Humorous Suggestions

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Much of what makes a suggestion humorous is frivolous and irrelevant detail. Any actual utility here should be incidental. Please check the list to make sure your suggestion has not already been placed upon this page. Remember the rule of Dr. Seuss: "consistent nonsense". If a zombie were to have two heads, it should take two head shots to bring it down.

All-Time Top Ten

In order, most funneh first:

  1. +17 - Flavor Text Change
  2. +15 - New Class: UD Wiki Member
  3. +12 - Whining Willie
  4. +10 - Game Rot
  5. +09 - Horse-Drawn Zeppelin
  6. +09 - Necronet Item Change and new character class
  7. +09 - Rip Off Head
  8. +08 - Aristocracy of the Apocalypse
  9. +07 - Animals in the game
  10. +07 - Nerds

Making a Humorous Suggestion

  1. Use the Humorous Suggestion Template.
  2. Add your Humorous Suggestion to the top of the New Humorous Suggestions area.
  3. When the comic timing is right, it will be moved to the Humorous Suggestions Archive.

Humorous Suggestions Template

===Humorous Suggestion Title===
type=New Class, New Item, Satire, Stereotypes|
tally=0, +3, -5|
description=enter your humorous suggestion description here|




The Tally

The tally is the number of people who think that is a funny joke minus those who think it isn't. If a tally reaches -5, the suggestion is removed.

Example Of Usage

Type: Example
Tally: -1

Provides useful information to people who read it. Invisible to newbies.

Funny votes: Best idea ever! Some Guy 12:00, 1 March, 2006 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Some Guy's Evil Twin 08:18, 24 April 2006 (BST), Example Guy March 23:59 20 December, 2006 (BST)

Voting on a Humorous Suggestion

You either think it's funny or not, but remember two things:

  • You must sign and date (--~~~~) your vote.
  • Update the tally before you go.
  • Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

New Humorous Suggestions

Realistic Headshot

Type: Game Rebalancing/Sterotypes
Tally: {{{tally}}}

As I'm sure you're all aware, headshots in Malton work differently to ones in the regular pop-culture lore. In most things, when a zombie is shot in the head, or stabbed, or cut, or exploded, it goes down instantly and does not rise again. There, I propose a rebalancing to address this, and maket the game more accessible to new players.

Whenever a zombie is hit by a survivor with Headshot, they go down immediately. None of this "you do 3/5/10" damage stuff, they just (re)die. Then, not only do they lose 5AP as usual, but they also lose xp (like when Headshot) was first implemented, but with triple loss and have a 25% chance of just dying outright, never to rise again. If they're a Rotter, this is increased to 50%, as most of their brain is already gone.

To counterbalance this, and keep the game fun, zombies will now be able to read newspapers, if they have them.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

Remove leg

A new zombie skill where a zombie removes its leg and uses it as a weapon. When the uses this the message will be:You remove your leg and prepare for battle BATTERS UP.If you are hit with the leg the message will be:The zombie sticks his foot up your ass...literaly and does 4 dammage but only 2 dammage to cops(beacause they are used to it). It costs 1 AP and the zommbie must spend another AP to remove it from the victims ass.

Zombie fart

Type: Zombie attack
Tally: 0

Iz dah angh a dah raad az rah nah ad, zambah fargh! *BOOM!!!!*

This would restart Malton. As flavor text, everything would smell and be made of shit. For example, "You are at the Fort Creedy gatehouse...and you're wondering when the fort turned into shit...and also when the ground turned into shit. Everything smells like rotten shit." The only action aside from moving would be "Take a shit", which would make you explode in a nuclear shit explosion. When you reform, you are a zombie with the fart attack, which you can use to again restart Malton.

Funny votes: Author ZAP!!!Treviabot92/Virsteinn COVRZ SONGZ!!! lol 02:37, 24 May 2011 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Do children not quit their anal phase around age of three? -- Spiderzed 23:16, 14 June 2011 (BST)

Duct Tape

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

Duct Tape can be found inside factories and mall hardware stores. A roll of duct tape has 6 uses (like pitol clip). Once used six times, it disappears from your inventory. Once you find a roll of duct tape, all other inventory items are instantly dropped. The reason for this is that your character has found a single replacement for all other items; they no longer feel the need to encumber themselves with them. Simply having duct tape in one's inventory automatically raises the max HP value of the character by 5HP on account of your being so clever. Both survivors and zombies can use duct tape.

Because duct tape is the most useful item on the planet, it's appearance in Malton drastically changes the game mechanics. Below are some of the many uses for duct tape in game:

Uses that effect character interaction

  • Holds corpses to the ground. It takes extra AP to stand up if duct taped to the ground.
  • Duct tape player's mouths shut. They cannot speak, broadcast groan or bellow until duct tape is removed.
  • Blind players by duct taping over their eyes. They can't see the map or their inventory. The only action available is remove tape.
  • Can be used on players to slow their progress until the duct tape is removed. All movement takes 2 AP similar to a zombie without Lurching Gait.
  • Create a realistic life sized decoy that can be placed at the top of a stack of dead bodies. Revive attempts fail.
  • Zombies can duct tape a human to themselves, making it impossible for them to escape their tangling grasp.
  • Zombies can make duct tape helmets, negating the effects of Headshot.

Uses that effect barricades

  • Can be used like metal pipes, able to cade buildings up to loosely barricaded.
  • When used on ruined buildings, decreases the rate of ruin.
  • Carparks can be converted to duct tape forts. Duct tape fort is a loosely barricade building.
  • Can be used at parks to construct a hammock. Allows you to sleep outside without concern of attack.

Uses that effect items

  • Create a blunt weapon by wrapping duct tape around the end of a newspaper.
  • Mend broken pool cues with duct tape.
  • Apply duct tape to the end of a crucifix to make a hammer. Replaces toolbox.
  • Duct tape several shotguns together to create a destructive super shotgun, killing every last mother fu**er in the room with the pull of a single trigger.

Uses that effect flavor text

  • Duct tape can be used to make clothing. Removing an article of duct tape clothing causes the character to lose 5HP.
  • Christmas trees can be decorated with duct tape.
  • Duct tape can be placed over graffiti, hiding it from view.
  • HP values can be hidden from view by placing duct tape over your chest.

Uses that effect meta gaming

  • Duct tape can be used to gag wiki users that don't understand humor.

Disclaimer: This list is by no means complete. New uses for duct tape are continuously found. Clicking the duct tape button in your inventory prior to nearly every action will have some effect. It's unknown exactly how many combinations are actually available.

Below is a small example of an interaction between two characters in Malton, one of which has a roll of duct tape in their inventory.

A wild Fun Police appeared!
Fun Police stole your carpenter's chainsaw polearm!
You cried like a little girl!
Fun Police laughed at your misery!
You unrolled a yard of duct tape, grabbed the loose end, and used the roll as a morning-star! But it missed, tapping your two hands together!
Fun Police attacked you with carpenter's chainsaw polearm for 3 damage!
You club Fun Police with your taped-together arms! But it missed! The duct tape roll, following the momentum from your attempted attack, wrapped from the top of Fun Police's head to his crotch, and circled around a few more times, taping your arms to his face!
Fun Police attacked you with carpenter's chainsaw polearm! But it missed!
Using the tape as support, you climb up Fun Police's body until your feet meet your hands upon his head, and you strangle him with your feet for 10 damage.
Fun Police attacked you with carpenter's chainsaw polearm for 3 damage!
You jump off Fun Police's head, and use the tape to slam your feet into his head! But it missed, and you flopped onto the ground for 10 damage!
Fun Police attacked you with carpenter's chainsaw polearm! Critical hit! 6 damage!
From your horizontal position, you throw Fun Police over your head and down the stairs for 50 damage! They die! You fall down as well for 20 damage!
You say "TF! I forgot I was taped to his face!"
You say "How am I supposed to dump the body!?!"
Fun Police rose from the dead as a zombie!
You say "O.o"
You drag the zombie into the bathroom!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage!
You search and find nothing!
You search and find nothing!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage!
You search and find nothing!
Searching the area, you find hairspray!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage!
You search and find nothing!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage!
You search and find nothing!
You search and find nothing!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage!
Searching the area, you find a lighter!
You attack the zombie with flamethrower for 5 damage! The zombie is now aflame!
The zombie mauled you for 3 damage! You are now aflame! You will take 5 damage for every action, except screaming!
You panic! You burn for 5 damage. You toast.

Funny votes: DUCT TAPE ROCKS!!!--AORDMOPRI ! T 21:57, 27 September 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Mud. Kip.

Type: New Class/Side
Tally: +1

Right now, we have 3 sides. Survivors, Zombies, and PKers. I suggest adding a new character class, Mudkips. Mudkips are on neither of the 3 listed sides, and so they are deserving of a side of their own. Their base stats are as listed:

Level 5
HP - 21
Attack - 14
Defense - 15
Special Attack - 15
Special Defense - 13
Speed - 16
Tail Whip

Mudkips may learn new moves when they level up, and may evolve when they reach a certain level.

They cannot be hit by any attack, unless there is a group of 5 or more of them, because when they're in a group of 5 or more, there is some mass confusion among them about who is the leader. When there is a Mudkip present in the area, an additional option is added to everyone else's lists of actions, called, "mudkipz?". Clicking the action will immediately make the person who click it ask, "So i herd u liek mudkipz?". In doing so, everyone else in the area cannot leave until someone answers the question, or if the Mudkip leaves the area. If someone responds "No", everyonein the area, except for the Mudkip, is automatically killed because answering "No" to that question gets the Mudkip all pissed off.

--•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 03:16, 26 June 2010 (BST)

Funny votes: i liek mudkipz. --AORDMOPRI ! T 17:16, 26 June 2010 (BST) i love dem! Dawkins DAWKINS IS WATCHIN' [T] 10:57, 21 July 2010 (BST) Zambah Madgab iazzd zambah fargh! *BOOM!!!!* Treviabot92 02:41, 24 May 2011 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I must be missing something. --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 02:48, 27 June 2010 (BST)

Shell-loaded Pistols

Type: Weapon Change
Tally: 0

I think that the citizens of Malton should be able to load shotgun shells into their pistols. Since the pistols in Malton are all obviously 6 shot revolvers, they all have a rotating drum with 6 holes. So, if you have an empty pistol and 6 shotgun shells, by clicking on said pistol, you will load it with 6 shells. The sole-prerequisite for this skill (aside from being alive) is Brain Rot, because those poor fellows playing on hard mode really need a boon. For flavour reasoning, it could be because only a total dumbass with a brain destroyed by many years of saturday-morning cartoons would think of loading up his pistol with shotgun shells twice the size of the barrel. When you fire the pistol, you have a 50% chance of hitting, and a 50% chance that the gun will explode in your face, dishing out all of the damage remaining in it (ie. 4 shells means 40 damage) times 2, because otherwise it will be too powerful. It deals normal shotgun damage. I think this would be a good addition to the game because there are probably people who have done this in real life, meaning it isn't unbelievable, even if it is unbelievably stupid, and because it will be a good addition and because survivors need a new weapon because it will be like an auto-shotgun except you can hold it in one hand, and auto shotties are awesom.

--Enigmatalk 02:48, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

Repair Zombies

Type: New Skill
Tally: -1

Zombies can now reapir. I tihnk taht this is the most improtant cahnge for Urbandead becoz it means that Zombees can now reapir ruined bildings, and when a subrub is ruined, then thay can reapir it to restor the balace to the subrub.

Also this idea fitts with Genre, as it mens zombies can do what they wood in movies, and have all the control. Also zombies now that they should.

To balace this suggestion, survivors get an iphone app for UD.

Funny votes: Disk space = keeep --Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 08:02, 8 December 2009 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Idea had potential, but the delivery was fail. --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 09:25, 8 December 2009 (UTC) As maverick.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:27, 3 January 2010 (UTC)


Type: New Class
Tally: 0

Malton needs pirates. Pirates are cool. Malton needs cool. As such, on International Talk Like A Pirate Day, people have the option of becoming a Pirate. you can only become a Pirate on this day. Becoming a Pirate is permanent, and canot be reveresed, due to being permanent. Pirates cannot find some items, such as Pistols, Shotguns, FAKs, Fire Axes, Generators and other modern objects. Instead Pirates can find:

  • Cutlass: The Pirates replacement for a Fire Axe. Starting % hit of 25%. Found in Museums.
  • Blunderbuss: The pirate replacement for a gun. This doesn't operate exactly like a gun, as it can do a random damage of between 10-15. Starting success % of 25%. Found In Museums.
  • Rum: Rum replaces FAKs. Does the same thing a FAK does, and is even found in the same places, as well as Pubs.
  • Slave on a Wheel: Replaces a Generator. Actually weighs less than a Generator, as the slave carries it. It is found in Necrotechs, on streets and in wastelands.

All your skills are useless as a Pirate, cos they're not cool enough for Pirates. Pirates have other skill, which cost 120XP each.

  • Basic Pirate Training: All Pirates have this, asi its their starting skill. Makes attack % 25%.
    • Advanced Pirate Training: Raises attack % to 50%.
      • Pirate Captain Training: Raises attack % to 75%.
  • Rum Lover: Rum gives you 15HP instead of 5HP.
    • Drunken Rum Lover: Lowers the powers of rum to 10HP, but each Rum can be used twice.
      • Rum Seller: Raises the power of rum to a massive 20HP each, but you lose the ability to use Rum twice.
  • Slaver: Allows you to find Slave on a Wheel.
    • Cruel Slaver: Makes Slave on a Wheel last less time, but provide more light, increasing Search rates wherever you place one.
      • Perfect Slaver: Makes Slave produce more power, but last even longer than original.

Funny votes: The whole time I was thinking, zzzzz, and then I read "slave on a wheel". Cut the whole thing down to just that and you'd have comedy gold.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:30, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: You had me up until the skills. Then all the funny ran away. --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:26, 4 December 2009 (UTC)

Crotch Rot and Mansack

Type: Skill, game improvement
Tally: +2

These two new skills would be available to zombies. Crotch rot would go under Flesh Rot, and Mansack would go under Ransack in the skill trees.

  • Crotch Rot: Zombie is harder to felate, and takes reduced damage to his toolbox. This is equivalent to the survivor skill Moldy Groin. Crotch Rot is infectious.
  • Mansack: Zombie is able to damage the interiors of others, making him visibly harder, and less likely to be searched by airport security.
    (A mansacked zombie cannot be flacid if actively "standing". The act of mansacking another player also provides the zombie with 1XP. Only buildings with "standing" survivors will be able to truly appreciate the power of the mansack.)


Players who buy crotch rot will get a warning, "Crotch Rot will make it significantly harder for you to score, and should only be bought by zombies who never want to get lucky again. Are you sure you want to buy Crotch Rot?." Mansack cannot be purchased.
Flavor Text:

Using Scent Death near a zombie with crotch rot would result in the in-game message:
You take in the crotch rot and decay in the air around you.
Attacking a zombie with mansack would result in the in-game message:
You fire your shotgun at the zombie for 10 damage. They have a huge mansack. They drop their trousers.

Funny votes: Funny epic win, epic win, epic win. Whoever did this is a genius!--Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 23:16, 22 November 2009 (UTC), Ditto that! --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:29, 4 December 2009 (UTC) Brilliant! --Boom12389 05:48, 29 March 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

OMG Zombies are too powerful please nerf them

Type: Satire
Tally: -2

I just got killed by a zombie!!! NO FAIR!!! They are way too powerful. It only takes them like 75AP to tear down my cades and I spent MORE THAN HALF A DAY'S AP building them!! And just look at the stats page, nearly 45% of standing characters are zombies!! Just imagine if they outnumbered survivors!! They would overrun the city and the game would be over! And don't give the that rubbish about how half of them are Mrh Cows cos look some of them have Lurching Gait thats a ZOMBIE SKILL they can't be dedicated survivors!!! We need like 100% accuracy weapons to use against them. And sniper rifles and gatling guns. And Headshot is way underpowered it only takes 5AP off them we need more like 200AP oh and make that fuel can/flare combo work on the whole horde at once cos its just crap when you can only kill one zombie with it. And humans should get like double the HP cos it's not fair that just one lone zombie can kill me.

Funny votes: ---Scout talk Click! 23:02, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I dig the satirical sentiment but I feel it should make a more pointed criticism at the satirical target or employ some potty humor or word play.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:33, 3 January 2010 (UTC)Totally gay zombies are under powered and half are Mrh cows

AP Slot Machine

Type: Mall enhancement
Tally: -1

A one-armed bandit is installed in one corner of each non-ruined mall and operates whenever that corner of the mall is powered and not ruined.

For 1AP, any survivor or zombie can spin the wheels. Prizes range from a single clip or shell to 1000AP. AP prizes are awarded after a 24 hour delay but are exempt from the normal 50AP cap.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Something like this was actually suggested and I voted for it. =P Also it should make some kind of joke about slot machines.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:34, 3 January 2010 (UTC)

Gas Tanks

Type: Item
Tally: -1

Gas tanks are installed in certain buildings. These buildings: Hardware Stores, Auto Repairs, Necrotechs, Mansion, Power Stations, Factories, Schools, Arms and Warehouses . Zombies can attack these Gas Tanks, at a rate of about 1-5%. It will take 10 attacks to explode the Gas Tank. This will automatically kill the Zombie, and do 50HP damage to humans. Anyone who died in the explosion, when they get up, will be on fire, causing 1HP damage for 5 Actions. The Gas Tank can be repaired, just like a building. It will be seen in the building description as 'The Gas Tank is unscratched/scratched/dented/crushed.'

Funny votes: #Funny, cuz some idiot ALSO suggested this on the DS page. Except that he said that Gas Tanks should give unlimited fuel. I'm not kidding.--Brainguard 14:49, 27 August 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes: #Unfunny, because this joke has already been made for more ridiculous suggestions.--Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 14:50, 27 August 2009 (BST) As Yonnua--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:37, 3 January 2010 (UTC)


--Ryanrulesx 11:03, 29 June 2009 (BST)

Type: New item.
Tally: +3

Well, soap should be found almost anywhere exept junkyards, it has 2 uses, 1 you can use it to clean blood off you for example (bloodstained clothes + Soap = Un-bloodstained clothes) it will have a 98% chance of cleaning you and it will waste 2 AP. The second use is that it can be shoved in zombies mouths so that if they use bite, it takes half damage, and leaves a minty smell! Now, for the zombies, it has one use, zombies with the "Memories of Life" skill can slide the soap towards the harmans and send them tumbling over (It takes 1 AP to stand up!)! So yeaaa.

Funny votes: Kinda funny. Nemesis645 14:21, 11 August 2009 (BST), So crazy I like it and actually wouldn't mind the first part at all (saves searching for new clothes!) --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:32, 4 December 2009 (UTC)December 2009(BST) I would love to be able to clean my clothes. --Officer Doom
Unfunny votes:

Ban CyberBob Button

--Haliman - Talk 04:51, 1 July 2009 (BST)

Type: Wiki Change
Tally: +3

I think everyone should have access to a "Ban CyberBob" button. That's it. Yep.

Funny votes: Keep - Author vote, I demand it gets implemented. --Haliman - Talk 04:51, 1 July 2009 (BST) Keep - Yep. --Skouth 04:54, 1 July 2009 (BST) Keep - yay --Bob Boberton TF / DW Littlemudkipsig.gif Keep - Because I have to obey my boss NO MATTER WHAT --Ephraim

Keep - We need more buttons NAO! -- 

Emot-argh.gif 04:56, 1 July 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Discard - This is for in-game suggestions, not wiki centic ones. Also, I'd prefer a "Ban Retards" button which would instantly ban all petty users, and Umbrella employees in the blink of an eye DANCEDANCEREVOLUTION (TALK | CONTRIBS) 04:56, 1 July 2009 (BST)

Keeeeeep! - because he won't swordfight me! --dgw 04:58, 1 July 2009 (BST) Kill with fire - we need a "ban assholes" button first ;) Linkthewindow  Talk  05:09, 1 July 2009 (BST) Keep - Not funny, but worth the keep.--Thadeous Oakley 10:25, 1 July 2009 (BST)

Make The Game More Realistic

--Billybobfred 00:43, 28 June 2009 (BST)

Type: Totally Doesn't Break The Game At All
Tally: +1

First, we should get rid of APs. In a real zombie apocalypse we would be able to do stuff all the time. Also guns should have 100% accuracy and be instant kills. Because real guns don't take ten shots to kill real zombies. And in fact there's no such things as real zombies so we should just automatically revive all currently-existing zombies. Actually no revives aren't real either, so any character that has ever been revived should drop dead. And none of them have eaten anything what's up with that? So actually every character should just drop dead of starvation. And no standing up, either!

Funny votes: Author vote. I see nothing wrong with this idea. Billybobfred 00:43, 28 June 2009 (BST) Effective satire.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:39, 3 January 2010 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: This just sounds like the kind of thing a crazy newbie and/or zombie lord would suggest.--Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 22:58, 12 July 2009 (BST) Its a good set up but you need to have comedy in it--Eco 23:54, 16 August 2011 (BST)

Prank Beer

--Necrofeelinya 01:14, 2 June 2009 (BST)

Type: New Item
Tally: +5

Every time a survivor finds a beer while searching, there's a 1% chance that it turns out to be a prank beer, where another survivor carefully removed the cap, drank the beer, pissed in the bottle and carefully re-capped it to fool someone into drinking it. Instead of the usual +1 HP from drinking a normal beer, the victim suffers - 1 HP and a whole lot of embarrassment as everyone in the room sees them visibly gag, drop the bottle and search for something with which to wash out their mouth.

Funny votes: Funny - Author vote, and some of the more Rambo-esque players might learn a bit of humility from this happening from time to time.--Necrofeelinya 01:14, 2 June 2009 (BST)
Funny - And then they would rant for days on the radio about how the perpetrator will be hunted down and tortured to death. --Explodey 23:12, 22 November 2009 (UTC), I also insist there be a new button when in a pub "Create Prank Beer". Next survivor to search and find a beer gets a prank beer. --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:36, 4 December 2009 (UTC) Ah that's great. So true.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:39, 3 January 2010 (UTC) that is a great idea Kevan should do it--Isokrates 02:58, 5 April 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

MP survivor expenses

--Betamaxx ◆◆◆ 15:28, 22 May 2009 (BST)

Type: Satire
Tally: +1

New skill for high level survivors in which they choose any item they want with the justification that it is in the interest of the general Malton Public. Every other survivor in the same suburb will then be taxed a full 50AP.

You wont have to search (wont use up any AP) for the item it will just be automatically entered into your inventory. XP can be gained if the item is mentioned in the daily telegraph.

Funny votes: Would go well with my moat suggestion --Explodey 18:14, 1 November 2009 (UTC), Make everyone pay 50AP for a newspaper. --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:38, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Ohhh, this is pure comedy gold in it's potential. I'd like to see you go farther with the idea.--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 04:41, 3 January 2010 (UTC)


Necrofeelinya 10:03, 11 April 2009 (BST)

Type: New Class
Tally: +2

The Harman class would be a character class for players who actually want to play a zombie apocalypse, want it to be challenging, and don't display a weepy mother's overprotectiveness of their character. They would be just like regular humans, but would be ineligible for free running, construction or Necrotech skills. They would regularly die in abundance, being frequently locked out of buildings, and would have to rely on Malton's other character classes for regular revives or to raise or lower 'cades for them to take cover. They would have unique skills to acquire: "Sobbing Grovel", costing 100 XP, would allow their desperate pleas for mercy from out on the street to be heard inside by residents of a building. "Shrieking Demise", at 100 XP, would cause them to emit an audible death cry heard for a 5 block radius upon their deaths. "Pointless Gesture", also 100 XP, would allow them to learn a few basic phrases in Zombese with which they could beg for their lives. Alternative names for this character class could be "Roadkill" or "Street Pizza".

Funny votes: Both funny and necessary. Request immediate implementation.--Necrofeelinya 10:11, 11 April 2009 (BST) Ditto. These need to be in the game immediately. A zombie should be able to purchase "Shrieking Demise" to elicit the response in their victims. It would be almost as good as the apocryphal zombie skill: "Head Bite."--Winton 23:27, 17 April 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Let me guess. You're a zombie player. --Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 16:45, 2 June 2009 (BST)

Blow Up Malton

Type: Balance
Tally: +1

Okay this applies when you are searching any building. There is a one in one million chance that you find a doomsday device left behind by some furious evil genius who was annoyed zombies destroyed Malton before he could. It would say "As you stumbled aimlessly around the building looking for anything useful, you lean against a wall which reveals a panel". You then gain the option to press the panel, this takes one Ap and there is a 50% chance that the sercurity system is activated, which activates a laser grid which moves across th room slicing zombies and survivors alike into small piles of flesh. However there is a 50% chance that a hidden door opens and you go through it. Inside you find a complex set of machineary and computers. Standing blatently out infront of you is a big red button labled "BLOW UP MALTON RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE". You will almost certainly press it and a voice will say "Well done dumbass' immediately after there will be a huge explosion as the nuke that was being kept under the building explodes. Everyone in Malton dies , zombies and survivors alike, everyone recieves the message "you hear a loud bang, and are blinded by a harsh white light, you manage to scream "WHAT THE FU...(Ha hrh rh... for zombies)" before you die". All buildings are ruined and if you stand back up you immediatley de of radiation sickness.This lasts for 10-20 years while the radiation dissipates. Also a player who presses the button now is labled "curious fuckwit" Now the game is totaly balanced as now everybody is in the same boat and all those trenchies calling zombies overpowered are happy as they have won the game, and it is now so much better for it!

Funny votes: I'll vouch for this, but mostly perhaps because he misspelled 'Balance'. DANCEDANCEREVOLUTION (TALK | CONTRIBS) 01:11, 19 May 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Free Running Lanes

Type: Epic win
Tally: 2

--Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 12:19, 22 March 2009 (UTC)

1. Freerunning is no longer a Skill. Everybody loses it.

2. All Players CAN "Free Run" across buildings inherently, under the following circumstances:

a.Free Running Lanes are Structures, makeshift bridges that span buildings. They must be built and maintained. Inside each Building (that is directly adjacent to another building) there is a new Option to Build Free Running Lanes. This requires a toolbox, 5 AP, and a new Item: Lumber

Lumber. 20% Encumbrance. Found in Warehouses, Factories, Junkyards, and Mall Hardware Stores.

Once built they can be destroyed the same as Generators, with the following Levels of damage: Undamaged, Lightly Damaged, Damaged, heavily Damaged, Destroyed. The Running Lanes level of damage is reported in the building the same as Generators so all can see how damaged it may be.

Running Lanes that are damaged from Lightly Damaged to Heavily Damaged can be repaired by a Survivors with a Toolkit for 1 AP, which totally restores the Lanes to Undamaged status. Running Lanes inside Ruined buildings cannot be Built or Repaired.

A building that has it's Free Running Lanes Destroyed cannot be Free Run into or out of. If you try to run into a building that has its Lanes destroyed you get a message: "That building has no Running Lanes" at 0 AP cost to you.

A survivor who is encumbered at 75% or less can free run freely as long as the lanes are not Destroyed.

A Survivor who is encumbered at 76% or above has a 25% chance to fall to the street, as long as the lanes are not Destroyed.

A zombie has a 50% to fall to the street if they attempt to use a Running Lane, as long as the Lanes are not Destroyed.

Destroying a Running Lane grants 5 XP to the destroyer, but only if they are a Zombie.

Funny votes: lol. --Yonnua Koponen Talk ! Contribs 12:20, 22 March 2009 (UTC) Hurr Hurr, though what's really funny is the drama that was involved in discussion. --Private Mark 03:23, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Newspapers damage barricades

Type: Weapon enhancement
Tally: +2

Since newspapers are just as hard to find as most melee weapons, players should be better rewarded for acquiring them. As well as being a novel form of communication, the normal rules should apply when using them against barricades. They should have half the normal chance to hit (in this case half of 100% is 50%) and do 1hp damage just like any other melee weapon. The newspaper would also have a chance of breaking when you successfully hit the barricade, but not as high as the pool cue since the newspaper is obviously stronger. So the newspaper would only have a 1% chance of breaking.

Funny votes: Ha! DANCEDANCEREVOLUTION (TALK | CONTRIBS) 14:23, 23 April 2009 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 23:25, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Brain Rotted Survivors

Type: Satire, Stereotypes, New Item
Tally: +5

Currently, there is no downside to being a survivor with brain rot, unless you die. I propose that we change this, and make the game a little more realistic in the process. This is serious brain damage we're talking about, after all. Most importantly, survivors with Brain Rot (from now on referred to as rotting humans) will get a restriction on their movement. For example, when at Eason Library and trying to move south, they will get a message reading:

  • You take a step to the south, but then remember that the closest mall is actually Blesley Mall, and it's only three blocks north of here! Excited with that prospect, you turn and move north instead.

This costs one AP, just like any regular movement. If you moved towards the mall anyway, you will get this text instead:

  • You move another block closer to Blesley Mall. Your heart pounds in your chest, and you can barely wait to get there.

This will continue until you reach the mall. Once in there, you get some amazing benefits. First of all, you cannot leave the mall, ever, not even by Feeding Drag. Attempts to drag the rotting human out will result in the loss of 5AP and the following message:

  • You try desperately hard to drag the survivor out into the streets, but are eventually forced to let go as its kicking and screaming becomes too much for you to handle.

Furthermore, every action but searching will yield a special message with no AP wasted. For instance, trying to barricade results in this:

  • Don't be silly! You don't have time to barricade anything, you have to search for the new CD by Paris Hilton, Paris for President!

Searching any store, even the drugstore, will yield that CD at a 100% encounter rate. It's because you're that enthusiastic about it. Any zombies or ruins are ignored, as is the presence or non-presence of a fueled generator. The item has 2% encumbrance, but you will automatically drop any other items if you're at 100%, so you'll always be carrying the most of Paris. When you have one or more CDs in your inventory, you can click on them to listen to them in any powered mall. This grants you 5XP, but causes 10HP damage to any non-rotters. If the mall is not powered, you will force one or more of the other occupants of the mall, be it survivors or zombies, to sacrifice a portable generator and a fuel can. If either isn't available, you will die from frustration and rise as a zombie. A rotting human listening to the CD is incidentally protected from zombies. When a zombie tries to attack them, they will lose no AP and get the following message:

  • You have no reason to attack this human, as it obviously has no functioning brain.

If a zombie or survivor attacks the generator that allows for the rotting human's music, it will be subject to an immediate counterattack that will kill the zombie immediately. It comes with this special flavour message:

  • Enraged with the loss of its music, the human charges at you in blind anger and begins stomping on your face, effectively grinding it into an unrecognisable pile of brains and blood.

After that, the zombie cannot rise up again, and is effectively deleted from the game forever.

Funny votes: This is too realistic to joke about. Ash Cianatti 02:04, 26 February 2009 (UTC) I lol'd.......that's just too damn funny!--Obamacain 17:43, 1 May 2009 (BST) Xd!--Rolfero 17:29, 29 may 2009 (GMT+1), Please please please! --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:42, 4 December 2009 (UTC)---Scout talk Click! 23:28, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Wacky Waving Arm Flailing Inflatable Tube Men

Type: New Item
Tally: 0

I would like to propose the addition of Wacky Waving Arm Flailing Inflatable Tube Men to the game. It is an item (10% encumbrance) found only in Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Arm Flailing Inflatable Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse, (New store in a mall, replaces the gun store) at a rate of 110%, thanks to a shipping error.

Uses include attracting survivors to your safe house, impressing co-workers at NecroTech's next meeting, keeping revivifying bodies company, protecting barricades, confusing zombies outside, hailing External Military helicopters, lightening up a church, or just raising the roof at your next block party.

Funny votes: I will personally place one outside every NT and RP in Malton! --Maverick Talk - OBR Praise Knowledge! 404 06:43, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Major lack of originality. --Guy.The.Firefighter 03:42, 25 September 2009 (BST)

Zombie Ram

Type: New skill


Tally: {{{tally}}}

Three Drunk Zombies got to gather in the middle of a siege and begin to look at a EHB Mall and watch their Zombie friends attack the barricad.One zombie looked at the other and the other looked at him and said "ZRHRMNMNHRZM mHA ARAR HGhARnBG AR haBBHA an ARGBHAa."the two zombies walked over to their friend and grabed their friend and begin to use him as a ram slamming his head against the barricad.After 5 days they made it in only to find that the other Zombie's had already gotten in and eat ever one.The one Zombie that had came up with the idea looked at the other one and said"ZRHRMZ HGhARRZ AR NMRZHAGB NMBZ mRA MNaRZHG bMZaARnZZHAMNMN.".


Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: Good joke. Poor execution. Funniness 1/10 Yonnua Koponen 07:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC) I can't even read that. Treviabot92 05:03, 26 May 2011 (BST)

Facebook HQ

Type: New building
Tally: 1

New Building: Facebook HQ

Special Features:

  • New Facebook - The new Facebook will confuse everybody, zombie and survivors alike, and make them all pissed off just trying to find a single application or a wall post. It will cause the player 5AP just to do anything on it. The only ones who won't get confused are n00bs, MySpace supporters, and anyone who works at Facebook. When the New Facebook becomes the only Facebook, an automatic death and Headshot will be given to anyone who signs the Old Facebook Petition. Also, any New Facebook supporters will no longer be able to speak properly. Everything they say will be translated into n00b.
  • Old Facebook Petition - There are a few dozen of these petitions, each one hidden in a different building around Malton. Depending on whichever side the player is on, they will do something different every time they enter Facebook HQ.
    • Survivors - They will run in the building saying, "NEW FACEBOOK SUCKS!!!" Any n00bs/MySpace supporters/Facebook employee cannot be FAKed if an Old Facebook survivor is inside. If the supporters attempt to kill the Old Facebook survivor, they will automatically be placed at the top of every PKers' hit list.
    • PKers - Whenever they enter Facebook HQ, everyone inside the building, excluding old Facebook supporters, will automatically be taken hostage, and a hostage will be killed every 30 minutes. If any one of the hostages attempt to do anything heroic, they will be permakilled from the game.
    • Zombies - Whenever they are on the same block as Facebook HQ, the barricades will automatically be destroyed. Every New Facebook supporters will be zombified, and they will be treated as a zombie with Brain Rot. Any NecroTech Scanners that scan these zombies will automatically explode at the sheer stupidity of the New Facebook.

Funny votes: Author vote. NEW FACEBOOK SUCKS!!! --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 21:52, 15 September 2008 (BST)---Scout talk Click! 23:36, 26 July 2010 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny. Just a rant. Yonnua Koponen 07:51, 25 September 2008 (BST) Not a joke. --Boom12389 05:54, 29 March 2010 (BST) Not actually funny.--The General T Sys U! P! F! 16:38, 24 May 2011 (BST) What the hell is New Facebook????????? Treviabot92 05:04, 26 May 2011 (BST)

New Classes

Type: New Class
Tally: 0

Ok, I have some new classes to suggest, however each of these classes is only available to one person per suburb, and it will be the first player who gets that account. FIRST: Vegeta. This class instantly starts with 100HP and 70% to hit with all attacks, but if he encounters anyone with HP than himself (Through losing HP) he will instantly shout "IT'S OVER 50!" And die on the spot, thus enabling a character to be made by another player. SECOND: Hugh Grant. He starts with every skill, but when encountered by any female character, loses 3HP for each action because of his nervousness around women. If any zombie attempts to attack Hugh Grant he may run away at top speed in a tuxedo, but must get to the chuch before his best friend's wedding/wedding/wedding/wedding/funeral. If he encounters Colin Firth, they instantly battle to the death in the nearest park, and he may use the skill drown, to attempt to drown Colin Firth in the fountain. THIRD: WanYao. You get l33t editting skills and the power to be everywhere at once. However, only one player can get the account and that is WanYao, but his awesomeness is enough to go around. Nuff Said. FOURTH:

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:

Brain Decay

Type: New Skill
Tally: 1

I think that there should be a new skill where zombies can choose to stay dead, and not be able to be revived. It should be called brain decay, and cost 100XP for a zombie to buy. However, if a pro-survivor buys it by accident, they can get revived by entering a powered NT building and getting revived. It should also be harder to DNA extract zombies with Brain Decay.

Funny votes: User Vote -Yonnua Koponen 00:22, 29 August 2008 (BST) ha. ha. ha--Doctorgun 07:55, 20 October 2008 (BST)*sniggers* Definitely a funny.--Rachel Akebre 03:16, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: No. BladeBlade 17:55, 15 December 2009 (UTC) Heard it before... --Chief Seagull (talk) 16:17, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

Character: Leonidas I

Type: New Class
Tally: -1

Leonidas is back in action in Malton's city, he has a smaller skill set, but they are just as letah as any other survivor.
HP: 300
SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN Kick of Death- Kicks a zombie/survivor off the roof, can only be used in a tall building.
SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN Battle Cry- Shouts THIS IS SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! loudly, repelling anyone around him for 5 hours
SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN Proficiency- Adds 50% efficiency to all SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN skills
SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN Death- Kills yourself but adds another hit to the hall of glory (after all, he did prepare for glory!)

Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: --AnotherpongoWhere? 14:48, 27 August 2008 (BST)

Trade XP for AP (again)

Type: New Action
Tally: 0

For level 41/42 players with thousands of spare XP. Add a button that allows a player to trade 1000XP for 1AP. But this action costs 1AP, so you end up with the same AP you started with .

Funny votes: Yes. Yes, oh yes.--Rachel Akebre 03:16, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Toolbox equals Tangling Grasp

Type: Skill logic flaw fix
Tally: 0

Hay guys, zombies are too strong as they can now use toolboxes. To offset this new zombie buff, please remove the "tangling grasp" ability.

This is not really a nerf to zombies; because, the 10% reduction to hand and bite attacks is offset by the new toolbox attack which is also 10%. ALso, since zombies are stupid, they should not be able to attack with toolboxes; however, since they now can it only makes sense to move the "tangling grasp ability.

  *Zombies are too strong
  *Toolboxes + Zombies = too too strong
  *Obviously to maintain the 70/30 balance, a skill change is in order

Here is a picture which demonstrates my idea:


fyi: I will not respond to flaming by the overpowered and awesome goons. --Emot-siren.gif LABIA on the INTERNET Emot-siren.gif Dunell Hills Corpseman The Malton Globetrotters#24 - You rated this wiki '1'! Great job, go hog wild!|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| TMG 19:11, 2 June 2008 (BST)

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:


Type: Map change
Tally: 0

The quarantine zone around Malton is extended by 10 blocks in each direction, revealing a 10-block wide moat around the city, surrounded by a quarter-mile-high wall, presumably as a cheaper alternative to the previous quarantine defenses. Any character at the edge of the city can now enter the moat. Survivors can buy the Swimming skill which allows them to enter the moat and travel for 2AP per block. Zombies are clumsier and need 3AP per block to swim but can do so without a skill as they don't need to worry about drowning. A survivor searching a moat location has a 5% chance of finding a fish, which heals 2HP if eaten. Also at various random locations in the moat one can find whirlpools. A character entering a whirlpool will be sucked down and will reappear at another location, possibly on the opposite edge of the city. Survivors will start taking damage if they stay in the water for more than 2 hours but those with the Construction skill in any building at the edge of the city can build and launch a raft for 49AP. The raft drifts 1 block in a random direction every hour and can also be moved by survivors paddling. Generators and radio transmitters can be installed on rafts. Up to 4 people can stand on a raft, the 5th will cause it to sink (destroying any generator, radio and decorations on board.) Zombies cannot climb aboard a raft but can attack it in an attempt to break and sink it. The raft will also break if it drifts into a whirlpool.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Item Improvement Thingy
Tally: +2

Survivors: Are you tired of that pker that just won't leave you alone? Tired of those zombies that keep coming back even when you've given a headshot? Zombies: Tired of those moronic trechcoating cowards coming out, shooting and cussing and giving you the one-finger salute, and then going back to safety just before you log on, depriving you of delicious brains, however small they may be? The new WTF?! will cure those ills and more. With the WTF?! all you need to do is ask it to do something and it will magically do it for you! Want to dish out vigilante justice to evil cheaters or just get rid of that annoying pker? The WTF?! can delete accounts! Tired of zombies that break into your safehouse? The WTF?! makes uber traps that cause anybody touching your barricades to be blown to the Precambrian Period! Or, if you wish, you can also make them be blown back to the Triassic, Jurassic, and Cretacious Periods! Heck, go on and blow them to the end of the universe! Whatever you want! You'll just wish you could see that person's face when they read the flavor text, "You have been blown back to the Cretacious Period, and have been eaten by a dinosaur, who then vomited you back out because you didn't taste good"! Whatever you want it to do, it does! And it's only $87912947497843276.99! No money? Well, then, you're screwed. We ain't running a charity here, you know. I don't care if money is useless other than a source of heat. We still want it.

Funny votes: Noes! It's the evil salesman of dooooom!--Rachel Akebre 03:16, 16 November 2008 (UTC) LOL Treviabot92 05:12, 26 May 2011 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Mother Russia

Type: Patriotic
Tally: +4

Malton has miraculously been moved from... Er... Well, where ever it was! Er, Undefined! Yeah, that's it! Anyways, Malton has somehow been moved from Undefined into Russia! Wait, it gets worse! Time and space have somehow broken, causing it to go into 1977! Oh teh noes! Now Maltonians have gone through an alteration of, er, something. New classes and stuff are available, some even replacing the existing. Here are the following changes.


  • All military now start with the Glorious Soviet Military Uniform. Wear it proudly, soldier! Or else! They also start out with the skill Opression.
  • Private- Now start with the AK-47 and Advanced Assault Rifle Training. Replaces previous private.
  • Scout- Now start with a pistol and Advanced Pistol Training. Replaces previous.


  • All previous characters are abolished.
  • Nuclear Physicist- Start with skill Nuclear Scientist, and Rebel Cure.
  • Doctor- Start with Anti-Rebel FAK.


  • All consumers turn into Patriotic Citizens. All others simply turn into rebels, the dirty Nazis.
  • Patriotic Citizen- Start with the skill Patriotic Song.


  • All zombies are rebels, the Nazi scum.
  • Rebel- Dirty pieces of Nazi scum. They start out with pistols, but they aren't allowed to get skills to improve their aim. Turned into PC when Rebel Cure is used.


  • Opression- Soldiers are able to beat rebels and everybodyelse into submission.
  • Nuclear Scientist- Allows creation of nukes and nuclear reactors.
  • Patriotic Song- Awesome Soviet National Anthem. When sung, everybody is healed up to 60 HP.
  • Communism- All characters get this, with the exception of rebels. Does nothing except give 60 HP.


  • AK-47- Assault rifle of the glorious Warsaw Pact.
  • Anti-Rebel FAK- Cures those rebel wounds.
  • Rebel Cure- Cures those poor rebels of their illness using the power of mind control.
  • Nuclear Reactor- Built by scientists to power buildings. After a few weeks, they need to have new plutonium, making radioactive sludge.
  • Radioactive Sludge- Thrown at rebels, causing 100% damage. Oh the burns! Oh, God, the mutations! The horror! The horror!

Nobody is allowed to choose their job anymore, Kevan does that now. Also, churches will turn into farmland, and searches will be divided amongst Malton.

Funny votes: I like the references to the USSR in all of this. --Arcology 01:38, 26 June 2008 (BST) as above...megalols :) --Irounds 01:14, 14 July 2008 (BST) In Soviet Russia suggestion make YOU!!! --Igpeno 20:47, 23 August 2008 (BST) Communisms always fun. Yonnua Koponen 00:58, 29 August 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Use Dead Bodies as Weapons

Type: New fight option
Tally: 0, +3, -5

While many Generic Dudes might be satisfied with bashing those around them with metal pipes (or baseball bats if they came across them), what happens when you jam that pipe in the door to create loose cades? You might have nothing left to use as a weapon. We all know that using fists are quite horrible. Well, if you’ve got some dead bodies around you, why not just pick them up and swing them around?

If at least 1 dead body is present in your location, an option is added to your attack menu: Dead body (10%, 2 damage). If you have H2H, then it goes up to 25%. I guess zombies could use them as well, but they get no hit-rate bonus (as usual).

What it looks like:

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Item, Satire, New Building
Tally: +0

This is a zombie apocolypse, but why can;t we all just sit down for a bite to eat? This involves a new building, called the restaurant. Now In this building, you can find certain food items, like hamburgers, Steaks, French Fries, and various beverages. (Sprite, 7 up, Cokehead Cola, etc.) There would be an 8 percent change of finding food, and it will restore 1 AP when you eat it. But it takes 1 AP to eat it, so there is a penalty, so it is not too uneven.

Funny votes: mmm, yummy --~~~~ [talk] 07:42, 17 April 2008 (BST)
 Would it also serve brains? Oh wait, we serve that to ourselves. --Arcology 01:20, 14 July 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:
 It would have been funnier if it mentioned bananas. (Yes, I know. Shameless self promotion!) --Richardhg 16:49, 24 May 2008 (BST)

No sense of humor

Type: Satire
Tally: 0

Looking at the average score for humorous suggestions I think the following change is required.

This change would require all wiki accounts to be linked to UD characters.

For every 5 humorous suggestions the user votes as 'unfunny', the character's maximum HP and AP are each reduced by one. After 25 of these penalty points (125 votes) the character's profile description will change to "A very boring survivor with no sense of humor" or similarly "A very boring zombie...". These penalties will be irreversible. However their weapon accuracies increase by 5% at this point because their opponent will fall asleep at the mere sight of them so will be unable to dodge their attacks. A survivor with the tagging skill can earn 1XP by spraying "kick me" or "shoot me" on the bore's clothing.

Conversely any character who has voted 25 or more suggestions as 'funny" gets the chance to find a clown suit, red nose & fake moustache in a gun store. All their weapons do double damage on April 1st each year as long as they have been wearing these items for a whole year.

--Explodey 11:24, 8 April 2008 (BST)

Funny votes: Sorry can't talk. Side is split from laughing too much --Tselita 20:39, 3 June 2008 (BST) It's good. DANCEDANCEREVOLUTION (TALK | CONTRIBS) 01:46, 2 June 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes: But what if the jokes aren't funny... Like this? -- Dance Emot.gifTheDavibob T 16:32, 8 April 2008 (BST) 'Having a sense of humour' doesn't mean laughing at everything, it means laughing at what you find funny. --Lord of the Pies 19:51, 18 April 2008 (BST)


Type: Skill/Item
Tally: +1

A new skill called "Fnord-Seer" becomes available. This enables a Maltonian to see the fnords, giving them a 100% chance of finding a fnord when reading a newspaper. The fnord has a 65% hit rate and does 10 damage against anyone who does not see the fnords, bypassing any flak jacket.

Funny votes: I'm laughing because I don't understand the joke. --Vandurn 21:29, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

New years eve/day

Type: Event
Tally: -1

Fairly simple really At midnight on new years eve you recieve the following messages, if you are a survivor or zombie

  • Your head pounds, and you finally realise how drunk you are, you are going to regret this in the morning.
  • Bright lights shine in the sky. You forget about the hunger and stare at the pretty lights.

At which point you all your unused xp is removed.

The next day can then be designated New Skills Day, a perfect oppurtunity to add new skills, without people instqantly buying them!

Funny votes: Yep.--RosslessnessWant a Location Image? 12:03, 16 March 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: meh. --~~~~ [talk] 13:33, 16 March 2008 (UTC) Um. --Vandurn 21:31, 3 April 2008 (BST)

The Prize

Type: Sarcasm. A lot of it.
Tally: 0

Prepare, this might be long. i've got lots of stuff here. let's beging from the end - The Prize. The Prize is an unique item. when a player is a survivor and has The Prize, his name is always shown in the description, even if there are more than 50 people. His actions are always observed, even if he's further than 50 people from you. Even more - his name is blinking! And when a zombie has The Prize the description will say "bla bla zombies and one of them is Da Man Wiz Da Prize, all hail t3h z0mb13 g0d!" or something of that sort.

Another benefits that Th3 Prize gives:

A special attack: Show your prize. has a 75% success rate and a special skill appears that costs 666 XP that reduces the success rate 65%. When successfull the messsage will be displayed "You've shown <victim> your prize and he is stunned!". Attack has no direct damage to vicitm HP or AP, but instead when they are loading the page they don't recieve some of the buttons and/or drop-downs, chosen randomly and some schizofrenic colorscheme is loaded with css.

Teh prize takes -10% encumrance, i.e. gives you possibility to carry more. And if you'll manage to get zero ecumbrance - you'll be levetating. Effects of this is that you can enter any building no matter of the barricades, ignore fort walls (you just fly over them), "free move" through ruins, generally speaking ignore any limitations concerning movement. The only one left would be border - if you'll try to cross it, External Military will shoot you down with Stingers and that would be a permadeath and your account deleted. Also mad people in flak jackets and black balaclavas will come to you in real life and kick your sorry butt.

And if you'll get negative encumbrance - you'll be flying too high, you won't be able to stop it and you will get into rarefied layers of atmosphere where you'll die. However, this is not a permadeath, instead, after using ?rise, you will be transformed into an external military helicopter. now you will help Kevan in making the broadcasts. you'll have a dropdown with the suburb name, when you'll click it you'll get the dump of the database for all actions and properties happening in that suburb for last week. you'll need to carefully look through them, calculate number of zombies and power and ruin values and submit all of this to the web-interface you'll have access to. and there will be a counter ticking from the moment you recieved the data for processing, if you won't get in time with it, electricity will be ran through your keyboard.

now back to THe pRize. for 13 XP you will be able to buy an extra skill. it's benefit would be enlarging the minimap from 3x3 to 5x5. it would be a subskill of the written above 666XP one, so you'll have to bear with that decreased hit chances. The minimap enlarge would be for one seesion only - once you'll log off (and then log back on) the skill will disappear and you'll have to buy it again.

Now how to win the prize. be continued... (if found funny)
--~~~~ [talk] 13:15, 13 February 2008 (UTC)

Funny votes: Suitably silly --Explodey 20:31, 10 April 2008 (BST) now how can i RAUNEMASTERYX 13:15, 17 April 2008 (BST) god of barah get this prize
Unfunny votes: Lol, you have thought a lot about this. --Vandurn 21:33, 3 April 2008 (BST)

Minigun and Minigun Ammo

Type: New Item
Tally: +12

Item: Minigun. Damage: 50HP per round. Takes 100 Rounds. Found in Fort Armories and are always found completely unloaded. Encumbrance: 100%.

Item 2: Minigun Ammo. Comes in 100 Round Ammo Crates. Found in Fort Armories. Encumbrance: 100%

The thought of confused and frustrated trenchcoaters screeching as they desperately try to find a way to carry both the gun AND the ammo keeps me warm at night. --Chade 18:42, 23 January 2008 (UTC)

Funny votes: Author Vote--Chade 10:53, 12 March 2008 (UTC) Hm.. Multiply the damage by 100, and cut the encumbrance of the ammo and the gun by 99%, and we have something that juuuuust miiiiight be of equal power to zombies bitching to Kevan.  Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  23:37, 23 January 2008 (UTC) lolz --~~~~ [talk] 22:42, 24 January 2008 (UTC) Just damn funny.--SeventythreeTalk 16:07, 28 January 2008 (UTC) I still think it should be a real suggestion.Studoku 19:33, 29 January 2008 (UTC) Agreed. This should be suggested for real. --Anotherpongo 09:39, 24 February 2008 (UTC) this should be real, if only to see the whines trenchcoaters say when they realise they can't do ZOMG dmg Yeeth 12:37, 6 March 2008 (UTC) Haha. I'd spend a lot of time trying to find a glitch. --Vandurn 21:40, 3 April 2008 (BST) Don't forget to tell the trenchies there's a secret skill that lets them carry twice as much, if they just get themselves 1000000XP and find a Spiderman costume in a junkyard. --Explodey 20:34, 10 April 2008 (BST)I like it. --Richardhg 16:57, 24 May 2008 (BST) fuck yes! DANCEDANCEREVOLUTION (TALK | CONTRIBS) 01:47, 2 June 2009 (BST) Those darn miniguns! --Arcology 01:42, 26 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Billhooked Cleaver

Type: New Item
Tally: -5

Because no zombie game is complete without these.

Billhooked cleavers could be found in 'arms' buildings, or malls' newly implemented butchery shops.

Survivors wielding it swing the cleaver like an axe, and thus, its hit rate is affected by axe proficiency. Originally, this does the same damage as an axe, 3, and has the original hit rate of an axe, 10%

However, there's a catch. If your character's name is Keiichi Maebara, Rena Ryugu, Rika Furude, Mion Sonozaki, Shion Sonozaki or Satoko Hojo, or your character has survived the massacre of Hinamizawa, there's a 5% chance of decapitating your target when you swing a cleaver to it, killing it instantly, only if, before attacking, you have said 'How did you dare to do this to me? TO ME!!!' Zombies decapytated this way must get up as if they had been headshot, and Ankle Grab does not reduce the AP cost.

Yeah, yeah. I know I will be called a weeaboo after I post this. But what the heck? I thought I would post it, and if it causes the lulz, then so be it. XD--Sachiko Kotobuki 18:17, 10 January 2008 (GMT +1)

Funny votes: Hmm...I can see the humor of this joke, so I find it funny. But I don't think Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni (translated to "When They Cry" for the North American release) is really popular or well-known enough to the general public. I still find this funny though. --Peter Timewell 21:52, 30 January 2008
Unfunny votes: what? o_O --~~~~ [talk] 14:53, 12 January 2008 (UTC) Sorry, this joke relies on quite qn in-depth knowlege of some sort of comic book or TV series, and I don't get it. I'm sure it is funny if you have read the comic or seen the show.--SeventythreeTalk 16:38, 12 January 2008 (UTC) Eh. Anime jokes are not funny. Ever. --TriPolarClicky! 03:03, 13 January 2008 (UTC) If it needs explaining, it usually isn't funny.Studoku 19:32, 29 January 2008 (UTC) Yeah, no, it's true. This is a bit precise to be a humor suggestion, too. --Vandurn 21:42, 3 April 2008 (BST) Colin Hunt, is that you? --Explodey 18:37, 10 April 2008 (BST)

A question of language.

Type: The character creation process.
Tally: +1

--Rosslessness 18:01, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

We all know that one day battery powered lighting devices will be added to the game. As such something like the following should be introduced as part of the character creation process

What is this? (see below) Pick TORCH or FLASHLIGHT.

So when said item is introduced to the game it will appear in your inventory and on screen messages as you turn on your torch, or you turn on your flashlight.

Therefore a simple misunderstanding is solved, and I can suggest all the portable lighting suggestions I want, knowing I will offend no one with my choice of language.

This is a torch.JPG

Funny votes: It may not be funny. But its too tongue in cheek for the main page.--Rosslessness 17:54, 17 December 2007 (UTC) I think it's funny. :( --Vandurn 21:44, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: what are you suggesting again? i'm not sure i caught where the joke is --~~~~ [talk] 09:53, 13 January 2008 (UTC)

Film star

Type: New Class
Tally: -3

You would want to be a film star right? here are the sub classes, Jedi knight, they can only use a light saber, Indiana Jones, you can only use a pistol and a whip and you have the cool hat, and you automatically kill; anyone with a knife, Jack Nicholson(the shining), you can only use axes and you always say after "Here's johnny!!!!", Jack sparrow, you knife hits are 30hp, Happy Gilmore, You hit anyone with golf club for 50hp.

Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: Umm... ha ha? For one, this is not even vaguely funny. Secondly, your format is so thoroughly screwed up, it fills me with the urge... to defecate. --TriPolarClicky! 17:46, 17 December 2007 (UTC) Yeah, defecation is funny, what happened to the stars of those sort of movies, huh? --Vandurn 21:46, 3 April 2008 (BST) This is completely stupid. --Arcology 01:44, 26 June 2008 (BST)

South Park FTW

--Banjo2E (complain) 13:57, 20 November 2007 (UTC)

Type: Flavor Change
Tally: +1

Whenever someone kills any player named Kenny, all users in the area recieve the message, "Oh my GOD, X killed Kenny!" "You bastard!"

Funny votes: ROFL!!!--GunFox13 18:15, 17 December 2007 (UTC) Lol.Studoku 20:28, 24 January 2008 (UTC) Reminds me of this. That bastard. --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 20:30, 24 January 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: And people think it's funny every time...ugh. --Vandurn 21:47, 3 April 2008 (BST) Dupe. --Explodey 18:40, 10 April 2008 (BST)

Rural Dead

Type: Addition
Tally: +1.5

Where do Maltons in pre-apocalypse get their meat from? well they import it, but that's not the point. Adjacent to Malton's south border, there is another similarly-sized "city"-except its more rural. The only types of buildings here are Barns, Dairy Farms, Butcher Shops, different types of Fields, Freeways, and Rivers. Of course all the poor animals are all dead, but there are new items to get from buildings (pitchforks, tractor blades, scythes, and dried meats that act as FAKs)

To get from Urban Malton to Rural Malton, players have to go to one of the buildings near the southern border, where they see the description "The stretch of border defenses is not very strong here", and they get the chance to "Charge the Defenses". If he chooses to charge, he has a 99% chance of getting killed by border patrols, but immediately ends up on the other side if he survives.

Also, people don't have to start out from urban Malton anymore. If they choose to create a character from rural Malton, they get to choose from the same 3 classes (civilian, scientist, military, zombie). Civilians can choose to pick either Farmers or Bored Tourists, armed with random farming tools, Scientists can become Vetinarians, Military units can become either Angry Farmers or Local Militiamen, armed with shotguns, and zombies can choose to become Corpses or Undead Cows --Combine 108 02:38, 20 November 2007 (UTC).

Funny votes: Weak Funny. Meh. --Banjo2E (complain) 13:51, 20 November 2007 (UTC) I would actually like to see a form of this implemented. That's what's funny. --Vandurn 21:49, 3 April 2008 (BST) I'd fucking love to see this implemented. Sounds quite good too. Nemesis645 12:09, 14 August 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Spiritualist Class

Type: New Class
Tally: +0

I think there should be a new class, Spiritualist. Instead of fists, they use their minds. The standard attack (Mental Punch) defaults to 10% accuracy and 4 damage. Their starting building is the Cultist Shop. Since spiritualists are in contact with unreality, they are quintuple-effective against zombies. To counterbalance this, though, users who start as spiritualist don't turn into zombies when killed. They just die. Users who buy these skills later on are shocked by the staggering 500XP cost per skill. (Users who start as Spiritualist only pay 100XP. Duh.)

Spiritualist Skills

  • Psychic Awareness - This person's visual range (minimap radius) increases to 5x5 and they can spot any users within this area, inside or outside of buildings. Starting skill for Spiritualist.
  • ESP - Upgrades visual field to 7x7.
  • Psychokinesis - Upgrades Mental Punch effectiveness by 25%.
  • Self-Actualization - Mental Punch hits 100% of the time and does 10 damage. Level 10 required. Also, Throw now maxes out at 12 damage.
  • Telekinesis - New move: Throw. Uses objects in environment to attack. Random damage between 1 and 10, somewhat dependent on location. 40% effectiveness.
  • Poultergeist - Throw is now 60% effective.
  • Holy Power - When attacking zombies, there is a 5% chance of instant kill.
  • Exorcism - Instant kill chance increases to 20%. Level 7 required.
  • Mindwriting - Write things WITH YOUR MIND. Free Graffiti anywhere, anytime. Uses double AP, though. Darn.
  • Teleport - Same as Free Running, which is unavailable to users starting as Spiritualist. Unavailable to users not starting as Spiritualist. Costs 200XP. Why does this exist, you may ask? Because we hate Spiritualists for being so overkill.
  • Summoning - What would a Spiritualist be without the ability to summon spirits? Comes free with the spirit Seraphim which heals one HP for one AP.
  • Unicorn - A spirit that heals double the HP Seraphim heals, and cures infections.
  • Fina - Heals triple the HP Seraphim does, and cures infections. Can only be used in Cultist Shops and hospitals. Not related to Skies of Arcadia at all. Really. (85% failure rate when in hospitals, because spirits hate the real world. Meh.)
  • Angel - Instant killing of zombies. 30 AP.
  • Gabriel - The archangel Gabriel bestows upon you half the AP cost for Angel. Satan's minions also try to kill you with renewed vigor. (You're tagged with a holy aura that all zombies can see.)
  • Phoenix - The eternally dying and reviving bird. Revives a zombie at a cost of 10 AP. Not related to Final Fantasy at all. Really.
  • Radio Brain - Can tune into radio waves mentally. (Spiritualists can't pick up Radios. Sucks to be a Spiritualist.)
  • Priesthood - Congrats, you're now a holy man (or woman)! If a blow would be a killing blow it only has a 5% chance of hitting. Finally, a use for the Crucifix. (Only works when holding Crucifix.)
  • Hand of God - Zombies spend an extra, not five, but fifteen AP to stand up after you kill them. This class is overkill, isn't it?
  • LSD - Can only be used once. Your brain goes completely haywire due to illegal drugs. Changes one map tile permanently into another randomly generated building type. Does not work in important places like forts, the zoo, etc. People also hate you for using it, and will do whatever they can to kill you. Incidentally, you also drop down to 1 HP after using this move.

Funny votes: AUTHA VOTE: I think it's pretty good. --Banjo2E (complain) 11:51, 19 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Brevity is the soul of wit. And, while the juxtaposition of anomalous subjects can create an absurd humourous effect, that is not the effect here. GOOONG! --WanYao 12:01, 19 November 2007 (UTC)


Type: New Weapon
Tally: 1

Eggbeaters have been found as a viable weapon in Malton malls and kitchens across town. They do 1 point of damage(0 against a flak jacket), may be used when no target is available, and may not target humans. Base accuracy is 2.5% for the Initial hit. Once it connects once, furthur revolutions of the egg-beater will be at a rate of 65% considering it is lodged into your target by then. The eggbeater has an encumbrance of 2%.
Comments:The egg-beater can be a deadly weapon in the hands of a skilled chef or crazed lunatic hopping around wearing goggles. Although ineffective against humans (or zombies in flak jackets), the eggbeater is super effective against a zombie's naturally rotting flesh. Typical egg-beaters will be hyperactively beating air in practice for an encounter with an actual zombie.
While the initial hit may be difficult to land, once a beater gets going, they can continually pour AP into their attack until they miss, whipping the innards of the zombie into a fluffy paste that is best served chilled.
Nothing stops special players from egg-beating humans or zombies in flak-jackets, and it makes it all the more amusing to see them burn AP trying.Pakopako 06:47, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Help your fellow survivors out. Call in the Militant Salvation Army today!

Funny votes: Ow. --Lh778 15:06, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Malton Suburb X Matrix of Leadership

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

Within each suburb there is a leader, and until the time comes when all are one, that leader carries a beacon. A beacon of hope. A beacon of light. A giant glowing target on their ass. Is that person you?
In each suburb of Malton lies a mystical matrix of leadership that unites all under a comfortable 22W fourescent glow. Once revered in the local museums and schools, they are now hidden somewhere amongst the rubble like a hydra testicle.
Limit of 1 per suburb, offers valid only in participating suburbs, not valid in certain parts of Romania and Kazakhstan. Once a survivor finds it, it will be announced to all denizens in the neighborhood like the motion of a wave of geeks twinking out. Every time a zombie or survivor logs in or enters that suburb, a bright message will tell them the human that is carrying the matrix similar to this: Wally has the touch. Has the power. Has the Malton Suburb-X Matrix of Leadership.
The person wielding the matrix feels the aura of everyone in the neighborhood, be they zombie or human. They may not know where they are, but they can sense them and if they are on the side of the living or the deceased. The Matrix item will have a drop-down list of all UD users of the suburb next to it, listing who are survivors (black font/white text) and who are zombies (inverse).
The matrix has 0% encumbrance and will award 50 courage points a day to every survivor in the suburb. You may spend 100 courage points and a US dollar to buy something off participating McZed Value Meal Menus (tax is not included in offer). Players holding the matrix cannot leave the suburb unless they drop it or use it and will be told upon trying to escape that they cannot and have wasted an AP trying.
You may use the Malton Suburb X Matrix of Leadership as an item to instantly kill a character of your choosing in your neighborhood. You gain no XP and your AP is reduced to -10, so choose wisely. Your smiting will be announced to the neighborhood that the Matrix of Leadership was used by Wally to smite the evil and smelly Turncoat McTraitor and it frees up the matrix to be found by someone else.
Only humans may use the Suburb X Matrix of Leadership, but humans who die while carrying it will still carry it in zombie form. There will be no message indicating if a zombie is carrying the matrix. In this manner, zombies can hide the matrix on their personage until they get spontaneously revived, wherein the message that they have it will suddenly appear.

My lawyers are telling me to mention that the Malton Suburb-X Matrix of Ldeaership has no relation to the one in that 80's robot movie. But there will be laser guitars when someone uses it because laser guitars are cool.Pakopako 00:23, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes: This is stupid enough to be kind of funny. --Vandurn 21:54, 3 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Darkness Rising

Type: New Skill
Tally: 0

The apocalypse has come, and no one is prepared. Now, all survivors in Malton who posess crucifixes can join the fun, by using their new skills. (Needless to say, crucifixes will no longer be findable.)

Summon Darkness: Attacks opponent for 10 HP at %50 accuracy.

  • Summon Dark Spirits: Attacks all zombies facing you for 45 HP at %100 accuracy. (Only works outside. Flak Jackets are useless, since hey, when did they start blocking demons?)
    • Summon Hell: Attacks all survivors and zombies in Malton for 60 HP, and boosts your max HP to 100000. You are now a necromancer, and cannot attack or be attacked, you merely stand outside and loom menacingly. Survivors in suburbs where someone is looming menacingly require 2 AP to move while in the suburb, on account of the inescapable sense of dread that comes over them. THey also cannot use generators, as any lights would be snuffed by the dark forces. Zombies that enter such suburbs are deemed unworthy, are killed, headshot, then dumped just outside the suburb.
      • Summon Apocalypse: Attacks everyone in Malton for 1 Hp at 100% accuracy. All players upon logging in have 100% accuracy, +1 damage to all weapons, and +100 HP. Extractor scans always work, and revives cost only 1AP. This will escalate the fighting to enormous levels. Except for whoever used the SUmmon Apocalypse skill. He/She did something monumentally stupid, and every time they log in, they are killed, infected, headshot, and dumped outside.

Anyone without crucifixes will of course be at a disadvantage. Those with crucifixes can, however, scream "The end is near! Repent, sinners!" for 10 AP. (ranting is tiring work) This gives them 1 XP for every survivor nearby who hasn't heard it already. They are also unaffected by dread.

Funny votes: Author vote: well? Laura Juranas 20:00, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Holy Hand Grenade of Malton

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

Let cathedrals, churches and pubs have a 1% chance of giving a Holy Hand Grenade. Grenade gives 1% encumbrance. If you have one in your inventory, you cannot find another.
Grenade has a 75% chance of doing 25 damage to selected target AND a separate 75% chance roll of doing 25 damage to said user.
Regardless of if damage is done to either party, all players on the block (or in the building if indoors) lose 5 AP due to "knockdown" effect. It really is 2 AP of knockdown with 2 AP of hearing chiors and ringing and 1 AP to realize this it really is just a silly quest.

Flavor text: One.. two.. five... I mean *three!*

...And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... Hm, let us skip a bit, brother... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.Pakopako 03:14, 14 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
 I'll vote for this, as long as it comes in different colours. Make mine pink. No, blue! No,... wait!... waaaaagh.... --Richardhg 14:08, 14 November 2007 (UTC)Throw weapon would be awesome! Add some normal gernades and fire bombs and it could be sweet! Also, make the holy hand gernade gold! Officer Doom
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Item
Tally: +2

 Bananas can be found in Malls. When eaten by a survivor they are healed 1 HP and a new item - a Banana Skin - is added to their inventory.
 Clicking on the Banana Skin generates the message "Throw this at a target by attacking with it as a weapon" and wastes 1 AP.
 Attacking with a Banana Skin has an 80% chance to hit. It does no damage, but the next time the victim tries to move they fall down, with the message "You slip on a banana peel and fall down. You hear distant laughter."
 The victim is neither killed nor damaged from the fall, but they do need to spend the usual AP to stand up again. Until they have fallen and stood up again, being hit by more banana skins causes no additional effects.
 Custard pies are another matter... --Richardhg 02:21, 14 November 2007 (UTC) )

Funny votes:
 Author funny (or so he thinks) --Richardhg 02:21, 14 November 2007 (UTC) hey, didn't you steal this from a snarky comment i made in the suggestions pages?? ;) WanYao 12:05, 19 November 2007 (UTC), would be better if zombies could attack with them "a zombie attacked you with a banana... you hope no-one saw where they pushed it!"--Honestmistake 12:10, 19 November 2007 (UTC) Cue the laugh track. --BoboTalkClown 00:44, 1 June 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny. At all. --Banana reads Scoundrell for all of Yesterday's News, Today! 00:50, 1 June 2008 (BST)

Malfunctioning Rocket Packs

Type: New Item
Tally: +1

Someone has left these in various NT buildings, junkyards, bathrooms, or just out in the open. They look like a strap-on jet engine and probably aren't safe. Doesn't stop you from picking one up and trying it out though!

Upon usage, you rocket up toward the sky in an erratic direction before arcing back onto the ground. Because no one's designed air-brakes on the thing yet, you just crash and burn somewhere random in a horrible flaming mess. The engineers did design a safety mechanism that would disintigrate the source of the fire. Unfortunately, the program identifies the user as part of the fire's fuel. Takes 1 AP to use; usable by humans or zombies. If one picks it up, it costs 40% encumbrance. User is rocketed/teleported into a random open (outdoors) location. It does not work as advertised indoors (you just hit the ceiling and fireball indoors; thankfully without hurting anyone else). Pakopako 03:56, 11 November 2007 (UTC)

Yes, you will get your own Walther ppk and shaken martini, but that pistol will have no usable ammo in the game and the martini might be a little warm. However, before flying off to your doom, you may find yourself shagging (shambling?) with someone who sounds as it they just finished filming an adult movie.Pakopako 00:28, 15 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes: #funny cool, i want one. do users get a free martini and walther ppk?--Honestmistake 15:35, 12 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

The Ultimate Weapon

Type: New Item
Tally: 0

Everyone seems to want bigger and better weapons, so lets just give it to them.
To make it fair, lets have three types:

  1. The Maggot Bomb

 This bomb splatters live maggots over the whole suburb.
 Zombies get covered with maggots that then consume their dead flesh. Since they can't even pick up a gun, the zombies will be unable to get them off and will lose 1 HP with every AP spent. Permanently.
 Survivors also get covered maggots. The maggots won't hurt them, but they lose 10 AP from both their immediate reaction (throwing up) and from cleaning up afterwards.

  2. The Belch Bomb

 This is really just a Zombie with a gas problem. By emitting a super-belch, the entire suburb is filled with poisonous gas that does no harm to Zombies but kills all Survivors. So there.

  3. The Atomic Bomb

 Everyone just rolls up new characters. Isn't that cool?

  4. The Funniest Joke in the World

 Added by request - the "Funniest Joke in the World".
 It works by... actually I'm not sure, let me check...
 Oh "ha". How very Ha ha.
 No wait, I get it... Bwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa.... (urk...) --Richardhg 01:39, 17 December 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
 Uh huh! --Richardhg 10:59, 3 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: I could have sworn this would include the "Funniest Joke in the World"... boy, am I disappointed.Pakopako 01:56, 17 November 2007 (UTC)

Killer Candy from Outer Space!

Type: Modification of Halloween Item
Tally: +1

Remember all of that stale candy that was suddenly available on Halloween? Where did it come from? It wasn't there last year, and Malton's been cut off all this time...
    It's ALIENS I tell you! ALIENS!!!
  Any Zombie that ate one becomes a Candy-Infested Zombie. Any survivor who ate one will die of poisoning a few days (~200 AP) later and become a Candy-Infested Zombie.
  A Candy-Infested Zombie cannot be revived. Over the next few days (~300 AP), the candy, which is really an alien organism (I warned you!) will multiply inside its dead flesh and be ready to burst. At this point the zombie becomes a Zombie Pinata!
  Any damage dealt to a Zombie Pinata causes it to burst and die (although when it next stands up it will be a normal zombie again) spilling 10 more pieces of the stale candy in its current location.
  Oddly enough, the next 10 searches in that area will automatically result in finding a piece of stale candy, and if eaten, the nightmare will start all over again! --Richardhg 04:00, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
  Don't say I didn't warn you! --Richardhg 04:00, 3 November 2007 (UTC)
  Omg that would cause mayham hillarious mayham but still mayham-- Nillocnroh
Unfunny votes:

Atomic Zombie

Type: New Zombie Skill
Tally: +2

The zombie becomes radioactive, doing an additional 1 HP radiation damage to all attacks. However, if the zombie ever occupies the same block as another zombie with this skill, critical mass is reached and they explode. And die. Everyone else in the suburb suffers 20 HP damage. In addition, pieces of each zombie are flung into the surrounding suburbs, eight in all, and when the zombie stands up it suffers an additional 1 AP cost to all actions for every missing piece. Also, the benefits of the radioactivity are lost until all pieces are recovered. Missing pieces can be recovered by travelling to each suburb and picking up and reattaching each piece (50% search chance). Mind you, if there is another Atomic Zombie in that suburb when the last piece is obtained, they will explode again... --Richardhg 11:06, 1 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Chain Exploding Atomic Zombie
  As for the Atomic Zombie above, but if a piece of an exploding Atomic Zombie enters a suburb with another Atomic Zombie, it too explodes, and if any of its pieces enter a suburb with yet another Atomic Zombie... --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Popcorn Zombie
  As for the Chain Exploding Atomic Zombie above, but the radiation has the side effect of making the Zombie popcorn-flavoured. --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Variant: Buttered Popcorn Zombie
  Because what's popcorn without butter? --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Funny votes:
  Mmmm, popcorn... --Richardhg 03:39, 3 November 2007 (UTC) Salted popcorn? --Lh778 14:45, 22 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Stereotypical Halloween Costume

Type: New Clothing, New Weapon
Tally: +4

I think we should get stereotypical Halloween costumes for Halloween. I know this probably will not be put up in time, but oh well. They will appear in the SHIRT category, while eliminating anything worn in the TROUSERS category. They will be in Malls, perhaps in Costume Shops? Here is a list of costumes to put up:

  • Captain Jack Sparrow Costume
  • Elizabeth Taylor Costume
  • Ghost Costume
  • Devil Costume
  • Angel Costume
  • Zombie Costume
  • French Maid Costume
  • Zombie Costume
  • Vampire Costume
  • Fairy Costume
  • Geeorge W. Bush Costume (to practice our zombie/survivor combat skills)
  • Zombie Costume
  • Disney Princesses Costumes
  • Lil' Red Riding Hood Costume
  • Zombie Costume
  • ETC.

The latter will cause survivors wearing the costume become zombies on the interface and they will speak Zombese, until a fellow survivor almost kills them. Then they will rub their mask off saying, "I told you, I'm not a ****ing zombie!!!". They will then either die or kill the survivor. Zombies wearing the costume will be labelled as POSERS on the map. 'Nuff said.

(To see a more serious side to these costumes...check out the New Clothing Suggestions Page soon)

EDIT: Hmmm, I just thought that it would actually make more sense for the survivors with the zombie costume be called POSERS and the zombies wearing the costume appear as SURVIVORS WEARING A ZOMBIE COSTUME. The zombies wearing it would thus be welcomed by the survivor community and the all supreme zombies would conquer all.. Muahaha! (Note: I'm not a death cultist, I just think it's pretty awesome. lol) --Vezira 17:16, 31 October 2007 (PDT)

EDIT2: I must be either psychic or someone took my suggestions in account, cause there are Halloween masks now, including the all powerful zombie mask!!! Lol, tho it's not too powerful:(...Please someone make the zombie mask all powerful:(... --Vezira 11:29, 1 November 2007 (PDT)

Funny votes: Oh, yes I am hilarious. --Vezira 17:38, 30 October (PDT)
  No more stale candy for that harman! --Richardhg 11:49, 1 November 2007 (UTC)
Yes indeed. --Clay5x 10:04, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
Costumes make FUNFUN!! --Darth LumisT! A! E! FU! 03:57, 15 November 2007 (UTC)I would LOVE a Jason Voorhees costume!Officer Doom
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Survivor Class, Stereotypes
Tally: +4

Starting Items - A hockey stick and a bottle of beer
Starting Skill - Overcompensation vs. Americans (see below)
Starting Building/New Building Type - Convert every third block in Malton to a Tim Horton's. Canadians always spawn outside a Tim Hortons.

Overcompensation vs. Americans - New skill. When speaking in a room containing more than 50 players, if there is even one American player, the 50 player speech limit is ignored. The Canadian is speaking very loudly and boisterously because they are convinced of their superiority to the American(s) present. Everyone in the room can hear the Canadian -- except for the Americans, who will not notice the speech at all.

Miscellaneous effects of being Canadian:

  • Canadians have a strange speech impediment: every time they speak, the sound "eh?" is added to the end of the sentence.
  • When speaking, the dipthong "ou" will sound like "ow" to all American players and be translated as such. This affects only American players -- but includes zombies. American players hearing this will automatically lose 5 AP from laughing and taunting the Canadian.
  • Canadians heal 5 extra HP when using a FAK due to their socialised medicine. Search rates in hospitals and drug stores are halved, however, to relfect the excruciatingly long wait times for many services.
  • Whenever four or more Canadians are in the same tile, one in four will randomly become a seperatist. The seperatist automatically changes from a survivor to a zombie or vice versa.

NOTE BENE: Canadians do NOT live in Igloos or drive dog sleds, don't be ridiculous. Any such suggestions to change the Canadians class should be voted as Spam.

Funny votes: Author's vote / Vote d'auteur --WanYao 03:25, 17 October 2007 (BST) Eh? Kaylee Hans 06:45, 17 October 2007 (BST) HAHAHA! Since I am a Canadian myself, how could I not find this funny? --Vezira 18:13, 30 October 2007 (PDT) But wait, if American's don't notice Canadians talking, how can we hear what they're talking aboot, eh? --Uncle Bill 03:09, 9 November 2007 (UTC) LOL, even though I AM an American! --Darth LumisT! A! E! FU! 03:58, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Guide Pack

Type: Lost Survivor Boost
Tally: +1

So many survivors are getting lost nowadays, why not give them a guide dog? What, they still get lost? Give 'em three. Five? Seven? Aw, hell, just give them the whole pack, put them on the back of the pack, and let them ride all over malton. Now that each survivor has a pack of dogs, they can't possibly... what, they can't figure out when to level up? Okay, add a blinking bar in there. Still? Okay, give them a login message. What? Now they're choosing the stupidest skills first? Give them an autoleveler, that'll stop them. That should just about... what, they're shooting themselves accidentally? Each zombie now has a big painted target on their body...a guide on the pistol? Okay, fine, give each survivor a guardian angel to point the gun for them. That solves all of the problems new survivors... WHAT? NOW THEY'RE SHOOTING THE GUARDIAN ANGELS WHOSE BLOOD IS THROWING OFF THE DOGS! DAMMIT!

Funny votes: Author Funny  Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  12:01, 8 October 2007 (BST) Keep. Helps newbies. I think. --Uncle Bill 02:20, 9 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I don't believe in Angels. And don't make fun of Canadians. --WanYao 02:38, 17 October 2007 (BST) RE:Uh, I didn't make fun of canadians. This was a joke about some of the proposed "newb survivor" improvements- adding compass directions, colored XP when ready to level, etc.  Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  21:57, 17 October 2007 (BST)


Type: Dupe
Tally: +99(read as:3)

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes: AND YES, THE MULTIPLICTY OF THREE IS INTENTIONAL! Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST) Flogging an undead horse, yes!! My philosophy is that bad jokes can only get funnier and funnier when flogged, over and over and over... --WanYao 02:36, 17 October 2007 (BST) Ha ha, gave me a good laugh.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 04:01, 15 November 2007 (UTC) Hilarious!Yonnua Koponen 00:45, 29 August 2008 (BST) Hilarious!Yonnua Koponen 00:45, 29 August 2008 (BST) Hilarious!Yonnua Koponen 00:45, 29 August 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes:


Type: Dupe
Tally: +1

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes:  Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:


Type: Dupe
Tally: +1

Hello, I'd like to propose this suggestion, without even looking at suggestions up for voting.

Funny votes:  Nalikill  TALK  E!  W!  M!  USAI  20:54, 3 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Civility Policy

Type: Policy
Tally: +3

I was thinking about the desire to have more civility on this wiki, and I remembered something my mother told me when I was a child. Since my mother said it, it must be true. Everyone knows mothers are always correct.

Therefore my Civility Policy is as follows:

Rule 1: If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Funny votes: For. 'arm. 16:51, 27 September 2007 (BST)I always thought it was if you can't think of anything nice to say talk about the weather--SeventythreeTalk 17:00, 27 September 2007 (BST) Oh veeeery funny, looooool --WanYao 10:54, 4 October 2007 (BST) But Seventythree, what if the weather isn't nice? --Richardhg 01:39, 31 October 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Class
Tally: +1

The Skepetic is a member of the Science class, and therefore have access to the Science skill tree. The goal of the Skepetic is to restore sanity to the rest of the human population.

It seems that humans are attempting to riot and rebel and cause lots of misery. PKing, looting Cruficixes, barrciading buildings, and believing that there is an evil corporation known as NecroTech. The goal of the Skepetic Class is to go and save the human race from these obivous delusions, as well as saving the human race from the main delusion: That zombies do in fact exist. Once humanity realize that zombies do not exist, then Malton can finally start to recover from the earthquake that happened 2 years ago. (Yes, an earthquake happened 2 years ago. You thought these so-called "zombies" were the one that caused the lockdown? Of course not. It's the riots that caused the lockdown, after the terrible 10.0 Ricther Scale Earthquake that presumbly knocked down zero buildings.)

Extra skills that the Skepetic gains access to:

  • Hoax Finder: Allows for the Skeptic to find flaws in all "sightings" of zombies. (As you can see, this radio broadcast of this military person screaming about zombies shows that the person is obivously disraugt and going insane. Therefore, this is clear and conclusive proof we should distrust what this military person says)
  • Psychoteraphy Drugs: Allows the Skeptic to use a FAK to heal people of this delusion of zombies existing. Just apply the drug to the person, and they become a Skepetic as well. The drugs might wear off though, so constant re-application is needed.
  • Call in Media: You can jury-rig access to the Outside World, which acts as clear proof that nothing bad is happening, that zombies cannot exist, and that everything is fine. Exposure to mind-numbing television programs can make it easy for the Psychotearphy drugs.

Funny votes: Heehee. 'arm. 16:46, 27 September 2007 (BST) Reminds me of myself! xD --Vkkhamul 03:43, 16 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Nah, nah, Zambahz ahgzarz!, Harmanz nah ahgzahz! --Richardhg 01:49, 31 October 2007 (UTC)


Type: {{{type}}}
Tally: {{{tally}}}

Lyke, peyple, kan I pwopose suggestion? Gigant nerf to swwrfvivors r zambah's? I, like, played once, and kant b-leave haw much it suks 2 be a n0)b. Plzhlpthxwtfomglolwtfbbq. User:Never taken an english class in his life

Funny votes: Yes, format's a joke. Nalikill 04:53, 15 September 2007 (BST)I thought my spelling was bad... --Seventythree 13:37, 15 September 2007 (BST) Z0MG T3H FUNNEH Sockem 05:38, 17 September 2007 (BST) ROFLWAFFLES --Darth LumisT! A! E! FU! 03:59, 15 November 2007 (UTC) Ahahaha... 21:41, 5 March 2009 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Not really funny at all. --_Vic D'Amato__Dead vs Blue_ 21:45, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Humorous Suggestion Title

Katanas - ZOMG, finally!!

Type: New Item, Stereotypes
Tally: +6

Everyone loves katanas!! So it's time for them finally to be implemented. And since the forts are sooooooo boring, this will give long-term fort denizens something to do -- other than post crappy, game-breaking suggestions on the wiki and then get viciously flamed -- which has the real probability of having the suggester develop (even more!) socially disruptive personality disorders as result of this scarring rejection. Consider this a benevolent community service. On more levels than one.

Encumbrance: 2% or 4% (negotiable)

Found: everywhere!!!

Katanas will have two in-game uses, and will only function in forts -- and only if the character has selected a trenchcoat as one of their clothing items. This is to ensure game balance.

Option #1 - Dueling Katanas

The first option for using a katana will be a button: "Compare Katanas". When this button is pressed you can select another player in the same building who is holding a katana. The two characters will then begin a duel. A duel cannot be refused: this is not unfair, because the code of the samurai requires all challenges to be met with honour. The first player will select Rock, Paper or Scissors from a drop-down. Immediately when the second player logs in, they must select one of these options as well. Rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper, paper beats rock. The loser of the katana duel commits automatic seppuku (see below) immediately. The winner gains the loser's katana as part of his inventory, kinda like dueling chestnuts.
This will cost the challenger 5 AP, but nothing for the one challenged. Only one challenge is allowed at a time. If the challenger moves from his current tile before his opponent responds, the challenge is automatically lost and the challenger commits seppuku immediately in order not to lose face.

Option #2 - Seppuku

For 1 AP you may use your katana to "Commit Seppuku", or ritual suicide, according to the strict codes of Bushido. This is a very honourable way to die and everyone in the room will receive a flavour text describing your immortal glory in shining terms! To keep it from being totally game-breaking, seppuku will be a one-time, one-shot action. After committing seppuku, your character is banned from the UD server. Forever. You have transcended to a glorious place reserved for only the bravest of warriors: this mortal coil is beneath you now.

--WanYao 22:37, 13 September 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: heh. Bitter much?--Seventythree 22:48, 13 September 2007 (BST) This should keep those trechies on their feet...not that we love 'em or anything. --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 22:54, 13 September 2007 (BST) Seppuku? is that something like Sudoku? -- Vista  +1  23:14, 13 September 2007 (BST) Brilliant stuff! --Ducis DuxSlothTalk 14:53, 15 September 2007 (BST) Well, yes, because I do laugh ay my own jokes. If they're funny, of course. Which this isn't. Which is why I am voting for it, because it was a SERIOUS suggestion. But some ASSHAT named Wan Yao said it was SPAM and moved it here, garrrrrrh! --WanYao 02:02, 14 September 2007 (BST) Very nice. --Clay5x 10:10, 2 November 2007 (UTC) So awesome! I do love katanas! --Ms.Panes 18:31, 11 December 2007 (UTC) Didn't read it. Didn't have to. EPIC WIN! Yonnua Koponen 00:47, 29 August 2008 (BST) Katanas would probably be the weapon of choice for noobs and PKers but I want them!Officer Doom
Unfunny votes:


Type: New Skills, New Items
Tally: +8

This is a new addition for survivors to defend their strongholds. Searching a Museum can now yield the following items:

  • Cannon
    • Search Rate: 0.5% Encumbrance: 90%
    • "Searching the museum, you find a 19th century cannon."
  • Cannonball
    • Search Rate: 2% Encumbrance: 15%
    • "Searching the museum, you find a cannonball."
  • Explosive Cannonball
    • Search Rate: 2% Encumbrance: 15%
    • "Searching the museum, you find an explosive cannonball."

Once found, a cannon needs to be emplaced in a building, similar to a generator. Cannon emplacements can be attacked and destroyed as per other equipment installed in buildings. Survivors in the building who possess a cannonball will have the option to fire the cannon at a target via a drop-down menu. Using a cannon will require a new skill for 100XP:

  • Basic Cannon Training (Player is able to fire field artillery)

Firing a cannon has 80% accuracy and instantly kills the target. Up to 5 other random players in the building, whether survivor or zombie, will sustain 10HP of splash damage from shrapnel. However, there is also a 40% chance that the building's barricades will be completely destroyed, leaving a hole in the wall. The building cannot be barricaded again until the hole in the wall is repaired with a toolbox.

Sample text:

A zombie killed Joe7821. (7 minutes ago)
James152 said "Oh sh*t we are being overrun!!11!" (5 minutes ago)
CrazyGuyJim71 said "EAT IT ZOMBAHS!!!" (2 minutes ago)
CrazyGuyJim71 fired a cannon and killed a zombie. The massive blast completely destroyed the barricades and left a hole in the wall.

Use of an explosive cannonball will give the same effect, however the players affected by splash damage will now be set on fire. The player will incur 5HP loss for every AP expended, and there is a 50% chance of setting another player on fire.

Sample text:

A zombie on fire runs past you, moaning "AAAAAAA!!!". The zombie brushes past you and sets you on fire. (42 minutes ago)

This could theoretically continue until every person in Malton is on fire.

Defending buildings will not be the only use for cannons. For 150XP, a survivor may learn:

  • Human Cannonball (Player can shoot self out of a cannon) (Requires Basic Cannon Training)

For 2AP, the player can choose to shoot himself out of the cannon using a drop-down menu, with eight compass directions to choose from. Firing yourself out of a cannon will send you 4 blocks in the chosen direction.

Firing yourself in the direction of a building will allow you to land inside. However, this will still require the Free_Running skill. Attempting to launch yourself into a building without Free Running will result in the following:

Lighting the cannon, you launch yourself in a North-West direction. You slam into a a boarded up window and fall to the street.

Survivors inside the building will hear:

There is a loud thud on the roof, and a muffled moan of pain and regret. You hear something fall to street level with a flop. (12 minutes ago)

Flying into a building without the Free Running skill will result in 20HP of damage. However, even on successful landings, the player has a 5% chance of incurring a spinal injury and dying instantly.

'Human Cannonball' will allow a new form of transportation, now that Ruin has blocked many Free Running routes. It is expected that this new mechanic will result in the creation of "Cannon Routes", with networks of cannons arranged to allow efficient transport for survivors. --Jim Extreme 12:44, 13 September 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Boom! Author headshot! --Jim Extreme 12:49, 13 September 2007 (BST) Aaaaaarrrr! --WanYao 17:01, 15 September 2007 (BST) If could shoot myself from a cannon that would be freakin awsome xD --ObiFireFighter 18:23, 26 September 2007 Dude, this would really work. BoboTalkClown 20:46, 29 October 2007 (UTC) Ha! Bwah ha ha ha haaaa! --Richardhg 01:56, 31 October 2007 (UTC) That's awesome! But can I shoot zombies at zombies? --DisgruntleDevil 20:01, 30 October 2007 (UTC) I laughed until I cried. Gorank 01:51, 16 December 2007 (UTC) "Muffled moan of pain and regret". Lovely LaosOman 23:02, 31 January 2009 (UTC) That seems like the greatest trenchcoater weapon ever! "EAT IT ZOMBAHS!" CrazyGuyJim71 fired a cannon and killed a single zombie. The massive blast completely destroyed the barricades and left a hole in the wall.
Unfunny votes:

The BFG-9000!

Type: New uber-weopon
Tally: -2

If you have ever played doom, you know what the bfg is. You likely also know how freakin cool it is. Therefore, behold, the BFG!

The bfg-9000 can be found in necrotech buildings(5%) and armories(1%). It uses power cells, found in necrotech(5%), armories(1%), and power plants(10%) . Hits all survivers/zombie at 20%(no firearm skills, too high-tech to master) and does 800 damage! 1 AP after that, attacks all survivers in a random adjacent square for 0-100 damage. BFG damage gets you no XP. Each shot uses up a whole cell, the bfg only holds 1 cell at time, and reloading takes 10 AP. Whenever you fire, there is a 10% chance of the bfg overloading, killing you, doing 800 damage to all players in your square and all 8 near squares, making the area radioactive(acts like infection, lasts until you leave the area), levels the buildings(treat as ransacked), and makes all killed in the blast use 25 AP to stand up(only heal to 10HP, items lost, clothes lost, max AP 35). Radiation from explosion lasts until server reset.

note- This weapon may a viable suggetion if nerfed a lot. I made it so uber-kill for the ha-has.

Note 2- Here's my ideas for a more balanced bfg:

  • Found in NT buildings(5%) and armories(1%).
  • Uses power cells for ammo, bfg holds 1 cell and 1 cell=1 shot.
  • Cells found in NT buildings(5%), armories(1%), and power stations(10%).
  • 25% encumberance, 25% to hit, 10-50 damage.
  • On firing, you select a direction(any of the 8 compass directions).
  • 1 AP later, players in that direction take 0-20 damage at 10% accuracy(if that AP is spent moving, target square determined by new position).
  • BFG main blast only attacks nearest 10 players, in order of last action, second rays hit nearest 20 players.
  • User only gets 1/10th XP for damage done, kill bonus only 1/5.
  • Each time you fire, there is a 5% chance of it overloading, doing 25-50 damage to you, and 0-50 damage to all players in the 3x3 block area.
  • Overload destroys the bfg.
  • All deaths by overload take 10 more AP to stand up(20 for most, 11 for those with ankle grab).

p.s. I'm having trouble getting wikicode to work for this page, so I added the vote section, basic info, and the like the old-fasioned way. If you want to mimic my simpleness, go ahead. If you want to fix this page, be my guest. signed, --Chaosvolt 05:51, 11 September 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: funny. of course the author would vote for his own thingy.--Chaosvolt 05:51, 11 September 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I see a favored weapon of trenchcoaters in the making... --Danalov 13:55, 11 September 2007 (BST) Did I play for all of 20 minutes before getting bored? Maybe... anyway, this is not funny. Most FPS allusion jokes are not. Sorry. --WanYao 17:03, 15 September 2007 (BST) Too similar to some "serious" superweapon suggestions. --Explodey 20:45, 10 April 2008 (BST)

Get Rid of Suriviors PCs

Type: Satire
Tally: 2

There is a problem plaguging UD. This problem has made Urban Dead so unbalancing that we must do something to stop it to restore balancing and actually create the "Zombie Apoc" that we are all waiting for.

The problem is the "surivior" factor. Suriviors whine, complain and scream about how unfair the game is. Of course, zombies whine, complain and scream, but the Suriviors start it first. The problem is, Kevan has to listen to these whining and complaining and screaming because Suriviors are players, and you can't harm players. This creates a very unbalancing game where suriviors become overpowered over zombies, due to the fact that suriviors whined enough and Kevan doesn't want to displease them.

So, just remove Suriviors. The only thing that people can play as is as Zombies. Look at the beniefts: 1) No zombie-surivior ratio to worry about. The only balance would be 100% Zed-0% Surivior. 2) Suriviors won't need to get buffs in order to play the game, as there are no suriviors, only zombies. 3) Game updates can be more loose. Since Kevan would no longer need to worry about upsetting the Suriviors, he can finally implement the game updates that make the game more fun for Zombies, since everyone is a zombie. 4) Everyone wins in a game where everyone is on the same side!

Kevan could then implement some Military NPCs and Civilian NPCs who can then be eaten by the Zombies, which will be seen as great fun, especially since the zombies will always defeat against the underpowered NPCs and eat lots of brains. And prehaps zombies could form into rival hordes, and engage in ZK wars.

Why bother playing a game where zombies and suriviors can't acheive total unconditonal victory? Since it is stupid that suriviors achieve such a victory, the zombies should acheive such a victory. I'm suprised why Kevan doesn't do this right now...after all, it would be absurd that Kevan would want to have those dumb "suriviors" to play such a game? Just let only the intelligent players (Zombies) play. The game will be better off.

Funny votes: BARHAH! --Danalov 13:56, 11 September 2007 (BST) Nice. Even though I play survivors, at least then UD would be a MMO zombie apocalypse, with zombies outnumbering harmanz. --Clay5x 10:18, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Guybrush Threepwood

Type: New Class - Kaylee Hans 16:26, 8 September 2007 (BST)
Tally: -1

While there's an apocalypse in Malton with zombies and stuff, the mighty pirate comes in to do pointless errands for his wife, I mean fight scurvy pirates and travel treacherous seas... in potential, however everyone has to start somewhere. That's why I propose a Guybrush Threepwood class! Each skill requires 120XP to get, because being a pirate takes sheer luck and an adventure game which you cannot die in! Much like Urbandead! Guybrush infinite inventory space (which can vary on what objects he can and cannot pick up) and he has infinite HP because you cannot die in LucasArt Adventure games. When his 50HP reaches 0, it is assumed he runs away and costs 5AP to come back

  • Melee Island™

Washing up on the shores of Melee Island™ with nothing more than a goofy name and a desire to be a pirate, this is what all Guybrush Threepwood classes start as. Of course, this ability does nothing, as your only special ability is to hold your breath for 10 minutes, which is good if you're underwater, but since there are no oceans, rivers or lakes or any big bodies of water, it's useless!

    • Rise to Mighty Pirate

Guybrush Threepwood can now use Shovels and dig for treasure (search rates go up in buildings like Banks and Parks)

  • Swordfighting

Guybrush can now use swords, however his wit isn't very good. The only insults he can use are "You fight like a dairy farmer" and "Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob" and the only comebacks are "How appropriate, you fight like a cow" and "First, you better stop waving it like a feather duster!"

    • Insult Swordfighting

Guybrush is better at Insult Swordfighting and has more insults and comebacks to use. Accuracy is also increased

      • Sword Master

How appropriate, you fight like a cow! Guybrush has a wide range of insults and comebacks to use and does 1 extra point of damage with the Sword

  • Sea Swordfighting

Guybrush can use the range of sea-based combat insults. However he only knows two- "Every enemy I've met I've annihilated" and "I'll hound you all night and day" and their respective comebacks

    • Rhyming Sea Swordfighting

Instead of the calling of a cow, Guybrush has more high seas combat insults and comebacks to use

      • Sea Swordfighting Master

Guybrush has the full range of sea insults and combacks... all which rhyme...

        • Orange

Guybrush has a comeback that rhymes with orange

  • Monkey Kombat

Guybrush can initate Monkey Kombat, but isn't very good at it

    • Monkey Kombat Master

Guybrush can use the full range of insults and positions in Monkey Kombat. Eek! Chee! Ack!

  • Great Wit

Using his great wit, Guybrush can talk to female characters with a "wenching voice" and also make numerous sexual puns. Also he can talk to women better when not making sexual puns. Plus, he can destroy catapults and brag all about it later on and tell long stories on how he does stuff, which lead nowhere and 99% fabricated.

    • Plunderbunny

Guybrush likes to call female characters he likes (named Elaine) numerous names like Honeyboots or Plunderbunny.

  • Second Biggest

Whenever Guybrush see's a big thing, like a large zombie horde or a large building he says "That's the second biggest *object* I've ever seen"

  • Mighty Pirate

Guybrush is now a Mighty Pirate. Whenever Guybrush is asked about his name or he says his name, he always says how he's a mighty pirate. Requires Sword Master and Great Wit


Rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle-

Useless. Could get across rope bridges though...

Big Whoop-

Well, actually, it's just an E-pass. Wow -snore-


For when your sword has got to be as sharp as your wit. Must be used for Insult Swordfighting


Using your ability of treasurehuntery, Guybrush can use this shovel to dig up treasure and old bones (which causes his pants to fall down in a comical fashion)

Banana Picker-

Can be used for many things. Can steal another person's items or to uhh.. I dunno, pick bananas!?

Pieces of eight-

Can be used to buy things

Gold tooth-

It's real gold. Can be cashed in for life insurance (which brings a big payout of A lot of money)

A lot of money-

It's a lot of money. Duh

Awful lot of money-

Buys more things than A lot of money

Business Card-

Description reads:

It's a business card for Stan's Previously Owned Vessels.

It's a business card for The Mutual of Stan. It's even laminated!


Pamphlets for Stan's Timeshares as we all know they're the future and not duck food futures


Stan's Previously Owned Coffin's brand!


Grog is found in pubs and clubs. It is quite deadly however as it contains the following ingredients:

   * kerosene
   * propylene glycol
   * artificial sweeteners
   * red dye no2
   * rum
   * acetone
   * battery acid
   * scumm
   * axle grease
   * and/or pepperoni.

It'll eat right through the tankard it is kept in, so you'll have to drink it fast and it only can be kept in your inventory for 1 minute. When drunk, it causes you to lose 2HP damage because of its effects


Clears up a hangover from heavy drinking. Can be mixed with grog

Spiked Grog

Grog mixed with Head-B-Clear. If drunk, causes drowsiness and knocks you out, reducing your HP to zero. Upon standing up, you'll be transported to a nearby cemetery because they think you've died. No extra AP cost is put in, because it's a crypt built by Stan you're put in


If drunk, makes you immune to Stan's Sales Pitches for 3 hours

  • Game Mechanics

Insult Swordfighting

Basically when Insult Swordfighting is engaged, the attacker makes an insult. If the defender finds a comeback, the attacker misses and suffers 5HP damage. If the defender gets the wrong comeback, attacker hits and causes 5HP damage. If the attacker uses a stupid insult like "You're stupid" then Defender causes 10HP damage

Monkey Kombat

When Monkey Kombat is engaged, the attacker must beat the position and get the right insult combo. If the attacker gets the insults wrong, it's a foul and 5HP damage is caused. If the defender gets the insults wrong to change position, it's a foul and 5 HP damage is caused. If the attackers gets the insults right, but wrongp osition, defender causes 10HP damage. If the attackers gets the insults right and the position right, attacker causes 10HP damage. If it's a draw, both parties miss.

That's all for now. Coming soon- Stan, LeChuck and Murray!

Funny votes: Played too much Monkey Island Kaylee Hans 16:25, 8 September 2007 (BST) Lol, monkey island.Studoku 08:57, 4 October 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Brevity is the soul of wit. -- Pavluk A! 22:10, 9 September 2007 (BST) You write suggestions like a dairy farmer! That's about as far as I got, brevity, yes... --WanYao 17:06, 15 September 2007 (BST)

Whining Willie

Type: Assisting our valued bitchers and whiners
Tally: +12

I propose that a new skill tree be added that is accessable by both humans and zombies. Call it the Whining Willie skill tree, with each skill costing 75 exp. It is structured as follows:

  • Bitch
    • Whine
      • Complain
        • Moan
    • Counter Whine

Suggested news item for implimentation: The fourth wall has been shattered, people may now complain about updates in game. Officially.

Purchasing the Bitch skill grants the player a new button, the Bitch button, which remains for a week after a new update. It is associated with a drop down menu containing a list of the most recent changes. You pick an update from the dropdown, hit bitch, and pre generated bitching will be thrown out. An Example:

OMG! Ruin so totally biases the game against the humans! Kevan hates us! OMG!


Ra!n.Zagz Ba!!z, !g ha!gz harmanz maar zan Zambahz!!! (Ruin sucks balls, it helps humans more than Zombies)

Naturally, there would be a list of responses, and not all of them make sense.

Purchasing the Whine skill removes the time limit from the button. You can now complain about the previous update at any time.

The Complain skill opens up all the previous changes in the games history. So now you can moan about the Syringe buff at Caiger 1, or the fact that Infectious bite and Ankle grab completely unbalance the game.

The Moan skill allows you to create four custom moans that can be accessed by bitching. Must contain the phrase "isn't like in the good old days". These are selected from the bitch menu as normal, and are edited in your profile options screen.

The Counter Whine skill comes in handy when you hear a member of the opposite side hits his bitch button. It allows you to call him a "n00b", a "whiner", "l3rn 2 play!", and a "retard", among others. The specific insult is random, and you affect the most recent person to Bitch.

This suggestion is made in recognition of all those who bitch and whine about updates, and recognizes the vast amounts of time they put in to say that the latest update sucks, because it helps the other side and we haven't had a buff in ages. This suggestion aims to aid these vital members of our community by enabling them to voice their opinion without using their keyboard, because it is ever so hard to form coherent sentences these days, especially when complaining.

Funny votes: Because im the damned author. --The Grimch U! 18:42, 7 September 2007 (BST) This is teh lulz. Nalikill 20:27, 7 September 2007 (BST) Brilliant. It could do with a couple more skills though: Start Wiki Petition to Kevan and Make Ridiculously Partisan Suggestion. -- Pavluk A! 22:11, 9 September 2007 (BST)OMG! This suggestion, like, totaly ruins it for all us survivors!--Seventythree 22:15, 9 September 2007 (BST) I personally admire your Counter-Whine skills, Grim S. (And yes, this isn't meant to be an insult, I really do like hearing what you say, and I like this suggestion)--ShadowScope 23:43, 10 September 2007 (BST); No way man... this nerfs the Civility Policies!!! :P --WanYao 03:10, 14 September 2007 (BST) HaHaHaHa! but you forgot "Bitch Slap" auto kills the last bitcher :) --Honestmistake 17:59, 14 September 2007 (BST), "Purchasing the Whine skill removes the time limit from the button. You can now complain about the previous update at any time" Hahahaha --ObiFireFighter 18:26, 26 September 2007 At least it's not about a mongoose.--Karekmaps?! 23:27, 26 September 2007 (BST) Hilarious. And why not let everyone in the building hear what you're saying? --Lh778 14:52, 22 November 2007 (UTC) "<The_Grimch> VOTE! <The_Grimch> And now akule will accuse me of meatpuppetry :P" ... yay my Grim meatpuppet vote counters my Akule meatpuppet vote! MCGRUBER!!! BOOM--THE Godfather of Яesensitized, Anime Sucks Yalk | W! U! WMM| CC CPFOAS DORISFlag.jpg LOE ZHU | Яezzens 14:56, 22 November 2007 (UTC)This is definitely one of the greats. --Reaper with no name TJ! 03:39, 19 December 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Church Bling Bling

Type: Illogical Extreme
Tally: +4

Since crucifix necklaces have been added to churches, the crucifix is now more than useless, it is harmful. That is why the crucifix needs to be removed from the game. Then, logically, since the whole idea of a religious building is now useless, churches should be removed, and worn as necklaces- but at the cost of 5x10^X where X is Graham's Number XP to purchase. The churches will be replaced with the only sensible, right, proper and correct church: The Church of the State, where we will all worship Big Brother and curse Eurasia, as we have always been at war with Eastasia. After cursing Eurasia, we can go out, kill the morons who still have their crucifixes on, and get our ammo belts and trenchcoats to go kill Eastasia. And all improvised weapons will be removed from the game, and only a hammer and sickle will be recieved by the consumer class, henceforth the proles. The military (outer Party) will subdue the Eurasian zombies, and the Scientists (Inner Party) will bring the heathen Eastasians back into the fold. Praise Big Brother and pass the ammo.

Funny votes: # Author funny. Nalikill 05:28, 7 September 2007 (BST) You could have put in that we're at war with Eurasia all along at the end. That's how it works, they switch the sides around when you're not looking Kaylee Hans 10:55, 7 September 2007 (BST)Stay where you are Nalikill. The ministary of love will be sending a "re-education programme" to you shortly. Say, yo like rats don't you?--Seventythree 22:19, 9 September 2007 (BST) Nice. --Clay5x 10:16, 2 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

Urban dead (Far right "christian" version)

Type: New game
Tally: +3

Disclaimer Further to a converstaion with Naikill, I am supplying this disclaimer, which we have both agreed is fair.

No offense is intended to christians in this suggestion, merely people who use their so called "christian faith" to propegate hatred and violence towards others

Extra disclaimer. This suggestion is really not an attack on most christians, merely the unfortunate few fundamentalists that give the rest of the christian population a bad name. I'm sorry for any offence caused, And I, of course realize that almost all christians are good people. I am merely commenting on the shadowy christian movements that seek to exert political power on others through brainwashing, and intimidation. Ok. Urban Dead clearly has to be rewritten following criticism from the christian far right. As of now the following effects apply.

  • Necrotech syringes no longer work. Neither do DNA scanners, GPS units or any other technology developed after the american war of independance. This is because science is the work of the devil and fossils, carbon dating, darwinian evolution ect. are all tools of the devil and must be shunned.
  • Any player not wearing a crucifix dies and is removed from the game. Obviously.
  • All Hospitals are to be closed down as of now, because they may have carried out abortions, and probobaly go against Jesus, or something. In future, if anyone gets sick and dies it will be considered God's will.
  • All clubs and pubs are to be closed down, and replaced with bible camps, because gay people might go there. Or people, might, you know, drink and have fun and stuff.
  • From now on, all schools are to be replaced with clintonist schools. The only difference is that any book read from a school now actually removes XP. Because they're all garbage. Especially the science books.
  • All players of the new game are required to submit for an IQ test. Anyone scoring above 50 IQ is no longer allowed an account.
  • All players of the new game are required to submit for an side test. Anyone having the side of reps is no longer allowed an account.

That is all. God loves you! .

Funny votes: Author vote.--Seventythree 00:54, 27 August 2007 (BST) The heathens (gays, Jews, Muslims, ethnic minorities, intelligent people) must die! No, of course evolution is false despite overwhelming evidence in its favour. --Anotherpongo 15:01, 27 August 2007 (BST) Teh funnee. --The Hierophant 02:57, 28 August 2007 (BST) Haha --The Grimch Sysop-U! 02:24, 29 August 2007 (BST) Needs to be fleshed out more though. Not enough "ZOMG, teh Jews killed teh Christy dude!1!!!" comments.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 10:32, 29 August 2007 (BST)Good, but it needs a bit more holier than thou-nessPonda Baba 20:45, 31 August 2007 (BST) It's good, but the excessive explanations take some of the fun out of it (even the nuts you're mocking would understand the jokes :P) Vlad Tepes IV 21:33, 5 September 2007 (BST) Excellent! with this suggestion in place, the Kevan will have to implement a "BURN THE WITCH!" button!--Danalov 13:52, 11 September 2007 (BST) Earth is da centre of the universe! DIE LALILEO! Yeeth 12:44, 6 March 2008 (UTC)Oh Christ, SCIENCE BOOKS! just to show that we christians have no hard feelings. well, i don't and if my parish does the can talk to the holier-than-thou hand. EVOLUTION FTW! --Doctorgun 08:05, 20 October 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: I'm reporting this to the mods, this is highly offensive. Nalikill 23:22, 27 August 2007 (BST) I don't think so. --Banana reads Scoundrell for all of Yesterday's News, Today! 01:26, 28 August 2007 (BST) A clever joke with a puny implementation. --Matthew Fahrenheit YRCT+1 02:31, 28 August 2007 (BST), Unfunny.... doesn't have enough dinosaurs or blokes nailed to bits of wood!--Honestmistake 23:05, 28 August 2007 (BST), I love making fun of Christians, but most of this seemed to be more inflammatory than relevant. To be funny, you have to craft something that goes directly against the subject, and you aren't doing that all too well. Churches operate many hospitals, by the way. Sidestreamer 03:27, 5 September 2007 (BST) yeah... this is more lame than offensive... I mean really... work on your material... and correct the horrible spelling --M4dD mUdD 09:50, 7 September 2007 (BST) I personally feel that the Humorous Suggestion is supposed to be about making fun of the GAME, not making fun of ideologies. Though, now I may just counter with an atheistic suggestion...--ShadowScope 23:55, 10 September 2007 (BST) I have defended you right to post this to the death... But I have my right vote against it. See, it COULD have been funny, but it isn't, sorry. --WanYao 17:09, 15 September 2007 (BST) Arguably off-topic, and get rid of the apologies which spoil it. Strange thing is most of the votes are more offensive than the suggestion. --Explodey 20:56, 10 April 2008 (BST)

Comment: Please, this is what some fundamentalists are like. Just because it's religion, it doesn't mean it has to be respected. Read Dawkins's highly enlightening "The God Delusion". --Anotherpongo 09:29, 28 August 2007 (BST)

Darwin Award Winner

Type: Human Stupidity Class
Tally: +2

If you haven't heard of Darwin Awards already, click here.
We all have to die sometimes, but some deaths are more notable than others! All skills cost 100 XP to purchase. All skills are retained when zombified, if applicable.

  • Reward for Cleaning the Gene Pool (starting skill) - Award winner gains 100 XP when killed.
  • Hat on Railroad Track -When entering a Railway Station, the Award Winner has a 100% of dropping a randomly selected item from their inventory. This does not apply if they're not carrying any items.
    • Death by Train -When entering a Railway Station, the Award Winner has a 100% of getting run over by a zombie-operated train while trying to pick up the item that they dropped from the Hat on Railroad Track skill.
  • Electrocution -Award Winner has a 100% chance of getting electrocuted and killed while operating electronic devices (radios).
    • Electric Fence Jumping- Award Winner has a 100% chance of getting electrocuted when approaching a Junkyard, Zoo, or Border.
  • Gasoline Explosion- Award Winner has a 100% chance of getting incinerated when picking up a fuel can, or entering a building that contains a Generator.
  • Backfiring Pistol- Award Winner has a 100% chance of looking down the barrel of an uncooperative pistol while trying to fire it, and getting killed. Standing up after being killed by Backfiring Pistol takes an extra 5 AP.
    • Backfiring Shotgun -Award Winner has a 100% chance of looking down the barrel of an uncooperative shotgun while trying to fire it, and getting killed. Standing up after being killed by Backfiring Shotgun takes an extra 10 AP.
      • Fireworks- Award Winner has a 100% chance of looking down the barrel of an uncooperative Flare Gun while trying to fire it, and getting his/her head blown off. Standing up after being killed by Fireworks takes an extra 15 AP.

Funny votes: Author vote =p --Vkkhamul 20:01, 25 August 2007 (BST) Darn, I was going to make my own once my internets is back up. :(.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 10:16, 29 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

New Class: Britain

Type: New Class
Tally: -4

Class based on real medieval history in England. Monty Python is COMPLETELY ACCURATE!

The Britain class gains a 2% chance to find the Sword, Bow, and Quiver of Arrows items in any museum, 6% in forts, a 1% chance to find the Catapault item in museums, 2% in forts, and a 10% chance to find the Pile of Filth item in streets, junkyards, wastelands, parks, and cemetaries

Skill Tree:

  • Peasant Combat - Allows the character to "Sling Filth": 20% chance to hit, 2 damage, uses up a Pile of Filth in inventory.
    • Anarcho-Syndicalist - Due to extreme poverty, as well as the violence inherent in the system, the character is now an adept Filth-slinger, increasing his chance to hit to 40%.
  • Riding - Gives the character a 5% chance to find the "Coconuts" item when searching in parks, malls, and zoos. When Coconuts are equipped, the character may move from building to building without stopping outside. (Equivalent to Free Running)
    • Gallop - When Coconuts are equipped, the character may take a move action at the cost of 0 AP. When this ability has been used five times with a single set of Coconuts, they wear out and the user must find a new set.
  • Getting Medieval - The character's chance to hit with any of the medieval weapons is increased from 10% to 25%.
    • Excalibur - The character's chance to hit with a Sword is increased to 40%.
    • Bowman - The character's chance to hit with a Bow is increased to 40%. In addition, the bow may be used on enemies in adjacent squares.
  • Noble - The character has been granted a plot of land by the King, and has learned how to fortify it against intruders (Equivalent to Construction)
    • Page - The character has a loyal follower that can can carry extra gear, increasing his maximum encumberance to 200%
      • Message by Archery - Requires a Bow and Quiver of Arrows to use. The character may send a message to any other character in an adjacent square. When used from tall buildings with the Bowman skill, may be sent to any character within sight distance.
  • Take by Force - The character's damage against barricades is no longer halved, unless there is a Catapault set up inside the building.
    • Charge the Castle - At the cost of 5 AP, a character has a 25% chance to surpass barricades. If there is a Catapault inside the building and the character fails, he is forced to retreat into a random adjacent square.
  • Shrubber - The character has a 5% chance to find the Funny Herbs item when searching in parks and cemetaries. Funny Herbs are expendable, and restore 3 HP.
  • Charged by God - The character has a 1% chance to find the Holy Hand Grenade item in cathedrals. The Grenade takes 25 AP to use, and "blow'st to tiny bits" all zombies in the square, dealing 30 damage. The character may not use another Grenade for one month.
  • At level fifteen, a character may take one of the following options:
    • Wisdom - The character may surpass any barricades at the cost of 2 AP, because his extensive knowledge of swallows surpasses the guards'.
    • Ingenue - The character may spend 10 AP when standing in a junkyard to create the Trojan Rabbit item, which is reuseable and allows him to surpass barricades, but has a 5% chance of failing and being lost because the character forgot to get inside.
    • Valor - The character may deal 5 damage to a random target in his square, including friendly players and himself, at a cost of 1 AP.
    • Discretion - The character may flee from any square containing a zombie to another one that doesn't for 0 AP.
    • Purity - The character gains an extra 5% chance to hit against all impure (female) targets.

Funny votes: {{{FunnyVotes}}}
Unfunny votes: Tried. Too. Hard. -- Pavluk 15:12, 22 August 2007 (BST) Where is the black night? you fail at Monty Python. --Dueledge 11:56, 6 September 2007 (BST)We are the Knights who say NI... i mean NO!--Danalov 14:02, 11 September 2007 (BST) Monty Python is arsome, but WHERES THE FRICKIN BLACK KNIGHT! --Officer 123satsitx 03:01, 8 December 2007 (UTC)

Zombie-Hindering Items

Type: New Items
Tally: +4

I really feel that this idea will help us rid Malton of the zombie menace. When you kill a zombies, you can put one/some of these new items on them.

Handcuffs: You can find these in the Police Stations all the time, and also in Clubs maybe. If you put these on a dead zombie, they can't use their hands so good when they get up, for the next 10 attacks. Also, their bite isn't as affective as well, have you ever tried to bite someone when you've got handcuffs on?

Hannibal Lecter Mask: This is one of those masks like Hannibal Lecter wears in the film to stop him from biting people. These can be found in Hopsitals and Prisons if there are any in Malton. If you put this on a zombie, they can't bite at all until they get killed again. Also, they can't speak either. And it takes an extra 2AP to stand up because the mask is heavy.

Ball and Chain: This would also be found in Prisons, also Police Stations. If you put this on a zombie, they have to spend 3AP to move for the next 50 times they move. If you have two ball-and-chainses you can put both on one zombie, which makes it 4AP.

Blindfold - this stops the zombie from seeing you. Also, it can't use Scent Death until the blindfold falls off, which happens the next time a zombie gets a headshot.

Mittens - these can be found in houses, and in parks, and in Mall shops. These stop zombies from grabbing onto you with Tangling Grap. Also, because they're those mittens which are joined together by string, they act like handcuffs as well!!! Hehehe.

Target - this is the best item. It can be found everywhere accept monuments, cause that would be unrealistic. It's a target like the ones people shoot arrows into. You can hang this around a zombies neck, and they can never take it off. Cos it's a target, it means people can shoot the zombie easier. It adds +35% to accuracy with guns, and +50% with other weapons.

I think that these items are needed, otherwise the zombies will win. -- Pavluk 15:14, 20 August 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Author vote. -- Pavluk 15:14, 20 August 2007 (BST) I can see it now... revive lines full of bound and gagged zombies, trying unsuccessfully to Mrh, while some punk kid is standing there holding a needle and taunting them with "what is it boy, did little Timmy fall down the well?" --Uncle Bill 06:53, 10 September 2007 (BST) I like to break things. Breaking things is fun!! *smashes abstract concept of game balance*--WanYao 17:14, 15 September 2007 (BST) Now here's a really good one. --Reaper with no name TJ! 03:30, 19 December 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes:

An Uber Power!!!

Type: Uber Powers!!! YAY!!!
Tally: 0

I propose that survivors be able to draw certain 'elements' around themseleves, like burying themselves in the 'element' 'sand', using the 'element' 'fire' to burn zombies (only kills zombies), putting themselves in a casing using 'wood', 'plant', or 'wax', then lighting it up. Maybe even use the 'element' '???', which destroys anything that isn't organic (with the exception of survivors and zombies, of course)!!!

Funny votes: Author Vote-I got this idea when playing a falling sand game. If you don't understand what it is, go to 00:47, 20 August 2007 (BST) Epic Vote- I got it as soon as I saw ???. --Sgt. Napalm 20:36, 16 April 2008 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Eh? In what way is this supposed to be funny. Looks like advertising for a certain "falling sand game" to me. -- Pavluk 14:52, 20 August 2007 (BST) The falling sand game is funny. This isn't. --Lh778 15:04, 22 November 2007 (UTC)


Type: New Items
Tally: -1

I suggest that bananas be added to Urban Dead. Many have suggested this before, but I propose we go one step further — allow survivors to plant banana-plant cuttings in abandoned greenhouses. These cuttings would be found in Mall Gardening Stores (new stores) at a 4% find rate. Random places would be chosen to have "abandoned greenhouses" in the garden/on the roof/suspended from a window. Banana cuttings could be planted in greenhouses (by survivors with watering cans and assorted garden tools, also from the garden stores), and, with a little care (from the afformentioned survivors), would eventually sprout a banana crop (these are patented NecroTech fast-growing banana-plants). When it was done, survivors and zombies (who broke in) would be able to harvest the bananas and put them in their inventories. Banana plants die after fruiting, and can only be grown from cuttings, so survivors would be able to take cuttings and replant them for next season. Bananas can be used by zombies as weapons or survivors to restore HP. Bananas would allow zombies without Death Rattle to shout "BARHAH!" Bananas would encourage more survivors enroll in fruit-related self-defence classes, because the threat would REALLY be there.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: I notice that not even the author thinks this one's funny. -- Pavluk 14:53, 20 August 2007 (BST)


Type: Stereotypes
Tally: -2

I propose that religion be added to UD. I also propose that one-fifth of Malton's churches be turned into mosques.

In mosques, you would find Qur'ans at a 25% search rate. Reading the Qur'an would give experience faster than books (20% chance of 2XP, 1XP for scientists), but if you read the Qur'an twice a day for five days, you gain a skill: "Moderate Islamism". Bibles would be identical, apart from the fact you would gain the skill "Moderate Christianity" instead. These skills would be harmless in themselves, but...

If you continued reading for another five days, you would gain the skill "Islamic Extremism" or "Christian Extremism".

  • Muslim Extremists would get:
    • All their speech translated into Arabic, except for several preset lines such as "Hail Allah!", "The West shall perish!" and "Kill the infidels!"
    • The inability to discard any Qur'an in their inventory.
    • +5% accuracy on all firearm attacks against any non-Muslim.
    • The ability to blow themselves up every five days, killing anyone in the vicinity.
    • The compulsion to pray five times a day, resulting in -5AP.
  • Christian Extremists would get:
    • All their speech put into all caps, to signify their anger at the fag heathens.
    • A new attack called "Piss Off", that involves horrible offensive slander, normally about gays.
    • The ability to spit on the word "evolution" for an XP bonus when it is graffiti'd on a wall. The same goes for "science".
    • The inability to have any science skills, however, they can still use the technological benefits of science.
    • However, they can't use the medical benefits. They don't believe in them. This means no healing with FAKs and no revivification. The best they can do is pray, which has a 0.1% chance of working through the placebo effect.
  • There would also be Jewish synagogues. However, Jews would merely get:
    • Circumcised.
    • Harassed by Christian Extremists for "Killing Christ".

Buddhist temples would also exist. However, Buddhists would first gradually lose all aggressive abilities. They would eventually lose the attack option altogether, and have compulsive urges to drop all weapons. They would eventually be able to medidate so deeply that bullets would just bounce off them, and wounds would heal up instantly. Eventually, after days of solid meditation, they would either reincarnate as a new character or ascend to Nirvana.

--Anotherpongo 11:58, 18 August 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: You forget the Alu Akbar (God is great) for the Islamic extremists! And what about the Christians, or Creationists most likely actually spreading the word and stuff? Kaylee Hans 00:57, 19 August 2007 (BST) , I specially like the Muslim Extremist "skills" very funny ObiFireFighter 15:05 25 September 2007 nice. Yeeth 12:46, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Meh. Tried too hard. --the one, the only, sushiknight (talk contribs HARD E.N.D.) 18:51, 18 August 2007 (BST) Even looking at it in a satirical manner, it's still not funny. Just plain stupid.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 01:02, 19 August 2007 (BST) Yeah, I didn't think it was my best work in the field of comedy. --Anotherpongo 08:51, 19 August 2007 (BST) You know it's bad when the author votes "not funny". -- Pavluk 14:54, 20 August 2007 (BST) Don't blaspheme. --Vkkhamul 20:17, 25 August 2007 (BST) Meh --WanYao 17:17, 15 September 2007 (BST) I'll resist the urge to rant and just agree with the author's unfunny vote. --Explodey 21:04, 10 April 2008 (BST)

Power Kick

Type: Skill
Tally: +4

Power Kick would be a military skill below hand-to-hand combat. With this skill, a survivor would have the ability to use a new "power kick" attack on a zombie. Kicks would have a 35% chance of hitting. If the kick succeeded, there would be a...

  • 20% chance of the zombie flying across the room, and having to spend 1AP to stand up.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It goes flying across the room."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse. It went flying across the room."
  • 20% chance of the zombie flying into a wall, and having to spend 1AP to stand up.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It goes flying into a wall."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse. It went flying into a wall."
  • 20% chance of the zombie crashing through a window, and landing outside. Again, the zombie would have to spend 1 AP to stand up and also get back inside.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It goes flying out of a window."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse. It went flying out of a window."
  • 20% chance of the zombie hitting another survivor/zombie. The character it hits takes 5 damage, and if the character survives, the zombie gets a grip on him/her if it possesses Tangling Grasp.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It hits [name2] for 5 damage."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse. It hit [name2]."
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It hits [name2] and kills them."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse. It hit [name2] and kills them."
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse. It hits [name2] for 5 damage and grabs them."
  • 20% chance of the zombie taking 2 damage.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse for 2 damage. It drops to 48HP."

When used on a survivor, a successful kick would always result in 2 damage, making it an ineffective attack.

  • There would be a further skill "Targeted Kick" which would allow players to target their kicks. For targeted kicks, there would be a 35% chance of hitting the targeted player with a zombie.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse in the direction of [name2]. It hits [name2] for 5 damage. They drop to 45HP."
    • "[name] kicked a zombie up the arse in the direction of [name2]. It hit [name2]."
  • There would be a 5% chance of it going off course and hitting someone else...
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse in the direction of [name2]. It hits [name3] for 5 damage. They drop to 45HP."
  • ...and a 15% chance for each of the other options.
    • "You kick the zombie up the arse in the direction of [name2]. It goes flying out of a window."

--Anotherpongo 17:31, 17 August 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Hee he hee helarius Hilarius Ha ha. Stevejobsfan-- How good would this be? -- Pavluk 14:56, 20 August 2007 (BST) -- Funny :D --ObiFireFighter 18:32, 26 September 2007-- Very creative, it would add a bit more humour to break-ins wouldn't it? :D --I see dead peoples 00:29, 3 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Votes here

Bodies Fly!!!

Type: Game Mechanics
Tally: +1

I propose that whenever a zombie or survivor gets killed with a firearm, their body should be flung into the air and land with a splat, giving the flavour text,'*insert name here* was flung into the air, and landed with a neat squishy noise.'

Funny votes: HELL YEAH!--Stevejobsfan 19:50, 16 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

*Name Of New Suggestion Which Happens To Have Same Name/Concept Of An Old One*

Type: Satire
Tally: +1

Now, I know this concept has been suggested before, but I tried to work out all the imbalances, and I think it might work. Please don't vote spam just because the basic concept and title has been used before. EDIT:WTF?! If you don't like it, why on earth would you vote spam instead of kill? Because it has the same title/basic concept of an old one that got killed?! FBI CONSPIRATORS!!! Oh, you're not? Oh, sorry, CIA CONSPIRATORS!!!

Funny votes: Ah... the smell of a Pissed off newb Has been recreated perfectley...Stevejobsfan-- SPAM buwhahahahahahahaha! --the one, the only, sushiknight (talk contribs HARD E.N.D.) 18:48, 18 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Eh? I don't get it. --Seventythree 07:36, 11 August 2007 (BST)

Murphy's Law

Type: Realism
Tally: -2

We all know Murphy's Law, which states, "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". Why not apply that rule to Malton? From now on, for survivors, this means that there is a 25% chance that an NPC pker will suddenly appear, give everybody a headshot, and dissappear. There is also a 50% chance that an NPC zombie will suddenly appear, tear down the barricades, open the doors, give everybody an infection, kill everyone, ransack the building, and disappear. For zombies, there is a 75% chance that a zombie hunter will suddenly appear, give every zombie in the same square a headshot, and disappear. I feel that this would be a great addition to the game, since it is not only balanced, it will also make everything more realistic by utilizing Murphy's Law. Also, when making a suggestion, there will be a 50% chance of showing only the title, and the words tally, description, funny votes, unfunny votes, and a little description of what each is, instead of the suggestion(actually happened the first time I tried to make this suggestion).

Funny votes: Murphy is awsome, so I'm loving this --Stevejobsfan like the idea. Yeeth 12:46, 6 March 2008 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Not funny. If you you were going to apply Murphy's Law, you should have made GENUINE scenarios that are bad luck, rather than something which is made up. 'arm. 18:44, 25 July 2007 (BST) No, nawt funneh...B- for effort.--Bruce1nR 05:35, 3 August 2007 (BST) Its not funny, not realistic, just stupid. (P.S. headshot has no effect on survivors, why would the NPC PKer headshot people?)--I see dead peoples 00:38, 3 November 2007 (UTC)

Sea World

Type: A massive improvement
Tally: +5

To start with, all map tiles will be replaced with Sea coloured blue, obviously. Survivors will be replaced with dolpins, and zombies with lobsters. Oh, and all Items will be replaced with mackeral. when a dolphin or lobster searches and is succesfull they get the message you found a tasty mackeral. yum yum! Oh, and no-one can attack anyone else, becasue it's all peacefull-like under the sea, with mermaids and stuff. --Seventythree 17:57, 13 July 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Author.--Seventythree 17:57, 13 July 2007 (BST) Haha, and I thought it was going to be some sort of Water World skit. 'arm . 23:51, 13 July 2007 (BST) ':D --Charley C. 03:19, 19 July 2007 (BST) You forgot to put sharks in to keep the trenchies happy but i will forgice you ;) --Honestmistake 15:22, 21 July 2007 (BST) Nice.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 07:07, 12 August 2007 (BST) Glub glub. --  AHLGTG THE END IS NIGH! 01:25, 14 August 2007 (BST) LOL --I AM TARA 03:48, 1 September 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Huh? Is this supposd to be funny? --Stevejobsfan


Type: Stereotypes
Tally: 0

Hillbillies have finally heard about the situation in Malton, and have arrived with the awesome power of their banged-up trucks, and the latest in shotgun technology! The hillbilly character class has their own skill tree, and their own special items. They start with a loaded shotgun, the rest of their inventory being taken up by shells. Skills

  • Hillbilly-The hillbilly's starting skill, wich gives them special access to all their items and skills.
  • Shotgun-Hillbilly has +10% accuracy with any shotgun-related weapon, but can not use pistols. This is another starting skill.
    • Miracle Shotgun Ability-Hillbilly now has +50% accuracy with shotuns.
      • Uber Shotgun Ability-Hillbilly now has 160% accuracy with shotguns.
  • Exotic Food-Allows hillbilly to make pepperoni rolls at a 3 AP cost, with the items dough and pepperoni.
    • Mmm, Cheese-Allows hillbilly to make cheese pepperoni rolls, but at a 4 AP cost and only with cheese.
  • Box O' Shells-Hillbilly now carries a small shell box that carries an infinite amount of shotgun shells. This also puts all shells in inventory inside of box, freeing up inventory space.
  • Saw Barrel-Allows hillbilly to saw off the barrel of his shotgun, turning it into a sawed-off shotgun.
  • Muscular-Hillbilly now has 60 HP.
  • Shotgun Detection-Shotgun-related weapons and shells found in all buildings at rate of 100%.

New Items

  • M17A1-Works exactly like the M16A1, except it uses shotgun shells. Does triple damage, but each shot has separate accuracy, meaning 2 might hit but one might miss or vise-versa. Uses 3 shells per shooting. Found in armouries.
  • Triple-Barreled Shotgun-Requires 3 shells to shoot and does triple damage, but all shells have same accuracy, meaning if one hits, so do the others. Found in armuries, clubs, PDs, and office buildings.
  • Sawed-Off Shotgun-Made by using saw on regular or triple-barreled shotguns. Does double damage per hit.
  • Saw-Found in hardware stores.
  • Dough-Found in all buildings.
  • Pepperoni-Found in all buildings.
  • Cheese-Found in all buildings.
  • Pepperoni Roll-Made by combining pepperoni and dough. Heals 40 HP when eaten.
  • Cheese Pepperoni Roll-Made by combining pepperoni, dough, and cheese. Heals 60 HP.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes:


Type: Stereotypes
Tally: +5

Notice how no-one ever gets old in Malton? This suggestion changes all that. You age is calculated by: 16 + (2 * Level) + (spare XP / 100).

Once at a player reaches the age of 100 the following things may occur:

  • 5% chance every 100 AP used that you will forget one of your skills. Forever.
  • 5% change than when barricading you will break your hip and have to use a wheel chair. You can now only enter and exit unbarricaded buildings
  • Whenever you see a newbie, you will automatically use 1 AP to grumble about the youth of today.
  • You will recover 5 HP for each park that you visit. Allowed twice per park per day
  • You will lose your teeth. Survivors now automatically talk like a zombie. The Survivor doesn't know they can't be understood, and get confused and angry. Zombies get an infected gum attack instead of infectious bite.
  • New item available - Dentures, found in Mall Drugstores. Will restore ability to talk, or bite.
  • A new skill becomes available - Extra Memories of Life. Allows the senile to remember where they put their dentures. Without this, dentures will be lost permanently 12 hours after finding them.
  • Free Running is no longer allowed - attempting to free run will result in you falling to your death.

Funny votes: Author Vote. Idea not fleshed out enough, but some of the core flavour is there. 'arm. 23:45, 5 July 2007 (BST) You had me at notice. --  AHLGTG THE END IS NIGH! 00:37, 6 July 2007 (BST) I'd love skill Retirement Fund and Shellshocked obstacle as well as possibility of getting lost, but other than that, excellent. --Yeedawgies 07:38, 24 July 2007 (BST) Eh? Whut? You'll have to speak up sonny... Humous?--Seventythree 17:46, 26 July 2007 (BST) Change to veteren user --WanYao 17:21, 15 September 2007 (BST) "Back in MY day we didn't HAVE this new fangled Ankle Grab, zombies got up of their own hard-- AR! MR ZRMMH!!! Zr mrh g!rnzzz!!!" lol--Obamacain 18:30, 1 May 2009 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Pete Wentz

Type: New Class
Tally: -2

All new characters can pick the "Pete Wentz" class under a new group, "Overrated n00blets". Pete starts with a bottle of booze (he needs alcohol to function) and a bass guitar (which does nothing, what's it going to do in a zombie apocalypse?). He starts with the skill Fame < Infamy, because no-one cares about him. This skill allows Pete to be tracked by all zombies and emo-punk-rock-band haters (which is everyone excluding high school girls). Pete must drink at least one bottle of alcohol for every 15 ap he uses, or he whines every 2 ap spent, adding an additional ap cost. Pete's skill tree is only available to no-one (he has no skill whatsoever, and any skill bought only makes people hate him more.) Any attacks on Pete will not cost any AP and will have a +50% chance to hit.


Before you all kill me, this is a JOKE. I actually like Fall Out Boy's music. (some of it, anyways.)

Funny votes: Author vote Vault 19:41, 4 July 2007 (BST) Lawl. What about him taking pictures of his penis? :O
Unfunny votes: Not voting against because I don't like the music, but because it just wasn't funny.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 19:43, 4 July 2007 (BST)You had me, Up until the bit where you said you liked some of fall-out boys music... Also, meh. Emo is too easy a target.--Seventythree 19:46, 4 July 2007 (BST) Who? What? Anyway, just not funny, meh --WanYao 17:23, 15 September 2007 (BST)


Type: New Class
Tally: +6

Shambling through the dead streets, neither dead nor alive. Fire burns in their eyes, their hearts frozen ice. The mere sight of them is enougth to make a brave person weep, turn the smartest into a gibbering moron and the richest into a penniless vagrant. Stumbling ever onwards, uttering their dry cracked cries of "sue! Sue! Sue!" I am, of course refering to lawyers. Lawyers start with an infinite amount of AP (they do not need rest) and infinite health (it is possible to kill a lawyer, but not by conventional means.) Lawyer skills are as follows.

  • Litigation skills
  • Medical malpractice lawsuit.-While in a powered hospital, the lawyer can attack with a malpractice lawsuit. This has a 75% accuracy, gives the lawyer 100XP, and any character with medical skills, loses them, never to regain them, takes a headshot and dies.
  • Copyright infringement.-Targeted at any player, a copyright infringement case has a 75% chance of success. Any character thus targeted who shares any similarity in name with any brand (more than 3 letters of the alphabet, for example) immediately has their character deleted.
  • Police negligence lawsuit. Again a 75% chance of sucsess. Reqires the lawyer to be in a powered police station. Any survivor with the starting class of cop loses all pistol accuracy skills and takes a headshot.
  • Dodgy backhander deals
  • Dodgy Corporate bribe - When in a mall, the lawyer does not have to search for anything. They merely request an item, and the corporations running the mall give it to them
  • Dodgy goverment bribe - When in a fort, the lawyer can, once again request any item from the fort.
  • Dodgy Necrotech Bribe - Once again, when in a necrotech building, the lawyer can receive any item they choose.
  • Other skills
  • Health and saftey regulations - The lawyer can dimantle any barricade, and sue whoever created the barricade, causing them to lose permenantly their construction skill.
  • Legal red tape. - The lawyer can tie up any character they so wish in so much legal red tape that they lose all their AP for a week.

(disclaimer. Before anyone says I am being unfair, I do, of course recognise that most lawyers perform perfectly legaly, and actualy do a lot of good for society. Please don't sue me!)

Funny votes: Author vote--Seventythree 12:16, 3 July 2007 (BST) Lawyers are the one thing that scares me. dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 12:23, 3 July 2007 (BST) Hehe, good one. 'arm. 21:17, 3 July 2007 (BST) I laugh. I fall off chair. It hurt. :( --  AHLGTG THE END IS NIGH! 22:43, 3 July 2007 (BST) I don't like lawyers, they're just... strange. --Vault 22:54, 4 July 2007 (BST) OMGOMGOMG lawyers DO rock this much yo BoboTalkClown 00:15, 8 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Toilet Paper

Type: New Item, Mechanic
Tally: -3

Everybody needs toilet paper. I suggest if a survivor doesn't use toilet paper for at least 1 hour, he and other survivors will die instantly. Zombies don't need toilet paper however, probably because of his lack change of clothes, smell and appearence.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: You forgot the TPing of houses if you don't like a person or group! Kaylee Hans 15:13, 3 July 2007 (BST) Shit - where's the funny? 'arm. 01:12, 4 July 2007 (BST) That is not at all funny! Something tells me you play UD as a zed, just a hunch, nothing to do with how biased and sick the humour in this suggestion is!--I see dead peoples 00:45, 3 November 2007 (UTC)


Type: New Class
Tally: 0

The Zombie Apocalypse genre is seriously lacking in snipers, so Urban Dead should be the breakthrough game that starts using them. First you'd have the sniper class under military. Personally, I think it should replace the scout just because scouts are almost useless. The sniper training tree does NOT follow Basic firearms training, just because snipers are too awesome for basic things.


  • Sniper Training - Allows use of sniper rifle - 85% accuracy (Starting skill for Sniper class)
    • Advanced Sniper Training - Increases accuracy to 100%
      • Super Sniper Training - When sniping from a tall building, you can hit any target in any square you would be able to see with binoculars
        • Uber Sniper Training - When sniping from a tall building, you can shoot in any of the eight compass directions. The shot will hit a random target in each square until it reaches the edge on Malton
          • Uber Advanced Sniper Training - Enables the sniper to shoot all the bullets he has killing everybody he can starting with people in squares closest to him until either A) He kills everybody in Malton or B) He runs out of ammo.
  • Free Running - Same as it is now (Starting skill for Sniper class)
    • Free Jumping - When free running, the sniper appears to vanish until he starts shooting


Rifle - An ordinary rifle. It holds 5 rifle cartridges It is not improved with sniper training.

  • 5 HP damage against no flak jacket
  • 4 HP damage against flak jacket
  • Find Rates
    • 50% in Pubs
    • 5% find rate in Mall Gun Stores
    • 1% find rate in Police Departments, Auto Shops and Junkyards

Sniper Scope - A sniper scope that can make a Rifle a Sniper rifle

  • Find Rates
    • 2% find rate in Mall Gun Stores
    • 1% find rate in Police Departments and Junkyards

Sniper Rifle - The Holy Grail of guns. It holds 5 rifles cartridges

  • 75 HP damage against no flak jacket
  • 60 HP damage against flak jacket
  • Find Rates
    • 50% in NT Buildings (it's a conspiracy... they're trying to kill us all!)
    • 5% in Mall gun stores and Police Departments
    • 1% in Junkyards

Rifle Cartridge - Ammo for the Rifle and Sniper Rifle (I know, if they use the same ammo, they should deal the same damage, but snipers are just that awesome

  • Find Rates
    • 5% in Mall Gun Stores, Police Departments, Auto Shops and Pubs
    • 1% in Junkyards

Funny votes: Author Vote: Snipers are really shown as overly powerful in movies, books, and video games.Ponda Baba 22:13, 1 July 2007 (BST), Insomniac By Choice (I admit, I burst out laughing at the "Uber Sniper Skill")
Unfunny votes:

Mobile Generator Class

Type: New Class/Satire of recent suggestions
Tally: +1

I think you should be able to strap a generator to your back. That way, you’d be like a walking generator. In fact, we could call it the ‘Mobile Generator Class’ for survivors. Because then you would be like, ‘OMGLOL… He’s a walking generator.” You could even wrap yourself in Christmas tree lights so that every zombie would be able to see you in a 40x40 block radius!

It would be fun, because you would be able to walk into a hospital that didn’t have any power, and you would be like, “Plug me in.” And then people would be able to plug into you, so that they could have the surgery to heal, and the lights to search for stuff.

To balance the idea, the generator would be noisy, and the class would wear Christmas tree lights. That way, zombies could hear or see you for a 40x40 block radius. It would be more than fair I think.

Oh, and to balance it some more, it takes 2AP for the ‘Mobile Generator Class’ to move, unless they die and become a zombie and get the skill ‘Lurching Gait’. Then they would only have to spend 1 AP to move like everyone else!

Zombies and Survivors would get a +30% to hit the Mobile Generator Class, and another 15% to hit the generator – causing it to explode in an inferno on the back of the survivor killing him instantly… even though the suggestion guide says that you shouldn’t make suggestions that would insta-kill people.

But think of the utility! A mobile generator! The Future of Tomorrow, Today!


Funny votes: Yes, great idea. but i can see how it's go already: they'd all go on strike. then, Kevan would add "balancing" features and finally through cunning metaphysical gaming -- i.e. these guys communicate TELEPATHICALLY, and can PK (i.e. use psychokinesis) the RNG (they also know the secret of acronym) -- they'd kick bum on the other classes, dominating Malton's junkyards at will. After which I might be able to think of a snappy punch line to conclude this vote, hmnnnn.... --WanYao 10:10, 31 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Uber hat

Type: New Item
Tally: +8

Uber hat of greatness. This can be found in junkyards only. The uberhat has many functions. 1) Inbuilt pogo-stick allows user to actualy jump over buildings. (uberhat Inc is not responsible for you falling on your head and accidentaly driving the pogo-stick through your silly brain) 2) Rocket launcher. The hat can fire real rockets! Unfortunately, as it is a hat, the rockets just go shooting upwards into the air, and can only be used to shoot people who are currently in the air, jumping on their pogo-hat. 3) The uberhat, through the magic of science allows the user to capture pidgeons, and use them as mobile phones. Pidgeon english is unfortunately the only language you can use with a pidgeonmobile. 4) The uberhat can capture chickens for shady govermant research! Vote for the uberhat, vote for greatness. (uberhat has been tested on animals, mainly chickens)

Funny votes: Author vote.--Seventythree 10:28, 26 June 2007 (BST) Ubervote for uberhat --Duke GarlandTLCD SSZ 12:03, 26 June 2007 (BST) You people and your Uberhats trailing all over my suggestion, what did my suggestion do to you? TT_TT --EMAG TRESNI 18:19, 26 June 2007 (BST) I want Pigeonmobile ^_^--karek 20:27, 26 June 2007 (BST) Nice.-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 20:30, 26 June 2007 (BST) HA! I see you like my pogo hat idea. --  AHLGTG THE END IS NIGH! 21:23, 26 June 2007 (BST) No you did NOT see a man jumping over the building with a pogo stick being shot with a rocket. The radiation sent by your pidgeonmobile just made you hallusinate. Now if you would kindly look into this light here...FLASH!!--Murhapuro 12:44, 6 July 2007 (BST) MOAR HATZ! :D --Specialist290 12:00, 7 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes:

Jack Bauer

Type: New Class
Tally: 0

Jack will be able to free run through any building, as long there's a sewer system, he also has 100% accuracy depending on the number of bad guys in the area, he has a special ability that can be cast on enemy enemy, allowing him to escape irregardless of his AP and HP. Oh yeah, his damage, irregardless of weapon, is 24. Furthermore, any bad guys around him will have their accuracy reduced, the more bad guys there are, the lower the accuracy of each bad guy (Stormtrooper syndrome).

Funny votes: #Funny - Dang.. Jack Bauer is a freakign BAD@$$ in the show. You should really have a varient of him here!! --Bruce Torbaron 17:08, 28 June 2007 (BST) Storm trooper syndrome! HAhaahhahahaa.....--Bruce1nR 06:11, 3 August 2007 (BST) Good thing I'm Jack Bauer. (id 680584) Mirathor 19:32, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: J*** B**** promotes torture (he brags about torturing suspects in ** season 7) and was probably created under orders from the Bush administration for that purpose. So -1 just for mentioning the name. --Explodey 18:22, 1 November 2009 (UTC) -1 point for "enemy enemy" and "irregardless".--GANG Giles Sednik CAPD 00:20, 31 December 2009 (UTC)


Type: New Item
Tally: -2

God can be found in any church at a 100% rate of success. Having the item God in your inventory (Taking up 100% encumbrance because he's kinda packed on the pounds over these 13 billion years) allows you to use the power Prayer, for 50 AP, and you can pray for anything from turning all zombies into survivors, all the way down to finding that syringe you need, and it will happen instantly. Of course, you can only pray if you're a survivor, because God hates those stinky, dirty, smelly dead people.

Funny votes: Teh author funny Nalikill 22:32, 24 June 2007 (BST) vaguely amusing but does God get pissed off and smite you if you drop him and is he single use? Also why not make him weigh 99% so you can get 2 and watch them fight :) I bagsy Bachuus! --Honestmistake 17:36, 29 August 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: YOU MOCK GOD! >:( --Defender 911 15:10, 4 July 2007 (BST) This joke wasn't really funny. You can come up with a better God one can't you?-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 19:46, 4 July 2007 (BST) If you have 100% emcumbrance, how can you hold anything you find after you pray? 'arm. 20:35, 7 July 2007 (BST)

Gangrenous Infection

Type: Effect
Tally: +1

Gangrenous Infections are given as a result of damage due to firearms. Implemented, there would be a 10% chance of contracting a gangrenous infection each time a player was hit by a shot from a firearm. Like a regular infection, leaving it untreated will kill the player. Unlike regular infection, after 10ap without curing the infection, the player's movement efficiency decreases, to the tune of 1ap per 10hp lost, and an appendage must be removed in the process of curing the infection. Prior to the first ten hp lost, a single FAK will cure the infection. After the first ten hp lost, two FAKs are needed, administered in a powered hospital, and an appendage is amputated, and the character's "wearing" description is changed to include a prosthetic limb. There is a 10% chance the player will be forced to speak with a pirate accent. After every 10hp lost, 10 hp is taken off the players maximum hp.

Funny votes: Harh harh harh matey.--karek 05:12, 19 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Not funny, it just isn't -- EchelonThree 17:13, 28 June 2007 (BST)

Miraculous Wirecutters

Type: New Item
Tally: 0

Right now, wirecutters are useless. There is absolutely no reason to have a useless item in the game because nobody likes to play this game in character. Therefore, I propose that any survivor carrying wirecutters will have a half chance of avoiding an otherwise lethal blow. For example, if a survivor has 2HP left and a PKer is attacking him with a knife with 50% hit, then the chance drops to 25%. This is because the god of cable boxes, who gave us his only power cord, which was manufactured, used, and recycled as any other cord, but was killed by Roman wirecutters, fulfilling the prophecy written in the old User's Manual. --Magentaine 22:39, 18 June 2007 (BST)

Note: Making fun of wirecutters, not religion.

Funny votes:
Unfunny votes: Uh... --Anotherpongo 18:50, 19 June 2007 (BST)

Lots of guns

Type: Sod's law
Tally: -1

Ok, ok. Lots of people want ak-47's, assault rifles, rocket lanchers and the like. So, we give em them. Lots of them. In fact, you can find them pretty much anywhere you like. Armories are so well stocked that they can be found at 50% They take up 4% encumbrance, (they are pretty heavy you know) and special skills can be bought, for each weapon that increases the accuracy to 65% as per shotgun. Now, there is a catch. You see, the army, not being idiots, kind of used up all the ammo on the zombies before they left. Mind you, they look pretty.--Seventythree 15:58, 17 June 2007 (BST)

Funny votes: Author vote.--Seventythree 15:58, 17 June 2007 (BST) Actually kinda funny, it would be practical too saves the wiki community's time.--karek 23:47, 18 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: *snore* --User:Axe27/Sig 15:59, 17 June 2007 (BST) Normally I wouldn't take the time to vote on a suggestion that was just average to me, but I'm in a bad mood today and felt like it.Waluigi Freak 99 20:03, 17 June 2007 (BST)

Wal-marts! w00t!

Type: Location
Tally: +4

We simply MUST have Wal-Marts in the game! Ok, the Wal-Mart will use the same skills as the mall, and is eerily similar to a mall, BUT! The main difference is the fact that it is a one-block square, and it also has more items! w00t! The layout of the Wal-Marts are as follows:

  • Sporting Goods-All of the useless melee weapons are found here.
  • Books-Poetry books, books, and newspapers are found here.
  • Gun Section-Shotguns and pistols, as well as ammuniton, and a minigun are found here.
  • Clothing Section-Clothes and fashion accessories are found here. Unfortunately, only women can enter here, because men hate shopping for clothes.
  • Pharmacy-FAKs are in here, as well as a mystery medicine.
  • Electronics-Cell phones, radios/transmitters, GPS devices, and hand-held games are found in here.
  • Home Appliances-Toasters, microwaves, and portable generators are found here.
  • Automotive Department-Crowbars, fuel cans, and military jeeps are in here.
  • Food Department-Beer, wine, bread, butter, and Ramen noodles are here.
  • Food Court-Beer, wine, and popcorn are all here.
  • Necrotech Department-Syringes, DNA extractors, and lab coats are here. You can also access Necronet here.
  • Front Counters-Candy is found here. Money is also here, but in a zombie outbreak, would you really need it?!

New Items:

  • Minigun-The best gun ever made, it fires 500 rounds at once, doing 25 damage per bullet at 100% accuracy. It even has infinite ammo! w00t!
  • Mystery Medicine-Has a 60% chance of being harmless, a 30% chance of making you pass out, or a 10% chance of killing you. If you die, it's just like any other death. If you faint, it will cost 5 AP to stand up and you will still be a human. If it happens to be harmless, it will give you the flavour text, "Whew! That was close!" Unfortunately, the next move you take, a small meteor will hit you in the head like a bullet with a headshot effect. Then, you will be abducted by aliens, disected by aliens, get an infection from it, get shot out of an air lock, get hit by a mega laser, and will begin to orbit the Earth, get hit by a huge asteroid, wich will make it hit Mars. Then you will start falling down to Earth, vaporizing you as you go through the atmosphere. You will then land back in Wal-Mart, and the government will put your ashes in a jar wich will then be placed upon a memorial for your sacrifice to save the Earth from that nasty asteroid. Unfortunately, this will bring your HP down to

-819086402917463, and you will not be able to stand up until someone heals you up to 0. The rules about healing dead bodies still apply.

  • Hand-Held Games-Useless pieces of junk, because playing games won't help anybody!
  • Toasters-Turn bread into toast.
  • Microwave-Turns Ramen noodles into bowl of noodles.
  • Military Jeep-Acts as a building that is at EHB. Except you cannot destroy it. Has enough room for 5 people, the driver, 3 passengers, and a gunner. The gunner must have his own minigun to be the gunner.
  • Bread-Heals 5 health as is, 6 if toast, and 8 if turned into buttered toast.
  • Butter-Used to make buttered toast and popcorn.
  • Ramen Noodles-Used with microwave to make bowl of noodles, wich heals 15 HP. However, there is a 10% chance of losing the flavor packet. If one loses the flavor packet, he will be struck by lightning, incinerated, sucked into a black hole, and crushed into nonexistence. Unfortunately, he will not be able to know what is going on, because the flavor text hates him now and will not tell him anything. He deserves worse, but we were afraid we might offend Satan by sending him to Hell.
  • Popcorn-Heals 5 HP as is, but heals 10 when buttered.
  • Candy-Heals 60 HP, putting you at above your normal HP. Unfortunately, it has a 10% chance of being sour, in wich case, your head will implode, making it impossible to stand up.
  • Money-Seriously, what use would money have in a zombie outbreak?!
  • Wal-Mart Uniforms-Found throughout the store.

Ok, each day, the game stocks 100 of each item, and restocks at the server reset. Until then, if the stock goes to 0, you will get the flavor text, "This item is out of stock." The only item that is not allowed to go out of stock is the uniforms. Also, the order of the departments on the interface changes each server reset, representing how they move everything around so often.

Funny votes: Aw, hell... who am I kidding. This is funny. --Uncle Bill 21:49, 14 June 2007 (BST) Genius...--Seventythree 21:52, 14 June 2007 (BST) Dat's funny. --User:Axe27/Sig 22:06, 14 June 2007 (BST) God I hate Wal-Mart-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 10:47, 26 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: You had me right up until the minigun. Funny otherwise. --Uncle Bill 21:49, 14 June 2007 (BST)

Change To Headshot

Type: Realism
Tally: -2

Does anyone else know how it makes sense, no, is even possible that a zombie can just get up and walk away from a headshot? I mean really, it's a freakin' HEADSHOT!!! Therefore, I propose that any time a zombie gets a headshot, one of the following solutions be used:

  • Account Deletion-This would be the most realistic solution, as it would banish the zombie into nonexistence.
  • Not Allowed To Stand Up-No, I take back what I said. This is the most realistic. If this solution is used, said zombie would just be a dead body on the street. If zombie tries to stand up, it gives the flavor text, "Are you crazy? You have a headshot!"
  • Respawn-Respawns zombie at a random place in Malton. This is not a very good solution, since the zombies will still be coming out of nowhere.
  • Respawn In Border-This will respawn the zombie into any random border area. In this case, said zombie will find himself surrounded by military personell, who will be scratching their heads and wondering how the heck it could have gotten there. If zombie attempts to stand up, he will find himself under intense fire by machine guns, napalm launchers, RPGs, and snipers. While not the best, this solution is by far the most hilarious.

Okay, for added realism, there will be no more registering as zombies, since they are coming out of nowhere. Also, you can't register as a civilian class anymore, since the military wouldn't be stupid enough to let in anyone other than more troops and doctors. Yes, that means police too, because they are too weak. This way, survivors and zombies wouldn't be coming out of nowhere (it makes sense that more military would be able to come in, because they were actually sent there by the government). Note that zombies can still kill survivors and turn them into zombies, which means zombies probably won't be going extinct very soon. That will take another year or so.

Funny votes: Love it. LOL Laura Juranas 19:36, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Honestly, it just sounds dumb. Like, too serious to be a satire. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) As Kalie. Boring! 'arm. 01:20, 4 July 2007 (BST) That is just a bad idea dude. User:Officer Doom

Changes to Cop Class

Type: Stereotypes
Tally: +3

Okay, we all know about the cop class in Urban Dead, but I must ask how realistic is it? Blindfold yourself, drive over to BlockBuster, and rent the first horror movie that you blindly stumble upon. (But not necessarily in that order.) Watch the movie and pay close attention to the cop character. Is he a heroic protagonist, blasting zombie brains out left and right? I don't think so! He's a fat, lazy, donut cramming cop who spits all over everyone at every other word, hates teenagers, and doesn't believe in monsters until he's the first to get killed by them.

So why isn't this reflected in the game?

I know, I know. A lot of people will be up in arms at this. Go ahead and whine, "WHY ARE YOU STEREOTYPING COPS AS BIG FAT DONUT EATERS?"

Well, the reason is simple: THEY ARE BIG FAT DONUT EATERS!!!!

I mean, seriously. COPS is good and all for a fake documentary, but, come on. How many times have you seen cops taking criminals down with ease and putting them away? Not that many. Now, how many times have you seen a cop lazily sitting in his car, shoving a Krispy Kreme in his mouth?

I propose a few changes to the cop class . . .

Limited Dialogue Cops only have a select range of dialogue that they can say in the game.

  • You stupid kids! Zombies don't exist!
  • Don't you give me your sass!
  • (pulling out nightstick) You'd better watch it, boy.
  • You crazy kids, off to one of your teenage parties? You're a waste of human life!
  • (reaching for a donut through last breaths) AAAH!!! AAAH!!!! Aaaaaaaawwww . . .

Limited Items Cops can only hold a select few items.

  • Radio - The cop can use this to call in after arriving on the scene where the murderer is. But of course he never does.
  • Gun - Strictly for show to threaten the rebellious punks. Should be dropped on the floor the minute a zombie shows up on the scene.
  • Nightstick - Strictly for show to threaten the rebellious punks. Should be dropped on the floor the minute a zombie shows up on the scene.
  • Handcuffs - Strictly for show to threaten the rebellious punks. Should be dropped on the floor the minute a zombie shows up on the scene.
  • Donut - Doesn't cut it.
  • Chocolate covered Donut - Getting closer.
  • Chocolate covered rainbow sprinkled jelly filled stale two-days old donut with coffee - What every cop lives for.

Limited Skills A cop's skills should be cut back to show realism.

  • Basic Pistol Training - The cop can now hold onto his gun for about a minute while the zombie tears him to shreds. But he never fires it.
    • Advanced Pistol Training - The cop can fire a few rounds before dying, managing to kill the one person vital to the survival of the protagonists.

Cops really don't do much more than that, of course.

And finally . . .

Limited Locations A cop can only exist in certain locations to stay true to his character. They include . . .

  • Abandoned stretches of road with no witnesses
  • Dark alleyways
  • Abandoned dim-litted basements with just the right lack of lighting to avoid getting too graphic when the zombie comes
  • Dunkin Donuts
  • The right place at the right time (to distract the zombies from eating the protagonists)

Funny votes: Author Funny - Waluigi Freak 99 01:50, 8 June 2007 (BST) Heh. That Is kinda funny....--Seventythree 21:54, 14 June 2007 (BST) Shouldn't you be in school? Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) Humorous Stereotype for the Zombie genre, +1. 'arm. 01:26, 4 July 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: You know...that's not at all true...SWAT is part of the police force...what do you think they do? They arrive at the scene of a bank robbery. And have you watched any police videos aired on TV? Not a joke. And what about CSI? --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 02:04, 8 June 2007 (BST) Re to Axe Hack: First of all, I would like to say that I have immense respect for law enforcement. This being said, you have to consider that Waluigi Freak was not parodying REAL cops, but the ones you see in the eighties action/horror movies, where they are stupid and fat. AGAIN, I have huge respect for the police and I do NOT think that they're stupid, fat, and ugly... --Charley C. 17:38, 8 June 2007 (BST) This is a stupid idea dude. Not ALL cops are like that.Officer Doom

Nichols Mall

Type: Obliterate the building
Tally: -2

The military in an attempt to control the zombie outbreak, decided to firebomb one building that was particularly swamped with zombies. In the process Nichols Mall was reduced to an utter wasteland, no longer habitable for indoor life. The firebombing was ineffective, and in fact made new zombies out of the mall's residents who died in the bombing.

Funny votes: Basically this is because I'm sick of having a mall so close to the border of Ridleybank. :) -- Murray Jay Suskind 19:34, 7 June 2007 (BST)ZOMG! Zmob!e conspiracy on the humor page?!? Is nothing sacred?-- dǝǝɥs ɯɐds: sʎɐʍ1ɐ! 04:10, 15 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: Ummmm... I'm not sure I see how this is funny... --Charley C. 19:36, 7 June 2007 (BST) I don't get it. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) nothing fun for me either --Duke GarlandTLCD SSZ 12:04, 26 June 2007 (BST) Yeah......what the fudge? Vezira 6:33, 10 November 2007 (PDT)

Chuck Norris

Type: New class - Kaylee Hans 06:53, 6 June 2007 (BST)
Tally: +2

I propose that the Chuck Norris class should be in the game. He can attack with Roundhouse Kicks to the target's face for 60HP of damage. After they're hit with a Roundhouse Kick, the target loses 50 AP, because if you get hit by one of his kicks, you're not getting up in a while. He cannot be turned into a zombie, because he's Chuck Norris. In fact, he cannot be attacked at all, because if anyone tried (Zombie, PKer, etc), they'd get this message:

You crazy!? That's Chuck Norris you're about to attack. He -insert random fact about him-

Chuck Norris can also find military cycles in vehicle depots at a 100% search rate, because he always seems to find one. He can attack with the mini missiles which cause 100HP damage over a large area or he can turn the cycle around and fire the rear mortars for 150HP damage over a wide area.

Chuck Norris has infinite AP because he never sleeps. He waits...

I think by adding Chuck Norris to the game, it would finally balance it out and create a much needed change

Funny votes: I don't need to any more... This is Chuck Norris we're talking about! Kaylee Hans 06:53, 6 June 2007 (BST) Chuck Norris's tears could cure a zombie infection. Too bad he has never cried. --Uncle Bill 18:55, 7 June 2007 (BST) I love this one! By the way...did you know the Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably...Want another fact? I could probably scrounge up more... --•▬ ▬••▬ • •••• •▬ ▬•▬• ▬•▬ #nerftemplatedsigs 02:09, 8 June 2007 (BST) Only two things can cut diamonds. Other diamonds, and CHUCK NORRIS! --Vault 01:48, 22 July 2007 (BST) Chuck Norris pwns!! Laura Juranas 19:38, 14 November 2007 (UTC)
Unfunny votes: I wonder if Norris himself is tired of these jokes yet or not. Kalir FTW! Z/S UD Potato Words 20:20, 18 June 2007 (BST) HI, I AM GEORGE ZIMMER, CHUCK NORRIS IS A PANSY, AND JOKES ABOUT HIM ARE UNFUNNY. I GUARANTEE IT. --Afterdeath 21:24, 23 June 2007 (BST) Every time you make a Chuck Norris "joke," God kills a kitten. Hell, every time you do so, I kill a kitten. —Hinoa talk.un 19:16, 7 August 2007 (BST)

The Freeman Effect

Type: Game Mechanics Tweak
Tally: 0

Anyone here who has, at one point in their lives played Half-Life (and who hasn't?), knows about the Freeman Effect. The Freeman Effect is a given law of the universe stating that any scientist, given a blunt implement (crowbar, always a crowbar,) and an evil menace to bash, is always able to instantly turn into a Rambo/Chuck Norris/Arnold Scwartznegger-like killing machine, capable of wielding a crowbar like a carpenter on seven varieties of crack, firing a pistol with the accuracy of a professional, and lobbing grenades with amazing range and accuracy, amazingly doing all of this with enough skill to defeat thousands of special forces commandoes with the intent to kill him. It's quite obvious that Urban Dead, in the name of realism, should incorporate this into itself. My suggestion is that a certain rule should effect all scientists. This rule would be that, when confronted with a threat, (be it a Zed, Pk'er, annoying Trenchcoater (redundant), or what have you,) any scientist (especially one with no previous military training), shall be able to pick up a crowbar from the toolkit of a repair team, and begin raising merry hell with it by striking the threatening party with it repeatedly, dealing 10 damage with it, owing to the pure strength of the muscle which the scientist spontaniously generated. From then on, the scientist is Freeman affected, and so gains a plus 25% percent to hit with all crowbars, Crossbows, Assault Rifles (picked up from the previously mentioned trenchcoaters), and laser guns. This effect shall last until the scientist in question is picked up by a scary-sounding man in a black suit. As you can understand, this would greatly add to the realism of the game, and would, in addition help increase popularity for the Scientist tree. Hey, it's better than "Acid Flasks"...

Funny votes: Authors vote- Not a clue why I find this to be anything akin to funny, but it occured to me while I was playing HL-2...--Charley C. 16:49, 5 June 2007 (BST)
Unfunny votes: Uhm, this isn't funny, sorry. --WanYao 16:57, 15 September 2007 (BST)

Humorous Suggestions Archive

Feel free to continue voting, because the old ones are the best


  • Aristocracy of the Apocalypse
  • Elvis Impersonator
  • Everybody Hates Chavs
  • Old People
  • Grail Knight
  • Monkeys
  • Hippie
  • Ninjas and Pirates
  • Airport Baggage Attendant
  • Lumberjack
  • LARP Player
  • Super Zombie Hunter
  • Journalist
  • New Class: Total N00blet
  • IRS Agents
  • PKers
  • Evangelist Class
  • n00b
  • New Class: UD Wiki Member
  • Cynical Bastard
  • Cheesemaker Skills
  • Ninja Centaur
  • Scotsman
  • Milton Waddams
  • Kids
  • Nerds
  • Animals in the game
  • Babies, Kids, and Parenting
  • NecroNet item change and new character class
  • Evil Self-Centered Jerk
  • BadAss Mofo

Game Events

  • Superhero!
  • Black Friday
  • April Fools Day
  • Ice Cream Truck

Game Mechanics

  • Flavor Text Change
  • Game Rot
  • True Realism
  • The Barricade of Doorknobs
  • Black People
  • No More Auto-attacks!
  • Divine Intervention
  • Get These Motherfucking Zombies Out Of Our Motherfucking City
  • Replace Zombies with Cows
  • Added Realism
  • Barricades
  • Protect Zombie Anonymity
  • PKing Ban
  • Realistic Zombie Simulation
  • Ultimate Realism
  • Fixing the Game
  • Recycling
  • Give them some Brains!
  • A Way to Finally Promote Fair Play/No Cheating
  • Counter Attack Fix
  • Spontaneous Combustion
  • Grue
  • Zombie Rehab
  • Zombie Catapults
  • Tooth Decay
  • Make Zombies More Powerful
  • Survivor Suicides
  • Arrest PKers "cop class only"
  • Make Humans More Powerful

Location Alteration

  • Generators in Pubs
  • McDonald's
  • Running Power Plants
  • Farms and Farm Animals
  • Border As Play Area
  • The Sewers
  • The Woods

New Items

  • Laser Pointer
  • Pogo Sticks
  • Red Shirt
  • My Pet Monster
  • Cheesy Goodness
  • Revivification Suppositories
  • Resident Evil Item Combos
  • Chain Letters
  • Zombie Chihuahua
  • Explodey stuff!
  • Steam power generator
  • Coffee
  • Vehicles
  • Orange Sherbert
  • Holy Book burning
  • Sex Doll
  • Telivisions
  • Flavored Steak Bites
  • Crucifix Change
  • Seasonal Decorations
  • Cameras
  • My Little Ponies!
  • Crucifix Headstab
  • Horse-Drawn Zeppelin
  • Newspaper Section:Comics
  • Strength Potion
  • Rise of the celebritys...
  • Zombie attraction device
  • Vehicles
  • Zombie Ball
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Attack Monkeys
  • Disco Ball

New Weapons

  • M1 Abrams
  • Vote Gun
  • The POV gun
  • Gauss Weapons
  • A Balanced Sniper!
  • The Uber-Killifying Machine-Cannon-o-Much-Death-Causing (UKMCMDC)
  • Chainsaw Launchers!
  • Ninja Stars
  • Ex-Wife
  • Board With A Nail In It
  • Lightsabers *can choose between many colors but only elite players can get black lightsabers*

Skills: Survivor

  • Totally NOT Counter
  • Flying Monkeys
  • The Stormtrooper Effect
  • The "Were all idiots" Skill/Balance/Item set
  • New Skills: PKer
  • Retardation
  • Jet Set Radio Zombie Future (from Zach Cross)
  • Rap Battle
  • Overeating
  • Pick-up lines
  • Wicked Witch Tree
  • Shut Up!
  • Crucifixion and Zombie Jesus
  • X-Ray Vision
  • Halo Skill Set (from Zach Cross)
  • Love Nudge Skill Set (from Zach Cross)
  • BARHAH Mall
  • The anti-skill
  • "This one goes up to 11!"
  • Flirt
  • Curse of the Disgusting Slob!
  • The Pimp Slap
  • Falcon Punch

Skills: Zombie

  • Ram Azz
  • Deadruff
  • Zombie Bong/Hookah
  • Faith (in Sweet Zombie Jesus)
  • Zombie Turds
  • Rip Off Head
  • Manicure
  • Burp
  • Faith (in Sweet Zombie Jesus)
  • Caiger Mall
  • Suppurating cock
  • Sodomize Living
  • New-School Zombie
  • Delusions of Robotism
  • Barhahed!
  • Blood Fart
  • New Skill: Stick With Syringe
  • "Healing the zombies"
  • Fear


  • Anti-Spam
  • No More Nerfs!
  • Stuff That Won't Pass

Miscellaneous One-Liners


  • Pirate Rage - If ye be a pirate and possess 'hate for ninjas' ye be able to throw ye scurvy dog ninjas off planks into an awkward, yet conveniently placed, bucket of liquid, causing 'shattered left testicle' (and zombification ... somehow) 'Shattered left testicle' is better known as scurvy... ARG!!!
  • Kick in the Crotch - If you have this skill you can kick a survivor or zombie in the crotch (duh). Does 61 Dmg to survivor and 1 to zombies (who don't have balls). 99.99% accurracy to hit. Female characters have immunity to this attack.
  • It's Raining Zombies - Jumping out of a building does a big load of damage at a tiny percentage to hit. A zombie horde that jumped off a roof all at once would make a simultaneously horrifying and hilariously panic-inducing attack.
  • Streaker Zombies - When a survivor is killed they gain the item "Clothes" which they are able to drop to cause an extra point of indecency damage per attack. They can also go to one of the nightclubs and dance to gain 5 to 30 XP.
  • Libertinism - A civilian skill that confers immunity to Disgust attacks. You've seen it all, and you like most of it. The character can improve morale by going to a night club and watching zombie strippers.
  • One Bad MF'er - The character becomes so bad-assed that they gain a +15% to all search and cool guy checks. Trench Coats and Aviator Glasses give a bounus.
  • Straw Men - All opponents appear as zombies with 1HP, and look as if they've been headshot when you attack them. A player with this skill is actually invisible and their attacks have no effect.
  • Yuppie Soccer Mom - Character gains a H1 or like-sized SUV and a pack of kids who need to get to Soccer Practice.
  • Cell Phone Driving - Character can drive their SUV over a crowd of zombies to deal 80HP per attack dispersed over all the zombies. Always hits.
  • Bling - Provides points during Rap Battles and and adds to coolness for Survivors by 35%. Increases coolness for Zombies by 86% because, well, what's cooler than a Zombie with some mad bling??
  • Wax On - Increases chance to hit with punch by 50%.
  • Wax Off - Increases damage of punch by 9.
  • Necrophilia Self explanatory. 100% chance to contract zombie virus.
  • Blue Balls 10 damage if a zombie stands up during necrophilia.
  • Ointment Prevents blue balls. Dealing -95% damage to coolness, BUT on the plus side, you still have balls.
  • Holy Bolt - Level 6: A bolt of heavenly energy that damages undead enemies or heals allies. (Paladin only!)
  • Phantom - If a zombie has the new "White Mask" item, they may harass survivors in theaters to force them all to leave. Can search for and use the new "Rope" item to instantly kill one survivor before causing all others to flee. Rope attack doesn't work on sexy females, but has double chance of working on handsome males.
  • EXPloding Zombie - An EXPloding Zombie's head detonates like an overripe melon stuffed with chlorine gas grenades when they die. This flings bloody infected chunks out across the entire area. All characters in the area, living or dead, are now Infected. If the EXPloding Zombie is Headshot, the amount of XP they lose erupts from them in a psychic nimbus consistant with the contagious putrescence of death. All (living and dead) suffer the 1/10th of the XP loss as HP damage (round up) and are Infected (again, twice, squared).
  • Thriller - Under Memories of life, 100 xp to get. For 3 AP, Zombie would break into dance. Any Survivors in the area would be entranced & watch. Zombie would get +15% to next attack. If there is more than one zombie in block, all others with Thriller skill would automatically use skill becoming back up dancers and add +2% per zombie to next attack.
  • Scent Porn - User has a 5% additional chance to find the dirty book item in locations where it is normally found. This does not affect the chances of finding other items in those locations.
  • Pornisseur - When using the dirty book item, the player now has a 40% chance to gain 2 AP and a 20% chance to gain 1 XP.
  • Pornographer - Player can manufacture a dirty book in any powered building for 3AP, and now has a 10% chance to gain 3AP, a 50% chance to gain 2AP and a 40% chance to gain 2XP.
  • Catgirl - Player sprouts ears and tail, and becomes oddly attractive. Ears and tail is added to player's profile.
  • Hentai Catgirl - Player becomes naked, as well as a catgirl. Player becomes unable to wear any clothes, and profile is replaced with a rude message in Japanese.
  • ADHD - Look, a bird!!! Heeheehee...
  • Death Chatter - Zombie can go on and on for hours, about the most mind-numbing, trivial things, like how it might have left the taps running, or how the cat needs putting out, and how hordes are no longer as lively and bloodlusting as they used to be, and how survivors brains are losing grey matter as more and more of them become trenchcoaters...
  • SHOOP DA WHOOP - Player can CHARGA DERE LASER and then FIRA DERE LASER. The LASER has 65% hit for 10 damage, but the player has a 20% chance of SWALLOWIN DERE LASER on each attempt, losing 15HP for the firer.
  • Falcon Punch - costs 1337 XP. Player HAS to say FALCON PAWNCH before useing the Falcon Punch. Has 100% chance of hitting target. Falcon Punch does 100000000000 points of damage to target and target needs to have The Tear of Chuck Norris to stand back up. HOWEVER, if another player uses Falcon Punch at the same time. a Falcon Punch collision would happen, destroying EVERYTHING in Malton.


  • Steel Toed Work Boots (Extra Leather) Can only be use with the Kick in the Crotch skill. Adds 0.01% accuracy to the Kick in the Crotch skill.
  • Chain Mail Bikini - Essential piece of gear in any game, regardless of setting. It doesn't actually do anything. It doesn't need to - it's a chain mail bikini.
  • Potable hole full of weapons and beer - %01 chance to find after killing 100 ninja-pirate zombies, It contans a never ending suply of shotguns and pistols along with ammo and beer.
  • Tin Foil Hat - Confers remote invisibility against remote-viewing, mind-reading zombies. It's the brain rot that allows telepathy to flourish, isn't it? That's what the virus was supposed to do, yeah, but it got released before all the side-effects were worked out.
  • Aviator Glasses - With wrap around stems these grant a +10% Cool Guy chance to hit with all weapons, They also nullify the streaker zombie skill.
  • Trench Coat - Gives a +20% to Flack Vests because of the coolness
  • Potato gun - Can shoot anything from beer cans to flack vests, Flat %40 chance to hit, Deals 2 to 10 points of damage, Can also shoot the grappling hook.
  • Scary zombies- as a zombie you literally scare the crap out of a survivor making them take 2 AP to move away until they have a chance to scrape their pants out.
  • Building Maker - You 'extract' the concrete from walls, then 'extract' the water from beer or wine. Then bring the two ingredients to an automated 'cement mixer' where it makes a 20-ton building. Buildings can then be 'extracted' from their site and then 'replaced' with your own. The 'leftover' cement can then be 'used' to make a 'garden gnome'. The gnome may or may not have a hat. I haven't decided yet. Maybe a hat would be too silly.
    • City Maker - After 'extracting' a building and a 'garden gnome', you can then place them outside of Malton and create your own 'city'. If the hat is implemented, then the gnomes can act as a pirate/ninja repellant by emitting a loud "I am a samurai!" sound for 1 GAP (Gnome Action Point)
  • Necrotech Condoms Condoms especially designed for that rough and tumble process of mating with a zombie. 90% chance to prevent the virus from being contracted. REMEMBER KIDS, ABSTINENCE IS THE ONLY 100% SAFE WAY!
  • White Mask - Allows zombie to use "Phantom" skill.
  • Rope - Can only be used by zombies with the "White Mask" item and "Phantom" skill.
  • Book (of the Dead) - Item can be found at low percentages by searching wasteland spaces, or by searching indoors at "isolated cabin" spaces, where groups of annoyingly cheerfull teens go to die. Item can only be used by survivors. When item used by survivor, all zombies within suburb and in adjacent suburbs are placed on same location as human. Depending on coding difficulty, zombies may or may not gain "Death Rattle" skill, but capable of only muttering cliche action movie lines. (Lines may in fact start new cliches) When survivor uses item, item gnaws survivors face off for 10 HP damage, and survivor gains new item: Boomstick shotgun. -B.F.S.
  • Shotgun (Boomstick) - Can be purchased in S-mart, or found in mall hardware stores. Usable in alternate dimensions and/or 1300s Europe. Same damage and hit percentage as regular shotgun, except it holds 1,230,295,201 shells before needing reloading. Found fully loaded. Permanent chainsaw inventory item that reduces item storage ability by severing right hand optional, but recommended. -B.F.S.
  • Monkeys - A monkey can be found in a pet store in malls. monkeys carry 3 shots of poo, which do 2 damage each at 10% damage. monkeys gain one shot for every 20 ap spent. The monkey has a 1% chance of running away after every shot.
  • Dirty books - Found in schools, factories, police stations, and mall bookstores. Reading gives 20% chance of gaining 2 AP.
  • Sniper scope - Found in forts, this is a standard issue scope used on sniper rifles. Sadly, Malton doesn't have sniper rifles, and since rifle scopes don't fit on pistols the best you can do is a sniper shotgun. This allows you to shoot at zombies one full square away. However, shots from this range do only .75 damage per hit, because its a shotgun for heaven's sake and buckshots don't work well from a block away.
  • Vote Gun - Player can find a Vote Gun by searching this Wiki. If another player states an idea or suggestion on how to improve the game, the wielder of the Vote Gun can blow their head clean off with a compressed blast of bile. 100% to hit, 60 damage, victim takes 200 AP to stand, (which will result in negative AP) and they lose 50 XP for every level they have.
  • Nuclear Button - Becominng a level 100 gives you the Rank of "Commander in chief" and use of the 'Nuclear Button'. The first player attaining the rank, can choose to end the game by dropping a nuclear bomb on malton. Something that would be done anyway! 88% of players would die in the attack, not being able to be revived, whislt the rest would survive, emrging with skills of atomic proportions, like lazer eyes. It would be a whole new game amongst the ruins of malton!
  • Eat Off ZombieHunter's Kneecaps - An ability that allows any zombie in a room to eat the off the kneecaps or any zombiehunter in the room making it cost five more ap to stand up. Can only be used once until the zombiehunter dies again.
  • Minstrels - Minstrels may be found by searching For the Holy Grail. On a 15% chance, a band of between 3 and 5 Minstrels will follow you around. You may eat them to recover HP: 1 Minstrel gives back 10HP. Any surviving Minstrels are removed after 72 hours as you, or any other nearby character, kill them for singing bloody annoying songs.
  • Computer - Allows you to go online and play Urban Dead within Urban Dead and if you find a computer there, you can play Urban Dead on that too, and play Urban Dead within Urban Dead within Urban Dead, and so on ad infinitum.
  • Nail Scissors - Can cut a zombie's nails, disabling the zombie's claw attack until its nails grow back.
  • Leathers - New clothing. Perfect for all your perverted fantasies.
  • Whip - 15% chance for 1 damage. When combined with leathers, can seriously freak people out. Allows you to give the past a slip.
  • Board With A Nail In It - this mighty weapon can be found in junkyards an on the streets. Does OVER 9000 damage to zombies and humans alike just because it is just awesome.
  • Tear of Chuck Norris - this very rare healing item can be used on dead zombies. Makes zombie become human again with full health. 0.001% chance of finding it ANYWHERE. Also the only way to revive people after they got Falcon Punched.