. For a long time the staff simply carried on with their shenanigans and laughter but eventually they felt the need to elect new leadership. Mr Doctorz who had provided advice and random banana parties for quite a while was formally elected as the Head Administrator and with him lostfire was appointed as the Chief Nurse of the MMS, along with Frey the Wombat as the group's mascot. A coronation party was held and much unspeakable debauchery was had with the invited allies and rivals. Sadly the acts also turned out to be too extreme for archival purposes, the records that weren't so soaked in booze as to be unreadable fell victim to giant rats. Said rats promptly died from alcohol poisoning, the drunken rat memorial occupies a small plot behind St. Ethelbert's Hospital. Thus the age of the Tardis began.

To be continued...