Humorous Suggestions/New Items

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Funneh Ha Ha

Zombie Chow!

Type: Item
Tally: 0

New from NecroTech: Zombie Chow! This delicious chow is one hundred percent recycled human brain from willing donors. It's so appetizing to a zombie that they simply can't resist! They just want to chow down on it! When eaten, NecroTech Zombie Chow temporarily makes the consumer (usually a zombie) more human. If the consumer happens to be a survivor they become "More Human than Human" and have access to all skills until the next AP addition. If the consumer is a Zombie, they will become a "Human" until the next AP addition. While Human a Zombie can speak normally, although it requires two AP due to the chewy nature of Zombie Chow; they can open and close doors; and most importantly of all, they can free run! When moving between buildings, a Zombie Free Runner has a 24% chance to fall. If they do fall, they suffer from an effect similar to stepping from a window; they need to stand up. However, if a player sees them, they will appear as a "Face Down Zombie" and can be hit with any weapon on an 80% chance. A Face Down Zombie must spend 5AP to stand up, or 10AP if they were Free Running from a tall building.

When consuming Zombie Chow, a Zombie has a 45% chance to become addicted. An addicted zombie will not gain AP, however the force that drives them causes movement to cost no AP. They will lose AP for other actions and at 0AP, rather than Numbing Out they will only become worse! As the cravings reach their peak, a Zombie can climb over barricades into NT buildings and Survivors who are carrying Zombie Chow will be highlighted and attackable with a "Feeble-minded bump" which can cause them to drop the Zombie Chow they are carrying. Zombie Chow is found in NT buildings, weighs 4%, and a Zombie in an NT building can forage for Zombie Chow if they have had some before. Zombie Chow also restores 5 HP to the Zombie and on the first use gives 10 XP.

Sebastian FoucanT-C 14:25, 1 August 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Insert Vote Here
Unfunny votes: Insert vote here Random... BoboTalkClown

Laser Pointer

Type: Item
Tally: +7

An amusing trinket, the laser pointer is useful to draw people's attention to nearby things. If you want to point it at something, in order to save a notice (Since Your Last Turn) of it for other players, there's a drop down menu to show it. It's useful annoying people, much like in real life. It is also useful to distract zombies. Remember when you would play "catch the fairy" with a flashlight or other such utility to distract a child? When used, zombies will have a good chance to gain experience points for pressing a button called "chase the light", at the cost of one AP. This enables survivors to distract beginner zombies for a time, enabling them to escape or otherwise get away.

Funny votes: Lord Evans W! 05:26, 24 April 2006 (BST) --Swmono talk - W! - P! - SGP 18:05, 5 July 2006 (BST) --Jenny D'ArcT 19:13, 5 July 2006 (BST) Three lettters for you: LOL. --Desperado 19:25, 14 July 2006 (BST) --Lawl, love this suggestion. Id sit in the streets distracting zeds ^^ ~~CamDemon This would combine well with one of the animal suggestions - the dogs wouldn't be able to resist chasing the beam. --Explodey 20:29, 12 May 2008 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 22:33, 27 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Insert vote here

Pogo Sticks

Type: New Item
Tally: +4

A new means of vocomotion has entered the survivors arsnel - the pogo stick. This means of transportation will revolutionise life in Malton.

Using a pogo stick allows a survivor to move 2 blocks per action point spent. However, each time they move they have a 50% chance of loosing control of the stick, resulting in them traveling in a random direction.

Because they move two squares at a time, there is a chance that the user will pace over people in the first block. The user can still attack these targets if they are carrying a firearm, allowing them to perform 'bounce-by-shooting'. The victim recieves a message saying "Boing, boing, boing. (attacker) shoots you for x damage. Boing boing boing." Only one attack can be made per pass.

Zombies can also use pogo sticks if they have memories of life, but they only have a 10% chance of retaining control.

By The Mad Axeman

Funny votes: Yeah, 'tis amusing. –Xoid 08:00, 25 July 2006 (BST) Is funny --DJSMITHCDF 15:03, 26 July 2006 (BST) What's next? Giant Radioactive monkies? Kaylee Hans 14:06, 11 August 2006 (BST) Boing Boing Boing --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:42, 30 April 2007 (BST) El Oh El BoboTalkClown 20:35, 13 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Red Shirt

Type: Item
Tally: +3

For every group of 10 zombies, 1 zombie at random receives a red shirt. Because of the vibrant colour of the shirt, the zombie can be individually selected, and accuracy of hitting a red shirt zombie is increased by 30%. Zombie with redshirt has a 100% chance of dying within 48 hours of receiving the red shirt, or when he uses up all his AP. I mean after all, he is wearing a red shirt.

Funny votes: ROTFL! But what happens if the poor red shirt gets revived? Oh, and once they die, the area description should have their name, followed by the phrase "He's dead, Jim." --Desperado 19:32, 14 July 2006 (BST) Humorous.Waluigi Freak 99 21:02, 20 October 2006 (BST)Do I detect a Star Trek reference? *grins* --ValorGigo 21:23, 10 June 2007 (BST) Fire Phasers! BoboTalkClown 20:36, 13 October 2007 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 22:54, 27 July 2010 (BST) A red shirt might as well have a longue hoodie for zeds and a bag of kfb kentucky fried brains —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Zombieman 11 (talkcontribs) at an unknown time.
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

My Pet Monster

Type: Item, Game Mechanic
Tally: +4

Leashes and Collars can be found in Mall pet stores. A collar can be placed upon any Zombie, and cannot be removed until said Zombie is Revived. The chance of successfully getting a collar on a Zombie is 65%.

Leashes can be attatched to said collar, with a 35% success rate. (You have to clasp it just right and all.)

When a Zombie is on a leash, it will be 'dragged' behind you against its will no matter where you go. The leashed Zombie cannot freely attack others unless you select it from your weapon drop-down, at which point you can "Sic" it on people. When a Zombie is commanded to attack, it can freely do so in any manner it wishes until the target is dead or on another block.

There is a 10% chance that a Zombie will stain the carpet upon entering any building, at which point all Survivors in the room will see a "Rub Zombie's nose in it" button, which will have obvious results when clicked.

Zombies can also be made to drink and eat out of a bowl, which is also found in pet stores.

Zombies on a leash will recieve a new drop-down of words they can utter. These include:

"Warrf Warrf!!"
"Pant pant pant pant.."

A Zombie is only free of the leash when its owner has tired of it and leaves the Zombie behind, at which point all options return to normal for the Zombie player.

Zombies that are no longer wanted may alternately be left in a cardboard box marked "FREE ZOMBIE" from which it cannot escape until another Survivor leashes it.

Multiple Zombies placed in a box on the same block may struggle and vie for position in order to be chosen first.

When a Zombie is successfully leashed, the survivor who owns it may then choose to alter the Zombie's name and description at will. (For example, "DethBringr450" could now become "Mr. Bootsie".)

Name changes are perminent until another owner claims the Zombie, or its original owner decides on an even cuter name.

Since this may become a tad boring for the Zombie player (in some instances, I guess..?) there would be a tree of skills available only to a leashed Zombie. These skills include:

  • Beg - Zombie can stand on its hind legs and beg for treats. Survivors then get a button and may choose to toss the Zombie a treat if they feel like it.
    • Trick - Zombie has learned to do a trick which is even more impressive and may cause Survivors to give more treats, again, if they feel like it.
  • Roll on Back - A Zombie that rolls onto its back cannot be attacked by any player since it has shown itself to be weak and acknowledges the dominance of others.
  • Smell Other Zombie's Butt - Zombie can see the Character Info of another Zombie on their block by smelling it's hindquarters.
    • Smell Location - Zombie can smell its surroundings and tell how many Zombies have been by recently, and what they have done there.
    • Smell Stranger - Zombie can get a whiff of Survivors and see a tally of how many Zombies they have killed in the past. Those who have killed more than 10 are identified as "a bad man".
  • Lick Self - A Zombie with this skill can, at will, roll forward and lick its own crotch. Doing this in certain locations (such as Parks) gives a small XP bonus.
  • Kick Resistance - Having this skill reduces the damage a Zombie will recieve when kicked by its master to a mere 5 HP.
    • Passive Protection - Kicks do only 1 damage to the Zombie since it has given up and has learned to "go limp".
  • Barf - Zombie coughs up a wad of unidentifyable goo on the carpet. While this goo is in place, all Survivors in the room have reduced search odds due to being sick to their stomachs.

There will also FINALLY be a practical use for Newspapers. When this suggestion is enacted, Survivors will be able to roll up a Newspaper by clicking it in their inventory. They can then use it as a weapon to bop a leashed Zombie on the nose when it does something wrong. This reduces the Zombie's XP by 1 point per successful hit. Newspapers have an 80% chance of landing a blow.

New items (all found in Mall pet stores) included in this suggestion:

Collar - Find a "Wild" Zombie and place this on it.
Leash - You can attatch this to any Zombie's collar.
ID Tags - After you leash a Zombie, you may attatch an ID Tag to its collar. If you choose to let the Zombie off its leash, an ID Tag will ensure that all of the Leash rules apply no matter where it goes. Zombies with an ID Tag can be leashed and returned to their owner if they unwittingly wander away.
Pet Bowls - These contain food or water for your Zombie to enjoy.
Dog Food - Since there is no Zombie Chow in existance, this will have to do.
Squeaky Toy - When given to a Zombie, they may chew on it for a 35% chance of XP gain per chew. Chewing takes 1 AP and Squeaky Toys have a randomized usage limit of 1 to 10.
Cute Sweater - Zombies love when you make them wear these.
Treats - If you want to give Zombies a treat when they perform a trick or beg, you'll need this. 30 treats in a box.
Choke Chain - If you replace a Zombie's collar with a choke chain, you can call it back from someone you have told it to attack. This can also be used at any time to deal 2 HP damage to the leashed Zombie.

When in buildings with a window to jump out of, a Zombie's owner may choose to throw it out said window, at which point the Zombie dies and its leash comes loose.

Zombies could also possibly be tied up outside of buildings, and kept inside Junkyard fences (trained not to go through the fence's holes) to keep out unwanted visitors.

Funny votes: #Insert vote here Annoying for zombies. HAR HAR. Fuster 21:02, 10 August 2006 (BST) Poor zombies! Oh well, at least now they'll get support from the animal rights movement. --Reaper with no name 21:07, 25 October 2006 (BST) There's an animal rights movement after the zed apocalypse? This was pretty funny, but I think there could be ways to improve it. Maybe add the "run around in circles scraping rear on ground" skill. SteelVortex2 11:45, 13 November 2006 (EST) I agree with SteelVortex2, needs run around in circles scraping rear on ground. ---Scout talk Click! 22:55, 27 July 2010 (BST)Zombie pet huh sounds like another mouth to feed after an appocolypse well im naming mine fluffy and putting cute pink bows in there hair —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Zombieman 11 (talkcontribs) at an unknown time.
Unfunny votes: #Insert vote here

Cheesy Goodness

Type: New Items
Tally: +1

Cheese can be used as a healing item and can also be used to revive zombies. Cheese will last for 5 days before becoming too smelly to be used. At this point in can be thrown at a zombie at 25% accuracy and causes 2 damage.

When used instead of a first aid kit, the cheese heals 25HP and give the player the ability to move 5 blocks without using up AP.

When used as to revive a zombie it is 100% effective and will allow the revived person to stand up for free(unless they have brain rot, in this case the smell will overpower the zombie causing them to lose all skills for one turn while they recover).Cheese can be found in grocery stores in the malls and in schools.

A related item is the Cheesebox, which will keep the cheese fresh permently, each cheesebox holds 6 chunks of cheese and can be used to attack zombies at 50% accuracy and 3 damage. Cheeseboxes can be found at Necrotech Buildings, Malls, Police Stations and Schools.

To balance out gameplay, when a zombie has mouldy cheese it can eat the cheese causing it's infected bites to cause 2HP worth of damage every turn instead of 1HP.

Funny votes: Krazy Monkey 18:31, 11 April 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: vote here.

Revivification Suppositories

Type: New Item
Tally: +4

Malton's supply of revivification syringes has run dry. No more revivification syringes will be found when searching Necrotech buildings, and when all currently held syringes are used up they will be gone forever.

Survivors searching Necrotech buildings will now come across revivification suppositories instead. They behave just like revification syringes, except they take up 5 inventory spaces instead of just one (they're really big).

Also, in addition to the 10 AP cost of administrating a revification suppository, it will also cost 5 AP for the recipient of the suppository to stand up, on top of the 1 to 10 AP cost it usually takes to stand up (this is an obvious result of the medication's method of insertion).

Funny votes: Best revive change ever HamsterNinja 02:51, 6 June 2006 (BST) Save for the giant ass pill, this would actually make a great suggestion. -- Tirion529 02:18, 10 June 2006 (BST) How can it not be funny, needlessly inserting stuff there? --Boxy 15:01, 3 July 2006 (BST) Suppositories for teh win! --Paradox244 03:20, 7 July 2006 (BST) Oooh...that's gotta suck... --Reaper with no name 21:10, 25 October 2006 (BST) What happens when the revived zombie stands up? Hes still got it in him as a survivor... --Robzored 21:42, 5 May 2007 (CST) LOL! hehehe Sig Sauer.jpg P02 Samuel  Talk to me! Stop that asshole!PoleCatsSig Sauer.jpg 13:49, 12 October 2007 (BST) I hadn't really thought about it before, but revivification must be quite painful already --Explodey 20:38, 12 May 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: That's not funny! It's just stupid! Scott74168 6:25, 8 June 2006 (PDT) Using "humor" to take a jab at survivors... please tell me you didn't spend all day thinking this one up. Tsuyoi 00:06, 11 June 2006 (BST) This isn't really that funny... Qhiiyr 06:03, 25 June 2006 (BST)

Not funny? You ain't got a sense of humor! Sig Sauer.jpg P02 Samuel  Talk to me! Stop that asshole!PoleCatsSig Sauer.jpg 13:49, 12 October 2007 (BST)

Resident Evil Item Combos

Type: Item Change
Tally: +1

What Urban Dead really needs is item combos like those that you see in RE. Survivors would be able to combine any two items to produce a third item. The third item would be one that is unable to be found via searching and which has some distinct advantage over other, similar items. It would cost 1AP to Combine items; two drop-down menus would show the items and a button would be pressed to combine them. Examples include; Handgun + Laser Pen => Targetter Handgun, Binoculars + Wine => Molotov Cocktail and Crucifix + Toothpick => Heat-seeking Rocket Launcher (at last, a use for the Crucifix!). However, there are far too many examples to list here; any two items would be combined as long as they are not the same item. Products of combining items would also be able to be combined with other products as well as original items, thus creating an infinite number of items.

--Lord of the Pies 22:36, 30 October 2006 (UTC)

Funny votes: Funny But only for the rocket launcher part. --Reaper with no name 22:17, 31 October 2006 (UTC) Poor Kevan !_! Yeah, I was about to vote unfunny too, but the rocket-launcher part got be laughing (-:. --Munkel 23:21, 9 September 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Chain Letters

Type: New Item
Tally: +2

Survivors, when searching buildings, have a small chance of finding a chain letter. Chain letters cannot be thrown away and can be passed on to another survivor. When somebody has a chain letter, they will be cursed with bad luck, and bad things will randomly happen to them (i.e.: They will become infected, their attacks will not be as effective, Paris Hilton will show up, etc.). The cursed person will become uncursed when they pass on the letter to someone else.

In addition to the bad things mentioned above, the following is a list of other effects of a cursed chain letter.

  • The victim may drop all of their items.
  • If the victim enters a tall building, they may trip and fall out a window.
  • The victim may be attacked by an escaped lion if they enter the Malton City Zoo.
  • The victim may recieve income tax notices from the IRS.
  • The victim may be bitten by a rattle snake, get hit by a truck, get crushed by an anvil cartoon style, bitten by another rattle snake, and spit on by his ex-girlfriend.

Funny votes: Author vote, Waluigi Freak 99 22:06, 7 October 2006 (BST) Sounds nasty :) --Angusburger 22:03, 18 February 2010 (UTC)---Scout talk Click! 22:52, 27 July 2010 (BST) that happens to me daily —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Zombieman 11 (talkcontribs) at an unknown time.
Unfunny votes:

Zombie Chihuahua

Type: New item
Tally: +4

I propose that there be a 1% chance of finding a Zombie Chihuahua when searching anywhere. Upon finding said Chihuahua, it bites you for 1 HP and infects you with nasty Chihuahua germs. From this point on, the Zombie Chihuahua will act like it has Feeding Groan, in that it will yip at you, for all to hear. It will also attempt to attack you at 5% odds for every AP spent near it. The only way to kill the Zombie Chihuahua is with a Shotgun Blast if human, or Bite with Digestion if Zombie. There is also a 75% chance that the Zombie Chihuahua will be barking at nothing in particular.

Examples -

You find a Zombie Chihuahua. It nips your hand and infects you. It is now yipping and growling at you.

You hear a yipping coming from 2 north, 1 east.

You walk into the building and find a Zombie Chihuahua barking at nothing in particular. It tries to bite your foot, but misses.

This will add much needed flavor to the game, much like salmon adds flavor to icecream.

Funny votes: Brilliant! I almost want to actually see this in the game. -Rgon 17:42 4 July 2006 (BST) Barking at nothing in particular. Yep, sounds like a chihuahua to me. --Reaper with no name 21:12, 25 October 2006 (BST) Funny, and no longer politely ignored! Zizanie13 07:56, 28 October 2006 (BST) GuesssWho 04:43, 29 December 2006 (UTC) I HATE those little dogs, which is part of why this is so funny. I HATE Chihuahuas. That is what makes this funny!---Scout talk Click! 22:57, 27 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I hate those little vermin. –Xoid 14:46, 3 July 2006 (BST)


Type: New Item -Kaylee Hans 03:49, 25 November 2006 (UTC)
Tally: +2

When searching a vehicle yard in a fort, you can find an Armoured Personnel Carrier (APC) at 1% odds. What it can do is run over zombies and make them do cool squishing noises. It also can carry 15 survivours in the back and when the door opens, it can crush any zombies near it. A survivour can hop into the machine gun post for 1AP and fire at zombie hordes. Since this is a city where ammo and drugs can be found in infinite supply at a mall, if your APC is near a PD, Mall, NT Building or any other place where ammo is, the gun has infinite ammo. In fact, it has infinite ammo anywhere.

Oh and it does not run out of fuel, because it's realistic that an army vehicle in a city full of infinite fuel can get fueled up easily. APCs can enter buildings, but they destroy the barricades, make the doors wide open and depnding on how it's parked will determine how people get in. If it's backed into the building, nobody can enter, unless they enter the APC and it drives out and only if the door is open. If it drives head on into the building, only the driver can get out and enter the building The APC cannot be destroyed because the armour is too strong. To balance it out, I propose all zombies get rocket launchers, which if fired at an APC, cause all surviours inside to die. If everyone leaves the APC, it spontaneously combusts, casing 15 damage to anyone on the square after they all leave. If this gets implemented, we can also give zombies M1 Abrams tanks and give surviours huge tanks with twin barrels and gatling guns which can crush the smaller vehicles and can allow people to fire out of it.

EDIT: As suggested in unfunny votes (I know sarcasm you know), if you are in an APC and you search it, you can find a flamethrower. It has infinite ammo (well it you put flare guns in it) only if you have lots of flare guns. Why flare guns? Because they burn, even though they're one shot use flareguns that probably cannot be unloaded. The flamethrower can also be equipped to the machine gun turret and cause lots of carnage. As for the ozzie? Well it could be put somewhere in the APC - Kaylee Hans 06:53, 25 November 2006 (UTC)

Funny votes: It'd be fun! Just imagine all the possibilities Kaylee Hans 03:49, 25 November 2006 (UTC) d00d! nic sugesion!--Labine50 MH|ME|P 16:58, 25 November 2006 (UTC) Certainly not the best I've ever seen, but the sheer amount of randomness works wonders. --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:06, 28 November 2006 (UTC) funny--Agentbbs191 01:00, 1 December 2006 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Oh yeah. Why don't you toss in infinite amounts of flamethrowers as well as an uzzie? --Axe Hack 04:33, 25 November 2006 (UTC) Er, just too random. Besides, my vehicle suggestion which was entirely level didn't even get a single vote. -Mark 00:55, 28 November 2006 (UTC)

Seasonal Decorations

Type: Flavor text, holiday cheer
Tally: +3

During the month of December, several new useless items will be available. These would be found at about half the search rates as things like books, newspapers, and wire cutters. After the New Year, all of this stuff simply vanishes, never to be seen again.

Christmas lights - It takes 2AP to hang Christmas lights outside a building. If powered, the building will show up on the map with a nice little border of colored blinking lights. There is no effect if the building is unpowered. If the generator is destroyed or runs out of fuel, the lights remain (but aren't lit up). They also stay up even if the building becomes ransacked, because it's just too much work to take them down. Hanging Christmas lights is worth 1XP.

Mistletoe - Zombies attacking in a building with mistletoe for some reason prefer bite attacks. Mistletoe is hung by the door, so it's visible from outside (to attract zombies). Accuracy of bite attacks is increased to match claw attacks, but only until the first sucessful "kiss." Zombies, don't forget to use a breath mint first!

Candles - Building appears "lit up" from the outside but doesn't have any power. Search rates are increased 2% because it is a little bit easier than finding stuff in the dark.

Wrapping paper - Allows you to package one item which can be given as a gift. Limit one per day.

Santa Claus hat - If worn, provides one use of free running. The effect also works for zombies who died wearing a Santa hat. Bwa-Ha-Ha-Ha!!! Survivors in a building would see the message "A zombie dressed as Santa Claus climbs down the chimney."--Uncle Bill 03:31, 1 December 2006 (UTC)

Funny votes: I like the mistletoe best.--Uncle Bill 03:31, 1 December 2006 (UTC) If the mistletoe gives bites a buff, why would anyone use them? Oh well, it's still funny. My favorite is the zombie Santa Claus. --Reaper with no name TJ! 14:11, 1 December 2006 (UTC) Please, please kevan your players (well this one) demand zombie santas!--Honestmistake 00:08, 9 December 2006 (UTC) you get to use Wrapping paper on zombies? I can imagine the flavor text. "A red and green-wrapped zombie breaks through the barricades.." -Mark 23:24, 11 December 2006 (UTC) GuesssWho 04:15, 29 December 2006 (UTC) Didn't this actually happen? With the Christmas Trees and everything?
Unfunny votes:

Horse-Drawn Zeppelin

Type: Satire
Tally: +10

Yes, another vehicle suggestion--with a twist!

  • Deflated Zeppelin - When searching in an Auto Repair Shop or Carpark, there should be a 3% chance of finding a Deflated Zeppelin. A Deflated Zeppelin may be inflated using either a Helium Tank (30 AP) or a Hydrogen Tank (15 AP), but only while the survivor is standing outside. Inflation turns this item into a Drifting Zeppelin.
  • Helium Tank - May be found in Auto Repair Shops (1%) or in a Mall Hardware Store (2%). A Helium Tank costs 30 AP to use when inflating a zeppelin and automatically depleting the Helium Tank. A survivor may also "Inhale Helium" for 1 AP, which does not deplete the tank but limits speech to using only "a," "c," "k," "q," "s," "u," and "w" until the Server Reset, with all other letters being replaced in a manner similar to Death Rattle.
  • Hydrogen Tank - May be found in Auto Repair Shops (3%) or in a Mall Hardware Store (5%). May randomly (2% chance) explode during any action, dealing the survivor 30-60 HP of damage in increments of 5 (30, 35, 40, etc...) and having a 25% chance to damage all other characters in the same square for 5 HP.
  • Horse - May be found in Parks (5%). A survivor can harness a horse to a Drifting Zepplin for 5 AP to form a Horse-Drawn Zeppelin. Can also be combined with a Fuel Can and a Trident by a member of the Channel 4 News Team when standing in the same square as a zombie, dealing an instant kill to one of the zombies.
  • Horse-Drawn Zeppelin - A Horse-Drawn Zeppelin has room for 5 survivors, including the Pilot. The Pilot is the first person to man the zeppelin, but should he leave or be killed, the most-recently active survivor becomes the Pilot. A zeppelin may be filled with either Hydrogen or Helium, but only the Pilot can tell. The Pilot may move the zeppelin in any direction for 5 AP per move but cannot enter squares with tall buildings (i.e. any building you can use binoculars from and/or jump out of). Two Horse-Drawn Zeppelins, two Drifting Zeppelins, or a Horse-Drawn Zeppelin and a Drifting Zeppelin, may never share the same square.

Any survivor may enter a zeppelin for 5 AP by climbing the tether line, provided there are fewer than 5 occupants. They may also leave by climbing down the tether line for 5 AP, or by jumping out for 1 AP. Zombies cannot enter a Horse-Drawn Zeppelin, but they (and other survivors) can attack the horse in an attempt to kill it. A successful kill turns the zeppelin into a Drifting Zeppelin.

When a zeppelin is in the same square as another character, the player will see: "A dirigible floats overhead, with a tether line tied to a horse."

Inside a zeppelin, the character will have the following options: Attack another character, dump a body (when applicable), and Jump from Zeppelin (similar to jumping out of buildings). If the zeppelin is in a square with other characters on the ground, the Attack menu will include "survivor / zombie outside." Only firearms may be used, with a -25% hit chance and -1 damage (stacked w/ Flak Jackets). There is also a 1% chance that the survivor will accidentally kill the horse, turning his vehicle into a Drifting Zeppelin. A survivor may also use Binoculars while inside a zeppelin.

A Hydrogen-filled zeppelin will have a 5% chance of exploding whenever a survivor fires a firearm or uses a cell phone. An explosion deals 30-60 HP to all survivors inside, with anyone surviving the blast being left standing outside. The explosion will also be visible to anyone standing outside within a 10-square radius, with the text "You see a brilliant flash x squares to the (direction x) (and y squares to the (direction y))." There is also a 10% chance that the line "Oh the Humanity!" will be broadcast over a random radio frequency if the zeppelin explodes within sight of a powered building with a Radio Transmitter. A Helium-filled zeppelin, however, cannot be destroyed in such a manner.

  • Drifting Zeppelin - This zeppelin has had its horse killed and become a Drifting Zeppelin. A Drifting Zeppelin cannot be piloted; it randomly drifts 1 square in any direction every 30 minutes. No one may enter a Drifting Zeppelin, and occupants may only leave by jumping out. However, occupants may still take potshots at any characters outside and try to kill each other. The next character who tethers a horse to the zeppelin (making it a Horse-Drawn Zeppelin again) becomes the new Pilot unless the zeppelin is full, in which case the most recently-active survivor becomes the new Pilot.

A Hydrogen-filled Drifting Zeppelin may explode in the same fashion as described above.

If a Drifting Zeppelin drifts into a square containing a tall building, a Horse-Drawn Zeppelin, or another Drifting Zeppelin, it will crash, destroying the zeppelin. The other zeppelin involved, if any, will also crash as well. The occupants of the zeppelin(s) will suffer damage in the same manner as a zeppelin explosion. If the zeppelin hit a building, the inhabitants of said building would be notified with a message stating "A zeppelin crashed into this building."

Funny votes: Author vote. --Specialist290 04:13, 7 February 2007 (UTC) In-fething-sane. --Lachryma 04:17, 7 February 2007 (UTC) Oh, the Humanity!--Labine50 MH|ME|'07 04:23, 7 February 2007 (UTC) Jenny D'ArcT MPSU! 14:11, 7 February 2007 (UTC) A portable safehouse... A must have during any zombie apocalypse! --Uncle Bill 04:02, 8 February 2007 (UTC) Has good merit.... I like it! Kaylee Hans 04:34, 8 February 2007 (UTC) How does the occupied zeppelin empty its septic tank? How about automatic infection for everybody below the zeppelin if zombies are on board? Wait, but zombies don't... --Skitchipoo 04:56, 8 February 2007 (UTC) Nerfs zombies, but who cares? --Reaper with no name TJ! 20:49, 13 February 2007 (UTC) The only thing it needs is a "piss over the side" option.--Drathe17:27, 15 Febuary 2007(UTC) LL Hindenburg! (Also, it'll be great to impress the ladies.) --Pt da silva 02:32, 28 May 2008 (BST) Love the idea, shame you can't have this in the real Malton though. --Michaleson CFT 18:31, 10 August 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Newspaper Section:Comics

Type: Satire
Tally: +4

So, you wake up one day and somehow scrounge up a recent newspaper,even though it's an isolated neighborhood and your paperboy's body is lying motionless on your safehouse's lawn. Do you really want to read about how zombie infection is on the rise, another suburb has been taken over, and George W. Bush is somehow up for a third term? Of course not! For 1 AP, you can turn to the funnies and laugh your ass off! The comic you read will be randomly selected out of a certain few. Now, why would you want to waste AP reading comics? Simple, if you read some of the comics enough times, they'll rub off on you, and you'll gain a new skill! The skills gained, and the comics you get them from are as follows:

Note to Voters: Hey there people, if you suggest a comic(and I know of it) I'll try to add it to make this better. I aim to please! ^^


  • Trash to Treasure:The garbageman's technological genius has worn off on you! After collecting enough junk,you can change it into a useful item, such as a portable generator,radio transmitter, or a hydrogen fuel-cell engine(though you'll have to supply the car)


  • I Hate Mondays:Oh, so that's why he hates Mondays, and now so do you.Your newfound hatred inspires you to do more damage and hit more accurately one day a week. Bet you can't guess which day that is.


  • Political Banter:You start telling everyone about complex political matters in depth. Unfortunately, no one understands and eventually falls asleep. They must use AP to wake up. CAUTION:There is a 30% chance that you will go on a 6 month sabbatical instead of using the skill.


  • Football Pull:You somehow convince a zombie into trying to kick a field goal, only to pull away the ball at the last second. You laugh at them as they fall, and kick some dirt in their face. It feels good.


  • Lazy Cartoonist:Now, like your hero Bill Amend (in case you don't know, he writes the comic) you now only have to do something on Sundays. Otherwise you're invincible.

Hagar the Horrible

  • Viking Heritage:Somehow reading this comic changed your very lineage, allowing you to use viking siege boats. Unfortunately there are no oceans in Malton, but ,maybe you can set sail in a lake. Everyone knows zombies can't swim after all.


  • That's a girl?!: Your new found ability to distinguish that block-things gender allows you to tell whether a player near you is male or female.

Mary Worth

  • Huh.: You are finally able to see Mary Worth comics for what they are: Boring.

Funny votes: Holy shit. I want it!--Agent White W!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 07:11, 14 February 2007 (UTC)Author's Vote--Drathe 14:5, 14 Febuary 2007 (UTC) You left out Hagar the Horrible (lets you loot more effectively during seiges). --Uncle Bill 21:57, 14 February 2007 (UTC) You also could have included FoxTrot, but I won't hold it against you :D --Specialist290 18:13, 17 February 2007 (UTC) What about Get Fuzzy?!--Lachryma 04:47, 19 February 2007 (UTC) What about Get Fuzzy, man!--Wooty 04:39, 10 July 2007 (BST) 3 words. Pearls Before Swine.--Doctor R 10:59, 15 August 2007. (EST)
Unfunny votes: This is shite. Where's the page 3 girl?--SporeSore 13:54, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

Strength Potion

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

Necrotech has created a new item- the strength potion. Survivors in a powered Necrotech Building have a .01% chance of finding this. When drunk by a survivor, he/she can use generators, christmas trees, sculptures, and radios as weapons for 2 turns for 2AP each, causing 25 damage with 100% accuracy. When doing this, however, there is a 20% chance the survivor will overstretch and rip their pants which require 1 AP to fix and until you do so, you cannot act. Nearby survivors will require 5AP for their next action because they are laughing histerically. Zombies will laugh their heads off, killing them instantly with 5 extra AP required to stand, but a bonus of 20XP is awarded. When drunk by a zombie inside a building, it gives them the ability to Free Run into another building. There is, however, a 20% chance they will land in the dumpster, with a cost of 1AP to climb out. Nearby players will burst out laughing, with the previous results. Zombie heads can be found where such events took place, and can be eaten to gain 5 Hp, with a loss of 1 XP because it is so darn gross.

Funny votes: Most of it wasn't very funny (having laughter in the suggestion always makes it less funny), but the parts about pants ripping and zombies heads being found around dumpsters got me. --Reaper with no name TJ! 15:44, 20 March 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Rise of the celebritys...

Type: New Item
Tally: +3

It's finally happened. We knew it would. The celebrities have come to Malton. Famous people, such as George W. Bush, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears have been spotted around Malton City, and survivors have been seen attacking them with 100% accuracy, landing a killing blow the first time, no matter what weapon is used. No ammo is consumed, and 20XP has been awarded as bounty for each celebrity wasted. A bonus of 500 XP is awarded if you are that lucky person who finds and battles Hillary Clinton, a level 100 survivor. She has been seen killing players with her speeches, which do 20 damage at 50% accuracy. She herself has 100 HP, but can be killed if you are quick enough. Be wary, though, and may the Force be with you, for the support of humans everywhere is behind you.

Funny votes: MalCel--Labine50 MH|ME|'07 23:52, 28 March 2007 (BST) The Hillary bit would have been funny enough on its own, but this is crazy!! :D --Specialist290 03:38, 29 March 2007 (BST) The support of the zambahz is behind you as well. Hillary Clinton is the anti-BARHAH! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:01, 29 March 2007 (BST) I wanna kill George W. Bush!!! --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 14:39, 30 March 2007 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 23:32, 27 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: You forgot that Paris Hilton can kill by phallating. --SporeSore 13:43, 30 March 2007 (BST)

Zombie attraction device

Type: Parody of Chris' 'Redfield's suggestion
Tally: +2

As I bet you have all seen, a zombie attracting unit. You've seen a zombie master, a zombie queen, and even a few audible noises from players. This effects both humans and zombies. The Item is called "Farts".

The human aspect: humans may find these "farts" in NT buildings (.5%) (20% encumbrance). A Human would carry the "fart" and no zombies would be attracted to it because it has not been opened yet. but, Much like a generator, it can be set up inside a building, but unlike the generator, it can be set up outside also. The farts would show up in BOLD RED LETTERS SHOWING THE COORDINATES like this, (35,78) on a zombie's screen. but, it only effects zombies 3 blocks away [in every direction] from that building, And much like a generator it can be destroyed, if not, then after a day it disperses. It would give someone XP for setting it up, and destroying it. This would only effect zombies with the "scent death" skill. It disappears from your inventory after 1 use. a person may kill it like they can a genny. [humans cannot see the fart unless they are in the exact same place as the fart is.]

The zombie aspect: Zombies in general; can't see this and are not effected by it. Only the ones with the "scent death" skill. But, this can also be used by a zombie. As some of you have noticed, when you are a zed, you can still use a crowbar to attack with. so you can take the "farts" and still set them up, by expelling them from your body, giving you XP, and making the area stink with it. Also, zombies could be able to attack these farts, but not in the way a person can, not like a generator. Zombies would get a (.5%) chance of "sucking up" these farts thus, stealing the farts from the area, to be used again. Any zombie that "sucks up" the farts or are even in the vincinity of the farts become infected, so when revived, they will remain infected until they are given a first aid kit.

General use: This is appealing to the Pkers among us, because of the effect it could have on strategic buildings and the possiblility of many zombies coming to the area to kill these people. Unfortunatly for them, people can attack the farts and disperse them like a generator, and A lot of the zeds don't have scent death, so they couldn't see it, even if they were in the general area. This also appeals to the people who revive zombies, or brain rotters to advertise a revive point. Even more for Pkers, is that random human have a (7%) chance of becoming infected from the farts. Zombie hunters would use it to attract zombies to a certain area and launch a large scale revive and attack assualt on them. And to the zombies it can be used to see where people are, to feed on them. This overall could be very effective and fun for everyone to use, although rare to find and very encumbring, but is evenly distributed betwwen groups as not to be overpowered or the such.

Note after seeing votes: Obvious;y you keep the farts in a jar that comes with it. if you read the whole thing then it states the effects that it could have on everyone.

Funny votes: Yay for crude humor.--Bluish wolf 21:24, 5 April 2007 (BST)I was right; this did belong in humorous suggestions! --Reaper with no name TJ! 20:34, 9 April 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Chainsaw Vending Machines

Type: Excuse to use chainsaws
Tally: +4

You know how sometimes when you barricade a building, you use a vending machine? Well what nobody noticed is what's in the vending machines. Yes, they're full of chainsaws. (Of the peer reviewed kind.) But to get them, you'll need money so that will need to get peer reviewed in order to work.

Oh and also, you can use the chainsaws to cut down barricades really really fast.

Funny votes: Aren't chainsaws great? --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:50, 9 May 2007 (BST) Violence is always the answer to this game --JudeMaverick 09:53, 14 May 2007 (BST) Did I mention that the vending machines will become useful if the "coin toss" suggestion gets implemented? See, it's all about synergy... --Uncle Bill 02:36, 17 May 2007 (BST) And zombies will be able to use them too, like resident evil. --Ktut 16:15, 31 May 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Hang Gliders

Type: improvement
Tally: +1

Hang gliders can be found in Mall sports stores (3% chance) and have an encumbrance of 20%. They are a one use item (they break on landing, not enough open space in a city).

Hang gliders can be launched from any tall building, and the survivor can then fly up to 40 squares for 1AP per 5 blocks. The drawback is, that the glider must be landed in a park/carpark, and there is a 1% chance of crashing per block traversed. If you crash, loose at least 20HP, and have a 50% chance of losing an extra 10HP.

Funny votes: You knicked this from escape from new yourk, didn't you?--Seventythree 21:58, 14 June 2007 (BST) Needs a Harold & Kumar Journey to White Castle reference. --Uncle Bill 22:03, 14 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not really all that funny, seeing as how I sometimes see stuff like this on the wiki. Try to be stupider.--Jebus14 21:15, 29 May 2007 (BST)


Type: Item
Tally: +2

This item would be called "Mech", and would be found in any Necrotech Building, or Tech Stores at the Mall, or int the streets. A zombie can dig for one in cemiteries. A Survivor/zombie with this item would be able to pilot a Mech.

  • What It Is.
A Mech is a 20 foot tall giant of steel, armed with Rocket Lauchers, Flamethrowers and PPCs. It has 500 HP, is invulnerable to all meele damage and only receives half the damage from Pistols, Shotguns and Flares (round down).
  • How It Works
The survivor/zombie pick a few dozen of corpses and use then as fuel. Every pack of 12 corpses fuel the Mech for 500 AP. Once the Mech is fueled, the survivor/zombie can enter on it and start the hunt.
  • What It Does
Once inside, the survivor/zombie pilotes the Mech across Malton. It moves 8 blocks before wasting one AP. If the Mech do any other action besides moving before moving these 8 blocks it count as a full move.
Everytime a Mech moves into a block with 1 or more survivor and/or zombie he will stomp 1 or more of them, killing then instantly and erasing all his inventory. The Mech can also perform this Stomping action at the expense of 1 of the the 8-blocks-movement-per-ap thing.
The Mech comes armed with:
20 Long Range Rockets
Causes 15 of damage at any target in a range of 3 Blocks. 40% Accurancy.
50 Short Range Rockets
Causes 25 of damage at any target in a range of 1 block. 60% Accurancy. Can be used to shot down crate helicopters.
1 Flamethrowers
Causes 3 points of damage to everyone (including corpses) in the same block as the Mech. This damage adds a new status, 'on fire' , that causes 3 points of damage for every AP spent until the survivor/zombie jumps in a Holy Water Font. 75% Accurancy.
1 PPC with 10 charges.
A PPC deals 100 of damage to any 5 targets in a block within a range of 2 blocks from the Mech. Consumes all XP, AP and HP (when standing) of the target. 100% Accurancy.
1 Vote Gun and 1 Spam Cannon
For obvious reasons...
Anyone can search for more rockets and PPC charges on Tech Stores and in crates of Helicopters that were shot with the SRR.
A Mechwarrior can enter any building without having to worry about Barricades. Once a Mech enters a building, all barricades are destroyed, all survivors/zombies suffer 20 of damage and the building collapses.
When destroyed, the Mech's core melts and destroys everything in a radius of 2 blocks from the Mech. All survivors/zombies accounts in this radius are permanently dead, and other Mechs in this area suffer 250 points of damage. All buildings are razed to the level of Wasteland, and entering this lands whitout a BioHazard Suit grants the same effect of infection.
The mechwarrior is ejected from the Mech before the core meltdown, and land safely on the ground at a cost of 1 AP (preventing then from being killed in a chain reaction of explodings Mechs).
  • Why This Item?
To exponentially increase the flavor and the balance of the game. Mech are clearly the path to end all this unbalance trouble between zombies and humans. A Mech is an optimal way for anyone - zombie or harman - to nerf all the others.

Funny votes: Anything to bring balance to this broken game! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:00, 9 May 2007 (BST) Who parked my Mech in here ? --People's Commissar Hagnat [cloned] [mod] 07:58, 28 May 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Bananas for Zombies

Type: Zombies and Bananas
Tally: +4

ZOMG< Zombahs are always tlking bout Bananas!!!!11!1one!111!11eleventyone!! But h4ve you noticed dat teh are noone!?!??!??? Well I thnk dat dey all shold hab some! GANG BANG BANANAZ!!!

Funny votes: BARHAH! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:10, 9 May 2007 (BST) YES!!! BANANAS!!! --JudeMaverick 12:58, 13 May 2007 (BST) B-A-N-A-N-A-Z! --Uncle Bill 14:05, 13 May 2007 (BST) Oh man, I gotta vote for this one! :D --Specialist290 14:44, 13 May 2007 (BST) Rambam Harman bananahz!!! --Honestmistake 14:52, 21 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: ... Not funny... --Stevejobsfan


Type: New Item
Tally: +1

You know, survivors sure seem to do a lot of things while we (the players) are not active. And while it may be believable to assume that survivors eat and such in the background, it would be just plain gullible to think that the toilets of Malton are still functioning years after the outbreak without any sort of maintenance or working sewer system. By this point all the toilets in Malton must be backed up to the point of overflowing. So what are the poor survivors to do? Well, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. And if you can't, you find a way. The survivors of Malton will be doing just that with their new handy-dandy Porto-Potty item!

Porto-Potties will be found in Junkyards and Wastelands at a 10% search rate and take up the same amount of inventory space as a portable generator (hey, if survivors are strong enough to carry around those big honkin' things...). The Porto-Potty can be set up outside of any building except a junkyard (who in their right mind would want to do their business there?). Once set up survivors have the option of entering it and "relieving" themselves. This causes them to disappear from the map. Only 1 survivor may occupy a Porto-Potty at any given time, and after 5 minutes the survivor automatically exits because he or she can no longer endure the smell. A survivor may only enter a Porto-Potty twice per day unless they have dirahea.

Zombies cannot enter Porto-Potties (they never have to go due to the infinitely-recycling nature of their digestive system), but they can attack Porto-Potties in much the same way as generators or radio transmitters. Survivors can also attempt to do this, but they will be at a -5% to hit because of (what else?) the smell. When a Porto-Potty is destroyed, it is tipped over, revealing any player inside and dealing 20 points of disgust damage to them. The Porto-Potty then disappears. There is also a 1% chance each time the Porto-Potty is used that it will become full, which also causes it to disappear.

Survivors must use a Porto-Potty once every 3 days. If they fail to do this, there is a 50% chance that they will wet themselves. Furthermore, there will be a 10% chance per action that the survivor will emit a loud fart (audible to anyone within the same square) until they relieve themselves. If they still do not, then on the 4th day they will automatically crap their pants. And on the 5th day, if they still have not visited a Porto-Potty, their bladder will explode, causing instant death.

Funny votes: I figure I don't do enough item-type suggestions, so I started thinking of ideas, and this one popped out. --Reaper with no name TJ! 18:53, 10 May 2007 (BST) Hehe, Porto-Potty... This idea gave me long long laugh. Fippe 14:34, 18 May 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Ugh, scat humor. Next, please. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST)

Zombie Ball

Type: New Item
Tally: +2

I think zombies are cute so we should catch them like Pokemon. Zombie Ball can be found in Toy stores at malls and if you see any zombie you like, you can catch them. Gotta catch em' all!

Funny votes: I would totally go around collecting zombies. Could we make them fight each other too? --Uncle Bill 04:16, 20 May 2007 (BST) ZEEDMON! :P I love this idea. --Fippe 10:51, 20 May 2007 (BST) Let's give them little names and powers. I will be laughing if someone says, "Zombichu! Brain Munch attack, go!" --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 05:18, 1 June 2007 (BST) I lul'd.--Afterdeath 21:36, 23 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Sorry, but this suggestion really isn't that funny. It's a parody with good buildup, but no payoff.--Waluigi Freak 99 00:59, 20 May 2007 (BST) Pokemon suck. 'arm. 07:18, 22 July 2007 (BST)


Type: The only thing that can salvage this worthless game
Tally: +3

Salt can be found at hospitals at a 5% rate, since doctors in Malton often used it in lieu of rubbing alcohol. When used in a building, you get the message, "You sprinkle some salt around the building, adding some much needed flavor to the area and scaring off any ghosts that happen to be there." Note that zombies don't count as ghosts. A random adjective will be added to the front of the description at this point. For example, "You are inside Perry Library. The building has been extremely heavily barricaded," might change to "You are inside Perry Library. The fluffy building has been extremely heavily barricaded," or perhaps "You are inside the amazing Perry Library. The building has been extremely heavily barricaded." They go away when the building is ransacked. If done outside, you get the message, "You salt the earth. Nearby zombies applaud."

Funny votes: This may be funny, or maybe my head is on fire. Probably the later.--Bluish wolf 11:43, 2 June 2007 (BST) YAYE! --WanYao 17:00, 15 September 2007 (BST)"You salt the earth. Nearby zombies applaud." OH YES! (I like in-jokes, by the way.)--Ryvyoli Y R 06:57, 7 December 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: You forgot to add that if someone is hurt, you can rub salt in their wounds! Kaylee Hans 09:25, 3 June 2007 (BST)

Politely Ignored


Type: New Item
Tally: 0

Coffee is a mild stimulant with addictive properties. It is found nearly everywhere, from malls, to police departments, to hospitals. Drinking Coffee takes 1 AP. When a Survivor consumes coffee, most of the time nothing happens, but after enough coffee is consumed (2% of uses) the survivor travels much faster (as though the survivor has the freerunning skill if the survivor lacks it, or 2 squares per AP if the survivor has it for 1-3 APs of movement). However, coffee is also mildly addictive, and in 1% of cases the caffeine 'crash' can be disastrous. In these instances the poor coffee drinker gets coffee withdrawel 10 APs after consuming the coffee, and the for the next 1-3 APs of movement will move at the same rate as a zombie. At this point the survivor will appear grayish, and may be mistaken for a zombie him or herself, as he/she stumbles around looking for their next cup.

Funny votes: Author Vote: I came up with this, and I think it's funny (as long as I'm not the one shambling around in the morning looking for brains coffee. Jenny D'ArcT 13:52, 5 July 2006 (BST) I think it needs simplifying. How about drinking coffee costs 1AP. As a mild stimulant, you gain 1AP. Net gain: 0AP. --TastesLikePork 17:26, 19 October 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: --Rpgfan 22:51, 27 August 2006 (BST) --Swmono talk - W! - P! - SGP 14:29, 8 July 2006 (BST)


Type: Skills, Items, and Weapons.
Tally: 0

First of all, let me say that this is not a true humorous suggestion. This is my idea of “Wouldn’t it be really cool if…” Though it is in Humorous, it’s not exactly where I think it should go. Also, please don’t say, “It’s overpowered,” or, “It’s unbalanced.” It’s supposed to be!

Vehicle: HMMWV. (%1 find outside forts or armories.) When found, the following message is given: “As you search, you see a HMMWV float down on a parachute, landing and bouncing on its suspension nearby. When there is a vehicle in the area, they appear in the location description. Such as: “There is a HMMWV parked here.” The vehicle can be attacked. (More on this later.) There is also a button, named, “Enter HMMWV.” When you find the vehicle, you automatically obtain…

Item: Keys. (Allows you to enter and operate vehicles which you have found.)

However, you also need…

Skill: Civilian: Driver’s Ed. (Allows you to drive vehicles.)

More on Vehicles: In order for the car to move, you must fuel it, by clicking on a gas can. This can only be done outside the car, and uses 1 AP. The vehicle can hold up to three gas cans, and can travel up to twenty blocks per can. Entering the vehicle takes 1 AP. When driving, you can travel up to five blocks per AP used. Vehicles can also enter Auto Repair Shops that are barricaded to Very Strong or below. This uses 1 AP. Vehicles can be attacked at 15% chance to hit. With firearms, you attack the player, rather than the vehicle. Vehicles can take five hits before rendered incapable of movement. At three hits, the vehicle begins having engine trouble. When engine trouble starts, the vehicle can move ten blocks before breaking down. If the vehicle breaks down, you can push it for 3 AP per block moved. When broken down, you can repair the vehicle with…

Skill: Civilian: Auto Repair. (Under Driver’s Ed. Allows you to fix a vehicle.)


Item: Toolbox. (4% find Auto Repair Shop. 3% Mall Hardware Store.)

With both of them, you can try to diagnose the problem at a chance of 20%. Being inside a powered Auto Repair Shop increases this amount to 30%. When you have discovered the problem, you can attempt to fix the problem at a chance of 10%. If you fail, nothing happens, but if you successfully fix the problem, the vehicle is returned to no hits. Thus, it takes about 15 AP to repair the vehicle.

Item: Engine Parts. (4% Auto Repair Shop. 1% Junkyard. Uses two inventory spaces.)

If Engine Parts is clicked on while there is damaged vehicle in the area, and you have a Toolbox, you can completely repair the vehicle for 10 AP. Also, if you click on a Toolbox while you have a generator in your inventory, you will disassemble it into Engine Parts, using 4 AP.

Skill: Military: Gunnery. (You finally understand how the M60 on the roof works, and can operate it.)

Item: Ammo Bucket. (5% Fort, 3% Warehouse.)

With this skill, a button is added, with a drop-down list of targets, and named “Fire guns.” To fire, you must first load the gun with the ammo bucket, which holds 150 rounds. Clicking the Fire Guns button fires a total of fifteen rounds, each doing five damage and having its own hit calculation. Base accuracy for each round is 25%, but each subsequent zombie in a block increases the percentage by five. To a maximum of 60% per round. (This is done because you are more likely to hit if there are more targets.)

Skill: Military: Gunnery Practice (Under Gunnery. Increases base accuracy to 40%.)

Vehicle: SUV. (1% find in Car Parks.)

The SUV is identical to the HMMWV, with two exceptions: When found, it is broken down, and must be repaired. Also, there is no machine gun on the roof.

Again, refer to my opening paragraph.

Funny votes: Funny votes here.
Unfunny votes: Unfunny votes here.

Holy Book burning

Type: New Items - Kaylee Hans 07:46, 28 September 2006 (BST)
Tally: 0

When searching a church or a cathedral, there's a chance of finding a holy bible instead of a crucifix. When searching a mosque (turn some of the churches into them), you could find a Koran. Now, if you have a holy book (either a Koran or a Bible) you can't do anything but read them (may give a passage from the books) or....

You can burn them. To burn a holy book, you need a fire axe (well you need to keep hitting a wall until sparks come out), a fuel can (In order create the fire) and the book of course. If you have thost items, you can select a Burn option on your attack toolbar. It'll use up the fuel can and a message will say:

You pour fuel on the -insert book here- and spark up a fire with the axe. The book then set ablaze

If you burn a Koran, there's a 75% chance of calling up a group of angry Muslims who'll suicide bomb the building, ransacking it and killing everyone, including you inside. The zombies outside will be killed in the explosion and the building's barricades will be set to none and the doors would be wide open. Zombies or surviours cannot enter until an anti-terrorism unit goes in and captures all the Muslims alive inside who are celebrating an attack on the infidels

Burning a bible has a 75% chance of causing a preist to yell at you about Hell or something and then a lightning bolt will zap you, spreading to the other surviours in the room, causing 100HP damage each and ransacking the building, destroying all barricades and leaving the doors wide open. Zombies cannot enter the building because the preist starts preaching and zombies hate preaching and because this "God" guy has a "holy effect" on the building. Of course, Atheists (like me) cannot enter the "holy effect" building because they don't believe in God so can't enter holy places. The holy effect goes away when Hell freezes over and the Apocalypse happens at the same time

Funny votes: Why not? Some people think crucifixes have some kind of significance Kaylee Hans 07:50, 28 September 2006 (BST) Am I the only person here who doesn't have a problem with things that poke fun at religions (including their own)? --Reaper with no name 03:24, 12 October 2006 (BST) No, you aren't, reaper. I don't have a problem with it either. I'm an atheist though, so it can be expected. This one is pretty funny. One of the best I've seen. I think, however, that the bible and koran, if they could be found in the game, should just be useless, like they are in real life. SteelVortex2 11:55, 13 November 2006 (EST) GuesssWho 04:46, 29 December 2006 (UTC) These people have no sense of humor.
Unfunny votes: Offensive.--Agent White WTFW!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 03:50, 29 September 2006 (BST) Seconded. -Mark 22:49, 2 October 2006 (BST) I third that motion.--Labine50 MHG|MalTel 16:37, 6 October 2006 (BST) Fourthed. Waluigi Freak 99 20:05, 4 November 2006 (UTC) I five the motion. this joke fail. --volt 01:13, 20 February 2008 (UTC)

My Little Ponies!

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

My Little Ponies are findable in Malls and NecroTech buildings. When held, even if the player isn't active, they do twenty damage every minute to everyone in the area, as well as taking the barricades down and opening the doors.

If a zombie is holding it, it does the same thing, but also makes cute screen-filling spam!

It also causes the user to burst into flames every half-hour, due to it's sheer cuteness.

Funny votes: LOL! Those things are waaay to cute for their own good. -- Goron40 23:45, 2 January 2006 (EST) I find it sadly funny--Agent White W!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 23:12, 4 January 2007 (UTC) Kill teh ponies Requires the ability to have pony duals Mattiator 05:06, 28 March 2007 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 18:02, 28 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Ummm no... Kaylee Hans 12:18, 3 January 2007 (UTC) Yet another "humorous" suggestion in which the suggester rants about nothing for a bit but lacks real humour.Waluigi Freak 99 01:05, 7 January 2007 (UTC) *shakes his head sadly* --MordredMalTel 18:27, 15 January 2007 (UTC)


Orange Sherbert

Type: Ornage Sherbert
Tally: -1

I think I spelt Sherbert Wrong. Wait I have to go be back in a minite to finish this...

Funny votes: Not really funny at first, but it kinda gets you after a few seconds. --Reaper with no name 21:15, 25 October 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: This is just... I don't even know what this is. --Nob666 13:17, 5 October 2006 (BST) Seconded. I just wasted five seconds of my life reading this.Waluigi Freak 99 20:04, 4 November 2006 (UTC) Oh, even my advanced comprehension of literature fails me. This is indescribable. Italus 21:35, 15 August 2007 (BST)

Sex Doll

Type: Item
Tally: -6

Survivors can blow these up at a cost of 5 AP and in doing so it creates a near look-a-like of a human which zombies can't tell the difrence between so humans can set them up to confuse the zombies. When a zombie attacks it with its hands this will come up

A Zombie scares all the humans by fealing up a doll

if it bites

A Zombie bites the doll and it explodes. (the person who set it up) screams there goes my fun for the night (5 XP for the zombie)

if the zombie attacks the person who set it up next his attacks will do two times as much damage due to being pissed off about being tricked. So this item works both ways helping the zombie and the human(temporarily)

(don't worry survivors can't do anything else with it)

Funny votes: LOL!!!--Rpgfan 22:50, 27 August 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Jenny D'ArcT 14:08, 9 July 2006 (BST) Dude, seriously. --Craer 06:58, 30 August 2006 (BST) Eh, not funny. Wasn't put together well. --Reaper with no name 21:14, 25 October 2006 (BST) Waluigi Freak 99 20:06, 4 November 2006 (UTC) Not that good. SteelVortex2 11:57, 13 November 2006 (EST) It has potential, just a little bit of potential for crude humor, but in it's current state.... just... no. Italus 21:37, 15 August 2007 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 17:56, 28 July 2010 (BST)


Type: New Item, Satire
Tally: -2

Televisions can be found only in malls and only set up in malls (Why ever leave a mall?) with a generator present. Will have a watch TV button which will use up all your remaining ap. It will also increase your movement ap to 2 and reduce all attacks by 10% fopt the next 50ap since by watching tv you got fat.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Wow, this was lame.Waluigi Freak 99 21:02, 20 October 2006 (BST) Bad grammar turned me off. --Reaper with no name 19:59, 26 October 2006 (BST)

Flavored Steak Bites

Type: Improvement
Tally: -2

Zombie hunters headshot zombies. It adds flavor. Yet, the zombies still can't taste the flavor. Maybe its that their brains are being blown out every couple of hours... Anywho we need more flavor for the poor zombies, that doesn't include feeding them yourself... So, I introduce to you this new item:

Necrotech Flavored Steak Bites - Whenever you find a Necrotech brand Flavored Steak Bite, you can bring it to the zombies! It distracts them from eating you! Introducing Brain, Flesh, and Original Steak flavors of Necrotech Flavored Steak Bites! Can be found at Necrotech buildings and participating malls at a 2%(3%) chance.

Effect - A survivor can throw out a Necrotech Flavored Steak Bite for 1 AP. It does not prevent them from eating you, but give them the option of eating the steak for 1 AP. If the zombie eats it, it gets 2-4 XP at random. You cannot die and eat a NFSB you threw. The NFSB is completely biodegradable and will disappear after 24 hours.

Funny votes: --Labine50 MHG|MalTel 01:41, 30 June 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny --LadyAG 20:04, 2 June 2006 (BST), –Bob Hammero TW!P! 20:54, 4 June 2006 (BST), Stupid. --Xoid 18:18, 31 July 2006 (BST)

Crucifix Change

Type: Balance change
Tally: -1

As they are, Crucifixes are just too darned powerful. Why would anyobdy use a knife or axe when they have these bits of wood handy? Sure, as fun as random religous leaders popping out of nowhere is, it's just not that good of an idea. And what's with the nerf to the scent tree, and the heat seeking rocket launchers o' doom? My point is, Crucifixes as they stand are insanely over-powered, and need to be nerfed down to a useless item found in churches to tick off players who were searching for something else.

Funny votes: Not bad, you got to get the joke though guys. Kaylee Hans 10:32, 13 November 2006 (UTC) I got a 24 hr. ban from this, might as well vote on it.--Labine50 MH|ME|P 22:51, 19 November 2006 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Gage 08:01, 9 November 2006 (UTC) Mark 23:53, 9 November 2006 (UTC) Waluigi Freak 99 22:36, 10 November 2006 (UTC)that was stupid

Explodey stuff!

Type: New Item
Tally: 0

When you search a junkyard, you have a 0.0001% chance to find an ExplodeyStuff© brand Dynamite, which takes up 10 inventory spaces. When used for 30 AP, the 6 ft by 6 ft by 12 ft dynamite stick explodes, insta killing you and everyone in your and all the ajacent squares. This would change the name of the 9 squares to Crater, and if you go in the Crater for 2 AP, you take 10 damage, regardless of Flak Jacket. Furthermore, you cannot leave unless there are 3 other people on both sides (in the crater and outside of it) to help you out. However, you cannot kill other people while in it, only bring them down to 1 health. Anyone with a Wirecutter can fix 1 block of Crater back to normal for 1 AP. Both zeds and survivors can carry a dynamite stick. There would be a button saying use wirecutters. Using the wirecutters would not make you lose it.

Funny votes: It must be funny cos it has my name on it --Explodey 20:41, 12 May 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: We get a rant about nothing for a while and then . . . what? No joke. No punch line. Nonsensical does not equal funny.Waluigi Freak 99 20:03, 4 November 2006 (UTC)


Type: New Item
Tally: -1

Cameras would be a great addition to Urban Dead. They would be found in Mall Tech Stores at a search rate of 4%, Stadiums at 1%, City Zoo exhibits at 7%, Museums at 3%, Police Departments at 1% and and Cinemas at 2%. Given the data they would hold I'm not sure how many spaces they would take up in an inventory, but it would probably be something like 3 spaces, perhaps.

To use a Camera, a Survivor would have to be somewhere, preferably alive. It would cost 5AP to use a Camera; the option would appear in the actions menu to 'Take Photograph [drop-down menu]', in which the drop-down menu would be a list of survivors. This would give the following message:

You take a photograph of [chosen survivor] [in front of/inside] [current location] as they [blast a zombie/tend to the injured/collect DNA samples etc.].

The final gap would be filled by some generic Urban Dead activity. Dying would be one of these activities. A filled-out example of this message would be:

You take a photograph of Goodguy01 in front of the burning skeleton of Caiger as they blast a zombie. [timestamp]

If a picture is taken of someone they are made aware of this from the following message:

[survivor taking photo] takes a photograph of you. [timestamp]

However, this information would also be stored (yay!). Each Camera would be able to store 6 photos; if there's no more room on the Camera (the number of photos taken would be shown inside brackets on the Camera's button in the inventory) then a player cannot take any more pictures until they have deleted some. Photographs can be accessed by clicking the Camera; this action costs 1AP and is similar to clicking a Newspaper in that information appears. The information would be descriptions of the pictures you've taken. For example:

There's a picture of [Goodguy01 in front of the burning skeleton of Caiger as they blast a zombie. [timestamp]]

Note that the majority of the description is exactly the same as the one when taking the photograph. The timestamp would also be included. That description would be repeated for the last 6 pictures you've taken (or fewer if there are less than 6, obviously). Each picture would also have a box next to it; a 'Delete Photograph(s)' button would also appear in the action menu. When the box is clicked the photograph(s) can be deleted, thus freeing up space for more pictures.

This item would inevitably produce discussions such as the following example:

"And this is our little Joseph - he's thirteen months old next week, y'know."

"Aw, whos a wittle cutie-wootie?"

"And this is Joseph decapitating a zombie at Ackland Mall..."

"Aw, bless!"

Note: dialogue may be hideously inaccurate.

Funny votes: This is funny, because it's already in Peer Reviewed. --Funt Solo Scotland flag.JPG 15:23, 9 December 2006 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Eh, not really funny. Too much like a serious suggestion and not enough humor. The only thing about it that is even remotely funny is the part about the kid at Ackland Mall. --Reaper with no name TJ! 14:13, 1 December 2006 (UTC) Not funny.Waluigi Freak 99 23:55, 1 December 2006 (UTC)

Steam power generator

Type: New Item, Satire
Tally: -1

Next to the ordinary power generator powered by a motor that is driven by fuel I suggest adding one that is powerd by steam. Found in railway stations, junkyards & auto repair shops. Finally we can get a use out of all the newspapers. Just try not to overheat them ;)

Funny votes: Votes Here
Unfunny votes: Too rushed. --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:48, 30 April 2007 (BST)

Crucifix Headstab

Type: Satire --L33tLV 05:45, 20 January 2007 (UTC)
Tally: -1

A player with a crucifix may use it to stab a zombie in a head with it for 20% chance. This 'attack' deals 5 dmg to zombie and when you see such zombie, it should be tagged "zombie with a crucifix in a head". A crucifix deals 1HP dmg for each action taken by zombie (right as the infection does) except speaking. Also the crucifix somehow affects the zombie mind, making him automatically quote the Holy Bible or sing the "Holy night" for every 5 actions he does. For example:

A zombie with a crucifix in a head bites someone for 4 times. He loses 4 HP for these attacks. On the 5th time he automatically says: "Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints."

A zombie may try to pull out the crucifix, but he may have his hands torn off with 50% chance while doing this. If a zombie has the Death Rattle skill, he can still command his torn limbs with words. Torn limbs pursuit their former owner with the regular zombie speed (2/1).

Sorry for previous version of this article, I've mixed up two words (crucifix and crescent). Would you forgive a foreigner? :)

Funny votes: Actually, I don't see this one as a 'bash' of religion at all, and find it at least moderately funny.Jenny D'ArcT MPSU! 15:56, 22 January 2007 (UTC) -- Heh, would be even better if the zombie, under the effect of the cross loses control completely. A random action is performed each turn since the zombie has no free will. --SporeSore 17:47, 29 January 2007 (UTC) Finally, a use for the crucifix! --Reaper with no name TJ! 19:45, 30 January 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: OMG U R INSUTLING GOD HES GONNA SMITE U! No, seriously, this just isn't funny. --MordredMalTel 02:40, 22 January 2007 (UTC) Seriously, I don't think its funny. Just because it bashes religion does not mean I always have to find it funny Kaylee Hans 02:52, 22 January 2007 (UTC)Agent White W!SGPCMS-MetaCMS 03:17, 24 January 2007 (UTC) not very funny but nice idea —The preceding unsigned comment was added by Gant61 (talkcontribs) at an unknown time.


Type: Er...Your mom!
Tally: -1

Ah, yes, vehicles! Finally, a more convenient way to move around Malton! The types of vehicles are as follows:

  • Cars (Standard)-Just your average car. This vehicle costs one AP to move in, requires a feul can to run, and will need to be refeuled every 5 squares. It acts like a generator when attacked, and the person inside is sheilded until the zombies destroy the car. When a car is destroyed, it explodes, causing everyone in or around it to die. If a car moves into an area with zombies, it has a 50% chance of hitting a random zombie, giving the flavour text, "You accidentally run over a zombie, killing it." or, "You run over a zombie, causing your car to scratch and your insurance rates to go up, even though it was clearly not your fault." Found in carparks and auto repairs.
  • Hummers-These are vehicles that are similar to the standard, except it is more armoured and needs refeuling every square. Found in same places as above.
  • Clunkers-Broken down old cars that are identical to the standard except they are found only in junkyards and have a 20% chance of exploding per movement.
  • Space Ship-Flight-bound vehicles that require no feul to run, and are invincible to zombie attacks. They require no AP to move, and are armed with lasers. If you are in a disruptive mood, you can drop the main part of the ship, wich causes a nuclear explosion, killing every survivor or zombie on the ground with a headshot effect.
  • Jet-Armed with 2 22-caliber machine guns and 4 missiles, this one is the only defense against the vehicle below.
  • Alien Mothership From Independence Day-By far, this is the best and most fun to use. Equipped with a huge alien death ray, this vehicle can do better than the space ship in terms of the bomb effect, making the cost of standing up 30 AP, and turning every square into wasteland. It even fits other players! The only way it can be destroyed is by either by firing missiles at it, or crashing into the death ray with the jet, forcing you to get into an alien spaceship.
  • Alien Spaceship From Independence Day-Acts as escape ship for above. It is invincible to all attacks, because it has sheilds. It is also armed with lasers, and can come out of the mother ship anytime, in unlimited amounts. Great for people who wanna be invincable!

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Eh, it just doesn't seem all that funny to me. --Reaper with no name TJ! 22:03, 25 April 2007 (BST)

Big Bomb

Type: Critical to the continuation of the game.
Tally: -1

Bombs can be found in pubs, at a 50% chance. They can be lit with a flare gun, but you will kill yourself. You can also light them with a fuel can, however you still risk killing yourself. If you use a fuel can and a flare gun, it will make a bigger bang.

To blow up the bomb, click on the Bomb in your bag. Then either click on a Flare Gun or Fuel Can, and the bomb will be primed, and appear in the room description. To set it off, attack it with any weapon, but if you attack one primed with a Fuel can with a Flare Gun, it will make a bigger boom, as described below.

The bomb kills anything within 20 squares, save yourself. If you used a Flare Gun, you die, if only a Fuel can, you end with 1 HP and permanent paralysis, so you can't move. Or shoot. Or do anything. If primed with both things, the bomb will wipe out Malton.

And if you are killed by it then you will never live again. The game is over for you, create a new character and blow up some old ones!

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: lol explosives. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST)