Malton Gazette/Archive

To be the archives & dumping ground for the Malton Gazette. Thanks for checking. --Thegreathal 02:07, 12 April 2007 (BST)

You search and find nothing. Try Malton Gazette.

ISSUE 5--

Late at night and still not enough time to do this. So I'm afraid we have to plan for the next issue, and come out next week. We hope to be reliable; Note that this should be only a one time thing, regardless of how busy the future may be.--thegreathal ^{read the Gazette!} 03:00, 22 May 2007 (BST)

Has it been a slow news week? Can't be entirely sure; join up and help build the paper! Contact via the forums, please. And welcome!--Thegreathal 01:32, 14 May 2007 (BST)

ISSUE 5 COMPLETE!
"Yellow AND Green Journalism"

	Forums
	This group uses a forum for communications.

Issue #5---week of 05/14/07

Bulletins; Breaking news from before next issue!

• Lumber Mall, the two-block piece of Penny Heights in SE Malton, is set to switch hands to zombies in days or less as it is the only mall under dire siege at this point.

• Apologize for my poor late night math skills; Duke Garland notes that, "The percentage on game stats page is done about number of standing players [...] so the real balance (at the moment of writing this message) is 21448 vs 17409, or 55.2% vs 44.8%, not that 20% difference which is referred in article.

• Dear visitors--Insert breaking news HERE

Suburb Map--helps you read the news.
Headlines;

<====~==Top Stories=~=~=~=~~

The Survivor/Zombie ratio nearly hits recent record! At 59% to 41%, pushing the landmark 60/40, a clear divide has been shown, and so quickly after the last ratio at nearly 59% zombie last month. Statisticians and theorists should have a wild time; does this mean 20% of the characters are flexible? Is it because of large tours? What is the ideal balance? Either way, complaints have been surprisingly and thankfully few. Green and red suburbs are still evenly balanced, and though the malls are all occupied, it seems a battle of parity at this point. Sections below reflect the good job of both sides; note that many NTs are down, all malls are up(!), the west is fully being retaken now, and the east is under zombie duress. You'd think the release of 28 Weeks Later would have some effect on the numbers, but there seems to be no increase on either side.

Of interest to undead fans in and outside of Malton, the motion picture 28 Weeks Later was released last week. In fact, "sneak" previews were smuggled into the city days before. The nets adore Rotten Tomatoes much for reviews, which rates the film a 70% after highly mixed reviews echoing its predecessor. Yet everyone's comments seem to be the same, just their sentiments differ as to whether its style allows it to excel or flop. Some highlights; "28 Weeks Later holds itself to the same standards as its brilliant predecessor, but those very standards also accentuate its shortcomings." "Well worth seeing, especially for fans of the original. But all its brilliance only serves to compound the disappointing and pedestrian final half hour." For me, after eagerly seeing it I agreed with the NY Times; "28 Weeks Later is brutal and almost exhaustingly terrifying. It is also bracingly smart, both in its ideas and in its techniques." Like 28 Days, it leaves something to be desired. However, it leaves different things, and if you enjoyed the first, take note that the second is better; I would rate it as one of the top 5 zombie movies of all time, easily. So yell Snakes on a Plane style (although it may be inappropriate at the slaughter) and be excited for the best movie of the summer. A trequel is planned, and set up for.

The newest project from NecroTech and 1-man idea collective Imagine, the past week has seen Zombies Unlimited noticed all around the city. By getting large groups of docile zombies to mass in 4 city corner streets requiring helping players to lend only a few AP per day to maintain the area, unlimited possibilities could abound--not only as a "petting ZU", but an experimental area as well. It evokes the idea of "Ducks Unlimited", the pro-wetlands conservation group that is also the biggest duck hunting club in the world, quite well. The designated points; Train Boulevard [76,74] Novell Walk [76,25] Doswell Lane [24,76] Silley Park [24,25] Via the zombie socialization promoting pheromone, ZU encourages these "zedlings" to gather in large, docile groups, where they are no danger to nearby survivors. It has a limited range of effect (about as far as a zombie can travel in a day) and with a limited supply we can't make much more. We can, however, fly 4 drone planes loaded with dispensers and land them at certain points in the city, in an effort to draw otherwise potentially dangerous predators to those areas and pacify them. The fact that this activity allows our employees (and hence the company and its properties) to benefit by studying a fairly "tame" mass of zombies is, of course, no sway on Necrotech's altruism.. Further coverage is provided in a feature at the back of the paper.

<====~==Travel Information=~=~=~=~~

With 14 green (human-controlled) and 16 red (zombie-controlled) suburbs, both sides have clear operations in Malton. Unexpectedly however, the notorious center of Malton has been barricaded for weeks--due, the RRF says, to dwindling numbers. They and a large zombie coalition seem to have been repelled after a month of fighting from furious Dowdney Mall in Santlerville, NE. Western Malton is coming down to a fight spearheaded by local groups finally fully revived--even the YRC has opened a branch clinic--and is being cleared by survivors, although only from few barricaded points, and is not at all safe for inexperienced players. Sections without recent fighting are, however. Street campouts and flea markets have remain unrecommended, but less rare then before. The pattern continues of most resource suburbs becoming a human-safe area, pushing zombie ferals out to cluster in more blighted regions.

<====~==Malton Arts & Entertainment=~=~=~=~~

The Drama Club has has reached the public eye in full! Easy to catch and well reviewed shows among the best performances in the past months of the apocalypse. Malton Gazette readers get free admission--don't miss it! They catalog performance photos and full tour plans on their page. Currently holding two different touring perfomances; The Border Tour can be seen running along the edge of Malton's invincible border trenches one suburb at a time. They performed Good Ash/Bad Ash May 8 to 1 bemused spectator at The Kind Building in Fryerbank, before packing for May 15 at Currington Cinema in Miltown and Fort Perryn's Gatehouse in Whittenside May 22. The Outward Spiral Tour is to travel "counter-clockwise from the center of the city spiraling outward through the burbs, with one show in each burb EVERY THURSDAY". This troupe plays crowd-favorite "Death of Kurtz" from Apocalypse Now, May 17 in Pimbank at Tynte Mall NW and May 24 at The Littlehales Building, Randallbank.

Vibrant Dulston is once again watching its PKers, but this time for amusement. Participants from all over the world are coming to Red Rum's Battle Royale. With nearly 20 players so far, the games are taking any applicants. Special Agent Mulder gleefully states, "Targets will be issued between 22:00 - 00:00 GMT each night so the quicker you kill your target the sooner you get your next one. This is like a knockout tournament so once you have killed your target then they are eliminated. You can kill other people who are in the game but not your target, this does not eliminate them but slows them down because what if you are their target!" It looks to be as promoted, the "crown of player killing".

The Quartly Study Group, the only clan to have Harry Potter 7 currently in stock, has long been known for public outreach through improving their library. Travelers to Roftwood have remained since the latest festival has been extended, with the Quartly Talent Show, to be held past its May 8th end date for a while longer. Quartly is famous for allowing both undead and living; even if you die on the way, don't let medical conditions stop you from long-awaited performances! Food and raffles abound.

Malton Rail's famous stripe design

<====~==Groups and Politics=~=~=~=~~

Malton Rail continues to be researched. And stylized! Old rail business managers are continuing to develop the rail's public front, bravo.

Groups start and end frequently; so not when a group is formed, but more like when it becomes steady or listed on the stats page is it important. Metal Fox in one month has jumped to 23 members, on the outskirts of safe NE Malton. Nothing much yet besides work in Pescodside, but they've (with leader Jaydepps) been canvassing the area and quickly amassed a wiki page and forums. Take note if you're around! We sure did in time--as of today, they have been just accepted into the Dulston Alliance.

Forgive me last time for forgetting Tour Necrotech, the very well-maintained and human version of a combat tour. A few months old now but steadily growing, TNT looks to hit up every suburb with suitcases of syringes. Currently aiding in Santlerville after moving from two suburbs, it's proved as powerful as the armed fighters it supports. If you don't think they're noteworthy, you might just get jabbed--watch them breeze through your suburb.

The NT Status Map is doing quite well, and after some weeks is not only impressive, but actually at a useful point. Featured on the front page, it creates a suburb-page look at all 211 NT facilities in Malton.

Unhurried harmanbargarz is the order of the day at BARBRAZ (Barbara's). To complement the popular McZed's chain in Malton, they aim to create a "consensual zombie-human feeding slowfood joint", clean and starting in East Becktown in June. Interested customers, investors, and employees are still accepted and encouraged to visit their planning wiki offices, for what looks to be the most delicious IC-food experience in town.

<====~==Fighting=~=~=~=~~

Stylish, synchronized killings stay in Lockettside! For a classic suburb showdown, the PP in the vein of Turban Dead continue to scour the suburb for those with objectionable grammar. "The Profile Police are pleased to announce that the much-awaited Non-Descript Day Of Learning will be on Wednesday 16th May. Exact times and places to follow. Citizens without profiles are advised to write them. It is better that you write one, however woeful it might be. If it is blank, you’ll not learn anything when we educate you." Local groups are awaiting an expected "happy to announce a series of Study Evenings in many of their respective headquarters." However, they go on to misspell the rest of their press release, drawing into question their actual abilities, if not their promotional skills. "The PP kindly advises Legions Of Illiteracy group leaders to steer any intellectually-challenged group members to their headquarters on the appropriate Study Evening. We understand that this will, no doubt, be the majority of their group. These Study Evenings will be handed out on a first come, first served basis. Please advise in writing on our discussion page if you feel your group would benefit the most."

This row is blue--NOT!

And hell, you know the status. Check 'Travel Information'.

Malton Vitals (as of 05/13/07 compared to 5/06)
Standing Survivors : 18368 (59%) (+2)
Standing Zombies : 13805 (43%) (-2)
Mobile Network Coverage : 40% (+1)
Active Characters : 39540 - (virtually even)
Christmas Trees : 2 (after rebounding from zero for the first time)
Total players in game history : 864,278 (+~7000, same as last week)

Competitions in Malton;

• • • Christmas Tree Dead Pool

• The Christmas Tree Dead Pool finally came to a crashing end on May 7th. Though taken by grizzled players as true inspiration, the trees could not withstand a final rapid assault and disappeared completely sometime in the afternoon. Since May 10, trees have once again consistently stayed up in the city, but the long felling has ended. Drama Club...of the Drama Club...and Ashadoa of the Quartly Study Group & Red Rum have won the homemade ornaments, with minimal costs for shipping since Swiers claims to have a job! Congratulations to all three. The Gazette encourages you to vote for its inclusion into the Historical Groups category.

The Gazette is very keen to know where these last trees exist and are being placed! Reward of notoriety for telling us!

• • • Quartly Talent Show
• No word yet from the judges, as performances have been extended indefinitely. The Gazette has donated a lifetime subscription to the winning party.

• The Gazette is still unaware of any other festivities occurring in Malton; any show or contest needs to be in the Gazette today! Also, has anyone seen the 1,000,000 profile contest? It's around the wiki somewhere.

Comics and Features
Mistakes Were Made! by Big J Comics
UD's major comic by the savvy Big J.
n.35~~Shamblin' Room Only! + n.36~~Homecoming

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Malton Fashion--Tamara Devereux--bringing you the latest in profile text

Well hallo Malton, and big air kisses to all of you. It's Tamara, roving fashion eye and celebrity trendspotter back again. So, after getting caught in the sticks last week, I heard a rumour that *Alec Baldwin* had been seen at Ackland Mall, so naturally there was only one place to go! Imagine my disappointment to find that when I arrived he was nowhere to be seen. In future, Malton, send all of your celeb encounters to my Blackberry directly at tamara_devereux@yahoo.co.uk; Thanx so much!

So where was I? Well yes, Ackland Mall. Now I don't know about you, but for me a Mall is a little piece of heaven on Earth, and with so many stores around with fashion clothing, make-up and, yes, deodorant, just going simply *begging* there really is no excuse for anyone not to look their best. But I have to say that A Lack of Alec (do you see what I did there?) was not my only disappointment at Ackland. In fact, frankly, I have never seen such a sorry collection of haggard, ragged and scarred individuals in all my life. And then of course, there were the trenchcoats, just flapping all over the place. Arrianne was one of the better ones, while Charest has the weapons as well, although fortunately he doesn't accessorize with scars, shades or steely glints(TM). Living Large can actually *kill* people with his glance and crush zombies like a steamroller. Or so he says, anyway. More balanced people like Anselm were all too few and far between--too much AP to trenchcoat anyway.

Then there were the angry ones. Like Palmann...and as for Nevensof - he's REALLY angry - raaaaah!

SOME people at least had managed to sort their priorities out, although doggroomer1, somewhat unhealthily, seemed to care more about her pooches' appearance than her own. Turn your curling tongs on your own hair, dear!

Anyway, pick of the womens' fashion crop this week, and a disappointing one at that, was Algazoth, who's going for the Kate Beckinsale post-Apocalyptic Fetish-Slut look, and why not? But I was pleasantly surprised to find a bit more variety on the male side this week. I'm not quite sure about those psychedelic colours, Kramer3030, but as you say - what a jacket! Get your freak on! And talking of which, Ackland's own Disco Stu, Funky Jeff is getting *down*. Owww! But you know, this week's king of Ackland Mall is the slightly enigmatic Sirs, who kind of has a Dr Who vibe going down. Mmm, David Tennant.... But - sad faces - a bit of a blank on the celeb front this time. I did spot Karl Pilkington, but unfortunately his friend Ricky Gervaise didn't make it out alive. Too bad!

Anyway, the testosterone is getting a little cloying in here, so I must be moving on. From Ackland Mall, this is Tamara Devereux, signing off.

Feature: Collected Writings on Zombies Unlimited After considerations of practicality, Swiers answers. This is an edited and unauthorized transcript of interesting comments made as he developed the idea at Brainstock.

Actually, putting down a whole transcript doesn't fit very well. Our feature of UD Theory for this week is located, in the raw, here.

Classifieds Place your ad here--you can do it yourself if you like. Rules: 1. Can't be too bulky & 2. Ensure your group/party reads the Gazette.

"Single brown monkey looking for a discrete, cross-species relationship. Living or dead acceptable. Must like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain and changing a monkey's soiled pants. Contact maltoncityzoo.com for more info."

Malton Gazette Glorious Masthead

Now that some news is up, here's some technical information. You saw our appeal up top ; we need reporters! Contact us; forums would be best, or maltongazette@gmail.com, or at AIM:thegreathal.

Mentioned at top: If you can't write for us, how about taking a special article. These are up for grabs

The Malton Gazette was founded in April 2007 in response to the lack (0) of news sources at the time, and to chronicle the incredible interactions taking place in the city.

Past issues to be filed in: Malton Gazette/Archive

We are in beta, still trying to find the best format. Operating from a mainly meta-survivor-tongue-in-cheek standpoint.

Staff:

thegreathal, AIM thegreathal/Email thegreathal@yahoo.com--Founder and Publisher

Tamara Devereux, tamara_devereux@yahoo.co.uk--Seen too many celebrities, haad to pick on their Fashion Correspondent

Squid Boy--Cinema Correspondent MIA?

Leah--May work for us? Hasn't posted on forums?

That's it at the moment :/!

	Forums
	This group uses a forum for communications.

ISSUE 4--

Fourth issue looks good. Because it has potential, of course--listen. If you've got an extra spray or speak AP, send someone to the Malton Gazette please! If you see an error, please post it in the Bulletins Section; we're not everywhere, eh! If you have an ad, just post it in Classifieds; it's all good! Otherwise, visit our forums to hang out with the Gazette, as well as our email.

So thanks for coming, but check out my appeal/big obtrusive ad for your time first--Thegreathal 01:29, 7 May 2007 (BST)

The Gazette needs your help; and you can change that! Specifically, we could make great use of;

1.Editors of the paper, to cover news in fifths for Malton.

2.Quality wiki users to help clean up our page.

3.If you can't write for us, how about taking a Feature Article--waiting to do these if I have time, but these are all up for grabs;

PD--they get no normal distress calls besides death in UD?, Review of Anarchism/Socialism in Malton, End of UD, Talk with Mayor & opponents, Rotter’s Relief, Malton soundtrack, Anything else you can think of

4.Publicity workers to spread the Gazette to groups and forums.

5.Readers, in a nod to you to keep checking the Gazette. Perhaps place an ad?

	Forums
	This group uses a forum for communications.

ISSUE 4 COMPLETE!

Welcome. We need reporters! Though if you don't want to run the Gazette, tell us any news around you (thanks to those who have). The newspaper follows; awesome contact information is at the bottom.

"CHEAPER THAN WORLD OF WARCRAFT, BETTER GRAPHICS THAN WII SPIDERMAN"

Issue #4---week of 05/07/07

Bulletins; Breaking news from before next issue!

• See UD's changes before they're implemented! Awesome looking 28 Weeks Later, the real best movie of the summer, comes out this week in UK and USA on May 11. Like the first one, but large scale?! I WILL BE THERE. Wikipedia mentions that although Danny Boyle (the brains behind the first film) will not direct, he is still Executive Producer and heavily involved with the project, so it should retain the same quality. No spoilers--but if the film does well, even better, as Boyle has already planned for a trequel.

Dear visitors--Insert breaking news HERE

Suburb Map--helps you read the news.
Headlines;

<====~==Top Stories=~=~=~=~~

Our heartrate is only starting to come down 5 full days after the Malton Mayorial Elections. By now you may have heard a loud groaning from somewhere nearby after the day-long delay in announcing a winner after confusion on time; but apparently, the zombies Murray J. Suskind & Bullgod were fairly elected, 92-91, over RR's Karloth Vois and Richard Nixon's Head. Karloth Vois withheld his own vote for himself for quite some time, saying "I'm not comfortable voting for a well-known murderer." Vote totals did not equal the blowout predicted in primaries, and the lead switched back and forth during the week and day between the Zombiecratic and Harmanative parties. While there was a little talk in Malton, most voting came from out of game message boards, though they only effectively spread awareness without giving party votes. Minor parties for the humans played a spoiler role by taking small groups of survivors. Though running an impressive insurgent campaign, Vois made further news the next day announcing his vacation from Malton and renunciation of group duties. Before his surprising showing, Vois was already the unmatched, and only second figure in charge the city's professional PKer group Red Rum, maintaining its status (and giving the Malton Gazette forums!). This would be the largest leadership change in weeks besides the elections, with RR leadership transferring to a triumvirate. No word yet on the future of the parties, or even the elections themselves. One could say that being Mayor of Malton is like being the mayor of Israel and Palestine at the same time; it may be antithetical unless some type of peace is reached. Certainly if Bullgod/Suskind are to do anything during their term, their work is cut out for them. We are sure to hear from them both, though they are quietly picking their cabinet and taking a well-deserved rest. At least a dance party has been mentioned to have Mayor's sponsorship. Man on the street reactions have been of some sorts--this was captured from the public attraction Zookeepers in Ketchelbank; "Ladies and gentlemen, your new Mayor - Mayor Murlbuskond, a hideous zombie abomination made up of parts of Murray Jay Suskind of the Ridleybank Resistance Front and Bullgod of the Feral Undead somehow fused together. Yes, folks, the zombies have finally taken political power. Fear the government-mandated Gramma Gangbang Argazzm." "OK, it's time to get onto the local newspapers to get them to start digging the dirt on the new mayor. I'm sure if we bring some sordid activities to light we can make his term in office a living hell." "Dirt? You mean like gleefully eating the brains of living humans? The gramma banana gangbangs? The repeated commands that his interns grab his manbag? THE FACT THAT HE'S THE SHAMBLING EFFING DEAD?! Frankly, I look at it this way: it came down to a choice between two zombies or a PKer. I'd rather have the candidate that kills me for sustenance than the one that kills me for giggles. God, this is so much like real politics it's frightening... " "Also, there are rumors that the city's motto is going to be changed to "Grammaz bra gab mah argazmz." At this time, these are only rumors." "Apparently he admits to having chewed on passing survivors but insists that he's never swallowed." "I think it might be time for me to go back to being a zombie for the inevitable tax breaks that I'll recieve. I'd like to know what he's planning on doing to help out the small businessman. The existing status quo policy of "claw his head from his shoulders and ransack his premises" is ripe for re-examination. Perhaps some manner of tax break or incentivization for the businessman with the foresight to have an easily-cracked brainpan, that sort of thing."

Still worried all this optimism will just mean a huge nerf to the survivors? Even so, the zombies have a long way to catch up from. For the past 6 days, a record 19 out of 20 malls have been in human control. This means; 1. Your local mall is full of humans. 2. Iconic Caiger Mall in the NW and its surrounding suburbs were spontaneously moved upon and completely retaken. 3. Nichols Mall in the center of town and Lumber Mall (two blocks in the SE) are under major attack. Dowdney Mall in Santlerville, NE, has weathered an RRF attack for over a month, and other groups from its human-owned suburbs have been emboldened to continue assistance, much to the confusion of the zombie coalition. Blesley Mall, also in the SE, has a very small (about 25) ransacking force, and is the only zombie mall at this time. Otherwise humans are quite thankful for the increased shopping experiences. McZed's franchises and related competitors are all benefiting from this upswing, and as reported have signed contracts to redesign the eating areas in most ransacked properties, using a more modern "hot" color scheme instead of the previous but distasteful green and grey.

Lonely non-descripts have once again been nerfed by the latest damnable update, making them both more anonymous and distinctive at the same time. Yet player reactions to this week’s UD change have been unanimously positive, with cheers coming up from all corners of Malton society; including Kevan’s desk, as this has addressed problems from the limited FAQ since the beginning of the apocalypse by; bringing profiles to UD’s strong meta scene via the wiki and more descriptions, changing email and passwords, and enhancing search abilities. Resensitized forums mentioned “whatever happened to updates every week?”. Users are still quite appreciative of the fine-tuning attention.

<====~==Travel Information=~=~=~=~~

Human activity in Malton is at the highest in perhaps half a year, through a determined effort in spite of better zombie positioning in early April. After being pushed to near Extinction, survivors regrouped in various cleared suburbs and pushed out, resulting in spreads of barricades from one suburb to its surroundings, all across the city. Unlike the divide between green and red suburbs over the past few weeks, western Malton is now at least stable for both zombies and humans as classic building-by-building tactics retake Caiger and Dunell Hills. It can be observed that there is no longer a main zombie stronghold, with the exception of unimportant salted areas such as the NW corner. Street campouts and flea markets have become very risky, but less rare then before. Most suburbs are near, if not are, a human-safe area, pushing zombie ferals out to cluster in more blighted regions. At least, group success is up while individual citizens are down, a reverse from last month, and the new divide in the city as both zombies and humans cling to their own resources. For the record, I totally called this last month. By accident! On Resensitized. Also, check out this old famous math-heavy page if you want to read about the Caiger effect, and how Caiger has been bizarrely noted to decrease zombie numbers further.

<====~==Malton Arts & Entertainment=~=~=~=~~

The Drama Club has has reached the public eye in full! Easy to catch and well reviewed shows among the best performances in the past months of the apocalypse. Did our paper push them to greatness? Damn right; these appreciated actors just had their largest performances ever. So Malton Gazette readers get free admission--don't miss it! They catalog performance photos and full tour plans on their page. Currently holding two different touring perfomances; The Border Tour can be seen running along the edge of Malton's invincible border trenches one suburb at a time. They perform Good Ash/Bad Ash May 8 at The Kind Building in Fryerbank and May 15 at Currington Cinema in Miltown. The Outward Spiral Tour is to travel "counter-clockwise from the center of the city spiraling outward through the burbs, with one show in each burb EVERY THURSDAY". This troupe plays crowd-favorite "Death of Kurtz" from Apocalypse Now, May 10 in Roftwood at The Summer Building and May 17 at Tynte Mall, Pimbank.

After a month of seiging Dowdney Mall in Santlerville, currently still in full control of its residents, both sides are mad with excitement. The Dribbling Beavers along with the RRF are making plans for a DJ-powered 48 hr. ceasefire and 24 hr. dance party festival at the end of fighting. This may take a while. At the scene; "dude, 48-hour dance contest, 24-hour cease-fire. More fun." "Zeds dancing for 48 hours? We'd be knee-deep in chunks. :P" "Bah, we hold up pretty well."

Can you believe it? Almost a whole year ago, one of England's most massive parties pre- or post-Apocalypse occurred on the anniversary of server start day, July 3rd. "The most kick-ass night Malton has ever seen" was apparently not forgotten, and a successful Extravaganza crew is ready to fire off thousands of collected flares again. From The Second Extravaganza; "One year ago, a lone band of survivors known only as The Malton's Angels masterminded an exhibition of unparalleled pyrotechnic ingenuity, engineering aptitude, and technical wizardry. Chemists, technicians, electricians, magicians, and musicians from across the city were summoned to various local landmarks to make one simple dream a reality: A festival of fireworks and flares which nevertheless touched the hearts of hundreds. Before the festivities were brought to a close, its progenitors promised the fair city of Malton that their unique brand of magic would come again, and be repeated every year until the last zombie lies vanquished. Through staunch resistance, death threats, and all manner of naysayers and malefactors, our heroes prevailed, and after a year of waiting, they're back to do it all over again." Collect flares beforehand and wait for launch spots; The Second Extravaganza occurs July 3rd. More info to come.

PKer's, bounty hunters, and thrill-seeking dead revived to participate are coming from all over the surviving world to participate in Red Rum's Battle Royale. In an undisclosed suburb of Malton, the games are taking any applicants. The Player Killing Alliance and most every major murder group plan to hunt each other down for the "crown of player killing", with over 10 early players involved.

The Quartly Study Group, clan with the highest average SAT scores in Malton, has long been known for public outreach through improving their library. Travelers to Roftwood, a safe area conveniently near the middle of the city, are now ready to be even more impressed by neighborhood organizers' latest festival, the Quartly Talent Show, to be held from May 1st to May 8th. If you've been before, come mingle with the locals, or if you've never visited Quartly Library, now is a great time. Quartly is famous for allowing both undead and living; even if you die on the way, don't let medical conditions stop you from coming to great UD entertainment! Food and raffles abound.

Malton Rail's famous stripe design

<====~==Groups and Politics=~=~=~=~~

Malton Rail has been discovered on the wiki! An 'official' pre-outbreak organization, the Rail joins Necrotech, MalTel, etc. as documented Malton infrastructure. Goebi and the Location Nuts have singlehandedly revived public transit, if only on paper.

Every day new suggestions are put up on the wiki; check out the voting.

The NT Status Map is now featured on the front page, to create a one-glance look at all 211 (it's been counted many times) NT facilities in Malton. While utilized by half the suburbs, it is expected to become an efficient page for both zombies and survivors looking for lodging with amenities.

<====~==Fighting=~=~=~=~~

Profile Police Grammorize Lockettside! Since early April, the not-so-calm of Lockettside has been violently disturbed by a not-so-terrifying new band of PKers known as the Profile Police. Now, not only do residents of this SW suburb need to fear the ongoing assault on Tompson Mall by a hungry horde of the undead, they must do it while checking their personal profiles for spelling and grammar errors, and heaven help the non-descript! A chilling message awaits those who visit the wiki page of The Profile Police, “Our goal is simple - to raise literacy levels across Malton. Typographical mistakes, grammatical errors, or bad spelling, it makes no difference to us. The punishment is always the same, and the punishment is death.” The group’s page attempts to educate and promises no threat to the literate. At the same time, the Profile Police clearly announce future plans for ‘education,’ and make light of their mission. The Profile Police, a classic dogmatic sect, operate in the suburb with 11 members. A typical education by them involves a short, often humorous speech by a Profile Policeman about a given resident’s typographical or grammatical errors contained in their profile, and a swift pronouncement of death. Actual death follows shortly after in every case. The Trot Man defended the group’s most recent foray into Tompson mall vigorously, saying, “Planned PP educational attacks are extremely important to the good people of Malton. For this particular one he had over a week's notice…” When asked for comment, The Sard Killer said, “In this time of great crisis, we have had to take a very Orwellian attitude towards Power. Those in Power must have this Power in order to maintain order.” Further, Profile Policeman Romero Trot observed something, but was immediately bludgeoned to death after misspelling Tompson. The humor is clearly lost on some members of Lockettside. The most outspoken of these, Izumi Orimoto (Leader of the Lockettside Valkyries) has declared all out war on The Profile Police. The Valkyries, who wear a symbol suspiciously like the artwork on Led Zeppelin’s ZOSO album cover, treat PP wounded out of St. Alexander’s Hospital in Lockettside. Orimoto was quoted as calling The Profile Police “disgusting swine” and “cowards” in a recent admonition against their violent teachings on the PP wiki page. Anger has permeated the rest of the suburb. When reached for comment, the leader of the Lockettside Defense Squad warned, "I now am declaring war on the Profile Police. We have given them warnings, only to be rewarded with hostility and another PK. Now is the time for them to pay for the lives they have taken. Know this members of the PP, we will NEVER leave our home. So unless you want a war your whole life, you better back down and leave.” Naturally not all Lockettside residents see The Profile Police as a scourge to be routed. Resident StapleDog commented, “As another casual observer, may I say this small chunk of Malton drama has entertained me to no end. Hailing from a hellish place in which twelve year olds and illiteracy run rampant, I actually rather like seeing it forced down a few people's throats. Stay strong, PP!” When exactly The Profile Police will strike next is anyone’s guess. They promise a forthcoming, Non-descript Day Of Learning with express purpose of “rais[ing] awareness of the importance of a profile.” When that day comes, the group asserts, only those with absolutely no content in their profile need fear violence.

This row is blue--NOT!

And hell, you know the status. Check 'Travel Information'.

Malton Vitals (as of 05/06/07 compared to 4/29)
Standing Survivors : 18368 (57%) (+3)
Standing Zombies : 13805 (43%) (-3)
Mobile Network Coverage : 40% (+12)
Active Characters : 39532 (-~200)
Christmas Trees : 1 (lowest point ever)
Total players in game history : 857,148 (+~7000, 1000 more than last week)

Competitions in Malton;

• • • Christmas Tree Dead Pool

• Just today! Christmas Tree Dead Pool contestants have been frightened to see one tree left in Malton! From two, to five, to a flurry of anti-tree users defeating all but one, the count is mesmerizingly low. If the count reaches zero trees for under an hour, however, the server update will not catch it; still, all hope rests on an early Santa attempt on the city. The bet list now extends well into the end of the year--to win me the prize (personal UD ornament), ransack the final tree on May 12. As expected, many claim to have trees stockpiled well for into the holiday season, where dead pool will win for the lowest date. Bets can still be placed at any time.

The Gazette is very keen to know where these last trees exist and are being placed! Reward of notoriety for telling us!

• • • n/a
• n/a

• The Gazette is still unaware of any other festivities occurring in Malton; any show or contest needs to be in the Gazette today! Also, has anyone seen the 1,000,000 profile contest? It's around the wiki somewhere.

Comics and Features
Mistakes Were Made! by Big J Comics
UD's major comic by the savvy Big J.
n.34~~Enter Zombies : Stage Right. + n.35~~Shamblin' Room Only!


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trenchcoater's HQ

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Malton Fashion--Tamara Devereux--bringing you the latest in profile text

Well hallo Malton, and big air kisses to all of you. It's Tamara, roving fashion eye and celebrity trendspotter back again. So, after getting caught in the sticks last week, I heard a rumour that *Alec Baldwin* had been seen at Ackland Mall, so naturally there was only one place to go! Imagine my disappointment to find that when I arrived he was nowhere to be seen. In future, Malton, send all of your celeb encounters to my Blackberry directly at tamara_devereux@yahoo.co.uk; Thanx so much!

So where was I? Well yes, Ackland Mall. Now I don't know about you, but for me a Mall is a little piece of heaven on Earth, and with so many stores around with fashion clothing, make-up and, yes, deodorant, just going simply *begging* there really is no excuse for anyone not to look their best. But I have to say that A Lack of Alec (do you see what I did there?) was not my only disappointment at Ackland. In fact, frankly, I have never seen such a sorry collection of haggard, ragged and scarred individuals in all my life. And then of course, there were the trenchcoats, just flapping all over the place. Arrianne was one of the better ones, while Charest has the weapons as well, although fortunately he doesn't accessorize with scars, shades or steely glints(TM). Living Large can actually *kill* people with his glance and crush zombies like a steamroller. Or so he says, anyway. More balanced people like Anselm were all too few and far between--too much AP to trenchcoat anyway.

Then there were the angry ones. Like Palmann...and as for Nevensof - he's REALLY angry - raaaaah!

SOME people at least had managed to sort their priorities out, although doggroomer1, somewhat unhealthily, seemed to care more about her pooches' appearance than her own. Turn your curling tongs on your own hair, dear!

Anyway, pick of the womens' fashion crop this week, and a disappointing one at that, was Algazoth, who's going for the Kate Beckinsale post-Apocalyptic Fetish-Slut look, and why not? But I was pleasantly surprised to find a bit more variety on the male side this week. I'm not quite sure about those psychedelic colours, Kramer3030, but as you say - what a jacket! Get your freak on! And talking of which, Ackland's own Disco Stu, Funky Jeff is getting *down*. Owww! But you know, this week's king of Ackland Mall is the slightly enigmatic Sirs, who kind of has a Dr Who vibe going down. Mmm, David Tennant.... But - sad faces - a bit of a blank on the celeb front this time. I did spot Karl Pilkington, but unfortunately his friend Ricky Gervaise didn't make it out alive. Too bad!

Anyway, the testosterone is getting a little cloying in here, so I must be moving on. From Ackland Mall, this is Tamara Devereux, signing off.

Editorial--The Profile Police: Scourge of the City or Comic Relief?--Squid Boy, cub reporter

(Lockettside, SW-Malton) Given the recent activity in Lockettside by the so-called “Honorable” PK’er group The Profile Police, I recently decided it was time to better understand the psychology of this phenomenon by engaging the Profile Police on their own terms – in a grammar-off.

Myself and an associate poured over their materials on the wiki, and also through their own profiles to make sure that all was in order. In fact, it was not. I decided to risk certain death by attempting to teach the teachers. While blood was spilled and blows exchanged on both sides, I found that the Profile Police do in fact hold to their stated code of ethics – they do not kill the literate. After having several errors in syntax and grammar exposed on their own wiki page, and in the profile of one of their members, they tolerated violence against their own members with no significant retribution. The Profile Police could have easily killed me, but they did not. Why? Simply because I have a literate profile. This reporter well knows the horror of having been killed by a seemingly friendly survivor while going about the business of eking out an existence since that horrible day years ago. I remember all too well the disgusting feeling of rotting flesh as I shambled to a revive point, only to there drown in an avalanche of carnal filth for days as I awaited assistance from some good survivor to bring me back among the living. Yet, truly, that’s all it took. Not so bad really. I have been cleverly assassinated on several occasions (never by the PP), and each time it took some of the sting away to have a humorous reason supplied. Each morning I awake, I eagerly listen to the radio for some humorous exchange, or to hear if my fellow survivors has shared some bon mot. Further, isn’t good grammar something all of us should strive for? Is this really a cause that merits entire groups or an entire suburb announcing declarations of war against? As one who has cringed at the many non-descripts and horribly written profiles I have come across in daily Malton life, I admit some sympathy with the goals, if not the methods of the Profile Police.

Yet I wonder what other method is available to them? I wonder if we can’t count on our citizens to spell their profiles accurately, can we count on them to hold the barricades during the next mall tour? Is it wrong to set a baseline standard of intellect and enforce it with the ultimate penalty?

Citizens of Malton, YOU DECIDE. The citizens of Lockettside are clearly in favor of eradicating The Profile Police. I for one, will be sad if they succeed. If we allow even the laughter to die in Malton, the zombies will truly have won.

Classifieds

Place your ad here--you can do it yourself if you like. Rules: 1. Can't be too bulky & 2. Ensure your group/party reads the Gazette.

"Single brown monkey looking for a discrete, cross-species relationship. Living or dead acceptable. Must like pina coladas, getting caught in the rain and changing a monkey's soiled pants. Contact maltoncityzoo.com for more info."

Malton Gazette Glorious Masthead

Now that some news is up, here's some technical information. You saw our appeal up top ; we need reporters! Contact us; forums would be best, or maltongazette@gmail.com, or at AIM:thegreathal.

Mentioned at top: If you can't write for us, how about taking a special article. These are up for grabs

The Malton Gazette was founded in April 2007 in response to the lack (0) of news sources at the time, and to chronicle the incredible interactions taking place in the city.

Past issues to be filed in: Malton Gazette/Archive

We are in beta, still trying to find the best format. Operating from a mainly meta-survivor-tongue-in-cheek standpoint.

Staff:

thegreathal, AIM thegreathal/Email thegreathal@yahoo.com--Founder and Publisher

Tamara Devereux, tamara_devereux@yahoo.co.uk--Seen too many celebrities, haad to pick on their Fashion Correspondent

Squid Boy--Cinema Correspondent

Leah--May work for us? Hasn't posted on forums?

That's it at the moment :/!

	Forums
	This group uses a forum for communications.

ISSUE 3--

Third issue! I'm afraid it's still a bit short, but no worries, getting the hang of it.--Thegreathal 18:25, 29 April 2007 (BST) We have a second member (Tamara Devereux), meaning that you don't have to be first anymore, you can all join up, eh! "So I have high hopes," she says, making two of us in all of Malton again. Welcome readers!

	Forums
	This group uses a forum for communications.

ISSUE COMPLETE!

Welcome. We need reporters! Though if you don't want to run the Gazette, tell us any news around you (thanks to those who have). The newspaper follows; awesome contact information is at the bottom.

"YOU'RE NOT A TRENCHCOATER WHEN YOU CARRY THE GAZETTE"

Issue #3---week of 04/30/07

Bulletins; Breaking news from before next issue!

• Zombarchy in the UK! Official counts today have declared Murray B. Suskind and Bullgod as the Mayorial winners, in an upsettingly close vote (for zombies); 92-91! The votes were maintained until UTC time instead of wiki time, hence making most all votes cast valid, and adding to Malton's penchant for political turmoil and keeping leaders on their feet.

• Anarchy in the UK! Malton elections have just concluded (though without final verification); apparently again, Humanitive and Zombiecratic Parties have tied! Coordinated to match each other's voting? Either way, up until the end both sides count 92 votes each, with splinter human parties, peace-oriented LEWD and pimp-hat initiated legislature DR PHIL, each gathering over 10 votes. However, taking votes only until the May 1st deadline, Humanitive Party wins 89 to 88! Votes will be checked however, and surely a consensus must be reached between members of all groups.

• The Yagoton Revivification Clinic, supported by forces from New Malton Colossus and The Abandoned managed to repell a break-in of 70 ZOMBIES !!! Whatmore Building is cleared now, with survivors being progressively revived, but phew, that was a fight !!! Go YRC GO !!!--Jean-Yves de Porc 21:22, 1 May 2007 (BST)

• Posted ads in some forums, now to get some news down.

Insert breaking news HERE

Suburb Map--helps you read the news.
Headlines;

<====~==Top Stories=~=~=~=~~

Major parties spoil feral parties' day! The Malton Mayorial Elections have been largely confined to the Zombiecratic and Humanitive (formerly Harmanitive) Parties, continuing to implicate Necrotech, as they have been seen making large contributions to both. No word yet on who Al Gore will endorse. Correction from last issue: Long is not on the zombie ticket, only Murray J. Suskind and Bullgod have merged, to compete with Karloth Vois and Richard Nixon's Head. Since the early start to voting last week, the parties have incredibly been able to sustain their vote-getting, fluctuating for the lead near 50 votes each(as of 4/29). Their has been little talk on the issues but more on the spoiler effect; other parties and smaller groups have pledged their votes to either party based on the larger chances of winning. It may still only be a quiet period, however, before the major votes are cast, as more people voted in the Zombie primaries than all votes so far combined. To vote, go to the Mayor discussion page. Place your signature (without comments) in the proper candidate's section. So far, their have been no reports of problems with the ballot system--nice job, organizers. You have until 11:59PM on May 1st (wiki time) to vote! It is recommended you read about the candidates on the main Mayor article before voting.

I'd point out the different imbalances in the city, but while survivors were merely catching a breath for the past few weeks, the humans are now steadily advancing on the zombies. Revives are beginning to move and western Malton is finally starting to clear up as groups clear out over a month of zombie dominance now maintained by ferals. From points in the far north and south, survivors are taking suburbs from red to green, but nowhere more 'striking' than from Yagoton, with a large unaffiliated group decisively taking the NT-phone mast 4 blocks away from Caiger Mall. Survivors arrive with plans to close & renovate Caiger Mall food court! The Necrotech's Hermann Building is powered at EHB with over 50 survivors, a stronghold with numbers that currently overpower Caiger itself. "Don't break in for the needle," one defender commented, "we'll pass you one ourselves." After taking these trends into account, the typical layout of Malton is the same. For notable horde activity, the skilled Militant Order of Barhah sacked Kinch Heights, fully taking a populated and maintained suburb from green to red in under a week. No signifcant plans from either zombie or human forces elsewhere.

Lonely non-descripts have once again been nerfed by the latest damnable update, making them both more anonymous and distinctive at the same time. Yet player reactions to this week’s UD change have been unanimously positive, with cheers coming up from all corners of Malton society; including Kevan’s desk, as this has addressed problems from the limited FAQ since the beginning of the apocalypse by; bringing profiles to UD’s strong meta scene via the wiki and more descriptions, changing email and passwords, and enhancing search abilities. Resensitized forums mentioned “whatever happened to updates every week?”. Users are still quite appreciative of the fine-tuning attention.

<====~==Travel Information=~=~=~=~~

After a high point in zombie activity, survivor groups have hit a rebuilding phase. 17 of 21 malls are all more or less occupied, recovering exceptionally fast after zombie attacks and recommended to be generally safe. Giddings in particular is overbarricaded, but logs over 400 survivors. Blesley & Caiger are the only zombie held malls, though Dowdney, Nichols, and Tompson Malls are all under seige. The divide reported on for weeks is remarkably strong now, and can be seen clearly on the map as well as in travel. The west is heavily ransacked and even salted, while humans in the east have grown and spilled out, making it possible to sleep in the Central Malton area, a traditional zombie strongpoint. Except for the ghettos of Roachtown, the only threat to sleeping under the stars, in the nude, are lone exceptions. Healthy back areas could be the reason for the recent human surge after months under the zombies.

<====~==Malton Arts & Entertainment=~=~=~=~~

The Drama Club has taken stage as the most popular theater group in Malton, with easy to catch and well reviewed shows among the best performances in the past months of the apocalypse. These appreciated actors play to adoring crowds from '1' to 'the fifty people nearest you'. Malton Gazette readers get free admission--don't miss it! They catalog performance screenshots and full tour plans on their page. Currently holding two different touring perfomances; The Border Tour can be seen running along the edge of Malton's fire-barricades one suburb at a time. They perform Good Ash/Bad Ash May 1st at the Craddy Building in Penny Heights, and May 8 at The Kind Building in Fryerbank. The Outward Spiral Tour is to travel "counter-clockwise from the center of the city spiraling outward through the burbs, with one show in each burb EVERY THURSDAY". This troupe plays "Death of Kurtz" from Apocalypse Now, May 3 in Tollyton at Woodroffe Mall SE corner (subject to change if more than 50 people) before moving to Roftwood.

After a month of seiging Dowdney Mall in Santlerville, currently still in full control of its residents, both sides are mad with excitement. The Dribbling Beavers along with the RRF are making plans for a DJ-powered 48 hr. ceasefire and 24 hr. dance party festival at the end of fighting. No word yet on when to arrive and escape. At the scene; "dude, 48-hour dance contest, 24-hour cease-fire. More fun." "Zeds dancing for 48 hours? We'd be knee-deep in chunks. :P" "Bah, we hold up pretty well."

The Randoms supply lines are in order; no word yet on when they plan to re-distribute their rare item Angry Hamish Doll to the confused survivors and zombies of Malton alike.

Malton Rail's famous stripe design

<====~==Groups and Politics=~=~=~=~~

Malton Rail has been discovered on the wiki! An 'official' pre-outbreak organization, the Rail joins Necrotech, MalTel, etc. as documented Malton infrastructure. Goebi and the Location Nuts have singlehandedly revived public transit, if only on paper.

Every day new suggestions are put up on the wiki; check out the voting.

Necro-Cartographers; there is one so far! Group leader says there should be...22. 22+1 make 23?! Satanic! Still, with 11 routes to cover every NT-building in Malton (211 total), there could be a perfect NecroTech map. And it's simple to start & update! That's the idea, "Good job for a survivor or Salt the Land Policy supporter," proclaims the project. Imagine checking the NT Status Map for what building to take down or fortify? Keep imagining as of yet.

<====~==Fighting=~=~=~=~~

Someone both died and came back to life in Malton today?

This row is blue--NOT!

And hell, you know the status. Check 'Travel Information'.

Malton Vitals (as of 04/29/07 compared to 4/23)
Standing Survivors : 17626 (54%) (+3)
Standing Zombies : 14895 (46%) (-3)
Mobile Network Coverage : 28% (-1)
Active Characters : 39744 (+~1000)
Christmas Trees : 3 (1 lost in 2 weeks!)
Total players in game history : 850,205 (+~6000)

Competitions in Malton;

• • • Christmas Tree Dead Pool

• Christmas Tree Dead Pool trees are finally dropping in number. Captivatingly slowly. The tree count has down after two weeks from 4 to ...3, and the bet list now extends well into the end of the year--to win me the prize (personal UD ornament), ransack the final tree on May 12. As expected, many claim to have trees stockpiled well for into the holiday season. Bets can still be placed at any time.

• • • n/a
• n/a

• The Gazette is still unaware of any other festivities occurring in Malton; any show or contest needs to be in the Gazette today! Also, has anyone seen the 1,000,000 profile contest? It's around the wiki somewhere.

Comics and Features
Mistakes Were Made! by Big J Comics
UD's major comic by the savvy Big J.

Edit:I am aware that after 3 weeks the same images are no longer as funny, but I'm having trouble uploading the new comics for some reason.
n.30~~You take 10 points of illogical damage + n.31~~Really?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trenchcoater's HQ

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Malton Fashion--Tamara Devereux--bringing you the latest in profile text

Hiiiiiiii Trend-Spotters! Your roving fashion columnist Tamara Devereux here, coming to you live and direct from the Quarantine Zone, Malton. Since many actors, singers and celebrities have managed to end up on the wrong side of the -er- Unfortunate Revive(TM)-Related Incident (as lawyers for NecroTech insist on my calling it), yours truly has managed to hitch on a supply drop into the Zone to pick up on the gossip and see what style tips the gritty urban streets of Malton have for Fall. I met some great people in Arkham, including Elizabeth Arden, Jon Bon Jovi, and Nikolai Tesla, who's some kind of famous science dude or something. Unfortunately an 'incident' of my own has led to me spending a few months dead for tax purposes, but now I'm back up and at 'em, and ready to pick the trends for summer.

And since those bitches at Vogue refused to pay my salary while I was dead, the Malton Gazette has kindly agreed to pick up my contract. Thanx guyzz! <3 <3 <3

NOW, we all know that you can find all sorts in the bright lights of the Malls of Malton, but real fashion comes from the streets, n'est-ce pas? So having come to in an alley in Greentown, a suburb which, admit it, you've never even heard of, I thought I'd scour some the out of the way places and turn over stones to see what I could see. Greentown is pretty far from the hopping heart of the city, it's true, and a lot of the buildings are empty and crawling with the Living-Impaired, but fashion pays no regard to danger, so I pressed onwards. Of course, there are some bland, nondescript types, some so nondescript they don't even have names, but I was encouraged that the number of non-descript survivors seemed lower than usual - I was clearly closing in on fashion dynamite, and I was rewarded with a golden strike in one of the high-rises.

First a couple of Gingerbread Men. Remember them? Incredibly, some of them are still going, bravely carving out their own stylee. One of them even still has a comedy costume, and what Gingerbread Man would be complete without a Gingerbread Woman?. Okay, so the green theme is a little overdone, and her spelling is not what you'd expect of an MD, but you gotta love those kooky heels! I'm lovin it!

There was a distinct Cosplay feel about some of their companions; is '07 Time For Anime? Of course Greentown threw up some of Malton's usual tribes; the doomy Goth,

And of course, Trenchcoaters; (yawwwwnnnn) Phew! Wise up - Cold Emptiness Behind The Eyes is So 1987!

And then there are the kooks. Hmm. You SHALLN'T go to the ball!

But my sashay across the suburb finally turned up a highly polished gem. Bette Noir (how I LOVE that name) was here and gone before I had chance to interview her properly, but LOOK at those labels! Casadei! Mmm, and Anne Klein... although, I can't help feeling that it said Klien, so maybe it was just some cheap Chinese knock-off. Still, whatever - Bette is a knock-out - literally! Living proof that while it may be the end of the world, it's no excuse to let yourself go. We love ya, Bette!

Anyway, I think I may have mined out Greentown of what it can offer, so I'll be moving on. So until next time - stay sharp! Ciao ciao bella! Mwah, mwah.

Classifieds

Place your ad here--you can do it yourself if you like. Rules: 1. Can't be too bulky & 2. Tell your group/party to read the Gazette.

Independent Nation of Owsleybank

The group for the OB suburb! Even during hard times, the Independent Nation of Owsleybank is still recruiting! Visit INO forums today!

Malton Gazette Glorious Masthead

Now that some news is up, here's some technical information. WE NEED REPORTERS & people to talk about the Gazette please! Contact us; discussion page, AIM:thegreathal, or especially at maltongazette@gmail.com.

The Malton Gazette was founded in April 2007 in response to the lack (0) of news sources at the time, and to chronicle the incredible interactions taking place in the city.

Past issues to be filed in: Malton Gazette/Archive

We are in beta, still trying to find the best format. Operating from a mainly meta-survivor-tongue-in-cheek standpoint.

Staff: thegreathal, AIM thegreathal/Email thegreathal@yahoo.com--Founder and Publisher

Tamara Devereux--Seen too many celebrities, haad to pick on their Fashion Correspondent

That's it at the moment :/!

ISSUE 2--

Ok, 2 issues done. Creating noise about launch shortly.--Thegreathal 18:03, 25 April 2007 (BST) I'm putting old news in here as to not look so empty, if people are coming to read this week.

Welcome. We need reporters! Though if you don't want to run the Gazette, tell us any news around you. The newspaper follows; awesome contact information is at the bottom.

"YOU DON'T NEED BRAiiiNS--YOU NEED NEWS"

Issue #2---week of 04/23/07

Bulletins; Breaking news from before next issue!

• Thanks very much for help and interest; and of course, post long or short news if you can. Keep looking! The next issue will be out on time, either Monday or Tuesday. Note this was (is still) a soft launch; getting it done before publicly promoting it.--Thegreathal 23:21, 20 April 2007 (BST)

• Election voting has begun early! Vois has been quoted trying to win by momentum, getting all his votes in first! Instead of a primary blowout, more humans have cast (thanks to minor parties) and the main groups are virtually tied! Zombies are dazed where they are, swaying slightly! Grassroots forum organizing expected from both sides still.

Now I've always played human--I refused to be a real zombie for 6 months, and only then as a ZKer--but I think I'll wait and cast my vote for the zombies here. Wait being the key word, want to see if Vois will do anything if elected. Otherwise might as well reason with the zombie group. Hm...--Thegreathal 20:27, 25 April 2007 (BST)

• Stats list The Ridleybank Resistance Front as down to 10 members! However, the Ridleybank Resistance Front (sans word 'the') is still the 3rd largest group in Malton...go figure.

Insert breaking news HERE

Suburb Map--helps you read the news.
Headlines;

<====~==Top Stories=~=~=~=~~

Two party system? The Malton Mayorial Elections have started early, bringing loud guttural sounds from both the living and the undead. Reports directly from the polling place have confirmed that the Zombiecratic party indeed had a 66-vote two way tie, between central Malton and metagame zombies Bullgod and Murray Jay Suskind, with Huey P Long also in the race. After secret deliberations, all 3 candidates with backing from nearly all zombie groups agreed to form a 3 way ticket. I've seen Suskind help the humans before, though Long and him are both running on a zombie supremacist platform, with Bullgod running on no intentions. No word yet on how they would (read:very well might) govern; zombie turnout was exceptionally high and focused on one party, as opposed to the survivors. Third place Long had as many primary votes (24) as the first place human. Yet if the serious humans put as much energy on the elections as the zombies are, it could easily go either way. The rival Harmanative Party (name created by a zombie before formation for elections?!) was split 24-16 between the New Malton Colossus's Tovarisch Khruschev and Red Rum's Karloth Vois. With the winner Karloth Vois coming from Malton's premier PKer group, voters were overheard taken aback; posted here was "For the first time in history, citizens won't have the surprise to see a loyal and fair candidate turning in to a homicidal criminal psycho maniac once into power : he is already one!". While Vois has issued a tentative kill order on Kruschev, his former opponent, his campaign seems to reconcile previous PKing with uniting the humans of Malton, as he calls for cooperation between all human forces before cooperation with zombies. Other humans had substantial votes; Vois has literally picked one up for his running mate, Richard Nixon's Head. As the whole of Malton has not heard of elections, it could still be anyone's take as larger groups push their members to vote, or at least be informed. Even the 7-8 minor human parties could swing the vote, although at the moment they are indistinguishable and unlikely. Again, voting has started, and will finish on May 1st. More updates to come as they happen as candidates colorfully campaign.

It might be an unwise idea for me, the only reporter, to bypass the hit limit and try to cover every group operation this week; human activity is up everywhere (even tilting the zombie/survivor ratio) after the dissolution of Mall Tour 07 foretold last issue. Besides the mainstay hordes and rapidly growing Extinction allies, local survivor groups everywhere are continuing to develop attacks as we see more of the city go green and EHB—though not at all VS+2. Even so, human activity doesn't mean dominance; most significant in all this is that for all the positive outlook, very few suburbs are human friendly-meaning that Western Malton is almost totally undead. For Caiger, Arkham, Dunnell Hills to be shut down so long (a month after attacks) is unheard of; humans are sticking to safehouses in emptier suburbs or resupplying a day away! Hardy, intense western groups such as the DHPD have kept intact through characteristically strong coordination, but where the other ½-2/3 of the city is in struggle, the west has been shutdown and gutted with powerful, though honest Extinction tactics. See their foothold map.

Lonely non-descripts have once again been nerfed by the latest damnable update, making them both more anonymous and distinctive at the same time. Yet player reactions to this week’s UD change have been unanimously positive, with cheers coming up from all corners of Malton society; including Kevan’s desk, as this has addressed problems from the limited FAQ since the beginning of the apocalypse by; bringing profiles to UD’s strong meta scene via the wiki and more descriptions, changing email and passwords, and enhancing search abilities. Resensitized forums mentioned “whatever happened to updates every week?”. Users are still quite appreciative of the fine-tuning attention.

<====~==Travel Information=~=~=~=~~

After a high point in zombie activity, survivor groups have hit a rebuilding phase. Eleven of twenty malls; Woodroffe, Tynte, Treweeke, Tompson, Mitchem, Joachim, Hildebrand, Giddings, Ackland, Bale, and Buckley Malls are all more or less occupied, recovering exceptionally fast after zombie attacks and recommended to be generally safe. Giddings in particular is overbarricaded, but logs over 400 survivors. Nearly the entire north and west (excepting Arkham) are devoid of organized human presence. Groups such as the DHPD have repeatedly been overwhelmed for weeks at recovery, and strongholds such as Caiger are in zombie hands. Traditional zombie areas are relatively strong. While Ridleybank area has been subject to a well-digested human skirmish, typical feral hangouts such as Grigg Heights and Dakerstown are either fully ravaged or listed as ghost towns. Both southern and eastern Malton are perhaps the strongest human areas at this point. Dulston in the northeast and surrounded by borders is particularly civilized, and adjacent suburbs are generally covered with heat and light. Kinch Heights in the south is powered as well, but heavily barricaded and not recommended for those without free running and AP. Seriously--quite a split between the halves of the city. Zombie held Fort Creedy and Dowdney Mall are action points in the area. In addition, Malton's steadiest RP, the Yagoton Revivification Clinic is operating smoothly, though the surrounding area continues to be hostile.

<====~==Malton Arts & Entertainment=~=~=~=~~

Check the 'Competitions' section. Give us culture. We love culture, zombie & human.

The ULC has been heard repeatedly launching kittens into walls on air; no word yet as to when the violence will stop or where to catch the action live.

The Randoms supply lines are in order; no word yet on when they plan to re-distribute their rare item Angry Hamish Doll to the confused survivors and zombies of Malton alike.

Malton Rail's famous stripe design

<====~==Groups and Politics=~=~=~=~~

Malton Rail has been discovered on the wiki! An 'official' pre-outbreak organization, the Rail joins Necrotech, MalTel, etc. as documented Malton infrastructure. Goebi and the Location Nuts have singlehandedly revived public transit, if only on paper.

Oh yeah, newsworthy news--UD has gone from having 0 press sources to 3 in one week, with the Gazette being introduced days before the Malton Examiner, and the Malton Mirror somewhat awake from retirement. One expects this takes longer to put up since we run SpellCheck.

I wasn't going to cover the New Arkham Free Zone again--but, seeing topics spread, it appears to have gotten actual interest, even in barhah.com zombie territory. Forums here detail the planning stages of turning the area into a freeport of sorts.

Necro-Cartographers; there is one so far! Group leader says there should be...22. 22+1 make 23?! Satanic! Still, with 11 routes to cover every NT-building in Malton (211 total), there could be a perfect NecroTech map. And it's simple to start & update! That's the idea, "Good job for a survivor or Salt the Land Policy supporter," proclaims the project. Imagine checking the NT Status Map for what building to take down or fortify? Keep imagining as of yet.

<====~==Fighting=~=~=~=~~

Someone both died and came back to life in Malton today?

This row is blue--NOT!

And hell, you know the status. Check 'Travel Information'.

Malton Vitals (as of 04/24/07 compared to 4/15)
Standing Survivors : 16358 (51%) (+4)
Standing Zombies : 15170 (49%)) (-4)
Mobile Network Coverage : 28% (+2)
Active Characters : 38921 (-?)
Christmas Trees : 4 (0 lost!)
Total players in game history : 844,921 (+7000)

Competitions in Malton;

• • • Christmas Tree Dead Pool

• Like last issue, months have passed since S.Wiers' trees and the Christmas Tree Dead Pool. Unlike last issue, the trees haven't even tortuously gone down; the count still remains at four, and the bet list now extends well into the end of the year--to win me the ornament prize, ransack the final tree on May 12. Various undead are still anguished learning of their defeat to an actually dead item. Bets can still be placed at any time.

• • • n/a
• n/a

• The Gazette is still unaware of any other festivities occurring in Malton; any show or contest needs to be in the Gazette today! Also, has anyone seen the 1,000,000 profile contest? It's around the wiki somewhere.

Comics and Features
Mistakes Were Made! by Big J Comics
UD's major comic by the savvy Big J.
n.30~~You take 10 points of illogical damage + n.31~~Really?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trenchcoater's HQ

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Classifieds

Place your ad here. Rules: 1. Can't be too bulky & 2. Tell your group/party to read the Gazette.

Independent Nation of Owsleybank

The group for the OB suburb! Even during hard times, the Independent Nation of Owsleybank is still recruiting! Visit INO forums today!

Malton Gazette Glorious Masthead

Now that our first news is up, here's some technical information. WE NEED REPORTERS & people to talk about the Gazette please! Contact us; discussion page, AIM:thegreathal, or especially at maltongazette@gmail.com.

The Malton Gazette was founded in April 2007 in response to the lack (0) of news sources at the time, and to chronicle the incredible interactions taking place in the city.

Past issues to be filed in: Malton Gazette/Archive

We are in beta, still trying to find the best format. Operating from a mainly meta-survivor-tongue-in-cheek standpoint.

Staff: thegreathal, AIM thegreathal/Email thegreathal@yahoo.com--Founder and Publisher

That's it at the moment :/!

ISSUE 1--

Welcome. We need reporters! Though if you don't want to run the Gazette, tell us any news around you. The newspaper follows; awesome contact information is at the bottom.

"HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE ZOMBIES"

Issue #1---week of 04/16/07

Bulletins; Breaking news from before next issue! Thanks very much for help and interest; and of course, post long or short news if you can. Keep looking! The next issue will be out on time, either Monday or Tuesday. Note this was a soft launch; getting it done before publicly promoting it.--Thegreathal 23:21, 20 April 2007 (BST)

Primary Elections are over ! Fans cry, Women lament, Militants beat the crap out of each other, Chaos is everywhere after the first step of the mighty, nail-biting, hair-tearing, pants-soiling Democrative War for Malton Control : There were horses ! A man on fire ! and a Candidate killed another one with a trident !

Results are the following :

1. Zombiecratic Party : TIE ! 2 candidates, Bullgod and Murray Jay Suskind both got 66 votes ! Stay tuned and we'll tell you everything about the aftermath...
2. Harmanative Party : The Infamous PKer Karloth Vois, War Criminal, Kittens Strangler, Authoritative Leader of Dreaded PK Group Red Rum has been elected as Official Harman Candidate, beating his main competitor, Tovarisch Khrushchev from Glorious Channel 4 News Team by 24 votes to 16 ... For the first time in History, Citizens won't have the surprise to see a loyal and fair candidate turning in to a homicidal criminal psycho maniac once into power : He is already one !

Final Elections are scheduled for the 1st of May... Good Luck Malton !

For Channel 4 News Team, --Jean-Yves de Porc 14:06, 18 April 2007 (BST)

Suburb Map--helps you read the news.
Headlines;

<====~==Top Stories=~=~=~=~~

The ~250 zombies and PKers in league with Mall Tour '07 are currently eating apart Blesley Mall in Gulsonside as their seige finishes. This has been a banner week for the Tour, after removing determined coalitions in both Buckley and Pole Malls, all in southern Malton. In fact, Mall Tour '07 will remain undefeated in attacks (19-0), shutting down every major mall with the exception of Caiger due only to Caiger's chaotic status in the first place. Reports indicate that unless they revisit Nichols to rematch area defenders, this may be this year's close of Malton's largest horde (twice as large as second and third size zombie groups, FU and RRF). Leader Xyu has mentioned directions encouraging Tour zombies to join other large groups in the hopes of staying effective.

The Malton Mayorial Elections are going well and picking up legitimacy; a number of candidates both independent and backed by groups can be found at the election wiki page, along with an Anarchist sponsored "none of the above". It is worth noting that a variety of humans, but only 3 zombies to date are running. Anyone can vote in primary elections, to be held Tuesday the 17th. The actual election will take place on May 1st, to be found on the wiki page. It appears that whoever is elected has their work cut out for them; not only possibly delivering on pet initiatives or anti-zombie/anti-human promises, but creating authority and setting a Mayor precedent. Elections starting as a minor idea now have widespread attention, and representation by virtually all types of players.

The apocalypse's most popular surviving broadcast journalist, Ron Burgundy (early character #26370) of the iconic Channel 4 News Team is resigning most C4NT duties, marking an era end for one of the oldest groups in Malton. The C4NT has fallen on lesser times after a December expulsion from Ridleybank and the later fall of Caiger Mall, but still remains one of the most lively and influential groups in game. Their smooth and sumptuous efforts to rebuild Caiger and govern a major alliance are well-noted worldwide. Experts predict a sharp strengthening as veterans are elected to add their talents to management.

<====~==Travel Information=~=~=~=~~

After a high point in zombie activity, survivor groups have hit a rebuilding phase. Twelve of twenty malls; Woodroffe, Tynte, Treweeke, Tompson, Mitchem, Joachim, Hildebrand, Giddings, Dowdney, Ackland, Bale, and Buckley Malls are all more or less occupied, recovering exceptionally fast after zombie attacks and recommended to be generally safe. Nearly the entire north and west (excepting Arkham) are devoid of organized human presence. Groups such as the DHPD have repeatedly been overwhelmed for weeks at recovery, and strongholds such as Caiger are in zombie hands. Traditional zombie areas are relatively strong. The Ridleybank area is as undead as ever, and typical feral hangouts such as Grigg Heights and Dakerstown are either fully ravaged or listed as ghost towns. Both southern and eastern Malton are perhaps the strongest human areas at this point, with the exception of zombie held Fort Creedy. Dulston in the northeast and surrounded by borders is particularly civilized, and adjacent suburbs are generally covered with heat and light. Kinch Heights in the south is powered as well, but heavily barricaded and not recommended for those without free running and AP. In addition, Malton's steadiest RP, the Yagoton Revivification Clinic is once again operating--however, the surrounding area is considered hostile.

<====~==Malton Arts & Entertainment=~=~=~=~~

Check the 'Competitions' section. Give us culture. We love culture, zombie & human.

The ULC has been heard repeatedly launching kittens into walls on air; no word yet as to when the violence will stop or where to catch the action live.

The Randoms supply lines are in order; no word yet on when they plan to re-distribute their rare item Angry Hamish Doll to the confused survivors and zombies of Malton alike.

<====~==Groups and Politics=~=~=~=~~

This week's largest strategic or mutual development was the idea for a New Arkham Free Zone. While undeveloped, the main details call for an unbarricaded neutral free port in New Arkham (SW-most suburb in Malton) maintained by taggers and agreement. Local groups have both praised and opposed the idea, with regional groups offering no comment. Tourism coordinators promote it as, "A center of learning for both Zombah and Harman children alike. A place where just because you were reborn dead you aren't banned from public works, and the undead or never dead aren't eaten or torn apart for liking living or unliving."

This row is blue--NOT!

^See above.

<====~==Fighting=~=~=~=~~

Someone both died and came back to life in Malton today?

This row is blue--NOT!

And hell, you know the status. Check 'Travel Information'.

Malton Vitals (as of 04/15/07)
Standing Survivors : 15300 (47%) (+1)
Standing Zombies : 16804 (53%) (-1)
Mobile Network Coverage : 26% (+5)
Active Characters : 38921 (-?)
Christmas Trees : 4 (-1)
Total players in game history : 837,730 (+2347)

Competitions in Malton;

• • • Christmas Tree Dead Pool

• Where are these things? Over 47 days have passed since S.Wiers' introduction of the Christmas Tree Dead Pool. Despite Malton's active population of unemployed lumberjacks trying to secure their bets or fame by dropping the tree count to zero (encouraged by the CTDP) or spread Christmas malice and disastrously enhance global warming (not encouraged by the CTDP), the Anonymous of Malton have utterly spoiled most early predictions for an early, or even seasonal disappearance of holiday decorations. "Damn, the trees are WINNING!", said S.Wiers after the number of trees increased for the third straight day. Various undead are reportedly anguished learning of their defeat to an actually dead item. Bets can still be placed at any time.

• • • Egg Hunt
• Screenshots and flavor text (pun) are still lacking post-Egg Hunt. All 250 eggs were discovered inside empty buildings after ~24 hours.

• The Gazette is still unaware of any other festivities occurring in Malton; any show or contest needs to be in the Gazette today! Also, has anyone seen the 1,000,000 profile contest? It's around the wiki somewhere.

Comics and Features
Mistakes Were Made! by Big J Comics
UD's major comic by the savvy Big J.
n.28~~What Screams May Come + n.29~~Do good in haste, regret in leisure

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Trenchcoater's HQ

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Obituary--Kurt Vonnegut dies at 84.

Rebirth--Kurt Vonnegut was not Headshot, required only 1 AP to stand up.

Classifieds

Place your own ad here, seriously.

Malton Gazette Glorious Masthead

Now that our first news is up, here's some technical information. WE NEED REPORTERS & people to talk about the Gazette please! Contact us; discussion page, AIM:thegreathal, or especially at maltongazette@gmail.com.

The Malton Gazette was founded in April 2007 in response to the lack (0) of news sources at the time, and to chronicle the incredible interactions taking place in the city.

Past issues to be filed in: Malton Gazette/Archive

We operate from a mainly meta-survivor-tongue-in-cheek standpoint.

Staff: thegreathal, AIM thegreathal/Email thegreathal@yahoo.com--Founder and Publisher

That's it at the moment :/!